Sexual Relationships
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IS HE A PERVERT OR AM I A PRUDE?

I've been married to my husband for 15 years. We met in college and married a few years later. I'll admit that before we were married I was a bit more adventurous. We would have sex in random places, we had occasional oral sex, both giving and receiving. We now have three kids and a very busy life. I offer him sex, and am usually willing to participate when he comes on to me. We both reach orgasm almost every time we have sex.

My husband recently bought some novelty gifts intended to spice up our sex life. I feel like I give him sex almost as often as he wants it. The problem is that he watches porn and, I think, gets these ideas about how I am supposed to act in bed. I cannot be those girls. I can't bend like them, look like them and I'm certainly not doing incredible feats of insertion, having group sex, sex with women, etc.

When we have sex it is usually, nearly always, him on top or me on top. Nothing really in between. He has asked to do other positions but I'm not comfortable with them, physically and psychologically. I don't like him screwing me from behind. He frequently asks for blow jobs but I don't enjoy it, and find his girth actually hurts my jaw. So we don't do it. He has expressed disappointment at times but he cannot reach orgasm that way anyway so I assumed that was not a huge deal for him.

He has also asked me to shave my genitals in the past. I trim but I refuse to shave completely. I know he wants to go down on me but I don't enjoy it, I'm just not comfortable with it. Maybe I'm self conscious.

Then of course there is anal sex. It's been a long time, but he used to ask for it. He never got it and I really don't want to try it. So thankfully he just stopped asking.

I don't understand because we have satisfying sex, when he wants. He insists that I'm too conservative, that he's not a pervert. These acts are normal for many couples. So I'm not going to be a porn star anytime soon, but I don't feel that I'm a prude.
0 2

Most Helpful Girls

  • I gotta be honest after about 6 months of not mixing it up I get bored with the same old stuff when it comes to sex. I am a firm believer that IF you want the man to stay faithful and have a satisfying sex life, you need to explore and mix it up. Give him a "different girl" to be with from time to time. I'm not saying you have to do anything uncomfortable, but honestly what you described sounds super boring, and from any divorced person I know, once the sex goes, the marriage isn't far behind. If you try it and don't like it then day so, but if you don't try you may be missing out on what really does it for you.
    Also if he was actually happy with your sex life, he wouldn't be looking at porn, just throwing that out there.

    • The guy is partially to blame here. Porn makes unreasonable expectations the norm and it is toxic. I would say focus more on the sensualities of things. Try you recieving massage. Maybe BDSM might be your thing. Use specific creams to shave clean down there, (Hair or hairless if he wants it he willl want it regardless) ((((There is stuff to be worked on here))) It worked before take note of what has changed. Dont leave someone because physical limitations that seems really sad and naive to be honest.

    • You the girl should experiment and see what you like. (What you like and include him in will make it spicier for him as well)) Tell husband to try to stop watching porn that stuff ruins it for guys. (It does for me at least)

  • I'm sorry you feel this way, but just because you're having a satisfying sex life doesn't mean he is and it sounds like he is actually making an effort. He isn't perverted, these are normal, healthy things he is asking you for.
    Just because you find doggy impersonal doesn't mean it can't be good. You could work in that position for awhile and then switch to something you enjoy for the finale but to refuse to do anything at all just because you're uncomfortable and not willing to do anything to change that is quite selfish.
    You don't have to do everything (or anything if you don't want to) but compromise is important and it sounds like he is really trying

    • I just feel like if I start doing things I don't want to he will keep asking for more and different things. I start doing oral and doggy style next I'm a prude because I won't do anal.

    • It's not a slippery slope hun. Negotiating for one thing does not mean it's a free for all. Of course you don't need to do anything you don't want to but sometimes we do things for our partners that we don't love but their happiness can change my negative feelings. That doesn't mean you have to say yes to everything, negotiate on what you would be willing to try and what are absolute no's

  • Marriage is another word for compromise. If your husband isn't satisfied in this area, but you're not comfortable with his suggestions, then you have to come up with other creative ideas that would make up for it.

