Am I guilty for his erections?

[Anonymous]

I am chaste and mybfhas slept with many girls before me. Now he is celibate. He told me that after meeting me he lost his interest in having sex with other girls. every time we hug and kiss he gets really hard. I know arousal is harder for guys and they need to relax but I am against handjobs, blowjobs and other types of sex BEFORE marriage. After marriage I will try anal too. Actually I am very kinky but I am moral at the same time. Premarital sex is against my moral codes.

[TheSwedishGuy]

You said this in a comment: "A woman who had many sexual partners can be considered immoral only for moral people". If your morals are based on christianity or other similar religions, then yeah, "moral people". Otherwise, no. Saying that they are considered immoral by some religious people would make more sense. Different people have different morals.

I think that the point these guys were trying to make @AustinMan 's comment secton is less about you being delutional about your religion and more about you being delutional about how marriage works.
I think @JuicyBrain 's point is that you have this high expectation that marriage is like this magical bond that will guarantee that the two who marries each other will never break up, and live happily ever after. While a few people would marry someone they don't feel like they love, that doesn't mean that couple always will love each other. Things can happen, people can change for the worse, or end up changing so that they no longer have that connection. Otherwise there wouldn't be any divorces. It isn't really THAT much different from being together for a long time. Marriage is basically just supposed to be a confirmation that you both want to spend your whole lifes with each other.
I can imagine marriage is a wonderful thing that feels very meaningful, but to be fair even some married couples cheat, and some couples end up in divorce.

All that being said, if you don't feel comfortable having sex with him when you're not married, I don't think you should do it. You shouldn't feel guilty about his erections either. Instead, try to be happy that he gets turned on by you.

[Asker]

My morals are based on my understanding of morality. I dislike promiscuity, And I am sure some atheists feel this way too

[TheSwedishGuy]

That's fair, and I'm sure there are atheists feeling the same way. It is still a moral view that is similar to my understanding of the christian view though. Since I imagine you are christian one could argue that your understanding of morality is likely based or inspired by, at least to an extent, on christian beliefs. Even I as an atheist could not deny being influenced by what would be considered christian values. A lot of people don't see the bible as ethical though so I guess it is just a coincidence that some of your morals seem to be connected to christian ethics.

[Asker]

Atheists may dislike sleeping around. Some Christians may sleep around. But then again this is against he Bible.

[AustinMan]

I didn't vote. I feel like you are in some large part responsible for his erections. He's gone without sex for a significant period and clearly has a high sex drive. While I respect your value system, I also feel like a couple needs to do some sexual exploration, including intercourse, before they enter into a lifelong contract of fidelity. By your lights, you're asking him to make the single most important decision of his life, and you likewise, with less critical information than your common sense would require.

I recommend you change your view and sleep with him, with great frequency and kinkiness. The cost in frustration, fights, and hurt feelings will just be too high.

[Asker]

If I sleep with him there will be no mistery left for marriage. Besides I will be repressed becasue he is my boyfriend not my husband.

[JuicyBrain]

Why do you even try? You can't get through such a thick layer of delusion... She has "morals"... (Which apparently means no sex)

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain no sex before marriage

[JuicyBrain]

Yes, because there is a magical button that makes it moral after marriage. So sex is immoral before marriage, but once you have signed the paper, rings are exchanged and the magical button is pushed, then sex is beautiful and wholesome.

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain God blesses our union and sex will become beautiful

[JuicyBrain]

@AustinMan See what I was talking about?

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain he should prove his love for me. If he doesn't wanna marry me then he doesn't love me

[AustinMan]

Wow! @JuicyBrain, you're right. Uncle!!

[JuicyBrain]

This is all fairy tales bullshit, but I am not the one who will hand you the red pill. I hope reality won't hit you too hard. I truly do. @asker

[AustinMan]

@JuicyBrain I second that.

