My boyfriend said I'm just a sex machine and he doesn't care about having sex with me?

[Bebemodo]

My boyfriend and I are both 35. We had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. I guess many sex problems came from him never have had sex before me and only porn everyday since he was 12 and we got together 3 years ago. After wild sex for the first few months (pretty much copying stuff he watched in porn all his life), to him thinking of porn videos while we are having sex, to arguing, hating each other, etc. Now he's saying he doesn't get hard for me, that he only thinks of me as a sex machine, and that's why he's been just laying there not moving for 2 years. I really get frustrated because I want him to get least get up and be on top once in a while but he really has no desire doing anything to me but me riding on him. I'm a very attractive fashion model so it isn't because I'm ugly, and I'm good in bed. I have been wanting to cheat on him because I've been really frustrated with him as a person, and his sex, and how he disrepects me saying I won't get him aroused and that he doesn't like my sex. What's your opinions?

[Darkfairie17]

How are the other aspects of the relationship?

If they are also not going well, then maybe it's time to move on. You deserve to be with someone who values you as a person and is willing to make sex enjoyable for you as well. It's not fair that he just lays there and expects you to do all the work.

You have needs too!

I would have another talk with him. Tell him you are considering leaving if things don't change. You can even suggest couples sex therapy, I think that might be helpful.

The problem is, it sounds like he just sees women as objects. Hence why he called you a sex machine. Because he was heavily into porn at such a young age.

It's one thing for a 12 year old boy to be curious. But it's another for him to be addicted to watching porn. Sounds to me like all of the porn has affected him.

He needs to seek out help so that he can keep this relationship going. It's not fair to you to be treated like that.

If he isn't willing to work on things, then you should consider leaving. It's not much of a relationship if only one person is trying.

[Anonymous]

Tell him how much he frustrates you and stop riding on him. He's being silly. Even if your sex drive happens to be higher than his you're not a sex machine, you're just a persom with feelings and desires and needs. Also tell him that if the sex with you is not enjoyable for him, you are willing to find relief elsewere and hope he doesn't mind because he was the one refusing to give you what you need in the first place.

Okay that last part is a bit harsh but it's okay to let him know you're thinking about it because of his behavior.

[kaylaS91]

He's been completely honest with seeing you as basically nothing but a piece of meat to have sex with.
How's the relationship outside of the not-so-good sex-life?

[accomplice]

Sex without love can still be great, but with love can become even better -- something qualitatively different. He has tried sex hanging from the chandelier, but not sex with love, and that is why he is unsatisfied. This theme of sex disconnected from emotion can be easily normalized by viewing a lot of porn.

It is clear he does not love you, because love is about shared vulnerability, about exposing our insecurities and inner self and having that part of us treated with care. By telling you that he only thinks of you as a sex machine, he is pretty clearly declaring that he doesn't love you.

You will not be able to satisfy him sexually because his need for intimacy and deep connection is not satisfied by sex without love.

Allow me to illustrate with an analogy. I like pizza and I like beer (and I like them better together). If I'm hungry, though, no amount of beer will satisfy that hunger. At some point, though, I'll stop reaching for another beer.

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, you guys aren't even in a real relationship at this point. Clearly he has no real respect for you. It's long past time that you should have broken up with him and found someone who actually DOES respect you and desires you. You probably are afraid of being alone, but even that would be better than being with a guy who has zero interest in you. I assure you, you can do MUCH better!

[sailorjupiter]

i agree with this opinion

[MasterPeach]

Dump him and move on. You are contemplating cheating, so you are already moving on in your mind. If he isn't motivated to get up and have sex with a model, then there is no hope for him. I'd be so amazed at my good fortune to have a model, I'd do just about anything to keep her happy and interested in me. And I'm sure the next guy you find will feel the same way I do.

[reptocarl]

He's addicted to porn and can't perform anymore because of it. It's called porn creep. The only way for him to recover is to stop watching it completely. With his attitude I doubt it'll change so you have a decision

[adollarsworth]

From a guys prospective, I would find a new one. You dont need it!

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should break up with him. If he's saying that sort of stuff to you and you are thinking of cheating anyway, I am wondering why you are still dating him. Why even bothering investing emotional energy into someone who is rude to you, and who you don't seem to want to be with?