How do I get my soulmate's penis inside my vagina or anus? Please help!! It's never gone in but my doctor says I don't have a hymen so what's wrong?

[Anonymous]

Okay so we've both been trying, my partner and I, to become full fledged lovers.. and just to be straight forward about it, we can't get it in and I can't find pleasure from it or anything at all in general. I've received and given multiple types of intimate acts - foreplay, stimulation, he licks my nipples and my clitoris, bites the pleasure points on my ears and otherwise, I give him foot jobs and blowjobs and every other kind of tenderness we can come up with... but nothing happens or it causes me pain. We've been together for two years, I've never felt the need or want to be with anyone before or to be with anyone else at all; I'm asexual and so have no sexual attraction intents or desires. But I'd really like to try with him, it's not that I want to have intercourse but that I'd like to do everything possible with my future husband and it's very upsetting for the both of us that we can't whenever we wish to. I'm curious about attempting anal and intrigued by how to slide anything into my vagina as I've never been able to – I can't even wear tampons and it always hurts, I'm constantly excessively gooey and yet when touched it causes me pain. He's consistently erect when around me and we're always together and the two of us love it so when we initiate anything it's awfully disheartening and frustrating to find that no matter what we do, it won't go in and then I feel I can never satisfy him to the lengths that I would like to because of my own inflictions. Please answer anything you can towards why this isn't working or how to rectify it. Any tips that don't include "use lube or dildos or vibrators or try with the fingers or sex toys or relaxing into it with teasing and such" because none of that resolves anything. I don't know what the standard levels of prelubrication are but naturally I seem to produce way more than enough that should be necessary to ease, slide, slip or force anything in. I can't do either. It even drips all into my rear and around my rectum.

[OlderAndWiser]

You may have a condition called vaginismus, which is usually - not always - caused by anxiety. Your low level of libido may be caused by the vaginismus, or you may need to have a hormone assay to determine whether your levels of estrogen and testosterone are adequate.

[Asker]

I've heard of that through research, I've tried to extensively come up with some idea of what isn't working or why it isn't working and I have come across that condition before but until the last few months I have been near always happy and I don't see what else in my personal case would even be causing it. It's as though the nerves in my lower region either don't work or for some reason are "inversed" and cause agony. I have a very healthy body - never had any issues and I have a strong immune system. Is it possible something didn't develop properly?

[OlderAndWiser]

Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No Have you consulted your GYN about this condition?

[Asker]

I'm actually based in Wales, within the UK and as far as the NHS goes.. basically all of their services are pretty inept and inefficient. It's free, yes, but from my experience in trying to get consulted.. useless. I managed to get an appointment with a female sexual advisor and she stated that “my partner had clearly succeeded in penetrating by insertion with his penis” when I'd spent ten minutes explaining that seemingly I physically couldn't get anything in there and how I was medically concerned especially considering that it's painful to even lightly touch. I've tried to be referred to a gynaecologist but unless they can diagnose what's wrong with you they have no means to send you to one and since so far all I've been told by lack of assessment is that there's nothing wrong as I've 'clearly had him inside me before' it's generally been dismissed and hence there's nothing even on my medical record. It took years just to be informed my hymen isn't intact.

[OlderAndWiser]

Wow! And this is the health care system that so many misguided people in my country want to adopt!

[Asker]

Everyone is always shocked when I tell them this. My mother is unable to walk 80% of the time due to her spine being dislodged plus worse side symptoms including deterioration and sciatica and she spent 7 years trying to redact a legal statement that she was a ‘clinical liar’ by one of the professionals who claimed she was perfectly fine and isn't in need of disability assistance. Them examining her to just call her a liar to begin with took 9 years also before that. Last month I was actually unwell and kept blacking out with some form of involuntary mental collapse or neurological breakdown caused by a temporary imbalance (scary as hell since it never happened before) in my brain from the recent pressure of trying to find out what's wrong with my female parts and the GP told me it was me.. I quote.. naturally drifting to sleep. If you're seriously ill/dying/blatantly needing surgery from an accident or old age and such, it's great. Otherwise... worst so called treatment you can find!

[Asker]

This is why I've taken to asking online and posting my question here. It might be of more use from people who have similar problems or no problems at all in that regard and can ergo describe it. It's certainly more adequate than waiting months for an appointment when they say there's nothing wrong with you. Thanks for the help so far by the way – any more suggestions?

[OlderAndWiser]

Here is a link to a site that describes some possible at home treatment options:

www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/vaginismus-0

[GymBumGuy]

https://cdn.meme.am/instances/59234647.jpg

[Xfitchick]

Why don't you guide him in with your hand? That is a normal practise in the beginning and it makes life easy.

[Asker]

I've tried to push it in with my fingers and hold it there while he tenses and he moves forward / with myself moving onto him but it's stuck regardless of either of us positioning it or moving our bodies. It doesn't go forward or in and up, it just goes down yet is still fully hard..

[Xfitchick]

According to your description, you are wet enough and he hard enough, so maybe you flex your inner core muscles too much. Does he feel like he gets squeezed? Then you need to relax your core. Check next time.

[Kaylyne]

Surely at your age you've had sex before, if so did you encounter any problems then?

[Asker]

I have not made love or f***ed in any way before, never felt the need or the want to.. I don't masturbate either nor have orgasmed/released but yet I know of the pleasure points and as of late tried a wide variety of positions and it's more that touching it has always hurt - on top of the lack of interest. It's always felt problematic down there before but I'd never attempted to go anywhere with it until the last couple of years. Still to no prevail.