Why can't be our men's fantasy :(? Why can't men be happy with what they have?

[BuchitaBuchys]

I see this so much, girls ask if its normal to not look like their bfs favorite porn stars

Then guys TRY to console us by saying "dont worry, theyre just a fantasy." HOW CAN I NOT WORRY THAT IM NOT THE ONE HE FANTASIZES ABOUT? I want to be his EVERYTHING lol Is that really too much to ask for? Some guys even say "if they looked like you, thats when you should worry". Im like tf? How lol Id be happy because I know that my body type turns him on ans is his fantasy as well
Or they say "even if he was with those porn stars, theyd probably look for pics of girls like you. Men like variety"
-__-
Obviously, Im not & most of us aren't porn stars, but we still would feel better if those women at least resembled us. Because Ill know that he's happy with my body type at least

Before y'all ask, yes, I only masturbated to my ex boyfriend. I never pictured anyone but him, and he was pretty much my fantasy. Like Marshall from HIMYM, only wanted my "Lily" and only fantasized about my "Lily" (Im a hopeless romantic and when I love someone, I literally cannot even imagine anyone else). So it really hurt to see that he was pleasuring to himself to women who were the complete opposite of me, light skin, big boobs, etc
This is a reason why I just can't date. I'll ask and feel terrible to find out that those women look nothing like me
Even if he's not gonna cheat on me with them, it still makes me feel like im not enough because he *has* to go to other women to get a fast boner

TLDR
Why can't we be our men's fantasies? :(
Is there any explanation to this shit aside from the ones I already stated? Or do we just have to accept that most men aren't satisfied with just one woman (not talking about infidelity)?
*NOTE I dont mind that men watch porn, I just get hurt when the girls he consistently looks at look nothing like ME. Because it means that he doesn't find my body shape attractive enough for a fast boner. So dont come at me (haha pun) with that "all men watch porn, deal with it"

[SomeGuy37]

There is nothing I can say here, that hasn't been said a million times!! Sex and Love are different to men.
With porn, he is looking for something to just get off to, and it has NOTHING to do with you!! Maybe he is tense from work, maybe you had a fight, who knows, whatever! Porn is an outlet for his stress, and it is all physical, no emotion, no love, not that he wants to be with her! Just that she has some curves, or does something, that gives him that moment, and he gets off. NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL!!
With porn, there is no 'relationship', no memories of past issues, no anxiety, no performance issues!!
With a woman that he REALLY cares about, there are a MILLION things going through his head whenever you get together!! TOO MUCH PRESSURE, sometimes!!! 'Am I doing it 'RIGHT' and is she liking it, or faking? What is she thinking when I can't get hard, does she think I am not attracted, but this sht at work, and no, think of her, and so on, and on!! It takes a lot of work, a lot of effort, with a woman that he really cares about, to really make her feel like he thinks she wants to (but is that what you want?)
I think that most guys in relationships would prefer to explore all the sensual joys, together, but, like I said, there is a lot of pressure, and even a little conflict, and he can't get hard, and there is the assumed judgement, questions, uncertainty!
But when things go well, it is SOOOOO much better than the 'porn' way.
Still, TWO, TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS, to guys!!
I know it is hard to understand from a female perspective, but it is like that.
Stop comparing yourself to what he may like, just getting off, watching porn!! It has NOTHING to do with you!! Unless you are one of the ones that has a guy that found something in porn, that makes him feel good, and wants to share some kind of sensual, play, with you!! Some guy's favorite porn (Cheerleaders, Schoolgirls, Spanking, etc.) are guides to what excites him!!
Get over the 'Gross!!' factor (unless it is something totally nasty!!) and realize that if he likes cheerleaders, when he gets off alone, and maybe you dress up, and be a cheerleader, he probably won't want to watch the Porn, but rather play with you!!
What you do, privately, together, for fun, is your personal business. I'm just saying, maybe, if you can mimic his favorite Porn, he will probably choose to play with you, and forget the videos!!!
What do you have to lose?
You wrote a lot, so I did too!! Hope it helps!

