Sexual Relationships
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Am I overreacting about my boyfriend going to a strip club?

Last night, my boyfriend's friends dragged him to a strip club for the first time. I was totally fine with the idea at first because I trust him and all. I assumed he'd go out and have a good time with his friends, whats the big deal? At most I thought he'd go to watch or maybe get a lap dance (which he said he wouldn't). Later that night, he was telling me how it went and told me how a stripper was hitting on him and asked for his number, but he said no he has a girlfriend. Then I asked him what else happened, and he said "youre gonna get mad at me." And so i prompted him to tell me. He said, he got a lap dance, and the stripper moved his hands places and pretty much got handsy with him, and that he also got blue balls from it. After that I didn't know what to say because I didn't expect him to be groping women out there getting that turned on about it. I couldn't contain it and got mad at him and he responds to most of it by saying she was just a stripper, thats what she does. Im undeniably hurt and he doesn't seem to realize my perspective. Me sitting at home waiting for him, only to hear he's groping and getting groped by women and getting so turned on about. If I did the same he would be furious, but its nothing when it comes to this because she's "just a stripper and thats what she does" Am I overreacting?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Strip clubs are a sexual environment. I would not go there. As a Christian, I would not set very well with my families and friends. The type of people who would go those clubs would not be my friends. Yes, you need to talk to him. You may what to get him and you go to see someone and see what causing him to go to those type of places. The next thing you need to do is to see what types of friends he has. Are they really his friend or they just get him to go so they not alone in what they are doing. He needs to understand that these strip club can and will screw his life up. It will result in family problems, job issues, friends issues, and the list goes on and on. When people are being harassed by others sexual that they turn to things like this. This is how children and teens get sexually abuse by others is they go to places they should not go. If you are really a true friend that you need to take care of this. You also need to be sure you not doing anything to cause him to turn to this.

  • When a guy goes to a strip club, there is a high probability that he will get a lap dance even if he did not originally plan on it. It is easy to get caught up in the moment. Usually they guy is not allowed to touch the girl but the girl can grope and grind against the guy as much as she wants. Some of the strippers might break the rules and let the guy touch them (like other people said, they are trying to make more money). It sounds like neither you nor your boyfriend really knew what to expect beforehand. You can tell him that you don't want him going again in the future, if that is how you feel. But please try not to be too upset about what already happened considering that he was honest and upfront with you. Some very open minded girls actually go to strip clubs with their guy. That might be way outside your comfort zone, but on the other hand it might not bother you as much if you felt included. Just something to think about.

    • Best advice in the entire thread right here. What has happened has happened - you now know that him going to strip clubs bothers you. You didn't know that before, let him know that in the future you'd rather he didn't do that. Since what was and was not acceptable going in was so nebulously defined, you can't get too angry at him for it. Now the boundaries have been set, you can talk about what should and shouldn't be done in the future. Also, for the love of all things both holy and unholy - don't listen to the people telling you to ask him if you can go to a strip club. That is just going to lead to massive escalation, and wreaks of trying to get back at him, which only further undermines your mutual trust in one another. I suspect a relationship that was only imperiled by virtue of both of you not knowing exactly where the boundaries were will be over if you go that route.

    • #Listen to the guy above me.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think you are overreacting. You agreed with him going, but I don't think either of you really thought through what that would entail. Men go to strip clubs to get turned on - so being upset that he became aroused at another naked woman is an over reaction. Most men are going to get a lap dance if they go. If this wasn't his thing to begin with going with friends who enjoy it will always encourage it. If this was going to be an issue you should have laid down some expectations before he went.

    Still, it's done now. Chalk it up to something that does bother you and ask him not to go again but you need to move passed this occurrence as neither of you were particularly clear on expectations

  • Yes, strippers don't want your man, if you lost your man to a stripper it means he already wanted to leave and it wouldn't mean anything is necessarily wrong with you either, just saying. I was a stripper by the way, prettiest one in the club, I didn't want anyone there, got many numbers but still don't have one now. I hated when women were insecure around me and told their men they could talk to everyone else but that girl, I just wanted to get paid and go home.

  • no, you aren't over reacting. Letting him go to see or even have a lap dance is one thing, hands on is quite another. You need to lay down the law here and let him know what the boundaries are. If he's not cool with those boundaries then you need to be happy with what he will do or pack it up and go home.

    Me personally, i would not be cool with the strip club business and my guy knows that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • you are not over reacting strip clubs are disgusting so don't be shock if one day he will go back there secretly with his friends. that's mens fantasy seeing girls dancing in pole and give them a lap dance

  • Considering you let him go, yes.

