Why do I enjoy touching myself way more than sex with my husband?

Question

I touch myself every day. I have great orgasms it feels awesome. Now sex with my husband can be good, ok or bad. I just never have those great orgasms even if I stimulate myself the way I do when I'm alone. Technically that's the only way I can come anyways, but ths orgasms feel disappointing. Sometimes I touch myself afterwards when he sleeps. I told my husband that I want us to have sex differently but he takes offense. He once read a text I sent to my girl calling our sex "like bad porn". What can I do?

broadsword · Accepted Answer

It's great that your able to discuss it here on GAG.
Your not alone many women are the same as you. Some cannot achieve orgasm at all from penertrative sex.
It's down to your man to care enough about your sexual pleasure to want to work with you to give you the pleasure you deserve so much.
Men so often sadly think so long as they enjoy what there doing this women should too.
It's simply not true a woman needs time and the right sort of stimulation for her to orgasm. They generally need more time steady rhythm with an increase in speed and firmness. Some are clitoral others vaginal even g spot in the requirement they need in stimulation.
What is very common is women need a lot more mental stimulation. They need a mix of physical and mental sexual stimulus to achieve orgasm. Often they need a few to not just one orgasm but a few to get the real sexual high.
So those that are in your situation often resort to masturbation and toys. Often give up trying to educate their men as they don't seem to care. Sex is unforfilling and just a duty to give their men.
As women have become more free and liberal they can demand sexual satisfaction. This is why the sex toy industry is so huge. 90 % of sex toys are for women. Helping them to find their way to have an orgasm.
Iam happy to chat more if I can help. Please feel free to private message.
me.
Do not feel bad your right to do what your doing and there's nothing wrong with it.

Chadster · Accepted Answer

You're perfectly normal. More women have problems achieving orgasm during penetrative sex than not. This is due to clit/clit hood position in relation to male shaft position during intercourse. You need a copious amount of foreplay, good oral sex and possibly manual clit stimulation during intercourse. I'd love to do more research to help you but that is of course not possible. Message me if you want to discuss further, you need to communicate as much as possible with your husband to improve the situation.

JohnnysGal · Accepted Answer

I was kinda in the same shoes as u, sex it wasn't bad but it also wasn't mind blowing either. I let it go on for sometime just like nothing was going on but then I started asking and picking up on what he wanted and liked and figure and how to slow down the pace and make sure he takes the time for me and really get into what's a turn on for both us! And sometime they need more direction to guide them where, how hard, and how long u want things done! Now that we have gotten to that place it is fucking amazing! Never O'd so hard or some many times... now I have to be careful to not wake the kids!! Hehe and I know it's a hard subject to bring up and u don't want to make him feel like he doesn't know what he's doing! U set the pace u do what u need to get into position that u need!

At first I wouldn't just bark orders out I would just guide his hands! Like if he's getting u from behind take his hand from ur hips and take it where u want it! And foreplay is important!!

Spermdumster666 · Accepted Answer

ah I see the problem and its not your husband its you. Pleanty of guys that are chronic masturbators have this problem were they can only cum by self abuse. You haven't been committing yourself fully to your marriage as you are not sharing that emotional intimate side with him thats why it feels so bad after you masturbate. You should stop with the fishy fingers and save it fir your husband and let him learn how to bring you to orgasm. Be aware if a man thinks he can't satisfy you sexually and if he finds your sex lacklustre he will find a another woman.
P. s its disrespectful to spread around that your husband is bad in bed to your friends as it emasculates him.

Curiousness23 · Accepted Answer

Well ehem... i don't wanna answer it, but the way you act and say things seems sooo wrong and savage and baaaad~

Junlian · Answer

Wtf? Well... you... Ummmm you fucked up. Hahaha sorry. But rule #5 : "sex is not only for guys but women too, so let her be the one to show a guy what position she like. "

Show your husband how you like to be touched. Now that message... Duhhhhhhh you done fucked up. I can only tell you to apologize and swear it wasn't meant to say it like that. Explain and be honest on what's going on " again" and show and mean it.

AustinMan · Answer

Ir sounds like you need a good couple's therapist. Why does he take offense to your suggestions?

NJ_Casanova · Answer

You: 1. have softer hands 2. know what you want better than he does 3. Are more relaxed and the attention is all on you;-*

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

practice with your husband

GingerGuy · Answer

Maybe it's the way you ask him that made him take offense. It might be too late now with what's he knows and has heard already but try suggesting new things (slowly), 1 new thing one time, the next time 1 new thing. And tell him it's experimenting and trying new things (not, you're unsatisfied and he's not doing it for you because then it puts the blame on him which is what he'll be taking offense to). Don't make it about him, rather together as a couple you're trying new things.

JoeCensored · Answer

If he refuses to change what he's doing then you're kinda stuck.

AidenBlue · Answer

Hmm. He likely feels inadequate. Explain its a physical limitation on your side and you'd like to experience the same pleasure you do alone when he is there so can he help you modify the act to make equal for both of you?

I'd be ok with it. If she rubs herself while I'm in her I don't have a problem with it. As long as she is getting maximum enjoyment I'm fine with it.

Oral for me while she rubs herself? Good by me. Hot actually.

gapminder · Answer

Talk! You have to talk to him about what you want. If something he does just totally sucks, for God's sake speak up. Not talking about what you want is only short changing your relationship. So if you don't talk you're getting in your own way and delaying what could be the best sex of your lives. Good luck

Tiffanymax · Answer

Have you ever tried touching yourself while having sex with your husband?

TonyRyanAgain · Answer

He needs more practice obviously.

Benk111 · Answer

Scientists have discovered that the female body can receive more intense orgasams by themselves than they can with a man. So your situation is normal, however I would suggest using a vibrator when having sex with your husband.