What's a worse punishment for a cheating husband? Option 1 or 2?

[Anonymous]

Option 1: Take everything. The house, the car, the 5 kids, and talk half of his money and get alimony Option 2: Leave him with everything. He can have the house, the car, the 5 kids and raise them all by himself as a single father with no hopes of ever finding a woman who will want to deal with a man with 5 kids that live with him. While I start my life single and move away and remarry. Honestly, the worst thing a woman can do is get full custody of the kids in divorce. If the woman makes less than the man, she'll get alimony. Plus let's be honest men say they want their kids, but in truth they don't. That's why they only handle them during the weekends. Being a full time dad everyday would be too much to handle for them. Waking up every morning, making them breakfast, taking them to school everyday, buying them clothes, making sure they do their homework, making sure they brush their teeth, cooking them dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry, tucking them in at night, all the while working a full time job. All by himself. Which is why I think Option 2 would be the worst punishment for a man. I'm still fit and young. I could find another job, move, remarry, while he's stuck with the bills and raising 5 children. I mean I'll do my duty as a mother and send child support payments of course.

[btbc92]

Both of you are in the wrong. Have you two kept the sex frequent? Almost everyday? At least 3-4 times a week? Because if your sexually depriving each other of sex that is wrong and an offense in a marriage. That is number 1. Number 2, the way how you sound like, your not going to get remarried anytime soon. Especially when you already have 5 kids. So unless the guys is very rich, loves kids, and doesn't mind taking you in. No way. Forget it. And if you just want divorce just to ruin a man, your wrong. Yes what he did was foul, but that doesn't give you the right to mistreat him in that way. Because that attitude shows guys who you really are and what your like, and they wouldn't want anything to do with a woman who's going to destroy them. Maybe use you for sex, but not marriage and not a relationship. If this is what is happening to you right now, I'm sorry that you had to go through with that. But there is no excuse. The kids still needs their father around, and you have no right to do that to them or the kids may grow up to hate you for it late. Besides, the court is going to determine wither or not you are capable of raising all 5 kids yourself. This is not the 30's-70's where it's possible to do so. My grandmother is a mother of 6, including my dad. Men was not interested in marrying her because she already has 4 kids, two on the way. By you making this choice, remember that your going to have in extremely ruff. Divorce and marriage is NOT a game. And it can get really ugly in the courtroom. Therefore your fate and his including your 5 children rest in the judges hands.

Both of those options is worse. But when you take everything from a man, you already destroyed him. This could also effect his job and wither or not he can get another job again. Because these days they will check credit and court records. If he can't pay alimony, they can take away his house, car, everything he legally owns. Are you that vengeful and bitter just to pay evil onto evil? Think about what your doing, because you may end up getting the receiving end one day. And it won't be pretty. Overall I hope and pray you make the right decision. Because if your not careful your going to hurt your children, because your thinking about yourself.

[Asker]

Can you read? The kids aren't living with me. So me having 5 kids won't be an issue. I don't have the responsibility to care for them.

[btbc92]

@Asker Then don't worry about it if you don't want to be responsible raising them. But if you do end up having kids one day. Do remember what I just said. Overall I don't know what exactly went down. But like I said before, the sex must be frequent and its the general rule to safe proof and keep your marriage. It is a very big deal.

[Anonymous]

You could just both be adults and take the fact that you were cheated on out of the equation completely, since it's a relationship issue and not a parenting or financial issue. Give your children the best life possible after coming from a broken home, splitting custody and continuing to be reasonable towards each other, since you liked each other enough at one point to make 5 kids together. In my opinion the best revenge for a cheater would be to just move on with your life without being a bitter hag but hey that's just me.

[Asker]

No, i think option 2 is best.

[Opinion Owner]

lol should just make an option 3 and call it preventative measures. Don't marry an idiot, don't make 5 children with an idiot, don't be an idiot yourself.

[Allebana]

"I could find another job, move, remarry, while he's stuck with the bills and raising 5 children. I mean I'll do my duty as a mother and send child support payments of course." you should absolutely go with option 2, your kids deserve better than you
a real mother wouldn't ask such a question

[Asker]

Your right. Option 2 sounds more fun

[nachosaresexy]

Nailed it.

[pnl86]

I voted #2.