    You've been married for a while, so you should be able to understand him better than any of us here. If you are having a breakdown in your relationship, then you both need to work together to fix it. If he is being open about his side of the problem, then you are being a prude by not offering any compromise.

    • It's not a breakdown in the relationship. He is a good husband, good father. We never fight. But every so often he gets on these kicks, to try and turn me into something I'm not.

    • I never doubted your husband's abilities as a husband or a father. There is nothing wrong with what your husband is desiring. Obviously there is a breakdown in your relationship or you wouldn't have posted this question here or been online wondering if anybody can give you an answer you're looking for. You don't have to argue or get physical for there to be a breakdown in communication between two people. That's why so many people get divorced for "drifting apart" or "not having that spark anymore". It's not that they were doing anything wrong, they just weren't doing the right things. Your husband is watching porn because he isn't satisfied with his sex life. He has come up with options to improve this. You are the one who is choosing not to compromise with him. He isn't trying to turn you into anything you're not. If that's the mentality you're going to have, it's no wonder he's frustrated. And like you said, you used to be more adventurous, so you're the one who's changed

    • The phrasing he is watching pron because he isn't happy with your performance. Is a bad mentality. It might be so that he is looking up new ideas of what can make the bedroom hotter. Or he is just coping mentally because he is stressed out. But his standard are blown out of porportion. Or most likely he is upset with his performance in bed. So there is a lot of possibilities of why is he is watching porn, its not because he doesn't find his wife attractive. That is just maybe one but I doubt that.

  • I don't think you are a prude at all. If you don't enjoy things like that, it's not your fault and you're not obligated to change your ways for him. You shouldn't feel that you are prudish because of these things in my opinion. Being uncomfortable doesn't make you a prude. It makes you uncomfortable. He has his interests and you have yours, they conflict each other but you are not obligated to do anything you don't want to just because you're married.

    • Thank you for seeing my side, doesn't seem like too many people do. Maybe I am a prude, but I guess I don't have to feel bad about it.

    • I'm on your side because I understand what you can and can't do/what you won't and will do. It may not be because of the same reasons, but I definitely understand to some degree.

    • Your husband wants to please you, and you want to please your husband, try to make it happen. Or explain. He should compromise as well. You have a lot of options. Massage, bdsm, hosts of fetish you may not be aware of.

Most Helpful Guys

  • If he reach orgasm, it doesn't mean he's satisfied with sexlife. Sorry, but to me it seems like you're willing to have just "normal sex". It's boring to me. And to your husband obviously too. I'm 8 years with my girlfriend and we still have happy sexlife. The key is communication and her willingness to try ideas I brought in. She was first who ask for anal sex and yes, she loves it. We've done plenty of threesomes, using sex toys, sexy clothing, etc. And oral sex. It's dealbreaker to me. I love to give, I love to receive. About porn. I assume your husband is sane, so he doesn't expect that you'll be flexible or you'll looks like those porn stars. I do not want to sound offensive, but yes, to me you are kind of prude.

    • Threesomes are a bit much. Ahhh Everyone is different, we all know this.

  • This is not a matter of someone is right and someone is wrong. It sounds as if he is trying to keep some spice in your relationship while being monogamous and your response is "no!" That is a big mood killer for most guys, so of course he quit asking. The fact that you give him orgasms doesn't mean that he is satisfied.

    Is there anything that you are willing to do that you haven't done previously. The thing you mentioned which is the least adventurous is doing it doggy style. What is the problem with doing that? If it is a psychological block, what is your fear or concern?

    • It's uncomfortable physically. I feel like he can go too deep. I also feel that is really impersonal way to have sex.

    • Have you ever done that with him?

