Sexual Relationships
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I suddenly want to fuck other men while happily married. Is that normal?

I know everyone from time to time gets turned on by a guy that's not your husband and even fantasize about him, especially if you have been married for a couple years (I married young). I know that's normal. But I've never had it this bad. My husband had to go out of the country for 5 months for work, while I stayed home with the kids. During that time I was shocked by the amount of guys that tried to seduce me while he was gone. Even friends of his and his colleagues. Only his boss has been trying that since day one though and he does that with every single woman. But the other men shocked me. I didn't do anything but I never thought I'd actually get horny by it and masturbated once or more a day fantasizing about those things happening. I even started watching porn quite often. The craziest thing is that I thought it'd go away once my husband returned, but it didn't. Guys are more careful about the flirting, but I stay horny and fantasize about other men. The worst thing is, I don't feel like having sex with my husband anymore even though I'm so horny and when I do, I think about other men. Could the spark be gone for me? I still love him and don't have emotions for these other men, it's just sexually my feelings have changed. Like being alone for a while and being hit on so much has awakened something in me. Have any of you had the same feelings? Any Idea if this will pass or how I should go about this?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Let me start by saying that I turned 20 years of age in January so if you don’t want to read what I am about to write, that’s okay I understand. So the advice you’re getting is from a very young girl.
    Check out my picture, I’m sort of average looking. When I go to class or go to a club or school event, or go to the bookstore what to the cafeteria would just exist and nobody looks at me I used to feel terrible about myself but I got to be sort of the norm and I adjusted. And that went on for two years in college. One day the president of my sorority took me aside and said, “you know why you never have a date? You look like shit. You win no makeup you go around and baggy old blue jeans and an NYU sweatshirt. You’re really pretty you just make every effort to hide it. At least by a new pair of jeans and put on a blouse. And by a pair of sneakers that don’t look like you’re waiting for an atomic bomb. She helped me with my makeup and I didn’t need much. No lipstick I went shopping and bought some stuff and it changed the way I look. All of a sudden
    guys were looking at me. It made me feel great about myself. I had not experienced that ego boost for quite some time.
    Instead of clothing let’s talk about a woman who married young because she thought she was in love and when about a normal married life. She didn’t notice men and she didn’t notice men even noticing her. Life was bland but she did not even realize that. She thought Bland was normal just like I Bland was normal. She had maybe two partners for sex in her life probably just one so she had no comparison of the various guys in the possibilities.
    Then her husband leaves and she gets horny. And every guy around her knows why. And they look at her and she sees them looking. All of a sudden it’s a good feeling hey people look at me. I must be pretty I’m horny and I’m pretty. And guys look at me, makes me wet. It’s exciting. I didn’t know life would be like this. I guess I married too young. I think I’ll masturbate. Man I want penis.
    The secret here is that you are now a sexual being feeling good about yourself and realizing you married too young. Well here’s what I did and you can’t do. I started getting picked up and getting laid. A lot and I loved and I still do. You discovered something in yourself that is great and if you love your husband and you say you do, then the way to successfully get over this is to not get over this but to tell your husband about your awakening and how you want him

    • to participate in your awakening. You may not use the same words that I am using but that’s okay. I’ll get out of my super educated mindset and I’ll talk to your husband for you. “I’ve changed since you gone I realize I’m a horny girl and I love it and I want you to do me. And I mean do me. Fuck my brains out! I love you and I want you and I want your cock and I wanted bad. I missed you while you were gone but it helped me feel like a horny girl because I am. Let’s start our relationship over. Like a boot reboot. I want it wild. You see what I’m advising is not to let the feelings drift away but to embrace them and focus on your husband even if right now you don’t want to. Do what you need to do to transfer the feelings towards your man who you love. Don’t want the feelings to go away because you’ll do be disappointed the rest of your life. So go for it and be honest with your husband and be excited and alive. Good luck