Got the grades in family law and family law practice, but after helping my uncle with his own divorce, some Argentinian lady whose husband was cheating on her with a much thinner and younger woman, and having friends who practice divorce in NY exclusively, I never want to get involved in that shit.

The truth is, worse punishment is leaving him with the children.

On top of the "sexual" punishment on his lack of time and money (because of the kids), and his emotional unavailability (because of the kids), there's also an "emotional" punishment of shitting on his soul.

Here go you. Kids are yours. What are you going to say? To the court. To the kids? Are you going to look them in the eye and say, "I don't want my own kids?" No. You're not. You're going to take them, and raise them, on your own. Then what?

Then, when you're overwhelmed and don't have time for yourself (let alone a significant other), you're going to look at your kids with resentment. And, you won't even be able to point the finger and blame their mother. She left you with all the money. Your income, keep it. The assets, keep them. Anything that goes wrong from here on out is "on you."

When you're tired... resent your kids.

When you're broke... resent your kids.

When you're not promoted... resent your kids.

When you're fired... resent your kids.

When you're horny... resent your kids.

When you're lonely... resent your kids.

When your kids grow up and leave you... because they've felt resented all those years and like you're angry towards them... and you're 21+ years older, then you'll really be alone.

That's just my opinion. I don't know what the right answer is. Good question, though.

[Asker]

I know. It's the best lesson I can give him

[Frost_Byt3]

So you're willing to cut your 5 kids out of your life, and leave them with a parent who you don't think can properly take care of them... Just to "punish" your husband?

I agree, your husband is a terrible person, and I hope he gets what he deserves, but don't sacrifice the well-being of your own children just to rush karma.

[Asker]

lmao... who says i'll never speak to my kids. like i said. i'll see them on holidays and talk to them via text and on the phone. i just won't have full custody.

[Frost_Byt3]

And that's ok with you? Any parent who legitimately loved their children would do anything for full custody. Plus, you made it seem like your husband wouldn't take proper care of the children on his own.

[Asker]

its fine by me

[Frost_Byt3]

Wow, you are seriously incompetent and unfit to be a parent - as i would expect someone who is married with 5 kids already by the age of 24. I sincerely hope you are trolling for the sake of those 5 kids who may or may not exist.

[Asker]

Even better to leave the kids with him then

[nala_rawr]

i feel like option 2 would be the worst both the wife and the husband. u shouldn't have to give up ur whole life just bd HE messed up. thats not fair to u or ur children...

[Asker]

I don't mind starting over. Fresh new start. Focus on myself, do what I like, focus on my career. While he handles the children

[lumos]

You shouldn't have given birth to those 5 kids if you only want to be a "holiday mom" in order to get back at him.

[Asker]

This isn't to get back at him. This about me being free.

[lumos]

"What's a worse punishment for a cheating husband?" Shut up. It's about punishing your husband.

[Asker]

Well yes, but I honestly don't want to be a single mother of 5 children. i don't want full custody of them. Let that be his job since he was the one he ruined our marriage. So again, this is about me.

[lumos]

Yeah, ok cool. I feel sorry for your children and the fact that you're running away from them because of your shitty marriage.

[Sara413]

Because there are kids involved, as hard as it is, you need to try to set your emotions aside and do what is best for THEM.

[Asker]

No, I'm doing what's for best for me. Starting now.

[Sara413]

Well then that's probably best for the kids too... it's mind boggling to me that you'd care so little for their needs that you'd consider using them as weapons to get back at your husband. He may be a cheater but hopefully he's a more loving and committed parent than you are...

[Asker]

Yes, it's good that I'm leaving them with him to raise by himself

[BlueCoyote]

Wow, I was thinking the exact same thing. It's crazy how little the asker loves her children. Because if she actually did, she wouldn't be such an egoistic asshole about it and suck it up. It's a shame people like this girl are even allowed to have children.

[Sara413]

I'm normally one to condemn cheating always and not make excuses, but if this is the type of mother you are it makes me wonder what type of wife you are and think maybe there's a reason he had an affair... you're a real piece of work and your children deserve better.

