Guys - Masturbation, porn and relationships?

[bbch25]

So this is just a general question. A few topics I've read regarding men going soft during the act, has a reply from guys saying "maybe he masturbates too much". So one question is - if guys know this can occur/affect your performance with your girlfriend, why do it so much? Or do you do it as much? Secondly, I know watching porn is pretty standard for guys, but when you get a girlfriend, like getting off by yourself, do you cut back because you no longer really need it? I'm just trying to understand. I'm mainly talking about guys with girlfriends, and a girlfriend who is interested in sex. For example, we have it in the morning and when he gets back from work, even twice in the evening, when I stay over, so not like he's not getting anything. I don't know whether he does or doesn't do these things, that's his business. Just quite curious as to guys habits regarding porn and masturbation when they get into relationships. (This obviously doesn't include watching porn with your girlfriend as a form of foreplay or whatever).

[AustinMan]

Why Men Watch Porn and Look at Other Women

Okay. Let's take a major step back and try to not make this all about you, shall we? When a man engages in sex with a woman, it's a complicated affair, pun intended. He has to take into account her needs, boundaries, stated preferences, feelings and a host of other factors. All this before he even gets to the part about his needs and trying to achieve the closeness he seeks. You wouldn't have it any other way. You want a considerate, caring lover, no doubt.

When he watches porn, it's all about two things: fantasy and convenience. If you really, honestly expect him t never lust after another woman in his head, you sadly mistaken. He was a girl watcher when he found you and finding you, no matter how satisfying, doesn't kill that desire to look. There's an old saw that is absolutely true: when a guy's through looking, he's through. He is, to put a point on it, NEVER going to stop looking at other women. Nor do you want him to.

It's that sexual desire that's the engine of your intimate relationship. Nor do you stop looking at attractive men nor does he want you to for the same reason. That he looks at other women and porn says nothing about how he feels about you.

So porn is about him fantasizing. It's also where he likely finds new ideas to bring to your conjugal bed that you'll hopefully find very entertaining.

The other reason men watch porn is convenience. He doesn't have to take all those factors I mentioned into consideration. It's just him and his dick.

Bottom line: fear not!! Just relax and enjoy the man in your life and ignore the porn. Or better yet, offer to watch it with him. It makes a great warm up.

[bbch25]

Has absolutely nothing to do with what I asked. I am aware that I am not the be all and end all of women, nor am I up there with supermodels, he's bound to look. Will that get to my head occasionally? Probably. Will I say anything or act controlling? No. Am I aware of the purpose of porn? Yes. Do I know that most guys are aware it's not real and not all girls can do that, are that perky this or that? Yes. My question was just a guys general behaviour and how it changes when he gets a relationship. If he watches porn every single night and masturbates 5 times a day when single, does he continue that when he gets a girlfriend.. does he cut back because it's not on his mind as much.. etc. It had nothing to do with ME, personally. I was just genuinely curious.

[bbch25]

My question and curiosity wasn't regarding "should I tell him to stop watching it".

[Orion1015]

When I'm in a relationship, my masturbation habits will change, depending on how often her and I are intimate with each other.

If we're having sex pretty regularly, then I'll masturbate very infrequently, but it will still happen. It just depends on her mood, and the general situation.

Sometimes our schedules will differ, or the mood will strike me at a time when having sex is inconvenient, so I'll take care of myself.

I don't expect her to be ready every single time that I am, so I just use masturbation to fill in those gaps, as it were.

[bbch25]

That makes sense, and answers what I was asking. And it makes sense regarding, if you're in the mood and she's not there/not wanting it etc. Thanks.

[Orion1015]

Not a problem; I'm happy to help. :)

[Anonymous]

Id stop and id want him to aswell so we can save it for eachother

[AHellaNo]

I do cut back on masturbation and porn watching when i am in a relationship. Maybe cut out the porn all together if she is willing to provide me with some visual stimulation (pictures). But if i know i won't see her for more then 3 days i will masturbate. Simply because my sex-drive is too high to wait so long. If i wait longer it will start getting in the way of my everyday life, and that is just not something i cannot afford to let happen. I need my full concentration for school.

