Nonvirgin guys: how long would you wait for sex from a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I'm 20 years old. I'm still a virgin because I want to look back on losing my virginity with no regrets. I'm not religious, I'm not innocent, I've done other sexual acts, I'm not really everyone's definition of a "good girl" or whatever stereotype of a 20 year old virgin you may have. I'm not waiting for marriage. When I get into a relationship, I'd probably wait at least a few months before having sex. I feel that I'd need at least a couple months to be sure he's someone I trust enough, but I'd guess it'd be 2-6 months. Nonvirgin guys, if you were in a happy relationship with someone like me how long would you wait? Not looking for opinions on virgins bc most guys 20-25 aren't virgins.

[Eugene]

Out of experience: in *overwhelming* cases dating virgins is the pain in the ass.

First of all, they are constantly chased by their fears to have sex, fears how they will feel after sex, fears what will a mom/dad/guy/bro/sis/dog/turtle etc. will think if they will find out she had sex, fear of pain, insecurity about her body, this "don't look at me" when you're about to deflower her and so on and on and on. This will take quite some time for her to "get ready" to actually have sex, which can go for many months. She expects me to jerk off furiously all that time?
Second, she may get this dumb "regret" afterwards, which can easily lead to either reduced amount of sex or outright breakup.
Third, it takes a while for them to "open up" for some other poses and/or experiments outside of 2-3 classical position, so basically you'll be either stuck to same positions/sort for some time, or she'll see you as a "perv" or a "weirdo".

Sure, exceptions happen, but it's as rare as winning in roulette when you go all-in on a single number.

So frankly, in *most* cases I wouldn't even go for a virgin to begin with; too much hassle and waiting.

[Asker]

At your age I wouldn't expect you to have as much patience with a virgin as a guy closer to my age. So I understand that. Still, I guess I would be an exception. Sure I've got my insecurities, and it's not like I'm gonna go from never having sex to acting like an adult actress, but I'm not prudish. I'm open to things, and not judgmental about a guys wants. And like I said I do other things- I don't expect him to just jack off all the time. I would actually prefer taking care of that myself. So maybe I'm an exception, or maybe you've just had bad luck with virgins, I dunno. I'm not prudish. I'm not asexual.

[DodgersGM]

It depends. Do you mean oral sex? Intercourse? Or abstaining from everything?

If I was with a woman I felt deeply connected with, and she was open about wanting to go slow but also wanting to be sexual at some point in the near future, then I could go several months without sex.

I'd even consider waiting longer, assuming the deep connection and assuming we were sexual in other ways (oral, etc.).

[Asker]

Just abstaining from intercourse. Still doing other things lol

[DodgersGM]

Hey, details matter! LOL With the right girl, I could see myself waiting a good while. Maybe up to six months or so.

[Asker]

Nice. Thanks!

[DodgersGM]

You're welcome. Just stay true to who you are -- whether that means having sex right away, or waiting. Do you.

[Asker]

😊😊

[KeiranByrne]

Vaginal intercourse is overrated. Assuming your other sexual acts involve giving and getting orgasms I would not complain if your hymen stayed intact for the next 50 years.

[AleDeEurope]

I probably wouldn't wanna wait more than 3 months. I wanna know she's serious about me; I don't like wasting my time.
I've never been in a situation where I had to wait too long. I've only taken one girl's virginity and she wanted to do it after 2-3 weeks.

[Asker]

So if you had to wait longer than 3 months or so you'd think she wasn't serious about you? Also, if it had surpassed 3 months or so, would you break it off?

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, I'd think she's not too serious or just using me. I'm guessing that by the time it reaches 3 months (or so), I would have started doubting her commitment to me, thinking she's not serious about us, and that she's not giving as much as I give her, so all that would lead to a break up. It has nothing to do with not getting sexual pleasure, it's more with what sex means for the relationship.

[Asker]

I get that. But what if everything was going well, and she was very effectionate/clearly into you, eager to do other sexual things, etc and explained to you she just needed to wait a little longer?

[AleDeEurope]

I guess I could deal with that. I don't believe words, I need to see and feel her affection for me. I express it with physical touch, and I believe it that way too, so if she's very affectionate like you say (not with words, but with touch) then I probably believe her.

[Asker]

I'm a very physically effectionate person, lol. Thank you for sharing your opinion. :)

[didden6]

1-2 months is ok longer is just weird I don't really look at time more at the moment it's just that I've waited a long time to lose my virginity (18) and it should be special butt there is no perfect moment if you feel like you really want to have sex with him just do it you will have to gain exp to get real good sex 😂

[Kanoro]

The whole concept of "waiting for someone you love" is something that has it's roots in religion whether you want to accept that or not. You're brainwashed into believing it's what you're supposed to do and the only reason girls have regrets for not doing it is because that's what they are taught. If you have sex with someone and eventually things don't work out, so what? Drive on? Your vagina is still there and will live to see another day. Do what your body wants and use protection. Can't go wrong. You're not "giving him a gift." You are both sharing and enjoying each other's bodies. Sex has been corrupted into such a terrible, dirty thing by religion. We are unnaturally inhibiting ourselves from it even though it's 100% normal to do.