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain why should reality hit me? And just because marriage is a good thing doesn't mean it is fairytale

[JuicyBrain]

Marriage is a piece of paper with both your names on it and tax deductions. All the magic is strictly in your head. You saying that love = marriage is a delusion. Marriage proves NOTHING. How will you react if you marry the guy and find out he cheated on you before and after marriage? You will feel betrayed not only by him but by your upbringing and all the beliefs and unrealistic expectations you had about marriage. You are like a child in wonders before a magician, unaware they are all tricks. Hey, like I said, I wish you can live your whole life in wonders like that. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain lol Are you sayig that he will cheat on me because I didn't have sex before marriage? Lol Guys avoid marriage because marriage is a very risky and serious decision

[AustinMan]

And not one to enter into with no valid experiential information on one of the critical core components.

[Almostragan]

Isn't saying that you have to sleep together to know if you want to be married like going to the grocery store and saying that you will not buy anything unless you can lick it first?

[JuicyBrain]

@asker No, that's not what I am saying. What I mean is that someday, something might happen that will shatter your illusions and make you reevaluate your beliefs. But like I said, I wish to you it doesn't happen. If you can live a whole life without that kind of trauma, then good for you... @Almostragan No, it's not at all like that. It's more like buying a house you have never even seen.

[Almostragan]

@JuicyBrain It is like licking the food in the grocery store. The point is that you violate the purity of something in order to sample it before you are willing to commit to giving up anything for it or so that you can choose it over something else if it doesn't please you. You can visit a house you wish to purchase without altering it, but you cannot enter into the most intimate of bonds with someone without deeply affecting that person and yourself. Also, you are patronizing the asker and demeaning her by suggesting that a different belief and moral standard other than your own is based on "illusions" and that she must not have experienced trauma or betrayal if she believes as she does. I am a Christian and believe in impossible moral standards, forgiveness, and unconditional love but have been betrayed, disappointed, traumatized, and disillusioned more than once in my lifetime. I believe in the hope of Christ by faith, but I know the hopelessness of this world by experience.

[JuicyBrain]

@Almostragan That purity stuff you talked about is part of your delusions. A woman who had sex is not "impure" or dirty anymore than a house is dirty or impure once you stepped in. So I'll stick to my metaphor of the house. Thank you. You are right, I am patronizing when Christians tell me their stories the same way I am with a child who thinks there are monsters under his bed. Still want to have this discussion? I don't. I have had my fair share of discussions with religious zealots and I don't feel like adding you to the list. You won't show me anything new anyway. I have heard it all.

[Almostragan]

@JuicyBrain Of course, you're not going to reconsider your position if you are arrogant enough to call anyone of another perspective delusional or claim to have heard it all. One thing I don't see is how you could be so callous as to think that tracking mud into a house which can be cleaned is the same as doing permanent damage to someone's heart by toying with them and putting them down when you're finished and to call anyone who chooses to do otherwise naive and unfit to see reason. Few things shock me so much as this strange mentality that grants someone the right to declare another person's beliefs legitimate or illegitimate.

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain A woman who had many sexual partners can be considered immoral only for moral people

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain

[Asker]

So not having sex with me before marriage is like buying a house without seeing it? Lol this is very inaccurate comparison. He has seen me. He has known me for years. Please make up another comparison that will make a little sense

[Asker]

@Almostragan don't get shocked. Some people are close minded. They can't accept different beliefs.

[Intraluminal]

What he means is you and your fb have driven around the house, seen the neighborhood, and peeked over the fence, but neither of you have been in the house, checked the heating systems, or looked at the pool.

[Intraluminal]

@Almostragan Continuing your grocery store analogy. If the owner came up and shoved cookies in your mouth unexpectedly, you could sue for assault and win. BUT if you mutually agreed to try a sample...

[AustinMan]

@Intraluminal Or checked for a dungeon with mirrors on all the walls that's stocked with a 50 Shades tool set. ;)

[Asker]

what are you two talking about? lol

[Intraluminal]

We are extending the two analogies that have been used here before. The grocery store and the hóuse. Look back at what we both said.

[Asker]

@Intraluminal I know one thingmy inside is clean. So my husband will be the one to spoil it. Hahahaha

[AustinMan]

See? That you see sex as somehow making less clean by spoiling it says light years about how you view sex. Very unrealistically.

[Intraluminal]

Besides, neither of us were talking about uncleanliness, we were discussing lack of knowledge. While I hope that you have a long and happy marriage, the lack of intimate knowledge going in is concerning.

