27 years old, never dated, never had a Girlfriend... what the fuck im I doing wrong?

[Alex88F]

27 years never had a girlfriend and maybe 4,5 sexy times that YES i do regret. guess what? never dated as well. Never hold hands, watch tv or had romantic experience with a girl. i feel awful and i need to change the course of things ASAP.
i can say for myself that, for fearing of rejection, i ve been rejected or avoided a lot of opportunities to get laid or and have relationships. i know that myself, im trying to change my behaviour and most importantly my mindset about fear and living in fear.

I dont feel that well about my own person either. Although some friends of mine keep on commenting that i'm really smart and good looking (just too thin but muscular as well - some girls said that as well but it doesn't help : they're either sluts from my experience or just friends already engaged) - i look like a skinhead, im going bald and im razor down shaved to hide it, green eyes and full of tattoos... To my friends im deeper than most, creative and interesting i dont feel im enough for nobody. I know it sounds stupid and a cliché but hell, IM SICK AND TIRED to see jocks, rich hipsters fucks and awful guys (both physically and mentally) having all the girls i may have an interest on. I'm sinking, i stopped eating and sleeping since the last rejection i had for months and i can't do it again and again... I did the therapist with lots of girls i met and this pretty much stigmatized me as either a Nice guy or worse, a childish man.

To be fucking honest

i dont laugh about it. im sick about this shit and i'll force myself to go out, try again but i feel awful and if this sensation doesn't change, what's the point in trying? what is wrong with me? i'm almost at the point of a) posting a picture of me to confirm im fugly and B) reach my 30s and pay women to have sex. That's it, i said it. i dont feel im gonna like it but i do feel awful and a pussy about it.

[Chirinéonmä]

The biggest problem you have surrounding sex is that you’re making way too big a deal about it. Apart from the fact that sex can create babies, in 99% of cases, it’s just a fun thing that people do when they’re attracted to each other.

By not carrying yourself with confidence, not asking out more women, not making the first move, not pushing to go further, and not seeing yourself as a sexual being, you’ve projected yourself to women as safe and asexual as well. It’s time to reboot and start from scratch.

You don’t need to have sex tomorrow. You don’t need to have sex with someone you love. You need to make up for lost time and catch up with what everyone else was doing from 14-21.

Instead of skipping steps and worrying about getting naked with someone, you just need the experience of being around women, learning to act on your attraction, and demystifying this sex thing that you’ve built up in your mind. One step at a time. Go on a bunch of dates.

Build up your dating skills. Get more confidence. And when it’s time for you to have sex or even find a girlfriend, you’ll be as ready as any man ever was.

Wishing you the best of luck.

[Alex88F]

i may have add that from 21 to 26 i was in severe depression. pills and whatever else. so, this obsession for having sex is basically a way to catch up with my other peers Sex which in my eyes may be translated as a way to have something more, since i crave for love more than sex i have to say. Sex in my eyes is just scratching an itch, i never enjoyed it. Which is another problem in itself... and resolved a lot of dilemmas in my psychology recently. IE some things i used to do cos i didn't trust women at all, im sorry to say that. I feel like i'm just awakening to life in recent times but instead of going out, i wanna pull the blanket all over my head and hide or vanish.

[Alex88F]

it is like you said. When i dont give a fuck and i'm an easy going mode it seems i'm either projecting good vibes but it ain't enough to attract a girl. I still feel like shit for the last chance i missed. This girl was really into me but i scared/turned her off for good - AND she's dating with this guy which is exactly the type of guy i loathe most. Ignorant, rich, wannabe artistic hipster fuck. it hurts.

[cherrymarina]

You have an underlying belief that you are unloving. You gotta practice self acceptance, work on yourself every day and never ever give up. Lose the story you tell yourself : ''27 year old who never dated''. That's not who you are and everything you haven't experienced so far can change in a short period of time. It's most likely not your looks, it's probably your attitude. I have a feeling you EXPECT to be rejected so you don't put yourself out there. You can change this... read books, work on yourself, be healthy. Work on your mind, body and soul. You can change this thing to your favour.

[Alex88F]

It can't be just my appearance. BUT YES i feel worthless. I feel like i have nothing to offer. I have my own interest but whenever i try to talk about it girls just rolls their eyes and rather talk to a sport fanatic/nascar fan or whatever. i used to feel that yeah, i expected to be rejected and pushed away and guess what, that happened a lot. Now i dont know what to do, trying to get in love scares the shit out of me. I'm working on this feeling cos i can't live with it anymore IM TIRED.

[cherrymarina]

I feel you, but hang in there. You are 27 ... very young. You have sooooooooooo much potential. Drop the story of being what you were. If you want to make a change you have to be open to suggestion. I think your problem is not women. It's the overall feeling of despair and hopelessness. You need to practice compassion towards yourself. Shrink that inner critic in your head, read books that help you to get rid of that critic, watch helpful videos on youtube. And if you have a bigger problem seek help. In the meanwhile as someone here said start talking to all kinds of women without any expectations. The point of is to get comfortable around women, to know how they communicate. Communication is very important to women. You figure this out you are halfway there. Just don't give up ok :) I am sure you are a handsome, smart guy. See this as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

[Alex88F]

thank you, this is what im i gonna do from now on :)

[cherrymarina]

Good luck! :)

[ak666]

Look at yourself in terms of your social appeal. Forget sex appeal, let's start with social appeal.

