Second time sex wasn't that great. Why did I feel a little sad afterwards?

[Anonymous]

So it happened this morning, the second time I've had sex since losing my virginity. We fooled around for a short amount of time (not long enough). I told him to put on a condom to prevent any accidents. Then within no time he put it in, it didn't hurt but i felt it more this time. When we moved positions for doggy he got really into it, whilst I struggled to keep in rhythm. He told me to relax whilst he did all the work which I did do. I felt like he mostly concentrated on getting himself off tbh and I was very disappointed that it ended so quickly.

I rolled over and tried to get some sleep whilst he tried to hug and kiss me. He leaned on me at one point and I told him to get off because I was in agony down there. He apologised for it and asked if he was a little too rough. I think he kind of forgot that I'm inexperienced. I kinda dragged myself around all morning and couldn't even go to the toilet because it hurt. I told him I thought we had sex too quickly and should of done more foreplay.
I still can't get over how self centred he was during though, I know it's my second time but shouldn't be be trying to get me to orgasm?

[Anonymous]

He's a shitty lover. You should be begging for it before he even thinks of entering you, especially when you've not had much experience. If he's inexperienced as well, it's somewhat understandable and also normal for him to not last very long. But, either way, he ought to have educated himself by now on what it takes to please a woman and make an effort in that direction. If he's experienced, it sounds like he's repeating his first time over and over, which isn't experience at all; it's just using your body as a masturbation toy. Life is too short for selfish lovers. If you like him otherwise, talk to him. But he definitely does not deserve endless chances. Your enjoyment should be his top priority. Every time.

[Asker]

Thanks. I think it was more of a misunderstanding in terms of how quickly we moved to sex. I will speak to him later and see if things improve afterwards.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry if I came off unnecessarily harsh on him, but I can't believe the number of women who put up with this kind of thing. Good luck to you. I wish you the best possible outcome!

[Opinion Owner]

Communication is everything. Don't be afraid to tell him what you want when you're in the heat of the moment. Most guys appreciate direction. But the general discussion is best held when you're not in bed. It's difficult to concentrate when you're horny.

[Asker]

Thanks I'll give it a go. I feel a little conflicted right now. I don't feel like he is taking advantage here and just wants sex, however some people are making me feel like I might being a bit naive. I honestly feel as though we had a misunderstanding. He hasn't shown signs of being a selfish lover from the beginning he's always been willing to go down on me and finger me for hours. However on this particular night the moment I mentioned condom we jumped to sex. He said it looked like I enjoyed (I won't deny this). It felt good until he got himself off really quickly. He did attempt to try and please me some more but at this point I was in pain.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah OK. Well now he sounds OK. You're probably right about the misunderstanding, then. You'll definitely know better next time. Good to hear you'll speak with him. It's important. I wish you good luck with that. And with the 3rd time, too!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the update. Glad everything is working out! :-)

[summiter]

How long was it between your first time and the second time (same night/day or several days weeks?) Your body needs time to adjust and heal somewhat. Next time use some lube (KY or Easyglide) it works great. Get naked and use a lot more foreplay. Have him get you off with his tongue first that way you get a great orgasm out of the deal.

Also consider giving him a handjob first that way he will go slower during sex and he will not be as aggressive. You might also try geeing on top that way you and only you can control the speed and depth. remember sex is not all about the guy and how fast he can jackhammer into you. Have him slow down and be a lover instead. What are your thoughts?

[Asker]

My first time was two weeks ago. The first time I didn't feel any pain or discomfort during or afterwards because he spent a fair amount of time ensuring I was wet enough. He normally goes down on me before anything else however I don't really enjoy it much. I feel uncomfortable being on top tbh. Even when I sit on him I feel so nervous about it. I will definitely ask him to slow down for me. He said he's had never been with a virgin before and the first time he was trying so hard to be gentle.

[summiter]

Well take it slow, use lube ( and condoms also!) but communicate with him and let him know if he is hurting you and what feels good.

[BasicBxtch]

No he shouldn't be trying to get you to orgasm but it would be nice. He wanted to have sex and if you weren't ready you shouldn't of went with it... You feel bad because you didn't like it obviously. You weren't in the mood and didn't orgasm. You shouldn't of done it if it has that kind of affect on you and you're not even gonna let a guy know when he's hurting you and needs to go easy/slow down. And you shouldn't be struggling to keep up... just, no. Relax and go with it or it just looks really awkward especially if you don't know what you're doing and are struggling with it. You should probably ask for good advice on a couple of things pertaining to that from someone you feel you can confide in.

[hollygoeslightly]

He should be more concerned that it was ok for you. You need to tell him this and also on a side note, sex gets better with him so don't be disheartened about trying again.

[COCOCHANEL]

don't be afraid to say it hurts and scream out naturally. push him off.

[Asker]

It didn't actually hurt during sex, it was right after. I told him to get off me and he did.

[AustinMan]

Talk to him:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

[AustinMan]

Now try these:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a6855-comfortable-anal-sex-for-beginners-a-guide-to-the-first-time

Cowgirl tips
Here’s the way I have found, with the help of a very cooperative girlfriend, that a woman can ride her man all the way up the mountain to multiple, increasing powerful orgasms and ultimately, squirting.
• He needs to understand that he can help with this position by grabbing her hips and helping her move. At first, leave to her own devices but as she gets more and more aroused, he should become stronger and more and more forceful in moving her back and forth.
• Put him on his back and mount up with you on your knees.
• Slide him in and settle in so you’re comfortable.
• Rock like you’re riding a horse, slowly at first and faster as you get more aroused.
• When you’re ready for him to help, reach down and put his hands on your hips. For effect, you can beg him in your sexy slut voice to help you.

