Why is it so difficult to get over him if its just sex between us and nothing else? Why does it hurt so bad?

Anonymous

So I have started talking to him about 7 months ago and it was off a dating website. We didn't speak consistently to each other as he always asked for nudes and to meet for sex, and of course I didn't agree. he kept coming back like every month then every week and became more persistent with just messaging me stuff like where are you, lets meet on Friday, despite having a girlfriend back then. Finally, after 4 months I agreed to go out with him because I was super bored at home and he always wanted to meet on Friday or weekends because he works a lot. He always messaged me during the day and the conversations were mostly about sex, except once when he was giving advice about universities. So, when I met him I was genuinely smitten, I was shocked that he looked much better in person, he dressed up well for me, he asked me to meet him outside his workplace, we went to his place and I had the most amazing sex ever. He didn't even expect me to do a BJ, he did everything he can to make me orgasm and did many dirty things for me in bed. I absolutely loved the sex and once we finished I decided to leave, he offered to pay for my taxi back home. Then he would continue messaging me every other weekend or month to meet for sex but I only went one more time because I was mostly abroad. It really hurts me that the conversation is only about sex and that he calls me only for sex, but at least he does it whenever he is free which means that maybe he is not seeing other girls. I also get really that he seems to have it all and he ticks all of my boxes: rich, young, successful, ivy league university, amazing flat. I wish he would date me but I don't see this happening ever, especially when its been 7 months and he only messages me about sex, but when we meet he is nice in person. Whenever he messages me I get that instant happiness and I feel full of energy and just feel so much better than getting messages from my friends or some other guys.

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Most Helpful Guys

yorepleasure Xper 2
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This makes me a but perturbed @francesca93. I also would ask why he only calls you for sex. I would also ask how many other girls he has on the side as well. You are worth more than this and your guy should make you feel that way. You deserve to have amazing sex and that will come again as well but find yourself a guy who values you for you and not just your pussy.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  I am really upset as well because he always contacts me on Friday or weekends and we never really talk, we had only 2 meaningful conversations and the last time I was about to cut him off because I told him I am fed up off his games and this time he put the effort to talk to me for 2 hours online and finally apologised and said "I hope this is not the last time seeing you" and then I met him and I told him I dont want to have sex with him and I called him some ugly names and left. Shall I ask him straight why does he always booty calls me and how many other girls he sees? if its just sex, why he keeps coming back even though I am not always available, I swore at him couple of times and I was rude to him on a few occasions and we only met 2 times. I dont know why he keeps always messaging me to meet, but if its only sex, then why does he put all the effort into making me enjoying it without caring if I would satisfy him?
- yorepleasure
  +1 y
  You could be his release, his pleasure @francesca93. Im sorry to say that. Also, if I have sex with a girl it is always creative and I do my best to give her the best experience she has ever had. My reason is I want you to feel amazing. His may be he wants to see if he can.
- Asker
  +1 y
  It could be that indeed, I just want to see if there is any chance that he would date me, but my friends said its impossible because its been 7 months already and we mainly met for sex and talked about sex. but I see once I am willing to cut him off he would apologise and message me more meaningful stuff. I really like him, I feel like me giving in for sex is the only chance to see him which makes me really sad. I am scared to cut him off completely because I probably won't see him again even though I was so rude to the point last time that I thought he would cut me off but he didn't... I dont know what to do. I just want to make him date me but I dont know if thats possible
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- yorepleasure
  +1 y
  He sounds like an asshole. You can do better. The sex only makes the feelings more intense. Please, do yourself a favor and move on. There are too many guys just as good at sex, with just as good looks and money and all that shit that want you for you and not your pussy. Straightforward.
- Asker
  +1 y
  he is an asshole and I guess thats why I am feeling hurt because I am feeling kind of used, even though the sex was great and he did pretty much everything but I dont like the way he talks to me, he messaged me yesterday: "bj today :P" and without even saying hi or happy new year or anything and he said come at mine at 7... like I know he is very sarcastic and does it a joking way but there are limits I guess and its hurts me the fact that we never hang out or go on any dates even though its only sex
- yorepleasure
  +1 y
  Seriously. Come go on a date with me. Let me treat you the way a guy should treat you. No strings attached. Then, go on another date. Me, another guy whoever. Move on and let this guy go be an asshole to someone else.
- Asker
  +1 y
  but u live in the states so thats physically impossible... lets be realistic here... is there any potential for a relationship with this guy or not at all?
- yorepleasure
  +1 y
  I think the question you should ask is "why do you want a relationship with this guy?" He causes you too much pain. Are you German? It looks so from your profile. German guys look at love as a thing to check off of the list. And while I would take you on a date, I was saying you SHOULD go on a date.
- Asker
  +1 y
  yes I am German and he is also German and he is causing me too much pain indeed, he seems too focused on his career and personal development and doesn't treat me like a gentleman... there's no romance, sweet words or anything nice that he has ever said to me. he's always been cold in person and he tends to be bossy and quite dominant. I want to date him because I want to change him and I am really attracted to his looks, his dominant personality and arrogance and also that he is quite successful and well educated. I really dont know if there's a way I could change his mind. but yes German men are definitely not the romantic types and more career orientated especially in their 20's
redxiii74 Xper 6
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sorry Ms... I've never lied or said I was exclusive, but I focus my attention on being whatever it was that girl wanted at the time. so if at the end we fucked had a good time and somewhere she couldnt "handle feelings", and wanted to change me I just walked away.. because I didn't want to change. Maybe he will but odds are not with you
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Most Helpful Girl

