I think I'm um.. afraid to have sex. I'm a guy?

[Anonymous]

It hasn't really bothered me while I was still in high school, because I saw hot girls all the time and kind of procrastinated actually making any moves. I was pretty awkward until senior year, that's when I really opened up ansade a bunch of friends. I also had multiple pretty decent looking girls want me. A few wanted more than sex I think, and some literally just wanted sex and possibly more later. I procrastinated that too. I did love the attention tho, it made my ego higher.

But now I'm starting to think it wasn't really procrastinating, and its more that I'm afraid? I've always thought "It's going to be awesome when it happens" but then whenever I actually had opportunities, I sort of felt sick and afraid. It kind of pisses me off, because I don't like being afraid of anything. And also, I don't want to lose it to someone I want a relationship, because girls think a little bit different once they know I'm a virgin (in my experience). I also want to know what I'm doing before that point also, but I also don't want to lose it to someone who means nothing to me because I'm very afraid of possible pregnancy (even tho I'd wrap it and pull out, still afraid tho) and also STD's. I think I have valid concerns, but I think I'm also overthinking it too much. I have anxiety, so I do that too often.

I'm just tired of being a virgin, but I don't know how to go about doing anything about it. I always find a problem with whatever possibility I come up with. I'm fairly confident and can attract girls sometimes, but if I succeed, I draw a blank and can't think of what to do next. I'm the only one I know who's still a virgin, I've been for a while and it is starting to unnerve me since I'm 20. I feel like I should have lost this years ago, but I didn't. Any advice? Don't care if its good or bad, let me know lol.

[fsu19]

Sex isn't the greatest thing in the world. If you lose it to someone in a hookup, then the anxiety of wondering if you were good enough isn't there. I felt like my time wouldn't never come until I met this lady at the club ☺️. Just don't look at it as some sort of treasure.

[Asker]

I've never considered it the greatest or see it as the ultimate goal, but it does seem like something people need. I'd probably still worry if I was good enough tho, because who knows who shell tell if I was horrible. Which I probably will be because I'm usually either really good to start or horribly bad, and then I become good after a while. So I'll guess well see when I meet the right girl I guess lol

[ClumsyAngel]

At what point do you happen to back out?

[Asker]

When I get her to like me, or she seems interested

[ClumsyAngel]

That's like the beginning. I would take my time to get to know her. And if you're comfortable around eachother enough, you could tell her this problem. Like if you two would be 'lusting' for eachother ;)

[Asker]

Yeah I feel you, that's what I would like to so but I get a bunch of anxiety thinking about it and I usually end up looking stupid. I also feel that if they've had sex before, they would have some kind of upper hand on me and I would look like a loser

[ClumsyAngel]

I already had sex. But that doesn't make you a loser, if we were to date. Someone with experience can guide you. And if she's sweet she should try and make you comfortable so you are sure you are ready. Your virginity is a precious something. If we'd be dating and you told me about you being a virgin and that problem, I'd try and make it as special as possible. You'll be nervous, which is normal, but you're not a loser, get that out of your head

[Asker]

Yeah but then it's like the girl would be holding my hand through it lol. I've also had girls look at me differently after they know, because I wouldn't make it seem that I was. I like seeming confident and love attracting people, friend wise and sexual wise. I feel like I'm sorry of passed the point of "awkward sexual encounters" and people my age expect the other to already know, at least it seems that way. I literally don't know anyone that is still a virgin

[ClumsyAngel]

And they expect a cop to shoot. But the first time that cop might freeze in a situation like that

[ClumsyAngel]

And there is nothing wrong about a girl guiding you. She knows what she's doing, it's cool

[Asker]

I don't know, I guess it would have to depend in the moment. I literally start feeling sick once she starts becoming interested, but that might be anxiety I guess

[ClumsyAngel]

Don't think about the sex, just about getting to know her

[CT_CD]

Let her tie you up so you can't get away.

[Asker]

Lmao, I almost need a girl to do that or else I'll run. XD

[ClumsyAngel]

Haha that's an idea