My boyfriend said he'll kill me during sex. Am I over thinking it?

Question

So my boyfriend is 35 years old. I'm 23, and I love the guy. He treats me really good; pays when we go out, pays for my taxi. We bring each others kiddish heart out and playful side. He tells me that he needs me and wants me for his wife. He wants me for his everything, and tells me "I love you" over text. But recently while I was having sex, he said that he'll kill me if I give my body away. He's a talker in bed so i didn't think much of it. He's aggressive during sex thst sometimes its painful. Pulls my hair, when i tell him to go slower, he goes even rougher. I Remer once he put his hand over my mouth when i told him to go slower while moaning loudly st a hotel. I'm not sure if its because people would have heard us or.. whatever I don't know. But am ib over thinking it?

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

I see a lot of red flags here. Not only did he actually threaten to kill you (um, scary), he also has a track record of not listening when you tell him to stop doing something that you're uncomfortable with. Those are serious things and you should be extremely concerned about them. Listen to your gut. I would consider your relationship to be abusive.

The smartest and safest choice would be to break up with him completely and run for the hills. But if you want to try to talk to him about it, do it when there is a friend or family member in the other room just in case something happens. Be tactful yet firm, and stand up for yourself. Let him know that his behavior is not okay and that it needs to stop. Keep in mind that confronting an abusive person is risky, and it would be safer to simply break up. Please tread cautiously. Abusive relationships are complicated, and no matter how much your boyfriend loves or cares about you, he might still hurt you.

Hopefuldreamer8 · Accepted Answer

That's a major red flag right there. It's an abusive relationship. Right now it's emotional abuse, but eventually it could be physical. You should get out while you can. He is controlling you, and he will likely try to guilt trip you. He sounds like the type that will insult you to make sure you get low self-esteem, and then apologize later and tell you that he loves you. Seriously, dump him before he gets you to the point that you're dependent on him. I've known people where it started off as a small 'empty' threat to it escalating to either full on emotional abuse to physical. Thankfully they're not in those relationships anymore.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You're dealing with sadist. He gets off on your pain, he might actually try to kill you. and you're just so blinded by his "love". You know why older guys date younger girls, it's because they are so much easier to manipulate. The red flags are there but I'm guessing you're going to learn the hard way. That eventually he won't be aggressive in the bedroom anymore. He will start to control your life and you might let him because your blind. And eventually you will become depressed. But you're not going to listen no matter what people say. I suggest you take some boxing classes. Just in case you never lnow

grinning_totem · Accepted Answer

I personally don't think you're overthinking it. Basically, your boyfriend is behaving in a way that is making you uneasy.

I don't think rough sex is wrong per se, but that isn't what is happening here, is it? He kept being rough after you told him to stop. That is bad.

He said he would kill you. That is really bad.

I'm sorry, but I think you should leave this guy, because he has serious issues and you need to protect yourself.

JoeCensored · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he likes being dominant. I wouldn't be concerned unless he makes genuine threats outside of sex or anything else similar.

xobrowneyedbeauty · Answer

uh i don't think it's normal for someone to threaten to kill someone else during sex or any other time :/

BambooforPanda · Answer

Yeah this creeps me out. If BDSM is not your thing just get out. He's looking at this whole thing in a very different way than you are.

Azara · Answer

He's aggressive during sex thst sometimes its painful. Pulls my hair, when i tell him to go slower, he goes even rougher. I Remer once he put his hand over my mouth when i told him to go slower while moaning loudly st a hotel.

WHY IS ARE YOU ACCEPTING THIS?

Dim_121 · Answer

Run from him girl run!

StoicMits · Answer

is he trying to control you? Did he at any time told you that someone close to you (close friend, family) is bad for you and/or untrustworthy?

bestadviceguy · Answer

If you ask for slower during an intimate i assume sex session that should be full of trust and love (yes)? and he goes harder how is that good?

TheAli · Answer

He's a savage. No you ain't over thinking. Couples with such large age gap are not normal there's a jealousy factor in the older one that can lead to problems, big problems.
Maintain the safest distance nd be careful

abundantlyrich · Answer

This guy is weird. Probably abused in the past. Now he treats you like shit in the bedroom.

It's wrong if he isn't treating you gently in bed esp when you tell him of your discomfort of his treatment.

Psi_Unknown · Answer

He sounds aggressive and violent from the account you gave. Once someone mentions killing someone, it goes too far in my opinion.

reptocarl · Answer

I don't think you are over thinking. I see red flags

soulbabe · Answer

i see red flags with this

meatballs21 · Answer

Are you overthinking a death threat? Hmmmm...

Hayah18 · Answer

He could just be a Dom, if you love him you will know if he's just kinky or actauly wants to kill you.

theCatcherintheRye · Answer

... and still questions if she's overthinking it...

singlebee · Answer

HAhaaa kill you during sex? :-D Red flag for sure

Becky01 · Answer

you need to get out now he is not kidding he actually wants to hurt you that's why he covered your mouth he was not going to let you scream for help. I have been here this is a place you don't want to go. please get away from him now it will only get worse from here believe me.