[JuicyBrain]

@asker "Some people are close minded. They can't accept different beliefs." Yeah... Sure... I am the close minded one. I am the one frowning upon people's sexuality. I don't care that you believe in your religious crap. That's your right and I won't stop you from it. That's what being open minded means. Just FYI, your religion has a history of torturing people who thinks differently... "Lol this is very inaccurate comparison. He has seen me. He has known me for years. Please make up another comparison that will make a little sense" Yeah, at this point I am starting to believe you are misunderstanding my metaphors on purpose. So I won't be wasting my time anymore.

[Asker]

@Intraluminal don't worry. My husband will love me. And what kind of knowledge you meant

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain atheists are too small to stop me from anything. You never respect believers. Why should I respect you? And it is funny that some atheists gave me advice. Lol

[L00kingF0rAnswer5]

Your morals are your morals and it does not make you a bad person for believing what you believe.
Of course, there will be times he might really be in the mood for things like hand jobs, blowjobs, sex etc, but if he has accepted your choices until waiting till marriage then he knows he needs to respect that. He most likely does not look at this situation as you being selfish or whatever, and you shouldn't do either. You want to wait? That's fine. You don't want to wait? That's fine. Too many people are judged for what they want and its ridiculous, if its not harming anyone then whats the problem?

However, you should let him masturbate. But I don't think its up to you if he does or not. It's his body if he wants to then he should be able to. However if you mean masturbate infront Of you after making out and getting him hard, then make sure you are comfortable with it. As yeah sure Its his body but if you don't want to see it, you don't have to. but of course he needs to masturbate in his own time anyway. As his hormones will be everywhere.
And by the way I respect you for your choices, although I haven't got your morals as the ship for waiting till marriage has long gone for me. They still inspire me.
Keep your morals.

[chintita]

haha it's definitely not your fault, it's refreshing to see a person who values their chastity although i don't :P stick with your plan for marriage, if that's what you want. the guys here are used to more sexually open girls and are upholding the bro code by trying to convince you to have sex. just remember to communicate with your boyfriend and set your boundaries until you get married :)

[Oldandconfused]

Who cares? If he minded this, he wouldn't stick around! Stick to your morals. He is a great man to stay with you

[samhradh_leannan]

Do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't feel comfortable with certain behaviors prior to marriage, don't engage in those behaviors prior to marriage. You have no responsibility or obligation to satisfy your boyfriend. His penis is his responsibility, and he can take care of it. It's great that you care about him and want to be considerate, but he isn't going to die from not getting off with you. He can go home and masturbate if he wants to.

[BuchitaBuchys]

It's not your fault, don't compromise your morals but let the man beat his meat.

[Dim_121]

Um girl ask him out on an outing or a date. That dude loves you and I think that you love him too. However his getting hard is his fault for allowing himself to kiss you.

[luvstoned4him]

Let him help himself. you owe him that much

[Asker]

I should see how he helps himself?

[luvstoned4him]

as in masturbate

[Asker]

I should let him masturbate when we're together?

[samhradh_leannan]

He doesn't need to do it while you're together. He may or may not want to, but he doesn't need to unless you feel comfortable with it.

[luvstoned4him]

@samhradh_leannan exactly.. @Asker , what she said :)

[SarahsSummer]

I'm not sure you can call yourself "kinky" and be against all forms of sex at the same time. The two of you may not be a good match if you are preventing him from sex.

[Asker]

I am against all forms of sex BEFORE MARRIAGE

[SarahsSummer]

Then I guess that rules out you being kinky.

[Asker]

being kinky means having sex with anyone who is not your spouse?

[SarahsSummer]

Definition of kinky; involving or given to unusual sexual behavior. If you do not participate in ANY sexual behavior, you cannot call yourself kinky.

[Asker]

after marriage I will make my sexual fantasies come true. And those fantasies are not vanilla lol

[SarahsSummer]

That's great. I get it. When you are married you hope and plan to be kinky with your husband, just not before the wedding. ☮❤️😊

[Asker]

yes :) I don't want to be kinky. It is just that my preferences and turn ons are considered Kinky :)

[SarahsSummer]

I was just trying to stress only people involved in or given to unusual sexual behavior are kinky. Those who have not engaged in any sexual behavior cannot YET be considered kinky. I'd hate for a guy you meet to hear you are " kinky" only to be disappointed or feel teased that you won't perform any sexual acts with him, whether kinky or vanilla.