[BuchitaBuchys]

Thats not what im asking at all. I dont care that he watches porn, i care that I look nothing like them.

[SomeGuy37]

I guess you missed the point!!! Did you read the WHOLE THING? I gave you some clues, at the end!!

[BuchitaBuchys]

How the hell would I dress up like a white girl with big tits if Im hispanic, dark skin and small boobs?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ugh, if it were as easy as dressing up as a "sexy nurse' or whatever, this wouldn't be an issue. But if he's looking at completely differnt women, then he must not be that into you

[SomeGuy37]

Hang on, just take a minute, OK? Is he watching white girls, and you feel like you aren't what he wants being a beautiful Hispanic lady? Tell me more details, so I can help you!

[BuchitaBuchys]

This was an ex so it doesn't matter. My point is, you look different from what he searches, how can you be his fantasy? Were not. men are never satisfied.

[SomeGuy37]

You are WAAAAYYYY too young, to be so terribly JADED!! You have been with the wrong guys, and they treated you badly!! Not every guy is like that!! This is obviously an issue, to you, so let's talk about it, and maybe I can help. Maybe private chat?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ok, so you agree if you dont look like the girl he searches mostly, then there's an issue?

[SomeGuy37]

No, not at all!! I am saying that you might need to try some things, or maybe change some ideas, and show him how FCKING AMAZING you are, to him!! He doesn't have any commitment to the porn, and if you make him WANT YOU, you might even be able to get him to burn that porn, that you hate!!

[BuchitaBuchys]

I dont hate porn. For the last damn time. I could care less if he's searching for kinky shit. The acts dont bother me, its the fact that I dont even slightly resemble the women. And that he wouild deliberately search for women that look nothing like me thats the issue. I can replicate the act. I can replicate the outfit. But I can't change my skin or body type

[SomeGuy37]

you aren't hearing me. Calm down. I'm not judging you, and I want to help. I've had a lot of female friends with the same issue that you say! You are getting angry over what feels like betrayal, and jealousy. i don't think that is the issue! I think you are a rather feisty, passionate woman, and your ethnicity, and skin color is not likely the issue!! I doubt that he likes white girls, or any others, better than you. The only one that is judging you, is you!! You are perfectly fine, as you are, if you just relax a bit, and listen to what I am saying.

[BuchitaBuchys]

If all that were true, then why deliberately search for women that look nothing like me?

[SomeGuy37]

Like I said, you haven't given me enough details to be able to tell you! He is your Ex, or a current BF? Tell me more, so I can help you!!

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ex but it applies to all men in general who look at porn where the women dont look nohting like their partners. I've seen so many questions on here of women asking this same question. And men usually give shitty answers.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Lol no help i guess. I guess its better to stay single cuz men just aren't happy with one woman.

[SomeGuy37]

You are so wrong, but seem committed to your false impressions.

[thierryMUG]

does your explanation also apply to guys that keep pop stars pics on his phone and specifically says one of these pop stars is beautiful to him?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Explain how I'm wrong because you keep bringing up dumb, unrelated shit.

[thierryMUG]

Wow i didn't say you were wrong... i guess you would know what dumb is

[BuchitaBuchys]

@thierryMUG I wasn't talking to you

[Anonymous]

I don't know. TBH I look at porn stars that look basically like the women I'm attracted to in real life.

I don't know if she'd see it the same way but I do.

I do look at some variety but I don't stray much from dark hair and small breasts. And then the style of porn I like best.

I also don't understand the guys who are like super into certain porn stars. Realistically I like a parade of anonymous women who are all roughly my type and are stand ins for the scenario that turns me on.

There are a few small things I fantasize about that maybe aren't her but they aren't core. Like a way shorter woman etc.

