Do men have lower standards than women?

[BuchitaBuchys]

I keep seeing over and over on here that women have unreasonably high standards. I find that odd, and I'll probably elaborate in a take, but basically, it comes down to 2 main issues. They aren't high standards by any means, and even if they are, thats not a bad thing.
1. I remember that there was a question (many actually) asking if we'd rather have a nice or hot partner. And I said it's either both or I dont want him. And then in one particular question, the responses were full of hate and malice. "Ugh, women's standards are so unreasonable and yet they only have pussy to offer smh." "Future cat lady here." "I hope you get cheated on stupid whore for not giving nice guys like me a chance" etc etc. Of course not all responses were that bad, but really? How is that unreasonably high, that's the basis of most relationships. You want someone who's looks attracts you, and personality keeps you.
2. Not a bad thing in my opinion because I personally date forever or for never, and I want to be happy with my partner.

And then there's lots of questions like "do men care about if you have a job?"
And they say "no, women are the ones with high standards." But then its like, they complain that she didn't offer to pay for the first date (um, hello, how can she if she's unemployed?)

So are mens standards really so low? Or is that they are more willing to settle? I feel that maybe men do have high standards, and because of female bias in relatiionships/dating, they are more likely to settle, because they have less options. Of course NOT ALL MEN, but the average man doesn't receive as much as attention as the average woman.
So what do you think? And sorry if you're so sensitive that this question offends you.

To many guys on here, THIS is "high standards", pfffttt. Lol

[SmartButBroke]

So, I am attracted to men and women. And I would definitely say women have higher standards.

Your first example about wanting someone nice and hot--the responses to that are ridiculous. I have written many, many times in various places online that women's standards are ridiculous, including on GAG, and I was NOT referring to wanting "nice and hot," which is almost exactly what men want. If men settle, they settle in the "hot" department because a lot of men end up with average women.

But when I say women's standards are too high or unrealistic, I'm referring to all the laundry lists I see out there vs the observation that men seem to ONLY care about "nice and hot." I know that I'm not going to end up with a woman because I can't really get one at this stage in my life. When you're college-aged, women's standards are more realistic and a lot of guys (or girls) meet them. So, I had more girlfriends and female dates back then. Then as women start to get older, they start emphasizing what kind of job do you have, how much do you make, where do you live, what do you drive and other material things ON TOP OF what do you have in common, what do you look like, how ambitious are you, etc. And THEN they throw in their own little requirements, like some women only want whites, some only want someone who is 6'5 or taller, or whatever.

When I look at women's dating profiles online, I get so discouraged because I NEVER see one whose standards I fit (I prefer women to men). I know a lot of men feel the same way. This is why it'd be a bad thing, because the way I see our society going is that it's getting normal to be single and to give up on finding someone. A lot of us want to find someone, but we feel like it's hopeless. Even women who are not all that themselves have high standards. The over-the-top responses you see to questions are from guys who feel hopeless already.

Meanwhile, I can snap my fingers and get a man. And I'm not "hot." There are many things about me considered unattractive by society at large. I'm not white with blonde hair, blue eyes and a thin body. Yet, I've noticed that when I or any other average woman act (s) friendly, men become interested. I have a friend who is not even average-looking, but she is fun, funny and friendly, and she can cook. She had guys falling all over themselves wanting to date her at work, and she had to report one to security at our job because he followed her around the building.

It's just easier to get a man.

[HorrorFan]

Good read. This is pretty damned close to what I assumed a rational, bisexual woman that didn't feel the need to automatically defend her own gender might say. Although I always assumed a woman would lower her standards a bit when it came to other women because there would be no 'picking of genetics to father her future children' issues. Although I guess the whole hypergamy thing is still there and I see your name is 'smart but broke'. =p

[BuchitaBuchys]

Id have to disagree with you. I've had gay women tell me they found my small boobs as sexy but never heard a man say this, not even my exes.
I think that men's standards are unreasonably high:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265219-what-color-nipples-do-you-prefer-on-female-breast
Personally, I think it's men that have high standards.
To be desirable:
Be light skin, colored eyes, pink nipples, big boobs, skinny stomach, big butt, curvy, young like 17-25, long curly hair. This isn't even the fact that her personality:
Traditional, yet independent and not ever need his money, virgin or low sex count yet horny for him, nice, smart, caring, etc
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265145-women-after-30-are-no-longer-as-attractive-agree-of-disagree

[BuchitaBuchys]

@HorrorFan Id disagree. As I stated, for men you have to curvy and big boobs, skinny, light skin, young, pink nipples, virgin, traditional yet independent etc etc to be desirable. I've had gay women find my body attractive as is and like my small boobs, never had a man, not even an ex, say he liked my small boobs or small boobs ever. Its all about that "big titty, big booty light skins" for men. Lesbians aren't as shallow.

[dragonfly6516]

Must take care of themselves and have good hygiene.

Must be mature and intelligent, or aware of flaws/limitations, willing to grow and learn, and possess basic common sense.

Must have job of some kind, any kind, or at least be willing and able to contribute in some way, including being the "house husband", in short, not lazy, needy, a mooch, burden, or drain.

Must be capable of communication. Ask for help when you need it, tell people how you feel when there is an issue!