    • Ok the 69 year old guy speaks

  • ... Like being alone for a while and being hit on so muchhas awakened something in me...
    You are just Lonely here, dear, and with your man being gone for all of these months, apparently in your case, out of the 'Country,' Means too of Mind out of Face... Right now you are Not feeling him because of all of this attention and it is changing you a bit.
    However, do not fall prey to cheating on him. This will sure put a damper on everything and things will Never... Be the same with his name again.
    You are now in this Relationship Rut with everything that has happened that has put you now in another mind set. And this can cause Problems down a Pattern Path. You are feeling Curious as to how it might feel with another and it has a Hold of your Heart.
    Try to work things out with your hubby, and perhaps with Team effort, things can go back to the way we were if you want them to.
    Always remember too, hings are not always greener on the other side of the female fence.
    Yes, of course this is 'Normal,' but how far you carry it can be a Disaster.
    Good luck. xx

    • Thank you, sweetie, for the Vote of Confidence. xx

    • Thank you for the answer, honey! I don't even know you but you are so nice. So much love on this site xxx

    • Oh, you are a sweetheart, and friends like you, are the Best from the rest,, Thank you so much, You just made my day. xxoo

  • It is possible to love someone, but no longer be in love with them. I'm in that situation at the moment. I love my boyfriend, but sex with him drags. And that's mainly because of all the cheating he has done in the past. So I think the spark is gone there. Perhaps the same has happened in your marriage, you want something different. May I suggest possibly talking to your husband about you feeling a bit dull in the marriage? Give it your best, but if you truly no longer think it will work, it may be best just to go separate ways. At least before you do anything that will hurt your husband. Wish you the best of luck!

  • I'm not married yet but would never resort to cheating. I think maybe the allure or fantasy of doing something new, different is what keeps you fantasizing. Maybe try to mix things up in the bedroom so although it's still your husband m, you can feel or pretend it's a new guy. The best relationships, both sexually and emotionally come from good solid communication. you never know until you try it but it may light a new fire for both of you.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Depends on your definition of normal.
    It's not common but it's not unusual.
    Sexual desire and who we have it for is very unique.
    Religion and Men have tried for thousands of years to control women's sexual desires. We want to think we are monogamous but we simply can't control our sexual desires , kinks and preferences.
    I think in this modern era its why relationships and marriages are not necessarily for life anymore unfortunately. It can cause great hurt to the partner that's left behind.
    There are many arguments for and against staying within a relationship. It would appear many more older couples who except the loss of sexual desire in one or another but still have huge emotional ties do agree to stay together without sex or even an open relationship where the other can explore their sexual preferences.
    It's very much recently being understood that the repression of women's sexual desires is was huge. How women get their sexual pleasure and understanding women's anatomy and stimulation has revolutionized the thinking and judgment of them.
    Just look at the massive sex toy industry and how most of it is aimed at women. Strip shows like the chipandales. Then erotica , films and porn all being aimed at women.
    Unfortunately money doesn't lie so these things are all being made because there is a market.

    In answer to your question it comes down to your power of emotions for your husband against your desire and lust for sexual fulfilment. Many now say you only live once and you should live life to the fill.
    It's very much down to you. If you have a huge sex drive then it might eventually make you seek out a fantasy fulfilling relationship. Those that choose to judge you simply do not understand sex drives.

    Good luck I wish you well with your very tough decision. 😃

  • Having fantasies is one thing, but not being interested in having sex with your husband any more is another. It is time to fix this now, or things will get worse! See a therapist. Your marriage depends on it!

    • The best answer over here :p

    • I love your responses. I'd probably had said the same with a few f bombs and insults thrown here and there lol

    • @BuchitaBuchys Well, I'm not sure if you understood me correctly... I haven't been sarcastic with my answer.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • There is a lot to cover here. Okay so first off how much sex were you having with your husband before his trip and have you had sex with him since the trip? Sorry if the question seems blunt but to give you a real answer it's needed.