The big gap for me between porn and reality is entirely what we do not how she looks.

[BuchitaBuchys]

See, if only more men were like you lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well gets me nowhere I'm in a close to sexless marriage anyway. Think maybe the universe just hates us all.

[Opinion Owner]

by the way all these guys saying it's no big deal would lose their shit if 90% of what their girlfriend watched was interracial. I get what you're saying and agree. I want to feel like my partners type. Or at least among her types. It's why I go as far as telling people not to worry if they are their partners fetish (so long as they also connect emotionally). Why would that not be great? I guess people like to somehow imagine normal attraction is different. But i figure if my partner has a huge turn on that I'm an expression of then awesome.

[redeyemindtricks]

Ehhhh whatevs.

I like to eye-fuck hot boys, too. And hot boys come in all sizes, colors, and ages -- some of which are approximately my husband's, and some of which are absolutely nowhere close.

My man is GORGEOUS. Not even kidding, he's the sexiest and most beautiful man I've ever met.
... but, sometimes, I just feel like feasting my eyes on something a little bit **different**. And mb (... the horrors!) even daydreaming/fantasizing a bit about "something a little bit different", too.

So what?

Obviously, fantasy is not reality. And anyone who isn't delusional knows that MOST fantasies are never even *intended* to be reality (= even if they were on offer, we'd prefer to leave them as fantasies).
... and, on top of that, it's just *that* much more sexual energy to bring back and take out on MY man. #fuckyeah

__

Honestly, I'd be turned OFF by a man who suddenly didn't even want to LOOK at beautiful women whose look differed from my own.
... tf? Honestly, I'd start getting a creeping suspicion that the dude might actually be in the closet, and that's a big no for me. Normal straight boys don't suddenly stop being attracted to the whole wide wonderful spectrum of female beauty -- and if some boy is suddenly gna lose all that natural straight-boy attraction, I don't want that on **me**.

[karahiri]

hmm... you don't think that there's something romantic about having eyes for only one person? not saying that you don't notice other people at all, just that... no one else can do it for you.

[redeyemindtricks]

@karahiri Oh believe me, no one else could. Girl I'm so sprung, even if my man died, I'd STILL stay faithful to him. There's just no way any other man could ever step to that. ... Which has nothing at all to do with having, or not having, wandering eyes. Tbh the way I see it, it's much MORE "romantic" when a man who HAS the wandering eyes, and the inveterate charm, freely gives his total commitment to the woman he loves. ... you get me? Because in that case, the commitment actually MEANS something (... and the same in the other direction, too). I mean, don't get me wrong, it's all cool if someone rlly **does** "only have eyes for one person" (... although I can't shake thinking they're just in denial) -- but, in that case, that person's commitment honestly isn't worth anything, because it's just the default anyway. From someone like that, faithfulness isn't PROOF of... well, anything.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@karahiri that's exactly what i mean. You get it lol

[karahiri]

that's interesting... i've never really gone near the type of guy whose eyes wander a lot because i've been told a thousand times over that you can't expect a guy to change his core for you... like, you can't convert someone like that into being all about one woman because eventually, he'll go back to being the way he always was. but it sounds like you've managed that impossible :) and in that case, i do see how having someone like that commit can be proof of devotion.

[karahiri]

@BuchitaBuchys I noticed that many of the dudes did not get what you were talking about :p

[redeyemindtricks]

@karahiri "you can't convert someone like that into being all about one woman because eventually, he'll go back to being the way he always was" ^^ you're still conflating two completely different things, which are (1) the idea of enjoying the sights and sounds of hot boys, and (2) actively wanting to *fuck* a whole bunch of hot boys. I mean... honestly, among my girlfriends, ALL of the ones who are the flirtiest, and bawdiest, and who have the most wandering eyes, and who talk the most about how this or that boy is hot stuff... exactly 0 of them have ever actually been unfaithful in a committed relationship. Zero of us, ever. Tbh, I think a big part of it is just the fact that IT ISN'T "TEMPTATION". There's nothing "forbidden" or "bad" about it -- so, no temptation is created. Whereas the women I know who HAVE cheated -- especially the serial cheaters -- have ALL been super discreet about their desires, and have suppressed all the