    What were you expecting?

    Either let him go and be fine, or KNOW your own insecurities and ask him not to go.

  • Why didn't you juat go out to have a good time with friends yourself? I get that you feel lonely sitting at home while he's in a strip club, but otherwise he's right.

  • Tell him, "Maybe I over-reacted. I've never done this, so I don't really know, and maybe it isn't a big deal. I guess the only way I'll know for sure is to go out to a male strip club and let one of the guy dancers feel me up. Then I'll know it it's a big deal or not, so that's what I'm gonna do, but. . . since you say it's not a big deal, you're okay with this. . . right?"

  • I wouldn't worry, it's kind of the nature of the beast. Remember: it doesn't matter where he works up his appetite as long as he comes home to eat!

  • Yes! You are overreacting.

    "Me sitting at home waiting for him"
    Are you of the kind that live their whole life through their boyfriend? That's unhealthy! Find your own hobbies, have a life ! If you stop being so dependent of him, you might become less jealous. What you displayed here is just pure jealousy. This will kill your relationships. You want to know how he felt? Go see some male strippers yourself. Have a girls night out (unless you really have no life and already live fully through your boyfriend). Let's see if A) You can understand him and B) If he'll react the same way you did.

  • she was doing her job, trying to get any money she can. you can try to have him see your point but not sure if it'll work.

  • in my opinion you are overreacting, but I'm kind of weird that way. It wouldn't bother me if my wife were watching male strippers and had a good time. He told her he was taken, and he came home to you.

  • What an idiot why would he tell you. You aren't over reacting, just be honest about your feelings next time and don't lie to yourself and pretend to be "the cool" girlfriend who is ok with strippers and stripping. Imagine you did that at a strip club with male strippers, he would probably be WAY more upset than you are.

  • go to a male strip club

  • You aren't over reacting but he was honest with you at least

  • Go to a male strip club and make him feel how you felt about him doing it

    • That's petty and will probably just irritate him. She let him go in the first place so she should let it slide, but still open up to him about how it made her feel and ask him not to do it again

    • @helladude she trusted him to not do anything so she should do exactly what he did

  • If he didn't stick it, you must acquit it. Being serious, it was just one time at a strip club and he didn't cheat on you. He didn't know what to really expect, and when he tells you about it you get uncontrollably jealous. If he went every weekend or something, yeah I would understand. It's just one time.

  • they just looked at naked women. he didn´t fuck another girl and he most certainly doesn´t love you less than before. you might as well just chill about it, cause it changes nothing.

  • Yes and No... Strip clubs for the most part are harmless. They are just a place for guys to hang out and let off some steam. You're not going home with a stripper or hooking up. No matter how "into you" they appear, they are just looking for a bigger tip or more cash tossed their way. Going to a strip club is like watching porn with friends... not the same. It's not arousing or stimulating. A private dance can be a little more "gratifying" but still, harmless.

    Now... on another note, your boyfriend is a dumbass for saying " got handsy with him, and that he also got blue balls from it" because that is shit you keep to yourself. Technically he didn't do anything wrong, but he introduced question and fear into your mind. So, ya I get why you had a change of heart. He's not too bright.

  • Yes, all women overreact about everything.

  • What the fuck? I would have dumped him on the spot. That is pure degeneracy. He's fucked up first by going in for the false gratification of a whore, not to mention he's in a fucking relationship. The question here is "does he deserve to be gunned down in public?" not "am I overreacting". Bullshit like this is why people chose Trump. We're sick of degeneracy being casual and acceptable.

  • YES you are overreacting. I am sure he loves you and would not do anything to hurt you. He is a human male and any good looking female will get him hard. He was out having a good time, and did not cheat on you. He was also truthful with you and told you what happened during the night. If he did not tell you and then you found out what happened, you would be more mad than you are now because he was hiding it from you. Let it go , he loves you.

  • Nah that is not a good thing at all and no you are absolutely not over reacting

    you are his Girlfriend the only woman in the world he should be making any sort of move on.

    "Just a stripper thats what she does" Then you simply do not go there... nonetheless she is also a stranger.

    You might as well go to a male strip club or let another man put his hands on you. Two possible reactions coming out of your boyfriend 1 being he is okay with it and two meaning he's not. Which is totally the same thing as to what he just did.

  • Maybe you should go to a male strip club yourself? :) That may make you feel better

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