Sexual Relationships
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Im Trans and Boyfriend Doesn't Want Me To Remove My Penis?

I've been with this guy for about 6 years now. I told him that I was trans about 9 months into the relationship and he was cool with it. We started being intimate about 5 years into the relationship. Now that I've saved up enough money to get reassignment surgery he doesn't want me to get rid of my penis. He is straight and had only dated cis girls before me. Could he actually be gay? He says he doesn't want me to get rid of such an important part of me but I just don't want it anymore. I can't stand looking at myself nake. It doesn't feel right. Why can't he understand that.
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • I understand both points of view.
    I think Im somewhere on the spectrum in between bi and bicurious. I've liked girls but I usually prefer guys. If I would get a boyfriend, it would be because I liked him the way he was. If he would turn out trans, it'd mean (s) he'd change dramatically. I think I would be supportive of my girlfriend, no, I know I would be supportive and I think the relationship would survive, but sex is a big part of a romantic relationship for me and seeing my partner get rid of that which they can bring me so much pleasure with would be a bit hard on me.
    The other way round, if I dated a trans person and loved their body, or if I dated any person and lover their body, I wouldn't like it if they actively changed it drastically.

    On the other hand, it's your body. I like being feminine and I would hate it too if I was born with a penis. Your boyfriend hasn't got the right to make you change your decision, but he does have the right to tell you how he feels about it. Still, you should do what feels best for YOU.

  • He could be bi. But he's being rude. Clearly this is important to you, so he should be supportive and have your back. It seems like after all this time, he doesn't understand you. He can't put himself in your shoes. From his perspective, his genitals probably mean a lot to him because he doesn't know what kind of struggle transgender people go through. So he just assumes that you, somehow, feel the same way he does.
    Sit down with him and explain to him that this is clearly not something you're comfortable with and he should support you, not tell you what to do. If he still doesn't understand you, then you might want to reconsider staying with such an ignorant person who clearly doesn't understand who you are.

  • It's good that he accepts you as you are but this is about you, y'know? It's your body, it's you that has to look in the mirror every day and see your body and it's you that needs to be comfortable with yourself. If you feel like you can't be comfortable with a penis, then you should go ahead with the surgery. He's probably not gay, he just probably has gotten used to you and loves your body after 6 years and is wary of the change.

  • I know for sure that 100 straight guys don't like penises (other than theirs), I joked about it with my boyfriend and he wasn't happy and it freaked him out!
    So yeah... he's either gay or bi, no way straight!

    • 100%*

Most Helpful Guys

  • It's difficult when you've been together for so wrong but you've got to do what's right for you.

    I'm trans (but FtM) and people keep On asking me why I want to get rid of my breasts when so many women would like them this size. They just don't understand it. I'm not a woman and it feels wrong that they're there.

  • seems like he accepts and wants you exactly the way you are, because its the you he got to know really well and is completely content with, and maybe he fears that you getting rid of a part of what essentially makes you "whole" to him, will change everything.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 18

  • I think you should do what makes YOU FEEL right. He should definitely understand, especially if he loves you.

  • He does not want you to remove such an important part of your body just because you want it gone. He knows that it will change you and he loves you just the way you are.

  • Because he's concerned that, perhaps in the future, you may want to have your penis. And once its gone, its gone.

    There are cases of post-op transgenders going insane and committing suicide when they're older because of gender dysphoria.

  • Maybe he just dosen't want you to loose literally all your sexual feeling?

  • Probably because there is no way back, and you are making yourself biologically dysfunctional.

  • because he loves you for the person you are now not what you will be after the change

  • I think your penis does great things for him... He'll miss it.

    • if he likes it, why change it?

  • Keep it

  • I heard you go crazy if you get rid of it. Maybe that's why.

  • Maybe he doesn't want change? I mean if he's okay with it all this time why would he be any different now? And maybe what comes after that is something undesirable. I mean I hate to break it to you but no surgery will give you an actual natural vagina. They'll give you something close, but it's still not going to be the same.

  • This decision should be based more on what makes you happy. If your boyfriend really accepts you for who you are then he has to accept that you feel more comfortable without a penis.

  • Maybe he have a big thing into anal.

  • Doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. He may just prefer a penis to a scar.

  • Someone's sex isn't defined by their organs for everybody. That he likes you for you doesn't mean that he is gay. He obviously could be, or bisexual, but he probably just likes you for you and doesn't want you to change yourself.

    But in the end, the decision is yours to make. If you want to have it removed, have it removed — as you can't stand looking at yourself naked, that is probably what you should do.

  • just a guess, but perhaps he curious what being at the receiving anal from a girl.

    • or, he understands that the results could only affect you negatively.

  • Your disgusting I understand that

    • I think the word you're looking for is **You're. And, no, I'm not disgusting. Just because you can't accept that I was born in the wrong body.

    • Maybe YOU should accept that you were born in the right one

    • But I wasn't. From the time I was little I knew I wasn't a boy. It wasn't something I just woke up one day and said, hey, I'm a girl.

  • lol there's no way he didn't already know u were a tran before 9 months lol

    • How? I sound like a girl. I look like a girl. I have boobd. I AM A GIRL. A girl that just happens to have a penis. He didn't see me naked or anything until years into the relationship. So, yeah.

  • you were a girl and transfer to boy?

    • No. I was born male but I am a MTF transgender

  • Youve had a penis the whole time... why would you only think he's gay now?

  • After all this time he probably likes the way you are, he likes and loves the way your body is. Making such a change is a big step. Would you keep it for him

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