[redeyemindtricks]

wandering eyes and all the flirting until one day when it just *exploded*. (Also, all of THE worst cheaters were with men who were super jealous and critical when they would even so much as *talk* to another male human being. This isn't much of a surprise -- it's just like how lots of teenagers want to do certain drugs ONLY because those drugs are illegal, and not because of any of the actual appeal of the drugs themselves.) __ Also -- if we're being perfectly honest here -- it also helps that I've fucked my way through a big part of the world's catalog of boys. If my man were just the first or second or third man I'd been with, tbh I'm not sure I could resist the pull of "What else is out there?" forever and ever. But, I've been around enough to *know* they don't make 'em like the one I got. <3 Different strokes.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@karahiri lol I know. Like how many times do I have to say I give no fucks if he watches porn!

[redeyemindtricks]

Tbh, the only thing that WOULD bother me... would be if the boy actually HAD "favorite porn stars", as alluded in yr original paragraph. That would just be fucked up. I mean... do porn stars even have names? Or faces? Not in my world, lol. I absolutely can't put a finger on why this would bother me so much, but... it would. Favorite *scenes*, sure. But actually having favorite individual porn stars, and looking up a bunch of stuff with the same woman in it on purpose? THAT would bother me.

[karahiri]

you don't think there's any correlation at all between watching a lot of porn and wanting to have sex with a variety of people? it kind of sounds like you... sated your appetite for variety... which is a bit strange to me, because that portrays sex as something super basic, like... eating :p i mean, maybe it is, maybe i just don't know what it's all about, but i was kind of hoping it would be a bit more complicated than that :x

[Wonderer89]

I liken it to food while on a diet. I eat at home every night, I love my home cooked food, appreciate it, think about finally getting home to eat it all day when I'm at work. I chose the diet I'm on because it's the best possible thing for me long term- it's good for my body and my soul and I feel much happier when I stick to it.
But that doesn't mean I don't like looking at the menu for calorie laden take away. It's not what my heart or body wants everyday while on my diet- but it's nice to look at when I have nothing better to do. That's what porn is for me - it's a quick distraction to rub one out and a nice fantasy but it doesn't relate back to my home-cooked husband whatsoever or how much I love and enjoy his body. It's just enjoying something different on the peripheral in my personal time.

*please don't poke holes in how I'm trying to explain this. I don't fantasise about people I know, I have no interest in cheating or touching anyone else I just like porn and don't feel it has anything to do with not appreciating my husband

[BuchitaBuchys]

Do the men you rub to look drastically different from your man?

[Wonderer89]

I don't really look for a specific types of guys, just scenes I'm interested in with people that I'm not distracted by particular parts of their body (weird facial features, bad plastic surgery etc). The actual guys aren't my focus, but 70% are probably fitter than my husband. I asked him years ago if it bothered him and he said as long as our sex life was alive and fun he didn't really care but if it started to wane but we each continually used porn to masturbate with then it would be a problem. We're just on the same page about it - but I understand not everyone feels the way I do

[BuchitaBuchys]

Then it's not the same. I don't care that he watches porn. I care that he consistently looks for women who look nothing like me

[Wonderer89]

My husband goes for tall thin blondes in his searches - the 100% opposite of what I am. It used to bother me when we were relatively new and I was insecure about my body but it's just variety for him. When I asked he loves my body and had never failed to be ready when I want some action but seeing something different to the everyday is also arousing. Again - home cooked everyday thing vs take away. As long as our sex life isn't dropping and my trust in him is enough to believe when he says I'm enough I just can't bring myself to make a big deal over it when at the end of the day it just doesn't matter. I trust him with everything else - so I choose to believe him when he says he isn't missing anything I don't have even though it's what he looks at online. Again though, only my own feelings on it

[BuchitaBuchys]

That's a more helpful response. But I just don't think I can get over something like that because it would always linger in my head and I'd feel inadequate.