[Sara413]

Also starting to think this is a troll... your age group says 18-24 but you somehow have 5 kids and are married? Ummmmmm ok... sure... Honestly? If this is trolling, I give it a 9 out of 10. Good work! Lol

[Asker]

I don't care that he cheated. I want him to see that actions have consequences. If he wants to be single, i'm going to leave him to be single. Forever

[Sara413]

Good for you? Lol

[BlueCoyote]

Right. Cuz getting some stupid revenge and temporarily calming down your feelings is of course much more important than fucking up 5 children's lives. What are you? 5?

[Asker]

@BlueCoyote I'm not fucking up their lives. I'm letting him raise them while I pay child support, talk to them on the phone and see them on holidays. The reverse is what always happens. The only reason people have a problem with what I'm doing is because it's a woman doing this instead of a man.

[BlueCoyote]

I don't give a rat's ass whether you're a woman or a man. I don't respect people who break up just because their partner had sex with another person. A mature and emotionally strong person like myself would talk it out and repair the relationship. It takes time and energy but for some couples, cheating even leads to an improved relationship because they begin to talk more openly to each other about their personal problems and desires etc. This is what strong people do. You probably think it's disgraceful to cheat. Well, it's just as disgraceful to be such a pussy about it and just throw the helve after the hatchet. ESPECIALLY when children are involved. Children don't give a fuck about child support. They want your presence and your love and they want you to work things out with your husband. They want to grow up in a stable household.

[Asker]

@BlueCoyote You sound delusional and like a cheater yourself. Hopefully your wife/gf smartens up and leaves you with the kids too

[Sara413]

@BlueCoyote disagree that people should work through infidelity. If the person who's trust was broken wants to try, that's their call, but to say they're immature for not wanting to? Hell no.

[BlueCoyote]

@Sara413 That's my opinion. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I'm not saying you should stay with a person who's cheated on you several times but if it happens once, it's a different matter. People make mistakes. And I don't have any respect for people who just want to throw everything out the window because of a bit of infidelity. I think it's tragic that our society has been so badly corrupted by consumerism that young people these days think of relationships like they think of consumer goods. You use it and if there's a crack, you don't repair it anymore, you just toss it in the trash and buy a new one. That's fucked up in my opinion. Besides, I also think it's a little dumb how everyone is so obsessed with sexual infidelity. There are also other forms of infidelity, some of which are just as bad - if not worse - than sexual infidelity. Yet, many people (especially women) have no problem staying with a complete asshole as long as he is sexually faithful.

[Sara413]

@BlueCoyote I don't have any respect for people who throw everything out the window because they couldn't keep their dick or vag in their pants... once trust is broken it can never fully be repaired. I refuse to be in a relationship with no trust, thus, I would not stay with someone who cheated (or otherwise broke my trust).

[BlueCoyote]

I leave your opinion to you but I have to disagree on the trust part. My mother happens to be a psychologist and marriage counsellor. She deals with couples who struggle with their relationship on a daily basis. Many of them struggle because one person cheated on the other person. Some of these couples eventually split up and that's it. But she's also had couples in her therapy who call her years later in order to thank her for her help and tell her that things are really great now (sometimes even better than before). These are the mature and strong people.

[Red_Arrow]

It takes someone who is real messed up to have 5 kids before age 24. And even more messed up to not even care about them. In other words, it would take a real bitch to choose #2. Oh, wait. You were talking about yourself, weren't you?

[Asker]

I'm only giving the man what he wants. He gets everything. He can't blame for leaving him alone and giving him full access to his kids, plus the house and car. Also I'd see the kids on holidays. I'll be fine

[Red_Arrow]

You will be better than fine. It is the kids I worry about. You obviously do not really care about them and must never have.

[Asker]

I love them. I will still have a relationship with them. Just won't have full custody.

[Red_Arrow]

Yeah. We can see just how much you love them and how much of a relationship you will have with them: "i'll see them on holidays and talk to them via text and on the phone." "Paying child support and seeing them on holidays. I'm doing my motherly duty" "He can have the kids. I'll see them on holidays" When @Sara413 said "Because there are kids involved, as hard as it is, you need to try to set your emotions aside and do what is best for THEM." You said "No, I'm doing what's for best for me. Starting now."

[Asker]

Just because I love them doesn't mean I have to center my life around them. That's his job now.

[AperolSpritz]

This clearly a hypothetical question, dude. Don't worry about it,

[NJ_Casanova]

WTF... who is crazy/irresponsible enough to have 5 kids?