Do you have many friends who look up to you and always invite you to new places? I'm guessing "no", and if that's the case, that's your problem.

Learn to become a social butterfly where your company is desired by both men and women. You'll start expanding your network of friends in no time once you get the right kind of charm, and can be invited to so many places. You can also start hosting your own events, like a party at your home where many people attend.

At this point, meeting women tends to become a lot easier. You'll have all the social skills you need to make them laugh and enjoy your conversation and want to see you again. Asking them out, at this point, will be a piece of cake.

Now if you get this far and still don't have a girlfriend, then it's time to focus more on sex appeal, fashion, fitness, changing your character in a way that interests women (avoid nice guy!), etc.

[Alex88F]

i do have friends, those younger keep on trying to involve me into stuff and the others have either moved away with their girlfriends and career, which is something i might want have to do. I have a problem and my problem is Inaction and social insecurity. i see that.

[ak666]

One thing -- how long do you get to know a girl before you ask her out? If it's long time, that's one of the most frustrating ways to do it because you get feelings for this girl you've never even dated, the rejection becomes awkward, embarrassing, painful. If you ask girls out sooner who are just at the stage of, "I like her, she's really attractive and nice", a rejection isn't such a big deal since you can just move on to the next girl without having fallen for this one. So it's easier if you go from like an acquaintance to asking her out. In those cases, even if she says "no", sometimes you can continue staying friends without any big deal, since you did it so early.

[ak666]

I've been rejected so many times I lost count. I think the actual number might actually be approaching 1000 or more. But I did manage to get my share of girlfriends from among the ones who said "yes", which is only in the dozens.

[Alex88F]

to be honest, the amout of girls i asked out may be a 4, maybe 5? i've been rejected 2,3 times. For those i never developed feelings for well, it was easier as you said. The last one got me really hard, for like,7 months and she said she hates my guts and i can't really hate her for that. i had sex with others girls i never really dated (which means, drunk advances and sex friends i didn't even like that much) Not actually dates. It never lasted more than two, three weeks.

[Alex88F]

there's the current girlfriend of my best friend who pretty much said it best "You're incredibly smart and funny, i dont get how the fuck you're still single!! that's unbelieveble. Are you a junkie or gay, or something?" we talked abit about this last girl i was dying to see "ah, i get it. you're way too nice. that's a big turn off for a woman" i feel like im out of sequence when it comes to romance.

[ak666]

"you're way too nice. that's a big turn off for a woman" The problem with being too nice is that it's too selfless. I think there's a ring of truth to that whole kind of "alpha" stuff. If you imagine a primitive tribe of humans, the male leader (most fearsome and respected) in that group is not going to be so sweet to girls. He's going to "take" more than "give". Giving off that kind of vibe to any extent can kind of help girls become interested in you. If you give too much, you'll be seen as like a low-ranking member of the group, not a leader.

[ak666]

You can expose a sweeter side once you start getting into a relationship, but in the early stages of asking girls out and dating, it helps not to be such a "giver". It helps to "take", and kind of treat the girl like you don't really need her, almost like she's just as lucky to have your attention as you have hers. Ideally you become more like an equal partner to her -- both lucky to have each other's attention. But if you're bordering towards nice guy, it helps to kind of "remember to be selfish" to kind of help balance the scales.

[Alex88F]

i studied a lot of psychology and i know i was confliced. it means, sometimes i wanted love, sometimes i acted like i didn't pushing it waya cos i didn't feel i was worth it. this last girl said she was tired of my costant swinging from this state to the other. so i know that thing and i did resolved that. i wasn't a nice guy about it since she jerked me around one last time and i basically said "im done, im sorry but you're impossible to deal with". yeah, i do appear even to myself, selfless. sometimes i just want to say "fuck off" when a girl i like just disrispect me. but the fear of loss and losing is always behind the corner so i bend and bow to her like she's the only one. THIS is my problem. this is the inner conflict i gotta resolve, because if i dont love myself first nobody will.

[Alex88F]

howhever yeah, i guess it all comes down to Self Respect. If i dont love myself enough and my life, who would be respectful of me when i hate everything i do and i am? that's it. i wanna work on myself. i need to find my focus and see if i can get out of this shell of self contempt i created and that crushed me down since forever

[ak666]

Self-respect. You don't have to be telling girls to "fuck off" to balance things out. Avoiding too much humility or selflessness doesn't require you to suddenly call a girl a "bitch" or anything like that. It's just an attitude. Try to imagine you get girls left and right, that you have your pick. Really try to kind of imagine that. Then imagine how you'd treat girls. You'd probably still be nice to them but you don't need any one, it's like the girl also has to show herself as worthy to you, not just you to her.