[Wonderer89]

I've overcome infidelity at the start of my relationship - the hardest part was trusting him again to believe what he was showing and telling me. Even two years later I was still going over it with a psychologist that I just couldn't let go of lingering feelings that I wouldn't be enough and he would fail again. He gave me the best piece of advice and I still use it regularly. Trusting my partner is a choice. It literally boils down to choosing to believe what he tells me and what he backed up with his actions. By constantly thinking, worrying and feeling like my personal inadequacies were going to ruin my relationship because I couldn't live up to what he needed (that he had gotten from someone else) that insecurity and mistrust in him was what was going to cause the biggest wedge if I couldn't get past it. It was a choice to believe was he was telling me was the truth and simply enjoy what we had and from there it just grew

[Wonderer89]

But I had to let go of that judgement and critical analysis both of myself and of him and I think when we came up against the porn preferences I was much more equipped to deal with it - just as he was in communicating what his search preferences meant to him. I understand not everyone thinks or feels that way about things like that though, but it worked for me 😊

[Anonymous]

*a guy admires big tits*
What they say: "I like your small tits just fine"
What they mean: "I guess I can live with them, but I would really really want to put my head between those big fat aaaaah"

What we think: "I don't want to be just fine. I want to be his dream girl and I will never feel enough if I know you wanted something else. You might love me, but you won't love my body the same way I love yours. You became my dream guy, from head to toe, I wouldn't change anything while I'm "just fine"

[BuchitaBuchys]

Omg, THIS. I think you're getting MH because that's literally how i feel! Like when I'm with a guy, even if I wasn't super attracted to him beforehand, like with my recent ex I honestly didn't like his body much, after a while i get so enamored that I can only think of him. But there i am, just tolerable body. Adequate "enough", yet I'm crazy for you. You totally get it, that's how I wanted to say it

[MrOracle]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a5423-why-men-watch-porn

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ugh. It's like you men can't read! I DON'T CARE if he watches porn. I DON'T CARE if it's always "sexy nurse". I'm worried that the women he deliberately searches for look NOTHING like me. I can be kinky, I can dress up. But if he's searching for white girls with big tits always, I CAN'T become white and grow boobs out of nowhere. THAT'S my issue, that my body type isn't enough to give him a fast boner

[Dargil]

Good, enduring Take. I don't know if it came from your Take, but I believe The Creator wired men to be addicted to sex and want to fuck everything in sight at every opportunity because of the heinous mortality rates during early days requiring that as a reproductive strategy. Now we have to jack off to porn if we want to keep it faithful because that thirst is still there.

[MrOracle]

I was hoping you would read the part about men desiring VARIATION. Men often look at porn or have fantasies about women who are the OPPOSITE (or just very different) than the woman they're with - because why fantasize about her body type when you can have the real HER? It's like fantasizing about driving a Corvette when you drive a Corvette - no one does that. This is a common thing that women worry about, but it's also a common thing that guys do that means NOTHING about his attraction to her. If a guy is with a white girl with big boobs, maybe he'll look at porn featuring black girls with big asses, or petite latinas, or tall Asians. Some guys even look at ugly girls when they have a hot girl - just because they have a drive for VARIATION (something DIFFERENT than what they have in real life - whatever that is at the time).

[BuchitaBuchys]

Then what's the point of being in a relationship if he's going to always have that "grass greener on other side" mentality?