[bbch25]

That makes sense, you're still cutting back because you know you get it from her anyway. At least thinking of her still. I was under the impression a bit that guys don't cut back at all, which surprised me a bit, especially if it can affects things like your sex drive when your girlfriend is around. So far I'm proven wrong!

[GingerGuy]

First question, if a guy is worried about his performance (ejaculating too quickly), and a lot of guys do worry about this, they might masturbate before hand. They take the risk of not being able to perform at all OR, maybe they did it before they knew they were going to have sex.
Second question, if I have a girlfriend and she's giving me action I'd cut down on the porn. It would be only if I wasn't getting anything and was horny.

[PartialisticMan]

Porn is annoying and unattractive to me. Also some guys get addicted to porn and masturbation. :)

[the-mad-german]

If im in a relationship and have enough sex i would not masturbate so much like when im alone.
the porn thing is.. i can watch things my girl propably would call "disgusting" or something. the point is the big variety wich i could never have with my girlfriend

and i also think its some kind of a light addiction

[bbch25]

Fair enough, I guess as long as you know it's fantasy and not reality then it's not like you're projecting it onto her or making her feel pressured in any way! Then no harm.

[the-mad-german]

only idiots think that porn could work that way in real life xD

[bbch25]

Plenty of idiots out there! Male and female ha.

[the-mad-german]

well if you find a girl/man who is into that... no problem then... sadly i never found a woman like that xD

[bbch25]

Aha. Question, is it necessary to say you're the "mad" german. Aren't all Germans mad? :P

[the-mad-german]

why do u think germans are mad?

[bbch25]

Just a joke. A bad one evidently.

[Boston_Dylan]

Well... understand that most if not all men are ready to rock at any given moment. We don't "get in the mood"... we're already in it. Also, we've been masturbating since we were 13... it's become a part of life. With that said... guys get "used" to that action to get off. For a lot it's "gripping and ripping" which is much different than having sex. (Don't get me wrong, sex feels amazing) A lot of the orgasm is mental. When guys jerk off, we can go wherever we want with whoever we want.

I have heard more than one girl say "my pussy is broken because of my vibrator" because they cannot cum from sex... they need that extra stimulation a vibrator gives them. Kinda can go both ways. Make any sense?

[progboy]

Depends on the man. Some men might still want to watch porn when they have a healthy sex life. Wanking is not really the same as sex and some men might still crave some even if they're getting plenty of sex.

[Dimmu]

i dont watch porn since having girlfriend ,6years ago

[Prince_teddy4u]

I watch it when I feel the need. I prefer sexchat with random with role play. It excites me more.

[bbch25]

While you're in a relationship?

[Prince_teddy4u]

Not clearly. During relationship I was sexting with her.

[bbch25]

Ok, just wanted to clarify because you said with "random". I know some guys don't always consider it cheating if it's online with a stranger.

[Prince_teddy4u]

No, I consider it as cheating if I'm in relationship. Right now, I'm not and so random sexchat keeps me normal. I can be beast if I don't take care of my sex appeal.

[bbch25]

Fair enough, and understandable.

[Prince_teddy4u]

What about you?

[bbch25]

I don't do either actually. Yeah, not a common thing, not a liar either. I guess I was just curious, I was cheated on in the past by a boyfriend, and my current relationship is new, so I guess it popped into my head about guys habits. Especially the question of "why would guys masturbate so much if it can cause them to go soft during actual sex".

[Prince_teddy4u]

Actually giving head before going for pussy will help him to last longer abit more.

[bbch25]

Giving him head first would help last longer? I thought that speeds things right up.

[Prince_teddy4u]

Nope. Listen dear. Once he ejaculates, another ejaculation will take double or at least longer time.. It'll enhance. You can give blow job or mouth or just let him jerk himself when you strip tease him.

[bbch25]

He doesn't/can't go for like an hour, can't even get hard. He just wants to chill, go to sleep, or just be relaxed. So if we go again an hour later, it could last longer you mean? Because we can't go again straight away (much my to my disappoint! it feels so good).

