Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Girlfriend saw sex tape of me with ex now she's left?

My girlfriend who had lived with me for two years was helping me clean out my attic. She found a box of my things and in it was a dvd with the name Melissa, which was my ex. She asked me what was on it and I told her she didn't want to know. I had forgotten it was even there. girlfriend runs downstairs and throws it in DVD player and suddenly sees me screwing Melissa. She watches for about three minutes before she turns it off, asking why did I keep it do I still have feelings for her? I tell my girlfriend no that I don't and I just forgot it was there. She throws the DVD at me and says I'm lying and storms out, sending a text later that she'll be staying with her sister tonight. What did I do wrong? Seriously I forgot it was there! Should I pursue her or leave her alone for a while? (FYI, my girlfriend and Melissa knew each other and my girlfriend hated her, and obviously still does).
Go after her
Vote A
Let her cool off
Vote B
Other (please explain I need help here)
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+1 y
Thanks for all the replies. She sent a text at lunch today and asked if she could come over, and I'm thinking of course you can come over you live here!!! But when she got here she apologized for her behavior, and I apologized for having it in the house to begin with. I did what y'all suggested and broke DVD in front of her an that made her noticeably happier. Seems like this may blow over. Thanks to all.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don’t feel your reasoning for still having the sex tape is lame as suggested; we’re not perfect beings and depending on your age and how much experience you’ve had throughout the years, it is entirely possible to forget such things and forget where you’ve placed them in your home. Let’s be realistic and just admit we are all going to make mistakes; that’s the nature of life and unless you just want to isolate yourself from the world, what happened to you, could happen to anyone.

    This being said, I want to also state, the way your girlfriend reacted brings doubt to mind of her commitment to you. You’ve already been together for quite a while and in that time you didn’t mention you’ve ever given her reason before now to doubt your loyalty towards her, but yet the very first time she finds something she doesn’t like, and because she doesn’t like your ex, she’s going to react violently by throwing the DVD in your face, calling you a lair, storm out of the home you’ve both shared together, and then to top it all off, instead of staying to work it out and be rational, she sends you a text stating she’s going to stay at her sister’s instead.

    Impulsive? Immature? Irrational? Do any of these words come to your mind when you’re reflecting upon this? Do you find yourself wondering what just happened and what you did wrong? You made the mistake of forgetting about the tape and not getting rid of it; shame on you. Learn from this mistake and do your best not to repeat it. Do you need to have all this drama and guilt over it? Absolutely not. You admitted to her what was on it. She could have taken you at your word and not viewed it. She could have given you the benefit of the doubt and trusted you since you’ve been together for so long; do believe you deserve to be seen as innocent until proven false. That seems reasonable to you, doesn’t it?

    My advice---Yes, let her calm down. Let her get it out of her system and feel as pissed as she wants to be, and then you need to have a very open and assertive conversation with her on how you don’t appreciate being labeled a liar and a cheat when you’ve never given her such cause to believe that about you in the whole time you’ve been together and just because she hates your ex doesn’t give her the right to take such hate and anger out on you. Period. Bottom line.

    • You can judge her reaction. Apologize even, which I think you should, for forgetting about the tape, but your girlfriend should apologize as well for her immature behavior and remind her you are both in this together and she needs to learn to just talk with you without storming out and staying out all night fuming. And if she won’t listen or acknowledge her own mistakes then you need to decide if this person is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

  • Why the hell did you let her sit there and watch it for that long? That's an eternity watching your S. O. screw someone else. As soon as you saw what it was you should have ejected it and broke it. You food nothing wrong except not throwing it away... Initially. Now you screwed up by letting watch that.

    • I'll admit that I should have done that. I keep playing it over and over in my head and I've been like you fucking idiot you knew what was on that DVD the minute she showed you why didn't you just grab it and break it before she even ran downstairs? I have no answers

    • I'd also let her know that you never watched it even when you were together which is why you literally forgot what it was, and if you had any idea of it you would've destroyed it long ago. Apologize and be sincere. But also give her time to process what she saw.

    • If you DID know, then yes, you fucked up big time. Just apologize and hope for the best.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • "You forgot".

    Lame excuse, but I do understand that you literally just forgot. Sometimes when I spring cling my closet I forget things I have sitting in there, collecting dust (not homemade porn).

    Let her cool off, seeing her won't do you any good because at this moment you're the last person she wants to see. It's not like she's by herself, her sister is there and will calm her down. Don't call her, send her apology texts that she can read in her own time. Don't be butthurt if she doesn't reply back, she's gonna read them. If you have her sisters number give her a call/text to see how your girlfriend is coping.

