Why does my boyfriend look at naked girls and porn online? Details below. I just wanna know if I'm being a Psycho or not?

[Anonymous]

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two years and just recently had a baby together. I looked through his search history one night and found he was looking up pictures of naked girls/celebs. He has told me since we've been together that he's not once looked at any of that stuff and these searches were happening daily. I confronted him about it and he promised me he wouldn't do it again. Well I looked at his history again and he was searching things again. He tried to set his search to private but it didn't work how he thought it would. When I brought it up again I told him the things he looks up makes me feel like he doesn't want me and would prefer girls that look like these girls. (Kylie Jenner, Charlotte Mckinney etc.) he swore he was done because I told him if he was going to keep doing this I couldn't be with him because I would make his life hell just by being so crazy. So he swore he was done because he didn't want to lose me. Well yesterday I looked at his phone when he got home and he was looking up cara delevigne- nothing bad just her name. But then I walk over to him and he is deleting that search out of his phone. So I told him I already saw it and wasn't mad about that but mad about the fact that he deleted it. Obviously that makes me think he's still doing these searches and just deleting them all and leaving his other searches (like video games and shoes) that way it doesn't look like he's just not ever searching anything. Now he says he has always searched these things I've just never known and he has always been so good to me always acts like I'm all he wants and is just a great guy. I just want to be able to believe him and need to know how to get over this whole thing bc it is eating me up and I'm driving him crazy by being crazy. I prefer a guys standpoint on this but I also wanna know what girls think too. I know he loves me because he just bought me an engagement ring (but he doesn't know I know. I'm seriously crazy) :\

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Here's a few facts to consider. While female desire is based more on comfort and familiarity, guys are more stimulated by newness, novelty and variety. He could be looking at pics to satisfy an unconscious need for these things, but it does NOT mean he is unhappy or dissatisfied with his current relationship. The craving for variety means a guy might look at women who look very different from his ideal and different from his partner, but it doesn't mean that's what he prefers.

Also, sex usually goes way down during pregnancy and after. It's a fact that new mothers focus all their attention on their baby and neglect the guy. Close contact with the baby actually gives them the same reward in the brain that they used to get from sex. This isn't their fault, it's a natural thing that happens in the female brain after the hormonal changes of birth.

What about your role in this? You're doing an awful lot of snooping (you somehow even know about the engagement ring). That degree of surveillance gives the impression you're either really insecure or don't trust him one bit. He's an adult and you're his girlfriend, not his mother. Probably the only reason he's been lying and deleting things is because he knew you'd flip out so bad. Kind of like how children of super strict parents cover up things that aren't even that bad because their parents would lose it if they knew. He might have been up front and honest about it if you had a more conciliatory attitude. You could have said, "I happened to see you've been looking up these pictures online. I'm not here to judge but please help me to understand this because I'm a little confused by it." And then listen to him.

You say (1) he's a great guy, (2) always been good to you, (3) loves you and (4) wants to marry you! Those are the most important things. I don't think looking up Cara Delevigne around the same time her new movie Suicide Squad comes out changes any of that.

[Asker]

I understand all of that, I only knew about the ring bc we just looked the day before and he put the bag in our bathroom cabinet. 2nd, we had sex throughout the entire pregnancy and 4 weeks after she was born... My drive is still there and has never left. And when I found the pictures that is exactly what I said was "I don't want to fight, I just want to understand why you need to look at these girls when you have me right here willing to do whatever for you" that's why I'm so confused because he knows I'd do anything. I wasn't mad about the cara delevigne thing, because that's exactly why he was searching it bc he wants to see that movie, it was the fact that i walked over to him and saw him deleting it and whatever else in his phone. I understand where you're coming from I just don't want any of it to turn into actual cheating I guess.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

I think what you're feeling is natural. So many girls go through this too, but often the hurt feelings are caused by a misunderstanding of how guys operate. This has nothing to do with you or whether you fully satisfy him or not. He'd most likely still look regardless. There are primal forces at work here. Probably even the boyfriends and husbands of those beautiful nude models look at other girls' pics occasionally. It doesn't matter how attractive a guy's partner is or how much she's willing to do for him. He'll still look at other women just because they are "other" and therefore new & unfamiliar. This may not be ideal in a relationship but in our media-saturated culture, it's practically inevitable. But don't assume it will lead to cheating. In fact it may have the opposite effect, since his curiosity is satiated by these pics instead of through real encounters.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

If you have a lot of free time, you can read the myTake I wrote about this, though you may not like everything it says:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a30118-why-guys-look-the-age-old-mystery-revealed

[InsertAUsername]

It was kind of a scummy move on his end to LIE about it over and over. But the searching porn part is completely normal. You're not a phycotic person by any means. You're just worried. Which is fine. Don't worry about it. You should just tell him to STOP lying.