Religious and political views are both high on the list, but also optional. Of course I'd prefer we feel the same on those topics, but do long as there is mutual respect and no attempt to change the other person, it doesn't matter.

Looks and income? Very low on list of priorities. Looks fade, money won't solve everything, and I try to make sure that I could still get by on my own financially if whomever I'm with doesn't work out.
in my opinion, financially based requirements are for people who want to be taken care of, and for people who don't want to care for anyone else.

[purplesparkle]

It seems men have higher standards in relationship, women have higher stantards when it comes to casual sex, tho less women want casual sex than men.
Women would like to have a tall muscular guy, but at least we are able to settle down with average or under average looking guy if he has a good personality. While baging some random people, of course choosing someone more attractive should be seen as more okay.
In short: Are you an under average guy? You have higher chances of having a successful love life than average and under average looking girls, only difference between you an a hot guy is that you just don't get to bang hot chicks when ever you want, poor freaking baby.

[HorrorFan]

1. Well, generally when questions like that are asked, it's to see which of the two options the majority of women are skewing towards.

It's like pick ONE. It probably wasn't an open invitation to say all or nothing. They probably wanted to see which one held more weight, which is the whole point of these types of questions.

Ideally, everyone would shoot for the moon in a partner. All the best characteristics possible. However, obviously those types are few and far between. Most of us have our flaws. Sometimes many, many flaws.

Granted, that doesn't justify the over-reactionary responses that you received, but I would be a bit annoyed if I asked a similar question and had a bunch of women basically try to dodge the question with a non answer.

I don't really understand the second part of your question. I'm not seeing the correlation between men not caring about a woman having a job and still being willing to date her and her not being able to pay for a meal. It's like you just combined two completely different issues together to try to frankenstein a point. Any man with even a snippet of rationality will realize that if he asks out a woman with no money, he has to do the paying.

My argument would be this:

The average woman does have higher standards than men.

Both genders are generally going to be looking for partners that are adequate in both the looks and personality categories, but only women are going to be looking for partners that must meet a certain financial security level. In order to be relationship material to many women, a man must either be earning a particular amount of money or is well on their way through schooling or the bottom rungs of some company working their way up to be making a certain amount of money in the near future.

Thus, men typically care about looks and personality. Women care about looks, personality and financial security.

By virtue of women having three things on their prerequisite list for a relationship to a man's two, one could argue that yes, women on average have higher standards than men.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I disagree, I think the average mans standards are higher than the average woman:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265219-what-color-nipples-do-you-prefer-on-female-breast
Personally, I think it's men that have high standards.
To be desirable:
Be light skin, colored eyes, pink nipples, big boobs, skinny stomach, big butt, curvy, young like 17-25, long curly hair. This isn't even the fact that her personality:
Traditional, yet independent and not ever need his money, virgin or low sex count yet horny for him, nice, smart, caring, etc
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265145-women-after-30-are-no-longer-as-attractive-agree-of-disagree

[HorrorFan]

I mean you are bringing up your own anecdotal evidence. For example, I will be perfectly honest running down your last and how it applies to me personally. light skin - I don't care about skin color. colored eyes - I genuinely don't care about eyes pink nipples - again, very color centric. I promise you that guys do not care about color nearly as much as you think. big boobs - I am a 'boob guy' in the sense that I enjoy boobs more so than butts, but I also don't care about their size. I just would rather focus on them over the backside. I enjoy boobs of all sizes. Look at pornstars of the last half a decade and look at the sheer volume of ultra successful girls with A and B cups. Relationships aren't build-a-Barbie and I don't think most care. skinny stomach - this one I can agree with. Fat isn't attractive to most. big butt - Nope. The opposite for me. I know that many men like bigger butts. Curvy - I find everything but obese to be attractive to me.

[BuchitaBuchys]

you're in the minority as men do care about this stuff.

[HorrorFan]

young like 17-25 - Well at my age, I don't even start looking at girls until they are in their 20s and even then I don't much care about age and would rather go on a case by case basis. long curly hair - Long is nice but short is nice, too. I hate curly hair. Most guys that want 'traditional' women also want to 'take care of their women' financially. It's usually one or the other. Virgin or low sex count - I've repeatedly showed my stance against slut shaming and never expect something like this. Long as she's being safe about things, I'm in no position to judge. nice, smart, caring, etc. Sure, but I mean I'm pretty sure everyone of both genders wants this. I am willing to bet that quite a few women assume men want dumb women to control, though. Some might, but intelligence is so sexy to me.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Even at your age, many men like young birds. Again, you're in the minority. I wish I were gay lol Its sooooo much easier for womens standards to be met than mens

[HorrorFan]

The only men that even approach being that picky are the absolute top tier dudes that have had or can easily get partners with numbers reaching well into double digits. I think even most women would agree that men skew more towards quantity over quality, much to their chagrin. The average guy just isn't that picky. He just wants to get laid. You initially argued that men just settle more. Settling is just a form of being realistic. Remember, WE are the gender that watches too much porn where most of the girls are unrealistically attractive and yet according to you, we still settle. Women grow up watching Disney movies where Prince Charming comes and saves them and takes care of them. Many women grow up still expecting this perfect prince charming. Women actually care about things like the genetics of their babies and the fact that they have to carry a man's child for such a long time. They have natural reasons to be pickier. They are pickier.

