How do you suggest I get past my husbands porn addiction?

sadallthetime33
Story of ages: Our sex life was hot... and I meat HOT. We were wild, adventurous and free. Sex was hands down amazing and sometimes 3 times a day. Then I found out that he was watching porn and a lot of it. He had about 5 particular whores he would look at every time. He sometimes would jack off for over 20 minutes. Sex with us majorly decreased. Recently I quietly counted 56 days. He went 56 days without even trying to touch me. I don't know for sure but he would've went longer if I hadn't had an emotional break down telling him about the 56 days of loneliness. I haven't gained weight since our hot days. I have literally been the same amazing person since I was 15, I'm now 40. Two weeks ago he tried to have sex with me and it was after about 24 days of no sex and I was so scared I made it seem like a big chore so we didn't have to do it. For about the last 6 months I cry and throw up every time we are done having sex, that is when we do have it (he doesn't see or hear that). All I can feel like is that I am disgusting, unattractive, and just completely uncomfortable. While we are having sex, I am so disconnected, all I can think of is how he isn't thinking of me, he's thinking of them, comparing me. I feel like he is sad he ended up with me. Everything else in our life is seriously perfect. We have so much in common, we talk, we laugh, we are great friends. I just want to die. I love my husband and I am positive he loves me. But an unhealthy sex life leads to no life at all. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I mean should I drown myself in a bucket? How do I get past this, can I get past this and what am I doing wrong? He says he has stopped but I don't believe him, not one bit. It's kind of hard to hide the cum stains in his underwear from jerking off. That's the other mental killer... every day that goes by and he doesn't want sex with me I see the cum stains. It's like a slap to the face. I am lost.
How do you suggest I get past my husbands porn addiction?
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