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Dargil so men aren't monogamous and happy with one woman, they just "fake/prolong" it with porn? Great lol just perfect

[Dargil]

We are not animals in the emotional sense. Instincts can drive us, but they can be overruled by "higher" feelings such as love and duty. The Marine does not flee from a hopeless firefight and I don't lay with Kim K just because she offered. There is a vast difference between how you think things ought to be and how they really are. Men are emotionally alien to women. Understanding how we are wired will bring you peace.

[BellePepper]

I think we are our men's fantasies in a lot of cases even if they have a favorite porn star. Like maybe they like her boobs or his ass or whatever but we're the ones they love and want to build relationships with. That's better than nice calves any day :)

[samhradh_leannan]

I agree, the logic guys use for this makes no sense to me. Then again, men and women frequently make no sense to each other.

[vonasaurus]

men crave variety, and that's why they watch porn featuring actresses that look nothing like their girlfriends. but it doesn't mean he's not attracted to you.

my boyfriend has a 'porn folder' on his desktop, and most of the girls in it look nothing like me. but i'm secure enough in my own skin that i know he's not looking for anyone else irl.

[AnaWryneck]

A fantasy means something isn't real if the person looks like you that means they're basically with you because you look like that person they don't love you they want someone like that person.

[BuchitaBuchys]

And what's so bad about being "basically with me"?

[AnaWryneck]

In this scenario they're not with you they're living out a fantasy and eventually there will be someone else that matches it better

[Mustachekitteh]

Humans normally want what they can't have.

[CrystalChild]

You seem very concerned about gaining men's appreciation and acceptance. I suggest finding your owb self worth first then worry about guys later. There are plenty of great guys who don't put their woman on the back burner

[BuchitaBuchys]

Blah. That shit won't happen lol

[CrystalChild]

Then you won't be happy. Even with a guy you'll never feel worth ir

[BuchitaBuchys]

Meh. I don't date anyways

[CrystalChild]

Then why are you asking this question? 😐

[BuchitaBuchys]

Because I'm not the only person who wonders.

[coachTanthony]

Men are born with VARIETAL instincts. It's like having Fruit Loops everyday.. . somedays we just want some cocoa pebbles! If you had big tits he would probably search women who have big asses... men always want what they don't have.. porn is perfect to quench that desire!

[BuchitaBuchys]

What's the point of getting in a relationship if he's always gonna have that "grass greener on other side" mentality? Also, I'd prefer it was variety. Not just one specific body type. And so you're basically saying that men aren't monogamous. And porn just helps "fake/prolong" it?

[coachTanthony]

How do you get "grass greener on the other side" from what i said? I never said he was going to leave you for a girl with a big butt.. you are assuming all this yourself.. I gave you an answer that makes sense and you turn it into something that just doesn't happen. Men watching porn getting their variety is not cheating... so they are still monogamous right? Really?

[normalice]

have you ever read a romance novel? shouldn't you be happy with the romance your guy provides you? Same sort of thing..

you are confined to the rules of reality. movie productions and books are not. That's the whole point of them. In porn, a girl can deep throat your cock until you cum, then carry on deepthroating it until she demands you put it in her butt until you cum again. And then turn around and deepthroat it until you cum yet again. This isn't realistic.

It is true that because the whole point is to make it look realistic, a lot of men confuse it for reality and end up hoping to find a girl who is genuinely that enthusiastic about oral/anal sex, but most guys learn eventually that it's not a realistic expectation.

That's really what porn is all about. The fantasy isn't the way the girl looks - any girl can look like that with the right makeup, lighting, and exercise routine (or failing that, plastic surgery). The fantasy is that there are girls who have a visceral enthusiasm for taking cock. But, the thing is that just any girl can fake that, too.

[BuchitaBuchys]

No I dont read romance novels because theyre shit. ANd even if I did, its not the same because Id be picturing him. However, I dont care about the acts, I care about the fact that the girls look nothing like me. SO its like he doesn't find my body as sexy, or not as sexy as those porn chicks.