[pnl86]

Umm, hello? What does the world need more of? People! Unemployment, underemployment, increasing cost of living and falling "real" wages aren't problems the world is facing. And even if it is, we all know the solution to this problem. MORE KIDS! INCREASE the population! That'll fix everything. Very very socially responsible decision (sarcasm emphasized).

[NJ_Casanova]

@pnl86 That was dumb enough to get you blocked;-P

[Barrabus_the_Free]

I just can't understand why he might have cheated on her...

[Asker]

i don't care. i'm happy he cheated. now i'm free and he's stuck with the kids

[Blonde401]

I don't approve of a woman abandoning her children. Kids should be able to see both parents. My mother always said leave your husband but always take your children with you.

[Touchmehxx]

Why should she get full custody. Yes he cheated but he's still the kids' father

[Asker]

Nope. He can have the kids. I'll see them on holidays

[Blonde401]

@Touchmehxx I didn't say anything about full custody. Please read my comment again.

[Touchmehxx]

'Always take your children with you' implies taking them away

[Blonde401]

@Touchmehxx no it doesn't. Did you read the part where I said kids should be able to see both parents? Or not? Did you skim over that part because you wanted to blast me? What I'm saying is you don't just dump your kids on the father and leave. You take your kids with you and your kids get to see their father in shared custody.

[Touchmehxx]

Don't assume I wanted to blast you because I disagree. Stop trying to feel oppressed

[Blonde401]

@Touchmehxx where did I say that darling? Oh yes I didn't. 16 year olds trying to tell me how I should feel or have an opinion is hilarious. Like I said, learn to read someone's comment the first time before you start something.

[Touchmehxx]

If your only comeback is to patronise me you can see how bad your argument is. And because I'm 16 I can't disagree or talk or have an opinion to you 'oh so wonderful' 26 year olds. I'm not hear to be seen and not heard. Don't bring my age into this argument because that shows how disgusting and ignorant you are

[Blonde401]

@Touchmehxx learn to read someone's original comment before you start an argument. I didn't say anything about being oppressed did I? If you want to disagree with someone and keep it above board, don't spew nonsense like 'oppressed' at me, nor put words in my mouth or assume you know what I'm saying from a few words. I'm patronising you because you're childish, that has nothing to do with the original argument I had. You can talk to me but like I said, read my actual words before you get on your high horse and want a debate about something. You're welcome to say whatever you like but then so am I and if that makes me 'disgusting' so be it. You're ignorant for assuming in the first place.

[Touchmehxx]

I didn't assume. And what's why age got to do with anything? Obviously nothing, you just couldn't think of anything else to say

[Blonde401]

@Touchmehxx obviously you have nothing else to say either so get off my comment. Age has to do with it completely in this case, you're a kid arguing with an adult about her opinion on who should take care of their kids. You completely misread my original comment and didn't bother to ask for clarification before getting your back up and that was immature. So yes, age has a lot to do with it.

[Touchmehxx]

If I agreed with you, you wouldn't say, yoire talking about who should get their kids to an adult. so no it has nothing do do with age, it's because I'm disagreeing. You wouldn't view me commenting as negative if I was saying the same as you

[Blonde401]

@Touchmehxx you didn't even bother to read my comment so what are you even disagreeing with me about? I never said she should just take her kids and have them not see the dad. I'm saying she shouldn't just abandon her kids with the father and rarely if ever see them. I see someone not bothering to understand my point of view as negative. I'm happy to debate with someone if they've actually got their facts right.

[SovereignessofVamps]

why would you ever NOT pick the first?

[yelbritbugt]

Tbh even if he cheated I don't agree with the bs thing here in the US where the woman gets everything. I mean technically what right do you have to his things even if he did hurt you.

[ZionOrtov]

I can see why someone would feel the need to be unfaithful to you, someone who is willing to leave their children.

Disgusting.

[Asker]

lmao. I'm just doing what men do. Paying child support and seeing them on holidays. I'm doing my motherly duty

[Askmeanything101]

Your asking us whether you should be strong and not let him be in loyal to you and your kids or whether you should be weak, give in to your emotions, and give him everything he doesn't deserve

[Asker]

Oh sweetie. He deserves #2. Trust me

[Askmeanything101]

Sarcastic?

