Sexual Relationships
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Why don't I cum when I have sex or do sexual things with guys?

I'm 21. Lost my virginity a year ago to my (then) boyfriend. He sucked at sex and was on so much Xanax that I was rarely even turned on. Then, the past few months I've been continuously hooking up with this other guy (4 times total) and he's super hot, knows how to have sex, etc... But I never cum when I'm with him. I cum when I masturbate, in under a minute. But with him, no matter how turned on I am or wet... I just never "lose" myself and actually cum.. Vagunally or clitorily. Is it because I'm thinking too much? Even with others guys in the past, other than sex I've let dudes finger me and whatnot.. But I never could climax then either. It's like I can only do it to myself lmao. Also.. Can he tell? I'm super wet and I make pleasurable sounds.. I don't want to discourage him by never cumming.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Try this:

    Cowgirl tips
    Here’s the way I have found, with the help of a very cooperative girlfriend, that a woman can ride her man all the way up the mountain to multiple, increasing powerful orgasms and ultimately, squirting.
    • He needs to understand that he can help with this position by grabbing her hips and helping her move. At first, leave to her own devices but as she gets more and more aroused, he should become stronger and more and more forceful in moving her back and forth.
    • Put him on his back and mount up with you on your knees.
    • Slide him in and settle in so you’re comfortable.
    • Rock like you’re riding a horse, slowly at first and faster as you get more aroused.
    • When you’re ready for him to help, reach down and put his hands on your hips. For effect, you can beg him in your sexy slut voice to help you.
    • When you start to get close to cumming, move like you’re trying your best to break that thing off. Of course, you won’t but the point is to not hold back. Just go crazy.
    • When you’re right on the edge, tell him to do you. He thrusts up as powerfully as he can and holds it with you impaled as deeply on his cock as possible, perched on his erection. He also forcefully tilts his hips and slams his shaft into your G-spot.
    • As you cum, don’t even slow down. Keep going and you will cum over and over, each time increasingly intense.
    • If you have The Big One, as I call it, you may very likely squirt so if there’s a gush, it’s not urine. It’s female ejaculate. Keep going until you’re completely done.
    Here are a few ancillary suggestions:
    • Pee first so that if you should squirt, you can be confident it’s not pee.
    • If you’re into S&M, have him forcefully pinch your nipples as you’re starting to cum.
    • He can slap your tits around if you’re into that. One girlfriend of mine liked to be slapped while she was up there with me telling her what a trashy slut she was for being up there in the first place.
    • Some ladies like their men to reach around and smack their ass while they ride.

    • 💖 (:

    • Have you had a chance to get in the saddle and RIDE?

    • Thanks for the MHG! What's the latest?

    • Show All

  • Reasons could be:
    * You're just laying there
    * Not clearly expressing what you truly want (using actual words)
    * Afraid to let go because you think you may look less pretty.
    * Not using your hands (because I assume you can cum when you masturbate)
    * Afraid of what he might think
    * Only thinking about his sexual needs
    * Not talking to other women (and therefore not find out they experience the same)
    * Trying to look less horny than you really are (because of being afraid of what he might think)
    * Afraid to hurt his ego (which won't happen if you talk about what you want)
    * etc

    Bottom line is that women often forget to make sex enjoyable for themselves and too much count on the other to do it for them.

    • I think I'm mostly afraid since I've never came with anyone before

Most Helpful Girls

  • Because your body is conditioned to the person you first had sex with. It will never be the same even with multiple partners, and your trying to reenact the same way you first had sex. And on top of that your allowing guys to do all these things to you, and your conditioning yourself to self pleasure. Naturally anybody would know. Even if he doesn't say anything, he would know because he had sex with you. Masturbation is also the problem, it teaches you to just pleasure yourself. Plus saying that the person you lost your virginity to that he sucked at sex is very demeaning and disrespectful. You made that choice and that's that. It has everything to do with your attitude towards sex. When you decide o have sex outside of an monogamous relationship these are the things you learn. Now your body is conditioned to it, and that's all your going to know.

    Remember that even though the vagina is a living breathing muscle, it also has memory. That means no matter how many partners you have, it will never compare to your first. Ever. Even when you don't think so, your body now rules what it wants because that's what you allowed. Plus there is no such thing as cumin. That is all psychological and in the mind. The more you believe it, the more reflects in your sex life. The more junk you put into your sex life, the less quality your sex life will become. Being able to secrete and sounding pleasurable won't change anything to a man who can tell the difference. It's not your words that do the talking, it's your actions as well as your body language.

    • I completely disagree

    • If you completely disagree then you wouldn't be having these problems. What I just said is a fact and there have been numerous studies on this. What your saying in your post is psychological. Like I said before, even if you don't think so, it is still reflecting it. Once your conditioned to it the first time it does show with every partner. I have spoken too many of people who had similar problems to yours. It's usually the case, until the other partner starts asking questions. Either way, you say don't want to discourage him, but it won't change the fact if he already is. You can say that, but if he feels it from you and you don't say anything, he will take it as being deceptive. I've spoke to guys online about that, and they can tell the difference. They just don't say anything. And it also gets them upset.