[HorrorFan]

We'll just have to agree to disagree. Smartbutbroke's take aligns with my own viewpoints on how the male/female dynamic tends to work. I'm not in the minority, though. I'm just the average joe. With normal expectations.

[BuchitaBuchys]

No, its not just the Chad Thundercocks wanting these perfect women, its even the ugly guys, the virgins, the average joes etc etc And dont mistake willing to settle for lower standards. That just means that pussy is pussy and waiting for little miss perfect pink nips, big tits, blue/green eyes, etc would probably be a wait in vain for majority of men.

[BuchitaBuchys]

No, you're n the minority. Of course you're going to agree with someone whos going to confirm your bias. I sitll think itd be easier to please women than men.

[HorrorFan]

I'm NOT in the minority. Go make a poll that stresses complete honesty. You'll see. You say that women are less picky towards you then men. You can't provide her with children. There is no societal expectation that you pay for everything there because you aren't a man. Again, BOTH genders care about looks. BOTH genders care about personality. ONE gender cares about financial security and the potential to heavily provide for a family. Women don't even need to have a fucking job and men will approach them. Men can also seem pickier because they do all the approaching. Thus, they are actually the ones to go and attempt to obtain what they are attracted to. Women mostly sit on their hands and complain about how only dudes they aren't attracted to approach them.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Looks and personality yes. But you're missing the point that men dont want women over 30 or some even over 25, men want pink nipples and light skin and curvy women, so right there, you already eliminated like at least 65% of avialiable women. Then there's virginity, no kids, no baggage, etc and you're left with like even less women.

[HorrorFan]

So do you honestly believe that women over 25 or 30 are just a lonely, barren wasteland of cats and forgotten memories? More like 30 year old women shift from sex with the hottest guys they can find to settling down with the average joes that have good jobs and can bankroll a family. Women have a limited time table of fertility. Saying all men care about is pink nipples, light skin, etc. is essentially accusing the entirety of the male gender as being racist. Which means this entire debate is going massively downhill. Virginity. Just like women expect a man to have a good amount of women under his belt to prove that other women have found him to be worthwhile. Both genders can get dumb with this. No kids, no baggage. Well yeah, men want to start their own families. Not bankroll someone else's. Show me any sort of reality where tons of perfectly good women are sitting around with no men in their lives because they don't live up to the proper standards. I'll wait.

[BuchitaBuchys]

It's not racist. And men do on average prefer someone light or at least lighter than them. There's lots of people, too many to list. And it's not just the "bad boys", it's a lot cliche and phony "nice" guys saying that women over 30 are undesirable.

[HorrorFan]

Women prefer men with darker complexions. Preference isn't prerequisite. You know what is basically prerequisite? Women wanting tall men. Women wanting a man that makes more than them. Women wanting a man to have plenty of sexual experience. All of the miscellaneous things associated with the phrase "real men" that women love throwing around. Stop overanalyzing polls on this site or reading bullshit from trolly MGTOW/MRA idiots. A woman's life isn't over at 30. Whether you like it or not, women have a time table for fertility. This means that no matter what, younger women are always going to be preferred over women that are at or nearing their fertility limits. 'Alpha' dudes don't even need to look at women over 30 for a long time because all the 20 year old women are taking turns on his dick. Beta providers are just bitter because they are invisible to women until the women are in their 30s and need someone to pay the bills/help raise the children. Women over 30 aren't alone.

[BuchitaBuchys]

you're full of crap. I know so many short poor dudes in relationships, if its a "requirement" then its a very loose requirement, or very bad requirement since so many women still date those guys. And again, its not just trolls, unless you consider like 80% of men on GaG as trolls.

[HorrorFan]

And I know tons of women of all shapes and sizes and ages in relationships. As we've already discussed, people settle. You are essentially stating that tons of guys are in relationships yet there is a large subset of women that are completely ignored by men. That is total and complete bullshit and you know it. The math wouldn't even add up there. Unattractive people of both genders are really the only group of people that make up most of the 'forever alone' population. This is getting tiring. You are clearly jaded and bitter towards men. I hope for your sake you meet a good one and change your outlook on things.

[BuchitaBuchys]

This is getting tiring. But as I said, just because men are willing to settle, doesn't mean they dont have high and ridiculous to begin with.

[HorrorFan]

You go on your own anecdotal evidence and I'll go on mine. Except I've been alive a decade longer and have seen and experienced more. By all means continue to think men have higher standards. I'll continue living in reality.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Reality is that there's are higher, just that men are more likely to settle.

[HorrorFan]

Show me concrete statistical evidence showing this to be true or else we just go around in circles.

[BuchitaBuchys]

What being true?

[HorrorFan]

That men are factually pickier than women.

[HorrorFan]

"These findings show how a widely assumed gender difference – women are picky about who they date, men aren’t – could largely be an artifact of social situations. Men may be less picky not because they are men, but because societal norms require them to do the majority of the approaching in dating scenarios. Women’s selectivity, meanwhile, might arise from their essentially arbitrary role as “selectors”. In other words, when lots of potential suitors are approaching you, it makes sense to be picky."