[Asker]

He deserves #2. I don't want the kids. I don't want him and I want to be free of him completely. Plus # 2 sounds like a nightmare for him

[Askmeanything101]

Ask me personally, your leaving your kids to be under a liar and a untruthful role model

[Askmeanything101]

Right now this shouldn't be about you, it should be about your kids

[Asker]

What? I'm leaving to be free of my ex. I don't want to be bothered. I'm giving him everything and leaving him with the responsibility. I'm starting over with a fresh start

[Askmeanything101]

So you don't love your kids

[Askmeanything101]

If you know the answer to your question why ask it hey I'm 16 you don't have to take my advice my mother took me away from my abusive father and she did everything right

[Asker]

Let's put it this way. I love myself more

[Askmeanything101]

Wow I can't believe you why would you have kids if you don't even love them what kind of mother are you now I see why he cheated on you good luck you sicken me

[Asker]

I love myself more, doesn't mean I don't love them. I'll still talk to them and pay child support. They just won't live with me

[Unit1]

Good thing I am never getting married :)

Do what you have to do. Have your part of justice as you see fit.

[bcromartie]

Alimony laws are not that simple and vary. A lot. Of he has custody of the children actually you pay child support too. Whatever fantasies you have about the world, cull them. It isn't anywhere as near as simple as you think.

[Asker]

I don't mind paying child support. I get alimony either way. Already spoke to my lawyer about that. So I'll just use that alimony money to pay for child support. Either way I come out even and so does he. He gets everything and all the responsibility, the kids, the lack of time, the stress, the workload. He gets to deal with it all. I mean this is what he wanted. he didn't want a wife since he cheated. So now he gets to be single. Forever

[bcromartie]

You actually don't get alimony. Your liability to him eats it first... Good God why would you get paid to pay him back? Like... Nevermind.

[Asker]

Like I said. We get even. So I wouldn't owe child support and he wouldn't owe me alimony.

[bcromartie]

You don't break even! How do you even think that works? Do you even know what alimony is? In most cases it's not millions of dollars, the assets split at divorce are usually singular events, after alimony is paid based on a cost of living schedule specifically built around income. So when you work you actually get LESS alimony. It's supplemental. You're impossibly ignorant on the subject.

[Asker]

Even better. I don't have to work and just off of alimony.

[bcromartie]

... As it's designed to be supplemental its not enough to live well off of. It's not a percentage of income or anything, it's like a flat "barely decent quality of living" amount.

[bcromartie]

If the cost of living was deemed average 2000 you'd get probably 1800.

[Asker]

Good enough for me. Besides I'm moving anyway. I get money. I get to date. I get be single and fuck guys without kids and not change diapers all day. Either way I'm good.

[bcromartie]

But you'd still owe cold support. From that barely affordable cost of living. So you don't actually get 1800. This is too hard for you. Basically you're better off financially to take the kids.

[bcromartie]

Child

[Asker]

Nope. No way. He has the kids. I can't pay child support if I have no income or a job. Hence, since my body is still very much in shape. I could do lots of things that would be untaxed and have no trace for CS to take income from. Plus I could always leave the country where I don't to pay child support. So with no taxable income, therefore no child support, and I still get alimony.

[bcromartie]

Alimony IS income. As I said this isn't a good plan for you.

[Asker]

Alimony isn't income. Also whatever I get after child support is taken, will equate to enough for me to live. Either way. I will have an untaxed income. So again, I'll be able to live comfortably. This is a great deal for me. I'm not stupid enough to believe a little boy on the internet.

[bcromartie]

It is. Alimony for taxation purposes is a special type of income. Also whatever you get after child support may not actually bee enough. The State decides the rate therefore they can ( and do) even have you build accruing debt balances. Also because you're describing alimony your income is traceable which means so are you and this means you will be audited. To make matters worse alimony is based on where you live but could support is based on where the child lives. If you moved from NY to Iowa you'd get less alimony but still have the same child support bill or worse they make the percentage augment slower than your income would. Men get screwed by this system specifically on child support laws so yeah, you're a silly little thing thinking you're going to win. If you move away there are actually stipulations that alleviate your partner further of fees and increase your own too due to abandonment clauses. Child law is fun and complex but never (NEVER) on the side of the noncustodian.