  • You know your girlfriend best. Some people need to cool off and other's need reassurance. If she is the type that needs you to reasure her then go after her and appologize , explain yourself and tell her she means th e world to you. If she is the kind of person who needs space after a fight then give her space and time to cool off. Maybe a day or two then check in if she donsent respond try again in a few more days. You two have been together for a few years this isn't a new relationship so there is no shame in putting your pride aside for your girl

  • I think she's being kinda silly seeing as the CD was in the attic, obviously its not something you're watching. But at the same time I understand her feelings. Maybe she's had her trust betrayed before?

    In my opinion I think you should send her one text explaining that the CD means nothing to you, that you just forgot about it and that you've thrown it away, blah blah then give her all the time she takes to come home

    • No I've been completely faithful to her, and I'm the first and only real relationship she's ever had. Previously her boyfriends never made it past the six or nine month mark.

    • A relationship is a relationship even if it doesn't last 6-9 months. She could've still been very hurt by someone she dated for 4 months or so. But I just meant that as passing commentary to explain why she may be acting this way; I have no idea.

  • Most women initial reaction seeing their partner screwing someone else would probably be shock. Problem is her shock didn't seem to wear off.
    Give her some time she'll realize it wasn't intentional but I so imagine this will bring about a rather unpleasant conversation about what y'all did with your exes...

    • Thanks for MHO

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 16

  • Give her a day or two to cool off. Then talk to her, in person (NO text), and tell how sorry you are and give her a sincere, heartfelt apology. Invite her to microwave ceremony of the DVD.

  • Ok, first, make a copy to a thumb drive and hide it really well, LOL! Then, take the DVD and put it in the microwave for about 10 seconds and watch the lightning show. This will destroy the DVD. Make sure she is there too to see this. She will think the lightning is cool too and hopefully you will be back to normal.

  • Let her cool off. After she thinks on it for a while she will probably come around.

  • Let her cool off. Keep the DVD in case she doesn't come back. Just for old times sake... If she does show signs of coming back, chop it into very small pieces damned quick and bin it!

  • you need to show her that she's the girl you only have feelings for rn

  • You have to take the CD and brake it in front of her and step on it and spit on it , and tell her that the CD is worthless and try to be extremely dramatic
    4.bp.blogspot.com/.../05a.png

    • after copying the data on it to your pc.

  • Obviously she's insecure. You should dump her and find a woman who isn't afraid of you having a past.

  • Oh man you're in big trouble if I was your gf! I'd make you suffer for still keeping something so intimate of an ex gf! Dump you and then sleep with one of your hot buddies or co workers whatever lol jk but yeah I'd def dumb you so you can go back to banging your ex! That's a No No for me in a relationship. I would feel so cheated if my boyfriend still keep things that belong to him and his ex.

  • Look if she found it in the DVD player thats one thing but in a closet... let her cool down. If she holds this against you too much longer you will need to decide whether or not this is worth it. Not very open minded if you ask me which is a big TURN OFF in my realm.

  • Let her cool off and call her - don't text - call her in the morning.

    I'd be upset if I saw my guy having sex with another woman - even if it was years before - but stuff happens. Though you should be prepared to make some effort to make things right

  • She needs to vent. Let her do her thing. But dont wait too long to talk to her again. Give her a day. Maybe 2 if she still seems very angry tomorrow

  • In order to fully understand your situation, I suggest you upload the video and post the link so everyone here can judge her reaction in context.

    • LMFAO

  • Yeah man, this all her man. Give her time to calm down. If she's reasonable she understand it wasn't intentional.

  • Go after her but don't push. If you'll be persuating her, she can be annoyed. If you will let her cool off, she can think that you don't care about her. So apologise her, tell her your feelings and definitely get rid of that dvd. (if you want to keep it, grab it into hard drive, upload on cloud and delete from HDD.)

  • Sounds like she's a hothead. Talk to her or let her go. You do not need a girl like that.

  • You should let her cool off first and then go after her. If you seriously forgot about and she's seriously pissed off, trash that stupid thing! Throw it away!

  • You two should go through her storage, find something she's forgotten about and make a big deal about it. Something super trivial like a shirt or pair of shoes and pretend like you're offended she liked that color.

  • That's a shame. Find a open minded girl

  • You made and keep a sex tape now u have to take responsibility for it. I mean how would you feel if you were in the same situation?

  • She's very insecure. She's needs to realise you and Melissa are in the past now and to get over herself.

  • Show More (6)

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