[BuchitaBuchys]

I didn't say theyre pickier. FOr the last time. Im saying mens standards are higher and more unreasonable. Men are just more likely to settle.

[HorrorFan]

"The study also found that women are generally pickier than men, placing a greater emphasis on deal-breakers overall, and listing more negative traits they deplore in potential partners. “Women are likely to be more selective about their relationship partners to avoid costly impregnation by low-quality mates, [so they] should perceive more – or have lower tolerance for – deal-breakers”

[BuchitaBuchys]

You are just proving my point. Women are less likely to settle, however it doesn't change the fact that they have high and unreasonable standards.

[HorrorFan]

It's the same damn thing. Being picky and having higher standards are synonyms. What is this argument.

[BuchitaBuchys]

No. Its not the same.

[HorrorFan]

Hell, I haven't even brought up the very fact that women are hypergamous in nature. They are socialized to 'marry up', which is the very definition of higher standards. How is it not the same? Statistics show that women are pickier. Men settle more. What exact statistical data should I search for you to be happy, here?

[HorrorFan]

Or like I had originally stated. The VERY FACT THAT MONEY MATTERS TO WOMEN and is rarely an issue with men is very telling. It doesn't matter that you know broke men in relationships. That doesn't change the reality that the majority of women have higher standards.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Its not the same because just because you're more likely to settle, doesn't mean the standards aren't high to begin with.

[BuchitaBuchys]

But you can change that. Yes, its high standards, but its not unreasonable as you can change it. We cannot change the fact that our eyes aren't blue/green, that our nipples aren't pink, that we aren't white etc.

[HorrorFan]

That isn't a refutation that woman's standards are higher. Women are pickier. Women have higher standards. Women are less likely to settle. There is a correlation here. Back by biological studies and psychological studies. Women do the selecting.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Again, the day that this stuff doesn't matter to men or isn't what they find most desirable then Id say mens standard aren't high.

[HorrorFan]

Can men change their height? Men can't snap their fingers and change their financial outcome. "BRB gonna go get a bachelors/masters/doctorate degree. Also going to erase various other issues in my life that may have prevented me from being wealthy. Hold my coffee for me." Do you honestly think that the color of a girl's eyes is ever a realistic dealbreaker? How would a guy even know the color of a girl's nipples unless they were already in the process of getting naked together? Do you think he's then like "oh shit. They aren't pink. I'm outta here." Stop going by stupid ass polls on this website and thinking that has any weight or relevance to actual reality.

[HorrorFan]

What does 'most desirable' have to do with reality? You think men largely care about fucking eye color and women don't? Again, you saying all men only want white women is accusing them of being racist. Plenty of women expect things like short hair. Beard or no beard. Tattoos. A muscular physique. A better fashion sense. What fucking car he drives can matter. It's all the same. Women do this too.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Do you think women can just grow boobs or butts out of nowhere? "surgery", well there's leg lengthening surgeries too. Also, things like money aren't even dealbreakers. If it were, then how come poor people are in relationships? And just because its difficult, doesn't mean that you can't change your financial status. So its not unreasonable, height I do agree is unreasonable because youd need surgery for that. HOwever, big boobs and big ass is also unreasonable since we need surgery for that too. So thats more unreasonable standards by men than women.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Again, those are high standards but theyre not unreasonable. SHort hair, you can cut your hair. Tattoos, you can get them or remove them, muscular physique, you can work out. Trust me, if there was exercise to go from an A to DD cups, so many women would them. I dont care that mens standards are high as long as they admit. I do care that they are unreaosnable though. Because majority of the standards are based on something that can only be changed through drastic measures like surgery.

[HorrorFan]

No they fucking wouldn't. Ask most women what they think of their DD cups and they complain about back pain and wish they were smaller. If it were a fucking dealbreaker, you would be seeing more women getting boob jobs. Go look at porn messageboards about how many men freak the fuck out if their favorite pornstar got a boobjob. Some men like big boobs. Many men do not. Same with butts. Skinny girls with no boobs and butt are highly desired in society. More so than skinny dudes, that's for sure. This is the reality. No person can cater to all of the desires and preferences of everyone from the other sex. Men don't sit around moping that they can't have their perfect Barbies. They simply want someone they find attractive that treats them well and is sane. Go take a good, hard look at couples out there. Does it look like the men are all bitter that they had to settle on something less than perfection? No. Get real.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Yet boob jobs are still high, now its butt implants though thanks to the butt craze. And women with big boobs, who cares, as women with small boobs would usually rather have big boobs. The reason they want smaller is because of medical reasons, not mens desires. The reasons women want big boobs is because thats what men want. Many polls have shown that ~75% of men prefer big. Thats a lot of men, fact is, you're more likely to please a man if you have big boobs as opposed to small. I personally dont care about pleasing everyone, all I want (ed) is to find ONE, just ONE guy that I can please. Fact is, its much harder to please a guy when I am skinny, small boobs, dark skin, black eyes, dark features yes nipples, and they want everything thats opposite of that. And I dont want a man to date me if Im not what he truly desires. And literally everything you said can be applied to women too! Look at those poor, unattractive, scrawny, fat, etc men in relationships. So you need to get real too