[Prince_teddy4u]

Okay. I'm this case. Let him have time of foreplay and after play and long time of fingering and blowing your pussy. It'll make your fusion longer which will help you both to relax and start again with new energy in both without any disappointment.

[ILikeToParty]

I still watch porn in a relationship. Otherwise I'd have sex with different women.

Imho monogamy is boring sexually. Fun for a bit, but gets lame.

It's good for intimacy and commitment.

[cooldude25]

when girl ain't there, ya gotta do something. Plus masturbation will not make you go soft with a woman.

[Anonymous]

I honestly believe I have destroyed any hope of a relationship with a girlfriend because of how much I masturbate and look at porn combined

[Anonymous]

Its a myth. Too much masturbation doesn't effect your erections but low self esteem or depression can and since masturbation is often used as a form of escapism they are often linked. But studies have proven that neither porn nor masturbation negatively impact the brain on their own. An emotionally healthy person who masturbates to porm will be just fine. When it comes down to porn and having a girlfriend is say nothing much changes. I tend to want to masturbate at night. So if she's not sleeping over I might still masturbate even if we had sex earlier that day. Porn to me isn't a need but it is kind of a habit. I don't HAVE to do it but there's always a few nights a week when thoughts of sex just pop in my brain and its either go ahead and jack off or wait for another few hours and then jack off so you can finally just go to sleep. It's just easier to cave in and rub one out.

[Anonymous]

masturbation doesn't affect performance...

[Anonymous]

When i was first with my partner, we had sex most days, and i looked at porn monthly.

THen sex went to weekly... then a few times a month... now it's once every few months.

I'm at a point where i know porn use impacts my performance, and i try to use it in ways that are less damaging, but there's only so much motivation to change how i masturbate for the sex that shows up once every two months and she's not even enthusiastic about.

[bbch25]

That sucks, hopefully you can spice up the sex life a bit or she can get back into it! I can understand your watching of it changing if the sex has diminished a bit.

[Opinion Owner]

It's been a decade plus downward trend. I have no real hope of it ever being decent.

[bbch25]

I suppose I've never been in that situation or that age to offer any advice then.

[Opinion Owner]

In any case, the situation i'm in is unusually bad, but the case you describe, sex multiple times a day, is unusually -good-. In general, 'not needing it because you get as much sex as you want from your partner' is not a typical situation. If you're having sex three times a day, and he sometimes goes soft, i'd actually guess he's having a hard time keeping up to three times a day, the mind may be keen, but the body struggles.

[bbch25]

Understandable, I just want him all the time! But yes, the eyes are sometimes bigger than the "stomach". I wish you all the best in your situation, whatever outcome you choose to go with.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not leaving my kids. If i were in the blissful situation (to me, amazingly many guys seem to not like it) of being with a woman who wanted sex more than me, i'd only cum the last session of the day. It's the cumming that takes it out of us in terms of being able to perform. I can get hard and have sex for a while three times a day. WHen i haven't had an orgasm in a while, yeah i want one, but in general, i value that sexual connection and shared arousal more, so i'd happily 'save' the orgasm to be able to do that more often.

[bbch25]

Many men seem to not like a woman that wants to have sex regularly with them? That sounds quite smart though. We're still new, so I guess once we're together a bit longer and start trying out other stuff, I may suggest that one if he doesn't just do it himself. And that is a respectable decision.

[Opinion Owner]

From what i hear, a lot of men seem to handle it badly if the woman has a -higher- sex drive than they do. I think part of it is that as men we feel expected to be horny/virile, and they feel a little emasculated? I'm not sure if i never minded, or my long experiences with low drive partners made it so that it this point, i'd be delighted every time a partner wanted me, even i hadn't been that horny, and i'd be eager to have the opportunity to be sexual with them.

[bbch25]

I have heard that. I also heard that some men feel pressured into needing to perform, or it gives them the idea that they just aren't satisfying their partner. I suppose mine satisfies me so well I just want him more. But I can understand how a man may think the former.