[zagor]

Actually it has it's roots in women being stuck with a baby with no man to support them. That predates religion. Birth control hasn't been around very long, historically speaking.

[Kanoro]

@zagor Not true because there are many cultures where men would have several wives and the women had no say in it. It's actually still that way today in many Islamic nations and traditional African nations. And yes women do get "stuck with the baby" but the man is stuck with the liability of providing for it (which also predates religion) because having children was very important to both males and females since the dawn of man. Children were their future, they helped hunt, gather, etc and having several children was seen as a very good thing. It still is that way in less developed nations.

[Asker]

@kanoro @zagor I appreciate you two telling me what I think and feel but neither of you are correct. The only two guys I've even considered having sex with both ended up treating me very badly in the end. Had I had sex with either of them I'd look back and think about how I wasted what could be a fond memory on a crappy person. I'm very nostalgic. I'm like this about many things. It's also why over the years I've learned to choose who I give a great deal of my time to wisely. I want to have positive memories and minimal regrets. While bad experiences are good to learn and grow from, wasting the experience of my first sex partner on someone crappy is entirely preventable just by being more selective. And regardless, I don't even want sex without love and trust. I don't want any sexual activity without it, bc without love and trust it doesn't feel as good to me, speaking from experience. So you can say I'm brainwashed and deep down abiding

[Asker]

By religious ideals but the truth is simply that I'm trying to avoid regrets and I also avoid doing things I don't enjoy- such as sexual encounters without love and trust.

[zagor]

But it is those cultures that cause a man to take care of his biological children. In ancient hunter-gatherer societies, a male could move on to the next female; it would be in his (biological) interest to have sex with as many females as possible, rather than tying himself to one or a few females and thus being limited by their reproductive capacity.

[Asker]

As for @zagor I'm on the pill and would use a condim. I don't fear pregnancy. Also if you're trying to imply it's subconscious/biological you'd be wrong as the body's goal is always reproduction regardless of the conscious minds ideas about the trustworthiness of the partner involved.

[Kanoro]

Fair enough. I didn't even have sex until I was 23 years old and things didn't work out after a month. I still look back at the experience as an enjoyable thing. The relationship ended poorly but it was good while it lasted and was a good memory nonetheless. I had sex with a person I cared for at the time and when I think about the sex, I think about how we felt about each other when we did it. I've barely had any sex since then. Maybe like a few week's worth at most. I have terrible luck with women and they all assume that I'm looking for sex just because I'm a naturally friendly person. Sucks :( I guess that's why they like bad boys.

[Asker]

@kanoro yeah well I can guarantee you your girl didn't do anything nearly as fucked up as what my ex did. And the reason you're single/dry isn't bc you're nice. Stop that. Ew.

[Kanoro]

It is true. When I'm nice and take time to get to know them, I get friendzoned. I had one girl tell me she wouldn't even KISS a guy until she had known him for a year+. We spent weeks together hanging out and I always respected her boundaries. One night she invited me to a bar, kept encouraging me to buy her drinks. I was nice and only bought her like 2 drinks. Then some other random dude from the club kept pouring her shots over and over. Throughout all of this I kept pulling her off to the side warning her and she kept ensuring me that she was aware of what he was trying to do. Next thing I know she's laid out on a bench making out with him and went home with him.

[Asker]

@kanoro literally none of that proves she doesn't like you bc you're nice. Yeah she wanted his dick, that's why she went home with him. Lmao.

[Kanoro]

I guess you missed the part about "She told me she wouldn't even kiss a guy unless they had been dating a year+" as far as the nice thing, that was just one instance. My point is, when I'm nice, it's not "sexy" it's just... nice. That's it. I'm a nice guy, I'm a cool guy, I'm a sweet guy, I'm a good friend. That's it. I'm not someone they want to fuck. That's my point. Please don't categorize me with the other guys you run into using their niceness as an excuse for why girls don't like them. I'm just saying kindness isn't generally a trait that women are sexually attracted to. They want guys who are a bit more of go-getters. Ones who push their boundaries.

[zagor]

Sorry about sidetracking the convo... Kanoro has a point. A lot of girls will keep you around and tell you they want to wait, when they are really keeping you around for companionship until someone better comes along.

[Asker]

@zagor @kanoro None of that proves she didn't want you bc you're nice. But sure yeah. Personally I only like guys who kick old ladies, call me names, and trip me. So hot.