[HorrorFan]

Again, men can't realistically do anything about their height. Or their penis size. Plenty of dudes out there with 4 or 5 inch dicks (or worse) that aren't even going to bother trying. Both of those are way more of a dealbreaker than boobs and butt. Again, skinny, tiny girls with no tits and no ass are still widely seen as attractive. Look at the majority of the hottest celebrities. Most of them are just pretty faced girls with otherwise stick figure bodies. The sad part is that you've already convinced yourself that because certain men have certain preferences that you are just doomed in life. You've probably snubbed 100 different dudes in the last decade that really dug you because they didn't live up to your standards. I'm sure I would attract more women in life if I had six pack abs and made 100 grand a year, but I'm not going to rearrange my existence to please women. You are also assuming all your woes are the physical and not personality based.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I doubt that height is that much of a deal breaker. Maybe its bcause im hispanic and men aren't that tall, but I dont really see this height obsession that guys on this site claim. Also, Im poor af, and I know lots of poor guys in relationships, I dont think I've ever heard anyone say "I can't date him because he doesn't make 6 figures".

And trust me, I KNOW my personality is shit. I am insecure, bitchy, demanding, dumb, narcisssitc, shallow, high standards etc. However, that I CAN change if I really wanted to. I CANNOT change my eye color, skin color, boob size, nipple color, etc etc. So thats why I obsess over it. Its not the things I can change I worry about, its those that I cannot that get to me because even if I were nice, and sweet, and smart and confident and rich etc, men would still want the young blue/green eye girl with DDs. So there's no point in changing tbh.
This is me in a nutshell:
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...64f1fb3e4d.jpg

[HorrorFan]

Height is a pretty big deal breaker. It doesn't affect me personally because I'm 6'3" but you need only look around at any polls or well... the internet in general. There are biological explanations for it (just like most preferences from both genders) but it still sucks to be a short guy. Your options are definitely more limited. Maybe not six figures and obviously women that are not well off financially or didn't grow up with a silver spoon in her mouth might not be as picky, but there are still biological and societal reasons for women wanting men that are financially stable enough to support a family and children. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it's a prerequisite that generally has to be there if you want to appeal to even a decent amount of women. People can't really change their personalities much. Stifle certain things, sure. But ultimately people are who they are. The real person comes out in a relationship eventually.

[HorrorFan]

What percentage of women are young, blue eyed girls with DD boobs? .000001%? Sure, if I could have Kate Upton right now I'd sign up, but that isn't reality. That isn't even settling. People always start off with a checklist of things they want in a partner that is well and beyond anything reasonable and they start removing things to that they might actually enter a relationship. I've seen your pic from back in the day when you had it in your profile picture and you are an attractive girl. I have a hard time believing that things are so dire for you on the relationship front. Very few people genuinely can have whatever they want relationship-wise. All we can do is hope we have enough going for us that we meet someone that can put up with all of our bullshit and flaws for hopefully a long period of time.

[BuchitaBuchys]

If you're going off internet polls, then boobs is a deal breaker too. And so is nipple color. I don't know, like I said, Im poor and most people around me are poor. And they are still dating. No, its not too difficult to change. As long as you really want to. It is difficult, however, to find motivation to change. As I said, even if you're a sweet little caring person, men will still pick that green/blue eye DD girl over you if she's sweet and caring too. Because guess what, you're not what men truly want.

[BuchitaBuchys]

EXACTLY! Now you see what Im saying, Only like less than 1% of women can make a man truly happy as only a tiny subset of women meet their checklist of desirable traits. Men assume that its easy to get in relationships, but its not. Can I get casual sex easier than the average man? Yes. Im not going to say no, because that would be false. But casual sex isn't the same as a genuine, loving relationship. And it can't replace it either, no matter how hard you try. I agree with that. HOWEVER its hard to "be enough" when the bar is so hgh to begin with. Particularly with men. I really wish I were guy because I have more luck with lesbians than I do with men.

[BuchitaBuchys]

But because Im not gay, Id rather just be single forever. I dont wanna bother with the trouble of finding a man that would truly accept and desire me because lets face it, I lost the genetic lottery AND im batshit crazy, bitchy, obssessive and insecure.

[HorrorFan]

It's not, though. Think about it. When you give a poll with two options, one of them essentially has to win out over the other, right? Let's say men preferred smaller boobs. What is stopping girls with big boobs to lash out and complain now? How do we win then? The entire thing is a trap. Maybe instead of polling men about their preferences, poll them specifically on whether or not big boobs or butts are an actual dealbreaker. Preferences are just that, something one prefers. I prefer steak or hot wings over say... burgers. But i'm going to still eat burgers and enjoy the hell out of them as well. Men can prefer big boobs but still love small boobs, because they just love boobs. People aren't beholden to their preferences. They aren't really settling. Men can genuinely enjoy dating a girl with big boobs and then date a girl with small boobs because hey, variety!

[BuchitaBuchys]

But hed still rather the big boobs! I dont care, like I said, I dont wanna date. Its too much hassle finding a guy whos happy with a womanwith my appearance, and then with my personality.