Oldsoulswiccangirl Xper 4
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Because he only sees you as something he can use for sex if you say no I bet he'll change his tune. But it hurts because you knew what he wanted yet still invested your feelings into the situation which is a BIG NO NO
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- Asker
  +1 y
  well, last time I told him face to face that I am fed up with his games, meaningless messages and conversations about sex, and then we spent 2 hours talking about it and he finally apologised and he said "I hope this is not the last time I am seeing you". Do you think If I cut him off completely he would change the way he treats me? Because he always appears out of nowhere and last time when I met him in person I was really rude to him and even told him to fuck off and I called him really ugly names, he didn't answer back to me and he kept really calm then I left his place. a month later, he messaged me again to meet for sex. so, I don't understand if I stop meeting him for sex, would he want to date me or he would just get over me? he was also messaging me before when he was dating some girl, but I didn't go to meet him. I mean does that mean he likes me if he always comes back or he just really wants to have sex with me despite me being really rude sometimes and despite him having a
- Asker
  +1 y
  girlfriend back then*
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  Hmmm sounds sorta like he can't figure himself out. Tell him what you feel and if he can't accept that then your done and block him
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Yes I dont genuinely feel its only sex and I dont feel like he is using me because when we met he put more effort than any other guy that I met, he gave me really long oral sex, he was going with my pace and doing every single position to make me come and when he did at the end he came after me. He never said me any dick pics or anything imappropriate and when he messages me its mostly during the day or one week ahead before we meet, he always asks me in advance. So. i dont really that that fuckboy vibe from him. I feel like he is confused and doesn't know what he wants or perhaps maybe the girlfriend is still in the picture or there are other women involved. I will see him in person and I will tell him how I feel about him
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  yeah seems like he's confused 😕
- Asker
  +1 y
  so what would you suggest that I should do then? and also why would a guy be confused? is he not sure about me, like if I am pretty enough, is he taking his time with me or maybe there are some other girls involved?
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  Well not just the other girl part there maybe. But no when a guy starts a sexual relationship they just looking for sex but you actually have a full conversation and got to him and now he's like damn this chicks pretty cool. So now he's confused on if he should stArt a relationship or no
- Asker
  +1 y
  Oh right well most of the conversations were sexual which is why I am worried and we talked only 2 times about important things and we talked a lot, also when we met in real life he asked me some personal questions. So, I dont know... maybe he is just trying to get me in bed but then again he does pretty much everything in bed, so I doubt it... what would u suggest to do? I feel like if I push him away further from me, he might come back again because he always come back even when last time I was horrible to him. I dont know what to do... I want to date him
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  Well I'd tell him where you stand and ask him what he wants from this situation and if he says just sex don't contact him again and tell him to lose your #
- Asker
  +1 y
  I am afraid as I would come off as pathetic and needy if I am so blunt and honest about my feelings, he might think oh that chick is crazy I met her only 2 times and she's already having feelings for me,... I dont want him to think that of me... but its a good idea, I was thinking to do exactly what u recommended but I am afraid he might think off me as a loser or doormat
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  Ah the best you can say is your starting to like him and see what happens
- redxiii74
  +1 y
  having been him, I'd walk away if you said that... but I didn't wanna chg till I was 38
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  Hmmm depends on the person
- redxiii74
  +1 y
  well the chances of the hollywood ending is not a high percentage, possible but not likely.. GL
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  lol true
- redxiii74
  +1 y
  I mean Asker said it herself this guy has all the boxes, Money, job, schooling, flat, can get girls that probably are not as emotionally invested.. and saves him headache. so if he wants to CHG could be a chance but if he don't then it goes no where
- Oldsoulswiccangirl
  +1 y
  true