    • That makes no sense at all.

  • Pretty much you have written enough clues to answer this yourself. it is what it is and no one with more experience is going to give you a magic pill to make it happen. Did I confuse you more?

    Simply put, I am very sexual and my body was attractive enough to get MANY offers, some I took before marriage but like you... no climax at the hands, mouth or penis of others... solo act only but got good at it, easy peevy.
    Finally a guy came along that was more interested in my climax than any others and after awhile together & married (tip #1 that works)
    I trusted him more and allowed more of his experience to lead me into new things, trail & error (tip #2)
    then he introduced me to erotic stories, sex toys, then videos to make things sexier faster, foreplay aides, etc. (tip #3)
    until I could cum only with him almost every time and even simultaneous orgasms were not uncommon. oohlala!
    Tip #4 is that we had found a Best Fit down there, both of us and the magical feel of that is unsurpassed. Maybe this should be tip #1? All of GAG guys worry about being big/this that when really it's about the size, shape of one matching/fitting the other.

  • Relax don't put pressure on yourself, the journey is part of the fun.. maybe try a vibrator or masturbating together. It may be that there's a shyness and trust to letting go.. Sometimes when we get too turned on it can stop us as well because its too wet. So have a towel near by.. It takes time to get relaxed. I didn't realise girls orgasmed with sex for the first little while even though I masturbated.. if you can don't take it serious, have fun and laugh in the bedroom. it helps :-)

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 10

  • I have a hard time getting off. I find it helps if I don't masturbate the day that I know I'm going to be having sex. it's normally hit or miss for me but have some fun experimenting with your partner. Also if you fake, stop it. Guys read your moan cues so if he's doing something that doesn't create natural moans do not moan or he'll be lost. Eventually you will figure out where to direct him if need be.

  • You might try warming yourself up by using a vibrator on yourself with him right there by your side. Then when you're good and hot and wet, have him lick your clit with his tongue. Be prepared to direct him and to tell him exactly what to do, where to do it and how to do it, left, right, up, down, direct, indirect, faster, harder, etc.

  • I'm asking this because it's relevant and you can answer via pm but how frequent do you masterbate? Do you watch porn? Were you ever bisexual or a lesbian?

  • My current girlfriend can't get off due to her being, as she puts it, scared.

    Scared that she will not know how she will react, she never had orgasms before though so I am not sure if my advice will be the best but... For your guy try to tell him not to give up.

    Keep trying different positions, oral techniques, herbal and oil / candle / atmospheric nuances also increase your readiness. With time you will be able to get more adjusted to his and your fav positions.

    But I think you should tell him, be honest with him, tell him what you like and dislike. I was extremely upset that I couldn't make my girlfriend cum, but I persisted and she was finally able to release her stress due to her being, well, straigh with me.

    Needless to say, from that point onward, our bedroom's humidity increased by 125%. :)

  • The fact is that a rough estimate reveals that only 20%-25% of all women reach climax with vaginal sex. It is because as you know the center of climax and pleasure resides within the nerves of the clitoris. You say you can reach climax by masturbating. We both know that it's not physiologic but psychologic. You're uptight about all of this. My suggestion is learn to relax and casually and gently tell your partner to please stimulate you with his tongue in the right spot for as long as needed for you to reach orgasm. Even if it takes 30 minutes and it won't

  • Most women cannot cum from penetration alone, due to the location of the clitoris not being close enough to the vaginal opening, it is best if a girl fingers herself gently while being fucked by a guy. That way you will almost certainly cum everytime!

  • u definitely might be over thinking the sex like i used to even now i haven't gotten off with any guy but my mom said it might be just your estrogen levels might be low either. one of the two. nothing serious though more women go through than you know.

  • probably thinking too much...
    never think when you have sex, relax and fanatize and never watch your moves or think of what to do just go with it

  • "Is it because I'm thinking too much?"

    Yes. It seems to be a mental barrier. For some reason you aren't able to let go fully.

  • Cos u r chick lol Ik it sux OP

    • Lollll yeahhh 🙈I've heard that it's more difficult for women too

  • i'm here for u bby ;)

  • have him go down on you

  • Thinking too much could be a sure cause. It took me a long time to figure it out - but most of the time, I need to focus on how good it feels, how much I'm attracted to my partner, etc - otherwise too many distracting and/or anxious thoughts creep in and keep me from fully enjoying the moment.

  • your one of those girls my ex had the same thing
    it would take her 20mins some times longer for her too cum
    which I did,, but it was very annoying sometimes, and didn't wanna do it cause I would stress my body out, you can cum but the guy has too put the work in
    the girls I fuck now cum in 5 mins,, ugh sooooo much easier lol

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