[HorrorFan]

True happiness is never going to be caught up in exact perfect physical specifications, though. That's silly. True happiness is always going to first and foremost boil down to a person's personality. When a couple is into their 50's or whatever, they aren't even that attractive anymore. It all boils down to how good of company they make and how good of partners they are to each other. The physical aspect only really matters when you are young and need it for child producing. Life doesn't consist of a bunch of unhappy people that all settled. This whole dynamic is too black and white to you. Life is about making compromises. Eventually, you will enter into a relationship with another guy again and things will seem great and functional for you once more and you'll completely lose this bitter, jaded attitude.

[BuchitaBuchys]

But I like being bitter and jaded. I enjoy spreading my unhappiness and negativity. Its what Im used to. I doubt it, like I said, I dont wanna date anymore. And apparently according to GaG men, Im already considered old now, therefore undesirable and men won't wanna date me anywyas.

[HorrorFan]

That's your prerogative. I'll assume by this time next year your relationship status will say "in a relationship". I guess we'll see. You shouldn't be taking those guys seriously. Either way, this back and forth needs to wind down eventually. Now's a good time. Good luck with everything.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Im willing to bet that I will still be single by next year. I do desire love, but I have a gambling problem. Lets put money on it. I have already bet that I won't be having kids ever. I once wanted children, but I let my pride make that bet with many people lol I dont care about the money, I care about proving them wrong. Ill bet that I will NEVER date, kiss, touch, anything with men ever again. I take everyone seriously. Especially since many men on here dont hold back and actually say things that men really feel, even though I may not like what is said, its at least honest and reflects the truth about how many really feel. Toodles caboodles.

[Bluemax]

I make a distintion between standards and desires. Standards can be changed. Desires can't.

Any rate, I'm inclined to say their standards ultimately balance out. Women seem to have higher standards in some areas, whereas men have higher standards in others.

When I met my wife, which I was a bit older than you are now, Buchita, I had the following desires:

I must find her physically attractive
I must find her emotionally attractive
We must be sexually compatible
She must like and want children

I had the following standards:

Gainfully employed and financially stable
Love her career
Be fascinating (hobbies and interests)

Now I'm older, the only thing that has changed is wanting children.

The first four were absolute deal breakers and I couldn't adjust them even if I tried. The last three, the standards, had room for negotiation.

My wife met and exceeded these, and for some reason she said "I do." Guess they weren't unreasonable.

I suppose some people think they can debate their way into a woman's heart. Those are probably the type who think a woman's standards are unreasonable.

The poll results don't surprise me, by the way.

"Not a bad thing in my opinion because I personally date forever or for never, and I want to be happy with my partner."

And I want you to be happy too, Buchita.

:)

[Felinegirl]

I really like your idea of splitting standards and desires. My 'stabdards' are pretty flexible - I want someone to try to make the best of themselves and to do something respectable with their lives. I also don't want to date an asshole. If he treat sother people like shit, he's out, no matter how sweet he is to me. Men might have 'lower' desires maybe? I don't desire anyone Im not emotionally attached to.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Meh, you give me a bit of hope. But I give up. Im too jaded and bitter. I dont know if WGTOW exists, but I dont ever wanna date men again. I dont care if he's a bad boy or nice guy or ugly or sexy. Its all the same to me now

[Bluemax]

I have found people who actually *say* they're jaded and bitter are usually not nearly jaded and bitter as the ones who are jaded and bitter who never *admit* it. Whereas I understand where you're coming from, though I would never say I know what it's like to be in your shoes, I think the way you once phrased it, optimistically pessimistic (or something like that), that is to say pessimistic with the understanding things can change, would be the way to go. By all means take an indefinite break, but understand you can make things better for yourself. Pity you don't live in Southern California. I have two former students, both good men. I think they would restore your hope in men more than I could. They are your age (roughly). One is an Annapolis graduate. Marine helicopter pilot. The other is a student at UCSD studying biomedical engineering. They're both decent guys.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Lol its not like I don't know decent men. I'm sure even MGTOWs know decent women. Just that we have our prejudices against them in general

[ak666]

I want to go with "other". No gender roles is a truly intriguing idea to me. I consider my household to be as close as one typically gets. My wife and I both do our share of cooking and cleaning (I actually enjoy cooking, cleaning not so much). She does solely handle laundry but it's because she's so picky about separating colors and organizing everything there that I can't understand her system and just let her do it.

However, we're far from equal. For example, she has taken over the interior design of the house. I want to design the house more like a Star Trek spaceship with neon lights and stripper pole. She thinks that's tacky. I think if it was truly equal I should at least be able to design half of the house my way, and she can design the other half her way.

Also on dates I think without gender roles, every girl has the responsibility to ask a guy out that she likes, just as every guy has the responsibility to ask a girl out that he likes. And naturally all dates would be dutch with separate bills.

And finally with kids, both partners would have to taken time off work to take turns raising them...

It's an intriguing idea and I'd be interested but I only think it becomes truly fair and not so high in standards if it's truly equal. If I meet a girl who thinks like this, I'd be expecting her to split the dinner bill with me and then figuring out where we should go next.

[NyomiMcClinton]

Yes, I have been saying this for years. Men usuall

[NyomiMcClinton]

yes, I have been saying this for years. Men usually will date an attractive female and not care what type of job she has, or how much she makes versus women.