[AustinMan]

• When you start to get close to cumming, move like you’re trying your best to break that thing off. Of course, you won’t but the point is to not hold back. Just go crazy. • When you’re right on the edge, tell him to do you. He thrusts up as powerfully as he can and holds it with you impaled as deeply on his cock as possible, perched on his erection. He also forcefully tilts his hips and slams his shaft into your G-spot. • As you cum, don’t even slow down. Keep going and you will cum over and over, each time increasingly intense. • If you have The Big One, as I call it, you may very likely squirt so if there’s a gush, it’s not urine. It’s female ejaculate. Keep going until you’re completely done.

[AustinMan]

Here are a few ancillary suggestions: • Pee first so that if you should squirt, you can be confident it’s not pee. • If you’re into S&M, have him forcefully pinch your nipples as you’re starting to cum. • He can slap your tits around if you’re into that. One girlfriend of mine liked to be slapped while she was up there with me telling her what a trashy slut she was for being up there in the first place. • Some ladies like their men to reach around and smack their ass while they ride.

[NexAngelus]

holy shit... u got a fucked up bf! u should not be in that much pain. even as a virgin, which i have broken in my fair share, by the end of sex, u are in way more pleasure than pain. he is obviously not knowing what the fuck he is doing. u need to tell him that if he does not want to take care of u, ur not going to let him fuck u anymore. PERIOD! he is going to cum regardless so he should be focusing on making u cum.

fuck stories like this are what make me cringe so god dam badly. and if he does not listen and does it again, before u break up, kick him in the dick.

[async]

Unfortunately you'll find a lot of guys are like this, self centered sexually. You have every right to be pissed though

[Asker]

What can I do to get him to focus on me more?

[async]

Well the most reasonable thing would be to ask him. Maybe he is just inexperienced and doesn't yet understand that women need a different approach than men do sometimes to achieve pleasure. If yoy explain to him that you want him to slow down and warm you up more because otherwise it doesn't feel good he should listen. If not just punch him in the face next time he's gonna cum too soon haha

[Asker]

Thank you. He definitely isn't inexperienced, he just said he's never been with a virgin before. So the first time he said he was really trying to be gentle with it. Loool I feel like it will work out. I told him the sex shouldn't have happened so early and he genuinely felt bad about it. It was partially my fault.

[sparta13]

hmmmm it happened nxt time talk with him before sex tell him to do more foreplay and use lube nxt time so it won't hurt that much... tell him to give u more oral or fingering before he penetrates u

[Asker]

I feel like I have given the wrong impression. There was foreplay, I asked him to put on a condom incase we have any accidents and he did. He assumed I wanted to have sex asap and I went with it thinking it would be okay. Normally he will spend like 2 hours making me wet enough and this would have probably been the case if he didn't assume. But what is done is done.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

You answered your own question. He got off, you didn't. He wasn't patient. Boy's got some learning to do

[Asker]

Yep he does. The first time we had sex he spent a long time fingering me to the point where I was really wet plus he went down on me. So when we had sex I was really turned on. This time around I told him to put on a condom ASAP and he said he thought i wanted to jump right in. I just said I didn't want us to get too carried away and forget about it.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

Yeah, ASAP doesn't mean now. He assumed. Lots of learning to do.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

Be patient though, boners lower our IQ, it's biology

[Asker]

Yep. Hopefully we'll get there in the end.

[CaliSoccerGuy]

He should always try to get you off...

Message me...

[Asker]

This is the first time he's been like this. From day one he made sure I was pleasured first and him second. I really don't know what happened this time around.

[CaliSoccerGuy]

Well... if you have any questions feel free to ask :)

[Gedaria]

You said it all he wanted was a shag. foreplay is everything it gets you a roused also it gets your body ready it should be done with tenderness the woman needs more time to come to climax than the man. done properly the woman should orgsam before the man

[Asker]

I feel like I have given the wrong impression. There was foreplay, I asked him to put on a condom incase we have any accidents and he did. He assumed I wanted to have sex asap and I went with it thinking it would be okay. Normally he will spend like 2 hours making me wet enough and this would have probably been the case if he didn't assume. But what is done is done.

[bcromartie]

Sex isn't all about orgasm. You'll learn that quickly enough.

[Anonymous]

Sure he could be doing more but you're giving him very little to go on.

I suspect a lot of people take 'put the condom on' as 'ready to move on from foreplay to sex' by the way.

How much sexual experience do you have outside of intercourse?

[Asker]

I agree with you completely. I just didn't want us to get too carried away to the point where the condom is forgotten. I don't blame him for thinking it was my que to move onto sex. I am not very helpful in terms of instructing him. I kind of go with the flow and he can tell if I'm enjoying by my breathing or my body movements. I'm not really that vocal about it and don't really know where to start to be honest. I'm very inexperienced. He's my first serious partner and I've only ever been fingered by one other guy almost 10 years ago.

[Opinion Owner]

Tell him directly - and perhaps not while fooling around - that you don't have much experience and don't know what you're doing or what you need. Ask if maybe you can slow down and learn to get each other off with your hands (both of you) and mouths. And then incorporate sex as well.

[Anonymous]

It's just your second time. SO don't worry it'll come up as you get experience. Experiment on things you can do/ positions you can be; you'll be great in no time...

[Asker]

Thank you. I was thinking it might be too early to jump the gun. I hope so, I thought I totally sucked at sex earlier lol. We need to experiment more for sure.

[Anonymous]

I think it is normal for girls to curl up into a ball and cry after sex (or cry in the shower after sex.) Isn't it?

[Asker]

Really? That doesn't sound healthy

[Opinion Owner]

I must be doing something wrong.

[Asker]

Wow sorry to hear this is the case for you.

[Opinion Owner]

i do the same...