[Kanoro]

There are many other things that prove it. I meet guys who go out and fuck a different girl every night within hours of meeting them. I on the other hand (always a gentlemen, always take time to get to know them, always do my best to make them happy, be patient for them, never ever ever pressure them for sexy) haven't had sex since April and probably haven't had more than 2 weeks of sex in my entire life.

[Asker]

@kanoro you're literally expecting to be handed sex because you aren't having sex. You're literally saying you're a better guy than the dudes who have a lot of sex therefore you should be getting sex for being such a good guy. You're literally implying that a) a guy is "bad" for having a lot of sex and b) a guy having sex with a girl is a misdeed done to her, as if she herself can't decide she wants casual sex too. I know why you're single and it isn't bc you're nice!

[Kanoro]

I didn't imply that I should be "handed sex" I'm just saying that girls give sex out like candy to guys like that and avoid guys like me. That's a fact, not false implication. You don't even know me or anything about me. The cold hard truth is that most girls just don't find "nice" guys sexy or arousing. A guy being kind and patient and passive doesn't turn girls on. It's just biology. A go-getter, assertive type of guy who makes them feel wanted and desired is what's gonna turn them on. You can look at it as me making excuses and feeling sorry for myself but I've seen it too many times for it to be untrue. Girls are just simply less attracted to guys like me.

[Kanoro]

And by "wanted and desired" i mean one that's gonna make them feel like they are being pursued and sought after. A nice, kind guy (like me) isn't gonna make them feel that way because girls more often than not act as though they don't want that when most (not saying all) of them do. They love to feel desired and love feeling like they have a treat and the guy has to earn it from them. If a guy is passive and patient then usually they don't feel like he qualifies for it. They want a guy to go above and beyond for it. Do something special or unique to ignite the spark.

[Asker]

@kanoro keep telling the one with the vagina what girls like.

[Kanoro]

I will because after 25 years of being kind and genuine and "being myself" I still have yet to even be given a chance. Every time I'm rejected I get the same speech. OMG you are so handsome and friendly and kind and mature sweet. Any girl would be lucky to have you! But: (yes the suspenseful but) It's usually one of the below. 1.) You're a great friend and I don't want to ruin our friendship by dating 2.) I don't like you in that way. 3.) I'm not looking for a relationship 4.) You're not my type You'll find a girl some day though I promise! I know you will! *spongebob narrator voice* ~12 and a half years later~ Sitting in my room responding to a random anon on GAG.

[Kanoro]

I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 23 :( *sigh*

[Asker]

No way you're not getting a chance for another reason, right?

[Kanoro]

Maybe maybe not but I have yet to discover what it is. Everyone always tells me everything is fine and nobody (guy or girl) can ever give me a reason. They always seem super confused. Dudes are always like "DAMN DUDE REALLY? Girls go crazy over guys like you!"

[Asker]

I could probably help you figure it out if you want.

[Kanoro]

Sure.

[Asker]

I'll follow you then message you.

[ProbablyTooMature]

Honestly, maybe up to 6 months or even a year if she was fucking amazing in every regard. I don't have a problem with waiting. I also don't have a problem with not waiting. Relationships should be organic and allowed to happen how they happen.

[goaded]

As long as it takes, but I would like to know that that was what you were waiting for up front.

[pervertedjester]

Thought it said Norwegian guys for a second. But at my age it would be odd to wait more then a month for sex. If she pushed it back any longer than that I would either there was something off putting about me or she was cheating on me.

[Asker]

I appreciate your input. I probably won't be dating older than mid 20s 😜So it won't be as unusual for them lol.

[capturemyheartnow]

I don't believe any guy can be trusted without you knowing anything about him.. But there are guys who can be trusted. How do you know which guy can be trusted. If luck is not on your side , all guys you meet could break your trust at some point or the other.

[tyber1]

I'd be comfortable waiting a month, I'd probably give up on her after 2.

[tyber1]

My advice is to not make a huge deal out of losing your virginity. Focus more on how turned on he makes you feel and how much you want to scratch that itch.

[Asker]

It's my life and my body and thus my decision. I don't know why the guys feel the need to tell me to have sex when I don't want to yet.

[tyber1]

I'm just giving my perspective on the situation. You don't need to listen to me but I'm not giving you bad advice.

[Asker]

You're telling me to go against my desires to satisfy someone else.

[tyber1]

Actually, I'm telling you to indulge your desires, to satisfy yourself. You're only against having sex because you're thinking too much about it.

[Asker]

I know it is REALLY hard for some people to understand that not everyone has the same thoughts and feelings but me and you obviously see it differently. There may be a physical desire there but that physical desire isn't worth how I'd feel giving my body to someone who doesn't love or respect me.

[tyber1]

Fair enough, not all guys are gonna wait, if you're fine with that then you're all good.

[IsraelJordan]

If i was really into the girl i would give it a month, maybe longer if we still do other sexual stuff... it all really depends