[Foreskin-Atlas]

@NyomiMcClinton Yes because looks are a vital factor to me.

[i_am_your_god]

I'd never date a girl with a crappy job. I rejected girls for this very reason.

[CancerianMan81]

@NyomiMcClinton you can't lump all men into the same category

[CancerianMan81]

me I can't stand an attractive girl cause they get on my fucking nerves cause their so damn high maintenance

[allison13]

I think it depends on the woman. I personally don't care too much about appearances, as long as the guy isn't morbidly obese (ie, really unhealthy he could die in his 40s or 50s) or something. My "requirements" are of course the nice personality that I get along with, and he can at least support himself financially. He doesn't have to support me - just himself. And basically that just means having a good job. My boyfriend right now is (finally) graduating college so he can get the job he wants. He's obese (not morbidly) and I'm trying to get him to slim down purely for health reasons. And his family is much less well off than mine. I admit sometimes I worry that it'll be hard for me to adjust to not having someone cook and clean for me but I really love my boyfriend and am just too excited to spend the rest of my life with him to worry about little things like cooking and cleaning which I can easily do myself with a little studying up.

[stratis99]

Even though it's abit hard for you currently, I'm happy your sticking it out for the long run :)

[NicknameShirt]

I have very high standards. I want someone based on their connection with me, kind of like a soulmate. No girl can work to become that, it just needs to be that perfect fit.
I don't have a mental list of things that she must, or can't have. Those things I don't like, are things pointing to someone not being a match for me in the first place. For example, I hate smoking - not for the smoking - but for what that says about the woman smoking. So I couldn't be attracted to "that kind" of woman, in the first place.
I see no point in a typical relationship. I won't settle with anyone unless she is THE ONE. I need someone that will take me higher, someone who gets me. Don't care about her age, weight, hair colour, clothes, job - we have to have some ground of moral and ethical agreement, and we have to fit. So, high standards - without specifications.

[Drick4682]

Most average guys are willing to settle. If a man acquires high status, he doesn't have to settle. As for me being a black male in a predominately black community, You often see men dating women not on their attraction level. Usually it's because the girl has a nice body. I know for a fact an ugly black girl with a nice body can get any man she wants.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I think most men have unreasonably high standards:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265219-what-color-nipples-do-you-prefer-on-female-breast
Personally, I think it's men that have high standards.
To be desirable:
Be light skin, colored eyes, pink nipples, big boobs, skinny stomach, big butt, curvy, young like 17-25, long curly hair. This isn't even the fact that her personality:
Traditional, yet independent and not ever need his money, virgin or low sex count yet horny for him, nice, smart, caring, etc
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265145-women-after-30-are-no-longer-as-attractive-agree-of-disagree

[Drick4682]

The men may have those high standards but they know they probably won't meet a girl that checks off everything on their list. That's when they start settling for anything they can find. You'll meet more girls that will refuse to date a guy if he doesn't meet everything on her checklist than the other way around.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I don't care about that. I care that those standards are there to b begin with

[PlacentaSalad]

I have seen and met so many men that will just take whatever they can get when it comes to women, but I can't usually say the same for women in how they view men. I think this is because most men aren't exactly sure in what they can "score" because they're often still the people initiating the conversation, so they won't always go for the hottest girl in the room when they feel they're more likely to get attention from somebody less attractive but still pretty enough.

As for myself, I have pretty high standards. If I were to settle for just any girl, then I certainly wouldn't be single right now.

[BuchitaBuchys]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265219-what-color-nipples-do-you-prefer-on-female-breast
Personally, I think it's men that have high standards.
To be desirable:
Be light skin, colored eyes, pink nipples, big boobs, skinny stomach, big butt, curvy, young like 17-25, long curly hair. This isn't even the fact that her personality:
Traditional, yet independent and not ever need his money, virgin or low sex count yet horny for him, nice, smart, caring, etc
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265145-women-after-30-are-no-longer-as-attractive-agree-of-disagree

[martyfellow]

We still deal mostly with traditional dating rituals in the US. A lot of women have their pick of a lot of guys, at least if the are fairly attractive But even attractive guys, unless they are wealthy, don't get to choose very often, given that the girls are like money.. most of them belong a select circle of usually older, wealthy guys,, so most of us guys will never refuse almost any girl while we are young and single.

It's all social conditioning. Not a fundamental difference.

[Tdieseler]

Depends on what the standards are for...

[Ameya]

I've usually seen the opposite happening around me. Good looking women who you expect to have a good taste in men and deserve better men with better looks and character end up settling for assholes who wouldn't value them for their worth. May be there is an insecurityinside every woman that they can't get a guy better than who they have right now and so they tag alongwith whoever matches their standards even by half the points.
Guys on the other hand, despite being average or having mediocre standards in both the departments of character and looks BUT confidence and daring expect a hot bod model girlfriend in their life. They go out and get them too and then use and throw them.

You women seriously deserve more than what you settle for. At least I can say that for most women that I see around me... which means there were exceptions too ;)

[Sara413]

Not really. Some people have low standards, some have high standards, most are somewhere in the middle.