[Asker]

Lol I told him how we would make love after marriage. I call him when he is alone at home and tell him how we are going to spend our naughty nights together.

[matheus_mb]

If a man makes a girl get horny, is he guilty? Of course not. So, women are not guilty when men get erections. Attraction is in our minds, if we don't feel it, we won't get horny. You're not guilty at all.

But him masturbating... it can ease things if you let him do it.

[Asker]

I do. He masturbates at home

[matheus_mb]

That's okay then

[BertMacklinFBI]

you really thought this was your problem? lol

[Asker]

When we kiss I get lost in passion and this makes me kiss him harder and deeper. I think if I don't give freedom to my hormones I won't kiss him in such an erotic way that gets him very hard

[BertMacklinFBI]

still isn't your problem. it happens, you don't have to compromise your morals, and thats it. life goes on.

[Sexualchrist]

Some cultures put so much emphasis on marriage before this, marriage before that... load of crap if you ask me.

[Asker]

No one stops me from sleeping with him

[pretty-girl94]

omg, u don't even let him masturbate?

[Asker]

Not in front of me

[pretty-girl94]

oh!. well, I don't know anyone who does that anyways. that's fetish-y

[jacquesvol]

No you are not guilty but you should at least give him handjobs and let him masturbate

[samhradh_leannan]

Obviously he has a right to masturbate, it's his body and he can do what he wants with it. But she has NO obligation to give him handjobs.

[Asker]

@samhradh_leannan you are right. He can masturbate and I have no right to not let him do it

[jacquesvol]

@samhradh_leannan Not really an *obligation* but it would be normal to give them, not withold them.

[samhradh_leannan]

It's normal if it's what you want to do, but it's not normal if you're morally against it.

[ConsultantIsBack]

It's not your fault. God made him that way. So God is the reason, the same God that is making you seem so prude. What a circle of irony lol

[Asker]

God gave us free will. Some of us choose promiscuity. Some of us choose morality. I hose morality and that is why unhygienic dirty manwhores and sluts call me a prude. But this is a complimemt for me

[ConsultantIsBack]

Haha ok future cat lady

[the-mad-german]

this is totally stupid...

[QuestionMan]

Your "morals" as you like to call them are the problem. If you like the guy sleep with him jeez. Don't be a prude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhjNm20XbXw

[Asker]

I can't sleep with him when my mind thinks of it as a sin

[QuestionMan]

It's not a sin

[Asker]

I feel uncomfortable. He is just a boyfriend not a husband

[QuestionMan]

You are robbing yourself of the opportunity to experience life in its fullest capacity. That is in itself a sin. Most people have accepted that sex before marriage is normal since placing restrictions on yourself only makes it worse for you and your boyfriend. You both have sexual urges, it's natural.

[Asker]

But I don't feel comfortable to have sex with him. No one stops me. I just don't want it

[QuestionMan]

Then you don't love him and should find another boyfriend.

[Asker]

Nooo. I don't want anyone even if we break up. I will always love him

[QuestionMan]

Then you're asexual and should let him know

[Shaft50]

Vote E - you are the cause of his erections, but not necessarily guilty, but what he does with it is his problem as long as he doesn't make you compromise your personal morals;

Hahaha - '... arousal is harder for guys...' :-)

[blondfrog]

Yes you are guilty for giving him boners :d nah nah nah nerf nerf nerf. But seriously though you should let him masturbate lol.

[lopflodin]

"I know arousal is harder for guys and they need to relax" no

[TonyRyanAgain]

Nope, not your fault.

[MoonlitSonata]

Arousal is hard for guys? Giving a guy a boner is probably the easiest thing for a girlfriend to give her boyfriend. I've had one holding hands before. If he has given up those things for you he knows what's coming with that. No at all your fault.

[Asker]

I meant it is harder for guys to stay erected

[Asker]

Arousal doesn't make women uncomfortable butguys get blue balls. That is why I said itis harder for men

[MoonlitSonata]

Masturbation is an easy fix.

[Asker]

He does when he goes home

[TheOldMan59]

How are you preventing him from masturbating?

[Dantheman101]

You done nothing wrong