Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Boyfriend wants BJ's all the time but we rarely have sex. He seems distant lately but still cuddles with me at night. I'm so confused, any advice?

I have known my boyfriend for around 7yrs and we just got together 4months ago. We started as friends but then he wanted to be more than friends about 4years ago but I was with someone at the time. I broke up with my previous boyfriend a bit ago and that's when we started dating. It was one of those "finally" moments and he always told me how he waited for me and knew I was the one and how lucky he is to have me. Recently I haven't felt that way, I feel more used but still loved. The past two weeks he's pulled away from me, we rarely talk and he's less affectionate. When I try to kiss him he acts surprised. When we talk its short and he seems irritated if I talk too long but then other times, we can have a meaningful conversation. Then there are times where I see him on his phone and he seems secretive and turns the phone slightly away and I pretend not to notice. He was looking at girls pictures. He has a few favorite "pages" liked on Facebook so they pop up on his news feed. Now I'm bi, and am fine with him watching porn especially with him and we sometimes get off to that or if I'm not in the mood he knows I don't mind him watching it to get off while we're in bed. So I don't understand why he's secretive about looking at pics. I notice he also saves some too. He's been protective of his phone lately as well. I guess I'm feeling a bit insecure and neglected lately and not sure whether this will blow over or if i should talk with him. I love giving him BJ's but I feel I shouldn't have to ask for sex or something in return. He rarely helps get me off and now sex is a rarity. Im not sure if he's stressed and going through something or if I've spoiled him and now he's lazy in the bedroom. I feel he likes BJ's more than sex (when he watches porn its always BJ's) he gets off harder and whenever he cums during sex its always quiet and quick. If he comes when I'm giving a bj its the opposite. I am starting to feel like it's a chore now especially since I get nothing in return.
Updates:
+1 y
Was unable to talk to my boyfriend last night and was going to today about his behavior when he got home but now after his lunch break today says that I should go out and do something so he can get some time to himself. Im highly upset especially since i donated plasma today, which he knows I did and I should be home resting, but instead I'm forced out of the apartment so he can get some space. I was going to approach him lightly and with patience but now I'm upset and want to do the opposite. Advice?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I think a couple things are happening here:

    -I get that he loves BJs, and even prefers them over sex; however, by continuing to give him BJs and asking nothing in return, it's conditioning him to think that it's okay for him to treat you that way and ask that of you. You need to speak up for what you want. If he refuses, then you need to move on to someone who cares about reciprocity in a relationship.
    -Being in a relationship, especially where physical intimacy is involved, you should be able to tell your partner what they could do to satisfy you (he's obviously telling you what he likes, so why can't you?); if he's not willing to do that, then you deserve better.
    -Him being secretive is a red flag, and you seem to be aware of it as being a red flag, too. Trust your gut. Obviously something (s) in his actions are making you feel uneasy about him being secretive and protective over what he's doing or what is on his phone. Even I feel like something's not right just by reading this. You might need to confront him about that. Your gut is telling you that he's up to something that could jeopardize your relationship, trust your gut in this instance.

    • I definitely feel as if I'm conditioning him that hits the nail on the head, im just afraid to speak up and confront or ask. I hate conflict and try to avoid it. I think that's what got me into this situation. I want to be more open with him I just don't know where to start or what to say.

    • Speaking as one who also hates conflict and confrontation, I get what you're saying, I totally do. However, look at the situation this way - you two are in a committed, monogamous relationship (as far as relationships are defined); that being said, IF he's also committed to this relationship, he'll listen to what you need and want out of the relationship. It's your right, as the other half of this pair, to speak up for what you want. Again, if he's not willing to do listen or give you what you need/want, then you really need to leave him. Communication and physical/sexual satisfaction are two important factors that contribute the the longevity of a relationship; if those two factors are already questionable and 'touchy' subjects in your relationship, then I see some huge red flags. Perhaps bring up your concerns/wants/needs gently & in a not-so-confrontational way (especially at a time where he's happy).

    • Ok, thanks for the advice :)

  • The key to a successful relationship always starts with communication. You should talk to him. You sound like a great girlfriend that he should be appreciating. tell him your concerns and see what happens. Hopefully he lets you know what he's up to, becomes less secretive and wants to satisfy you as you obviously satisfy him
    As for the sound he makes from bj vs sex I wouldn't be concerned. Only because my guy makes more of the bj's too I guess bj's are just more intense than sex.
    good luck

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  • This is a Private OpinionOnly the asker and the opinion owner can view it. Learn more

Most Helpful Guys

  • Seems he put more energy in the chase and now that he caught you, he isn't sure what to do with you. These issues shouldn't be happening in just 4 months. The secretiveness is just as troubling then lack of wanting sex. The fact that you are doing more of the legwork when it comes to foreplay and oral shows a bit of selfishness and that he doesn't value your pleasure. I would talk to him about it, call him out saving girls pictures and how he thinks the relationship is going.