I think people who do have low standards are either insecure and don't think they deserve better, or, they have such a low view of the opposite sex that they just don't expect any better and their choices in partners only serve to reinforce that negative view.

[whatiswrongwithppl]

depends on the person. I don't think I have to high of standards I look past alotvof things most people judge others on i think its more about thecway a person makes youcfeel, I am not saying everyone feels bad sometimescin relationships and maybe makes the other person feel bad but if just doing nothing together can make you feel happy with a person and they live you and make an effort to showcyou their love and appreciation that's good enough for me if im attraavted to them they don't cheat or lie to me and try to always respect me and be good to me than I am greatful and I don't want someone having to many expectations and trying to change me so I don't want to make someone feel like I am doing that to them either.

[Hidden_P]

Your question isn't "are men's higher" it's "is mine higher than men's"

[BuchitaBuchys]

No. It's if men's in general are lower. I just gave my response as an example.

[Felinegirl]

Their*

[BuchitaBuchys]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that minor spelling mistake would throw my question's meaning completely off. -____-

[LittleSally]

Personality wise - yes.
Physicality wise - no.
Anything else wise --- depends on the person...

[stratis99]

I'll agree with that from what I've seen around

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I think it's equal, but I notice men on this site tend to get angrier with women for having standards. Some women do this too, but it's not as much as men do it.

I'm an extremely ugly woman, and I definitely don't fault guys for not wanting me. I've never been asked out, and I don't even try to get with guys at all. I ignore attractive men completely because I know they likely don't even want to talk to me let alone date me. I also know this comes off as rude but I am worried about talking to someone who may not want to talk to me. I have a co-worker I finally just started talking to after three years of knowing him. He thought I hated him but I didn't. I just assumed since I was ugly he wouldn't even want to have a friendly co-worker relationship. He noticed I got along with everyone at work but I ignored him, so he took offense to it. I always just assume no man wants to talk to me let alone date me. I let them talk to me first.

On this site, I see guys saying that women should like them anyway, even if they aren't attracted to them. They want them to date them no matter how the women feels. If she isn't interested, it means she has high standards. I don't really understand this kind of mindset though. If I ever got into a relationship, I would be upset to find out a guy was only dating me to be nice but he was actually unattracted to me and miserable. So I don't get why guys want that kind of relationship. And I've only ever seen this kind of mindset on the internet. I've never known guys offline to expect a woman to date them even if she wasn't interested.

[OlderAndWiser]

There will always be the guys who are angry because they have very little luck with women, they don't own a mirror so that never check to see if the problem might be them, they hate on women to give themselves a consolation prize, and they say ugly things to girls like you. . . and they make the rest of us guys look that much better.

Be careful how you phrase this question. Think about this:

1. Guys date girls.
2. Girls date guys.
3. So if guys have lower standards, does that mean. . ? :)

[BuchitaBuchys]

No, I think mens standards are higher:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265219-what-color-nipples-do-you-prefer-on-female-breast
Personally, I think it's men that have high standards.
To be desirable:
Be light skin, colored eyes, pink nipples, big boobs, skinny stomach, big butt, curvy, young like 17-25, long curly hair. This isn't even the fact that her personality:
Traditional, yet independent and not ever need his money, virgin or low sex count yet horny for him, nice, smart, caring, etc
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2265145-women-after-30-are-no-longer-as-attractive-agree-of-disagree

[OlderAndWiser]

For every woman who finds a guy who meets her minimal standards of what it takes to be a decent guy, there is a guy who finds a woman who met his exacting standards. Does that mean that are much better than men?

[BuchitaBuchys]

I dont get you

[OlderAndWiser]

If guys have higher standards than women, they would be picking far fewer women as opposed to women, who have low standards, so they should be picking more men. But - and I think we are talking about heterosexual behavior here - the numbers work out equal.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Its not about high standards, I think that more men are just willing to settle while stillhaving that deisrable woman in his mind while being mediocre-ly happy with her.

[LovelyDisquiet]

I think guys have higher standards... or maybe the same.

If you just mean for casual relationships then a whole lot lower though.

[Edymemelord]

I think theyre the same.
I expect from my boyfriend what he expects from me.
THOUGH I WILL SAY i mostly see pretty girls with ugly guys sooooo js

[Gymcoach]

It's different from guy to guy and girl to girl. There will always be girls and guys with high standards and those with low standards. Both is okay as long as you're not over the top ridiculous with your standards. Still you shouldn't settle for just anybody.

[WalterBlack]

I think some men have higher standards than they realize. Think about a hypothetical social experiment. Put 10 randomly chosen women in a room with one man. How many of those women would be ruled out as a potential date based on looks alone? Then how many women would be ruled out based on personality traits? Then the guy may have a preference based on the ethnicity of the women. I'm guessing that most of the time there would be less than 5 women left to ask out on a date.

[HorrorFan]

And you assume that if the roles were reversed and a woman had to choose between ten random men, the results would show that the woman would choose a higher number? You could make an easy argument that she would choose one, maybe two. Or end up being like "nah, that's okay. I'm good. I can get cats."

[WalterBlack]

I actually think that the results would be very similar if the roles were reversed. But my point was to compare a man's beliefs about his own standards vs the reality of how those same standards are applied. LOL. Crazy cat ladies.