  • Sounds like the men picked up on your needs. It's just you being horny from lack of sex.

  • You and your husband need a couples vacation. Get someone to keep the kids and go away for at least a few days.

  • What's the chances that you could tiptoe into this conversation with your husband during pillow talk? Like talk about it as a fantasy? Maybe he has similar thoughts, and you wouldn't have to cheat to try something if your husband was on board. 🙋

    • I really don't see myself starting that conversation. I can talk about a lot, but since we never had a lot of problems, we're not used to conversations about these kind of situations.

    • Oh well. Worth a shot. I've heard a lot of couples are able to be open about their fantasies while in bed. Good luck ✌

    • You must start the conversation and you must be honest and even if you have to blurt i out. You have to set yourself free your sexuality and your honesty. He will love it. You'll be surprised but he will love it. Especially if you say everything to him in a positive fashion. Get him involved. Whatever the sex should be you want him involved you want him on board. Personally I'd start by taking off his clothes and sucking his cock without him even knowing it or expecting

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  • tell him to change his sex style and make it more fun and excitment, tell him to take a day off and ur two stay all day with no kids and have a very nice sex, like that u will forget them and ur husband will make u feel fresher

  • yup. married men proved that they have something valuable to women. so other women want them. thats why girls like guys who are in relationships too. i always get hit on when im in a relationship but when im not in one no women even look at me. if u already have a baby with ur husband then u prolly want to get different genes. in whatever case ur brain no longer loves ur husband.

  • Should of dicked all the men you wanted to before you got married. Now you have kids and a husband, now as a mother you sacrifice your own desires for them.

    Any other way would seriously devalue your worth to society

  • It sounds like you should opt for an open marriage.

  • Sounds like a shite marriage.

    • What he said^

    • @CaramelCookie lol

  • I think you just had a little taste of "freedom" in a sense and you are a little overwhelmed that guys would take an interest in you (being a married woman).

    I think it would be best to talk about it with your husband to see where you to are at. I think it would be best to try communicating first and try to rekindle some of the romance and sex before just writing the marriage off and blazing your own path of extra marital affairs.

    If you make the effort, and things are still not the same then seek counsel, but be sure you let your husband know where your head is at. It is unfair to be testing him on these things without him knowing the potential consequences.

  • Before you end up cheating you should go to therapy. This may not be fixable, but you need to give me it a try.

  • Well your not getting satisfied so I would try talking to him he should understand if it was him not getting off he would not like it so if he can’t get you off maybe he won’t mind if another guy gets you to cum

  • Maybe it isn't a sexual issue. Maybe you need to feel chased after. It sounds like something my wife has commented on before. She says she wants me to make her feel like I am dating her again. Tell him you need him to plan a romantic date for the two of you. I wouldn't mention the other men, but just tell him you need to feel wanted by him again.

  • It happens to some people. They think they're worthless and nobody wants them and they pretend they always wanted the happy monogamous marriage. Then they find out their worth out of the blue and they think maybe I'm too good for this. People want me. Tbh your husband doesn't sound like much of a man. His own friends and boss try and get into you when he turns his back? That's bad news. None of my friends or anybody else ever tried it on with mine. They know I'd cut their heads off if they tried. The obviously have no respect for him. Buncha fuckin snakes

  • It's natural to feel like doing it, it's not OK to follow that feeling.

    • Your huband probably feels the same. You might discuss about open marriage or a monthly visit to a swingers' club.

  • Ahhh, you are part ofnthe reason men don't want to get married. Divorce and be done with it.

  • Yea, better get divorce, loot half his money, especially take the house, and find another guy fall in love all over again, have a happily ever after..
    If you ever feel like this again with the other guy as well, no problem, just rinse and repeat.

  • Swinging is an option, but it won't work for most people.

  • As long as you dont act on these urges.

  • That is a perpetual and natural feeling.

    The trick is to fight the temptation and be faithful and honest to your marriage. If you love each other, nothing is worth killing it.

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