    • If i call him out with saving girls pictures, im just afraid he will think it's petty jealousy when it's just me being hurt and concerned. I know its perfectly natural to find others attractive and to look sometimes but what he's doing is deliberate and it hurts. Im afraid he will be defensive and dismissive as if I'm paranoid and its nothing and won't know what to say after.

    • If he cares about you and you tell him saving pictures makes you uncomfortable he shouldn't dismiss it. He knows you would have a problem about it or else he wouldn't hide it. You can't be scared or he will just continue with it. Somethings are worth arguing and fighting over then once your through it the relationship is better off.

    • I agree, I just hate conflict :(

  • If you're Giving without getting what you need.. they you are your own problem. You need to demand the love you need... or drop his dumbass as there are plenty of guys out there willing and able to give you the attention/affection you need.

    • I agree, i dont demand what I need so he got use to not giving.

    • I think it's weird that he's acting like this after only (4 mo.) of being together when it sounded like he was pining after you for a while? Him Hiding stuff (his online time) is a red flag to me.( I would think he is talking/interacting/flirting with these girls.) I see that a lot of girls (especially on GAG posts) don't speak up. It seems that none of the girls... actually are comfortable with "talking" to the guy they are sleeping with, WTF? If he doesn't have the same feelings for you then you need to know and get help or move on. If he doesn't have the same sexual drive as you... you need to decide if you can live with that. If he doesn't show you the affection you need than I think you really have to think hard about leaving as you are the one that is in control of your happiness, and life is too short to be unhappy. You're young, Pretty ( profile pic), have a healthy sex drive and Bi a plus;-).. so you wouldn't have any trouble finding a guy that will give you what U want.

    • Thank you, I agree with what you said. I'll talk to him tonight and see what's going on. I deserve better if his heart isn't in it and if it is then I deserve to know what's going on.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 11

  • Talk to him:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

  • Honestly I would tell him you feel that way and see what he says. Maybe he doesn't realize it completely? Talking about it will let you know whether or not he cares about your feelings on the subject.

  • I don't know why but am I the only one that gets the vibes that the guy is cheating? Or is that just me?

  • he's a very selfish lover and also sounds a bit deceptive... he should get you off at least as much as you get him off in my opinion. I do love to finish in the mouth... but only after I've made her shaky with several orgasms and even girls that normally don't swallow, etc... love to please me because I please them so well.

    good sex is matched sex, not exploitative sex. you are being exploited. he's also doing porn stuff INSTEAD OF you-that's rude as fuck when you give him head all the time, etc. of course it feels like a chore now-you're being looted... objectified, used.

    dump him. he's not even trying.

  • I love bj more the sex as well..
    BUT he should be eating you out as well..

    You should just talk to him

  • guys like bjs so you should not refuse a man his right to have his dick sucked but maybe talk to him

    • And I like to get eaten out so he should not refuse my right to have my pussy licked when I talk to him.

  • Give the poor boy a bj 😒

    • I give him like 3 to 4 BJ's a week at least. That's where I'm getting at. When is it my turn how about a romp of sex as well instead of BJ's all the time. How about, give the poor girl a good fucking. She deserves it.

    • Okaaay..

  • I'm sorry to hear that... maybe if you quit sex and bjs for some days maybe your minds can come closer to each other and rebond. :) good luck and if you want more advice feel free to message me :)

  • There babe ;)

    encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images

  • Do not give him one

    • I feel if i just abruptly stop giving him them he will pull away more. I don't like using pleasure/sex as a weapon.

    • But it's very one way

    • It is. I just feel it would cause resentment and then he would really not want to or he will feel obligated and do it half ass just to get some.

    • Show All

  • don't give him any blowjobs :)

  • If you feel like it's a chore, don't do it. This seems very simple to me but girls just don't seem to get it. It's not an obligation. Only do what you want to do. And if he's not willing to make you feel good then he's selfish. Talk to him, don't listen to us internet people. We only seem to lead well-meaning people astray.

    • Ok, ill be talking to him tonight.

  • I like Bj's a lot too but I still like regular sex , maybe have intercourse first but before he cums then give him a Bj' to finish him off that way you're both getting what you want otherwise he is being lazy now and not caring about his needs

    • Your needs I meant

    • When we do have intercourse it almost always ends with him cumming in my mouth and the sex is quick with barely any foreplay. So it's not really exciting for me. It use to be, when we first got together he was more affectionate and cared about me getting off or at least was upset with himself that he couldn't get me off but now it's like it doesn't matter. And if i get myself off after he'll either lay there waiting for me to finish or fall asleep which is definitely a mood killer for me. How do you think I should approach him, its a sensitive subject to bring up. What should I start with it say?

    • Sounds like there is problems in the relationship and it's affecting your sex life, he needs to start caring again so it will be more fulfilling and understand your needs too. He is being selfish and not caring anymore, maybe you need to take a break from him so he misses what he has

    • Show All

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Boyfriend wants BJ's all the time but we rarely have sex. He seems distant lately but still cuddles with me at night. I'm so confused, any advice?