    • Yes, I don't find it pleasant or satisfying at all

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 14

  • He's not a pervert
    You are not a prude.
    He's just still adventurous for his age and wants to try new things
    Just let him know you're not into trying those things
    Or maybe watch porn with him and see if you see something that you can do and enjoy.

  • I think when u were married times changed people need to grow as a couple. Shaving yourself if erotic it adds to the feeling I asked myself the same questions about both those subjects with my husband. Honestly you might love it. Just if you have Anal u need to prepare for it. I like to sort of cleanse myself it is more comfortable. And get toys to get used to the feeling. Give yourself permission to enjoy it!!! Touching yourself shaved is a turn on. Do it for you. It can be amazing

  • You are a bit of a prude. I urge you to explore and try different things. You can have so much more fun. Toys are fun. Different positions are fun. Watching porn together is fun. Sex should be give and take. Listen to your partner and respect boundaries. If you are not comfortable with anal then fine but maybe suggest a finger in the butt might be okay... its a compromise and you really might like it.

  • No he's not being a pervert, he's trying out more of what he likes sexually. From what I read nothing he did was over demanding, you're just not as open minded as he is.

  • "we have satisfying sex"
    You misunderstand. YOU have satisfying sex. He doesn't.

    You should really do one of two things: Open your mind and do different things, or Let him find a sexmate to do those things he wished you would do.

  • Well, anal sex is out of the question since he's so big, but the rst is not perverted. At 40 you should have grown out of any of the ridiculous inhibitions that were drilled into you when you were a kid.

  • He wants to try new and more exciting things. I think this is the problem with porn. Check out Fightthenewdrug. org your story sounds a lot like other stories from couples that have a partner that watches porn frequently

  • What you need to do is grow up, sit down with your husband and talk about the issues that are clearly there. He isn't satisfied and you figuring that he isn't right now as well. So the adult thing when you have been comfortable and intimate with each other is talking. Not brabbling, but quality conversation

  • Sounds like it's just a lack of communication on your part. come to think of it, why do so many people on here decide to ask random strangers about a problem they have with their partner rather than the partner themselves?

  • Girl, you and him an't nothing but mammals

  • Prude.

  • You're a bit of a prude. I agree that guys can get a little warped by porn, but no BJ's? That's a pretty easy one to do. It sounds like you are getting what you want out of sex but he isn't. Pervert is completely the wrong word for him.

  • Yeah he's defintely a bit of a pervert

  • Wow... your losing your adveturism

  • it is good to try spice things up and try new things. I think he understands you are not the porn models but would like it if you would try new things. as for the oral, well we have learned to accommodate each other. we do not do oral all the time but we do when asked for. I love eating her out, but if she says no, we take rain check and do it another time. shaving, well, you may actually find it quite comfortable. she did not like the idea at first till I offered to shave her and now she loves it. you may not be able to do all you did when you first got married but try spice up a little. by the way married with 2 girls. complicated, but still enjoy the sex and her. . .

  • Okay so, no he isn't a pervert. He's just adventurous i guess, like you mentioned. I agree that guys do get all the crazy ideas because of porn and we don not have to act like porn stars. You need to put limits in the sex but never keep it boring. Maybe one day you can suggest a new position or just dirty talk more or anything to catch his attention. But if it's something you are not comfortable with then you need to let him know he has to understand. You should also work on getting comfortable with your body. That's your man and if he wants to go down on you, you should feel lucky. just start to explore more. i know it's embarrassing and kinda gross sometimes but if not with him then who? just enjoy yourselves

    • Ironically I feel that from not watching porn, I had more ideas flowing through my head. But the new ideas were more inviting and obtainable and useful to me. So there is two sides to the coin. But as a whole porn is a negative, its a cigarette a poor band aid. Allevaite the cause the cigarette goes away with discipline.

  • Orgasm =/= satisfied.
    There are qualities of orgasms.
    Good ones and ones that are really underwhelming

  • This is what happens when you get married.

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