[Asker]

Sweetie, are you dumb? You think all that child support is going to help him? I can work at McDonalds making $8.75 and with that taxable income it would go to him. While on the side I could work as a stripper or escort and make $2000/night. Either way, as a woman I don't need to have an actual job to make money. All I need to do is keep my body in shape and take care of myself. Something I couldn't do with 5 kids to bring me down. Again that's his job now. If you think he's the one winning in the situation you're too stupid to argue with. And all that money I'd be getting stripping and escorting would be untaxed and he wouldn't see a dime of it. It would all go to me. He can have the McDonalds money he can even keep his alimony because i won't need it, which is barely anything. 5 years later I will have moved out of the country and be completely free of him and the kids. New name, new identity, new everything. Either way at most he gets $200/month from me from my McDonalds income.

[Asker]

While then I get $10,000/month from my untaxed income that he doesn't see a dime of. So yeah. So let's put it this way. He has to pay for their clothes, shoes, school, food, bills, the mortgage. Has to work full time. Wake up every morning exhausted. Wake up the kids, cook them breakfast, brush their teeth, get them dressed, drive them to school, find day care or a baby sitter for the youngest ones who haven't started school yet, then go to work, then pick up the kids, help them with their homework, cook dinner, do laundry, clean the house, take their baths, tuck them in and then finally when it's midnight get some rest. But then he has to wake up at 5:30 every morning anyway. The life of having 5 kids under 8 years old. While I get to have to wake up at 8:00 work from 9-5, go home workout a bit, eat a healthy nutrious meal. Escort and get free meals, and thousands of dollars, or strip and again gets thousands of dollars. And weekends do whatever I want.

[bcromartie]

Smooth master plan. Whatever the case your understanding of martial law is crap.

[Asker]

Mad because I'm right

[bcromartie]

I forgot you existed.

[MaLifeBeLikeOooAaah]

You shouldn't dwell on it, don't even bother trying to "punish" just move on and focus on yourself

[Asker]

I am. I'm choosing option 2.

[MaLifeBeLikeOooAaah]

Honestly does he even deserve that much attention from you? But #2 sounds like a good plan to move on

[Touchmehxx]

I agree with splitting everything including custody

[goodmood]

He's already being punished for marrying a woman like you

[Asker]

Oh he wasn't ready

[Kealous]

tbh, if a guy was cheating on me. im leaving him with kids, so i can basically ruin his life while I go out and live my life freely.

[Asker]

Yes!

[Touglyforfemales]

If you already know the answer why are you asking? You do realize the courts favor women makes me sick.

[Asker]

Not if the mother doesn't want custody, which I don't

[Touglyforfemales]

The more I read this the more I think this is a troll.

[Touglyforfemales]

Smh why have 5 kids if you didn't want them?

[Asker]

Not trolling.

[bradlazer]

Option 2 is the best situation for the husband. What makes you think he wouldn't be able to find someone else? Didn't he cheat?

[Asker]

Oh sweetie, what woman in her mind would ever marry a single father of 5 who has full custody of the children and can barely make enough to support them? LMAO!!! You're delusional, he won't even have time to find someone to have sex with much less date

[bradlazer]

How old are the kids? What makes you think sex is going to be more important than the kids?

[Asker]

The kids are 2-8 years old. I'm sure he'll have loads of fun

[bradlazer]

Honestly if it was me I'll want option 2... but that's just me.

[Asker]

Yes. You say that because you have no clue how hard or stressful being a single father with 5 kids would be like. But if you ever step into reality you'd change your mind

[bradlazer]

I've helped raise my nieces and nephews so I know what its like. It will be very difficult but my kids will always come first and I'll give up my life for them.

[Asker]

That's good for you

[bradlazer]

You want to know what is a good punishment? ? Make yourself better, let him regret ever cheating on you but don't use the kids as a form of punishment because it usually backfires.

[Asker]

Not using them. Just letting him have full custody

[bradlazer]

Okay no problem. But take my advice, trust me it will eat him up inside if make yourself better and more successful.

[Asker]

I will be better and more successful. While he's broke raising 5 children, has no social life, no sex life, no time for himself, etc.. While I'm free, single, can focus on my career, and do what I want, whenever I want.

[HyperNova]

OPTION 3: DON'T GET MARRIED.