[ak666]

Try imagining you're rock star -- a real one, not a stereotypical egomaniac who treats everyone like shit. Imagine the real deal, but a genuine one that can still be respectful to other people. Even then, that guy is not going to attach himself to a girl unless she really earned his love. There will be women lining up at his door. To him, a woman represents a "good time, fun, hanging out". He might still end up falling for one, but he's not going to be looking for love when so many girls want to be chosen. Try embracing that kind of mindset and make some character adjustments based on that mindset. Again, you can be respectful and nice to people, but you don't need them to be happy because there will always be another girl, and another girl, and another.

[ak666]

A lot of girls pick up on this vibe if you make the subtle character adjustments. They're start to think you must be more important and more popular among women just based on how you act.

[Alex88F]

yeah,"how do you project yourself you'll be seen" or something like that. i know. i still don't get how to fix that in my head that i have more choice and options than i think. I guess i have to Do what i have to Do. Ie, dating, see other girls and have fun. I'm reading "How to be a 3% Man"by Coach Corey Wayne. there's many things you and him are saying that are congruent with my situation and i can recognize my mistakes. Rather than give up, i'm gonna try to fix it up. a part of me is telling myself "This is bullshit, this will never work out for me" and im just tired to hear that. It didn't helped me a bit, so im gonna change my game. Still, how can i love myself? aside of throwing myself on the frontline, trying to do different things and different people? i feel awkward and out of place if i do think i'm worth of attention. it never changes.

[ak666]

There are some fluffy sayings that people applaud which really don't help a person in your situation. One of them is "just be yourself" (*women applause*). That's generally a load of bullshit for someone in your situation as you personally know. You have to learn how to project qualities that present the best side of yourself, sometimes maybe even an illusion to some degree (think of it like women wearing cosmetics: you can kind of act like you're a more popular person than you truly are to lure their interest). The other one is, "just be confident" (*women applause*). Making a bold and confident move with women isn't necessarily going to help that much. You need the right kind of charm on top of that, the right kind of looks, etc. The other one that's really dangerous is the nice guy Hollywood romance story. It's total bullshit where the nice guy in the corner who cares about the girl ends up getting her after she goes through a bunch of bad boys. That's really fairy tale stuff.

[ak666]

It sounds like you already have some qualities that are attractive to women though. That puts you in a decent spot, but you have to make adjustments to one of the hardest things to adjust: your own character. The other is try to put yourself out there more, follow up on invitations from friends, meet as many people as you can, have fun.

[Alex88F]

i'm gonna try something different for my own persona which means even online dating and yes, going out a little bit more with my friends. i have this tendency of isolating myself and be miserable but that never helped before and is not helping now. still i have to progress in some other degrees - i lost my job recently and i need to reschedule my life for the best. Thank you for all the suggestions man, i'm gonna work in myself HARD and rediscover myself. is the only thing i wanna do right now

[ak666]

Cheers -- and try to relax and have fun, be easy-going, don't think twice about a rejection. That'll also unlock fun qualities which will help you enjoy all the motions involved.

[Soteris]

Best answer I can give you is that you need to be proactive if you want the best chance for a relationship. Go out and meet, talk and ask them out if you like them. In your case dont mind that much if this "pushy" approach will drive away a lot of girls because a stranger comes up and become too friendly with them all of a sudden because there are those who will respond positively to this.

Basically use a shotgun approach to find your girl as fast as possible.

[Alex88F]

will try that as well. i'm watching a lot of motivational videos as well as studying upon my problems and approaching people and life with a different mindset. being too negative resolved shit, so i'll try another way :) even if it sounds a little bit scary to me, i have to

[Soteris]

Yeah the biggest hurdle is definitely doing it in the first place. I am not much of a people person myself.

[Alex88F]

is all about improving our best sides and leave aside the worst ones i guess. i'm still recovering by the last rejection. i dont like to think she's with another one right now. All my will to date is vanishing but i know i have to fight the need to isolate and do the opposite of what my mind tells me to do.

[Soteris]

Yeah thinking about what you can achieve in your future is definitely better then looking back on what you could have had.

[Alex88F]

(Y) yes. it is hard, but more interesting & less painful than keep on suffering and being defined of whay you lost, rather what can you get.

[Soteris]

Best of luck!

[Alex88F]

same to you! :D :)

[tzdc21]

Many guys are in your shoes, especially at your age group. A lot of factors tie into this. Some are in your control, and some are not.

[Nomatterwhere]

I'm in the same boat, but I'm 20. Actually it depends on what you're searching for, you have to be confident and just don't make Sex that important in your life.

[Alex88F]

thats bullshit. im the living proof man, if you dont have sex you ain't gonna have confidence and im feeling like shit for that reason. im searching my pleasure, and self fullfillment and i dont believe that that can come out solely on work... or sex.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't seem uncommon

[Alex88F]

you think? it does to me

[Opinion Owner]

There are more guys out there in the world than women are who are in this situation