Sexual Relationships
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He didn't get hard when I gave him a blowjob?

I've been with my husband for only a year and a half. The last 3 months or so we haven't been having sex or any sexual contact at all. I decided to take it upon myself to break the ice and try to get our sex life back on track so when he came home I got down on my knees and unbuckled his pants and told him I miss him, I went crazy down there to show him I really want him but he only ended up getting half hard and eventually getting soft. I asked him what's wrong and he said he didn't know and it's never happened to him before. I pretended I wasn't hurt by it because I assumed it may have embarrassed him and I didn't want to make it about my feelings and scare him off but I have a feeling something is going on. I want a males opinion because I know most men don't go 3 months without sex and then get there dick sucked and can't keep it up. I've tried asking him but I feel like I always get an "I don't know". Please be brutally honest with your answers, I really just want to have an answer.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • As you rightly said, very few guys with partners abstain from sexual intercourse for a month let alone three months. It could be one or a combinations of the following:

    1. Is he really straight?
    Fear of family and social stigma may cause gay guys to hide their sexuality.

    2. Is he suffering from erectile dysfunction?
    Erectile dysfunction can rob a guy's self esteem and self-concept as a man.

    3. Does he have a mistress?
    Tell you what? If a mistress can satisfy his sexual desires, don't expect him to have sexual drive for you.

    4. Does he masturbate and watch porn a lot?
    Excessive masturbation and porn dependency can lower a guy's sexual drive for a girl. In severe cases, masturbation and porn can cause a guy to desire porn gratification over their partner.

    5. Is he hiding an STD from you?
    Sexual transmitted diseases like HIV can adversely affect a guy's sexual drive.

    6. Is he asexual?
    Most asexual don't even know they are asexual until at a later stage in life.

    7. Is he prego-phobic?
    The thought of pregnancy or having kids can dampen sexual urges.

    • I know for a fact he would watch porn while I was at work and that's initially what started the decline in our sex life, I believe that plays a large part in what's going on.

    • It could be the cause, especially if he has a long history of masturbation and porn dependency before you both got married. The brain is like a hard drive; excessive masturbation and porn watching have overwritten the natural codes of sexual pleasure with a real woman. The scientific term is neuroplasticity. The condition is reversible if only he is committed to abstain from porn and masturbation for at least 30 to 90 days. In severe cases, it could take 1 to 3 years of masturbation and porn abstinence for the brain to regain regain its ability to be sexually aroused by a real woman.

  • It sounds to me like you need to do two things: 1) talk to him about it (some tips are below), and 2) if that doesn't work, find a good couple's therapist. They can make an amazing difference in the quality of a relationship.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

Most Helpful Girls

  • You need honesty but unfortunately it's not a come from the guys it may not even come from the gals. Your boyfriend is taking drugs most likely a speed derivative which inhibits the ability to get an erection I only narcotics like heroin or oxycodone I mean be drugs derivatives of Ritalin or cocaine or phentermine. You can tell me all the reasons that's not true you can give all excuses and so can a he's taking one of those speed derivatives medications

  • Hmmm... honestly... that's really odd.
    Do you think he's having some kind of medical problem?
    Perhaps he should get himself checked out by a doctor.

    Or else I'd watch out for signs of cheating. Have there been any warning signs that might be happening?

    • I believe potentially it may be a medical problem as well. I couldn't see when he would have the time to cheat on me because we are always together whenever we are not at work. However, I haven't ruled any possibilities out yet. Thank you for your feedback.

    • Then cheating is definitely out. I have a relationship similar to that where I would never suspect cheating (we literally spend every moment together beside work), but I always just assume that we are weird and the average couple spends far less time together to where that would be possible. As long as he doesn't suddenly start spending a lot of time away from you I would not worry about cheating. You should definitely keep trying to talk to him about it. Let him know how to feel and how it is affecting you and convince him to see a doctor. I know nothing about him, but does he suffer from mood disorders, like depression? That can have a horrible impact on sex capability. If he's going through a rough time at work that could be something.

  • Well, you have a hunch yourself, don't you? He might be cheating on you...
    Or while you were not having sex he has wanked his dick senseless...

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 7

  • try getting him to see a doctor about it.

  • There are so many possibilities that no one can give you a single reasonable answer. The only REAL answer is that you need to communicate with him and find out what's going on. You may not like the answer you get, but at least you have a chance of solving the issue.

    Some possible answers.

    1) Impotence either due to a health condition, a psychological problem, a moral issue, excessive masturbation, extreme stress, or a realization that he's gay.
    2) He's cheating.

  • First anon guy might have hit the nail on the head.

    Any events happen in that time period? You guy have a fight or something that he didn't really recover from?

    I'd say talk to him about it, and encourage him to speak freely. And you have to listen, don't tell him what you want him to think or say. And you have to be ready to hear what he has to say, no matter what it is. Lastly, he may not tell you when you want to talk about it.

    Start with 'I feel like X when Y happens.' If you say, I feel like this when YOU do THIS. It'll sound accusational and won't encourage communication.

    If you provide a safe place to open up, he will. But on his terms.

    • Thank you for your feedback, that's a very helpful reminder. I appreciate that.

  • Age, medication, weed or just low hormone levels can explain it.

  • Maybe he has erectile dysfunction now.

  • Guys are visual. Dress up sexy for him and see what happens

  • Maybe he feels better to penetrate you

  • The root of your problem probably started 6~12 months ago. Any major events? Losses? Changes?

    • He moved to my country, about 12 months ago or so. He's away from his family and friends? That may have affected him in a negative way

    • Homesickness. Depression. Well, that mystery was easily solved!

  • um for me it happened once so far. Was a tinder date went straight to hers to fuck her and my dick couldnt stay hard. foreplay sucked though and she didn't want to give me head so that was disappointing. Not sure if any of this information helps though

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