[cpzpbx3]

I don't know I guess I can't really relate because it's never bothered me that my husband watches porn or looks at naked women online. I know he's attracted to me and that he would never cheat on me. Most men I've met do it. If it really bothers you then he should respect that, but I wouldn't read too much into it if you know he loves you.

[Asker]

And I know guys do it and I don't want to just get so crazy that he just wants to hide it its honestly just my own insecurities I guess

[BiscuitesSwag]

He needs to fap sometimes and guys are turned on more by visual stimuli.
Calm down girl, you're overreacting. He is with you afterall and loves you [I don't know how could any sane person try to tie the knot with someone they don't love (let's exclude the minority of gold diggers and the dudes marrying them)].

[Asker]

True, thank you. This really has helped 😊

[fauchelevent]

I don't really see what the problem is if a guy wants to look at those pictures. Not a big deal when he's enjoying his time with me.

[Truthatanycost]

What he searches online is none of your business and he was an idiot to tell you that he'd stop at your request. Instead, he should have told you where to go.

[Asker]

Thanks for the input 🙂

[ParamountArmada]

your dating still and you have a kid with him? thats strange to me, but ether way guys will be guys, we desire the opposite gender way more than girls do, get used to it.

[Asker]

I mean we live together we wanted to wait to get engaged.

[cpzpbx3]

Why is that weird? Do you have any idea how many children are born out of wedlock nowadays? Do you live under a rock?

[ParamountArmada]

@cpzpbx3 no im just a decent type guy, who knows better. but i didn't know they lived together and planning on getting married so its ok.

[cpzpbx3]

A decent type guy wouldn't question someone's decision to marry or not marry their partner in the first place, regardless if they have children together.

[ParamountArmada]

@cpzpbx3 a decent type guy won't knock up a girl in the first place.

[cpzpbx3]

Some people are in a relationship and don't want to marry, but they still want kids? What does it matter?

[ParamountArmada]

@cpzpbx3 i just have my preferences, it doesn't matter to me what other people do.

[Meliodas_]

Literally just about any guy you meet at some point will look at porn. It's really just an urge thing, it not that he prefers those cells, it's just kinda a reliever and he's prob too nervous to ask you to help😂, hope this helped.

[Anpu23]

It's quite normal for guys to look at images. You can look at it like porn is to guys as romance novels are to girls.

[Redstang88]

He's a guy, what more is there to say?
We like to look, even when we're 100% happy

[Asker]

Even if it's like every single day multiple times a day is that normal? I just don't know what's normal and what's not for guys

[cpzpbx3]

It's totally normal. As long as he's not turning you down for sex and then jacking off to porn instead, it's probably not going to become a huge deal.

[Asker]

@cpzpbx3 thank you so much! I literally am just trying to get an understanding of it all. And hearing it from other people that it's normal definitely helps. He never turns me down and has never stopped being affectionate or anything. The weird thing tho is all of the searches happened when he was at work so I'm not even sure how he managed to do anything unless he was just running to the bathroom every time lol. thank you for the input 😊

[badboy666]

All guys do it.

And as you have found, the ones who say they don't do it are still doing it.

[singlebee]

It's not a big deal you know... I mean we just look v at them... That doesn't mean he doesn't like/love you

[Whaaaaa]

He is a dude let the man live a little

[JennieF]

Some guys do that. They like to see us naked.

[skeetskeetskeet]

Complete psycho

[Anonymous]

He gets horny... deal with it. You can't suck him and fuck him every time his John Hancock stands up.

[Asker]

I try to! I thought that would maybe help him not wanna look up anything but I guess that's just what guys do from reading this thread. 🙂

[Anonymous]

It's just porn, he loves you so don't worry about it, every guys looks at it at times