Sexual Relationships
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Is it bad to have sex on the second date?

Came out of 4-year relationship a few months ago (fizzled out, nothing traumatic). Joined Tinder. Met up with a French guy (has lived in the UK for a few years) – bit quiet but nice. Didn’t expect to hear from him after date. We spent the rest of the week texting and start to open up a bit more. I see him the following weekend; watch a film, have drinks then we went back to his and slept together. During the second date I asked him what sort of thing he’s looking for, and he said he wasn’t after a friends with benefits type of relationship. I’m not either, but I don’t want anything serious too soon. (I briefly mentioned how I my last relationship ended) I would rather get to know him, take it slow, but I’m concerned the sex on the second date has ruined any prospect of it developing further. So now, I’m wondering how I move forward. He drove me home and kissed me goodbye, and even texted me asking me how my nap was going. Sometimes it takes him an hour, 10 mins or even several hours to reply to texts, but he hasn’t responded to my reply to his original message (3 hours ago). Shall I cool it and back off and not reply to anymore texts, (I don’t want to text him first and look needy); at least this way for sure I’ll know he’s interested? I’m just concerned that sleeping together on the second day may have changed things. I don't want to play any games.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You were in congruent, your actions said friends with benefits and your words said take it slow. Having sex on a second date isn't taking things slow, sex after 3 months that's slow, sex until marriage is slow, for the quiet type of guy he has a bit of a conservative view point on sex, take it slow to him is probably after both of you are in love. I'm not however saying that second date sex is wrong or first date sex is wrong, you are the woman and you pace the relationship, she made the mistake of letting him do that. I can't say for sure he's gone but he's probably thinking you were too easy, by the way Tinder is for hookups, not dating, he was there for sex and he probably thought you were there for that too, and when you words don't match your actions, it confirmed that in his mind. Join a real dating site not one geared for sex if you eventually want to have a solid relationship later even if it's slow, yes people on date site have sex too, but they are usually there because they want someday soon to be attached, Tinder is about unattached sex.

  • Didn't you want to take it slow? He's doing just that :-).

    I don't think sleeping together has changed anything, unless you were both steaming drunk from the drinks then you were both up for it. If you've replied to his original message then leave it at that.

    • haha no we weren't rip roaringly drunk :p

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well... keep one thing in mind. He slept with you, too. Sex is a two way street. If he was comfortable doing it at the time that it happened, he is probably fine with it. Girls usually worry a lot more about this than guys do. If things feel right, just keep doing what you've been doing. Keep it kind of casual until you hear from him.

  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
    As for why he's doing that, he's obviously taking things slow, like you asked him to. Sleeping with you is irrelevant to it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 4

  • Only if the sex is bad.

  • You can have sex without dating so there's no bad in 2nd date. Just don't plan it out. Let it happen in its own way.

  • no, totally normal

  • if you don't want serious go
    if you want serious don't go

  • Not at all

  • If you wanted to take it slow, how did you end up having sex on the second date? Were you both just that turned on?

    • It just happened, it felt right. I don't think any less of him, and I hope he feels the same. Tbh, its just as important have a sexual connection with someone as well as an emotional.

    • Amen! I totally agree with you! How was the sex? Did you go more than one round? I'd be surprised if you don't end up getting at least another date!

  • Well he is French , lol but seriously your both old enough to be direct and it sounds like he is taking it slow other than the sex part so yeah give him time and see what he does, he may want to take things cautiously with you but enjoys your company and is seeing how things go

    • True. Can I add, we're both not in our 30's we're mid 20s.

    • Oh it has you in the 30 somethings range on here but still pretty much the same in your 20s so see how it goes during the week, guys aren't quick getting back to women and don't want to seem needy either

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