[normalice]

if you were in a porn doing the things that good porn chicks do, pretty much every guy would masturbate to it, regardless of what you look like. It is the acts that keep us interested.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Then why does he specifically go for the same kind? Different acts, but same girls every time? Like same body type, but that isn't mine?

[normalice]

different acts with the same girl usually have something in common. I had a mild obsession with Taylor Rain a while back, because even though each one of her movies were different, the way she took it in the butt was perfect, in my opinion.

[BuchitaBuchys]

You didn't answer the question.

[normalice]

I'm saying her enthusiasm for anal was what drew me in, not the way she looked. I guess it's true I can't speak for every guy, but I've been very bored with porn that had girls I would ordinarily consider extremely attractive, because they acted like they couldn't even feel it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

But it wasn't just ONE GIRL it was ONE BODY TYPE. Like he never searched for specific stars, just the same type. White/light girl with big boobs. And Im none of that.

[normalice]

hm. well, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to answer your question beyond what I already have without knowing him. I can only say what my motives would be. It could just be that he's relatively new to porn and doesn't quite know what he likes, so he just searches for what he assumes he likes. Who knows..

[BuchitaBuchys]

Doubt it. This was my ex though so it doesn't matter But he told me that he used to be addicted to porn and masturbation as a teen. And he is/was 29, so I highly doubt after 14yrs of watching porn, that he was "new" to it

[normalice]

yeah, seems unlikely.. I honestly don't know :-/

[karahiri]

i think it's just the novelty of seeing different women doing sexual things. it's probably biological since this issue is mainly one that just dudes face. it is a bit sad though. :/

[KeiranByrne]

It's an age old conundrum. In Greek mythology we have Zeus the chronic philanderer and his possessive wife Hera, she of hearth and home.
Of course we also have Aphrodite the embodiment of female sexuality and promiscuity. She cheated on her husband with her sibling Ares.
Mythology offers insights into human nature that are not only accurate but often not very pretty or nice.

[AleDeEurope]

I gotta say that I've never masturbated when I was in a relationship or had a crush, unless I had nude pics of her, I just find it weird though, at least now, I'm not saying I won't ever do it.
The thing is, that the chances of you dating a person who is 100% physically what you desire, are very little. Like what are the chances she's a 10 in looks AND also an incredible woman who is everything you want in a gf?

When I picture my fantasy girl, I don't typically think about looks, I mean, they obviously matter, but to me a fantasy girl is much more. I picture more us being in a relationship, getting married and having kids (yeah, I know, it's cheesy), than actually fantasizing about her looks, because I know that, even though looks matter, when it comes to a fantasy woman, looks aren't #1.

[SpurtLover]

If you have darker skin and smaller boobs, you would be my fantasy girl for sure. Yes, all guys (I should say most guy) watch porn, but it doesn't mean we don;t love our GFs and wives. Yes, maybe we get an erection when watching porn, but I'll never finish myself off if my girlfriend is around. I'll go to her and ask her for a blowjob or something. That way, she gets my cum and not some video girl, you know? Hopefully your boyfriend does the same for you. Even if your boyfriend gets turned on by porn, as long as he bringing his boner to you to suck on, you shouldn't be too concerned. You sound hot, are you Asian?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ugh. It's like you men can't read! I DON'T CARE if he watches porn. I DON'T CARE if it's always "sexy nurse". I'm worried that the women he deliberately searches for look NOTHING like me. I can be kinky, I can dress up. But if he's searching for white girls with big tits always, I CAN'T become white and grow boobs out of nowhere. THAT'S my issue, that my body type isn't enough to give him a fast boner

[ImACowgirl]

Who tf cares what these porn stars look like! He's looking at porn. That's really messed up. The fact that he's in a relationship with you but looking at porn is the problem. But somehow you'd be ok with that as long as they looked like you? I honestly don't understand that but whatever he's looking at he obviously find more appealing or else he wouldn't be doing it.

[the_artist]

And what is the problem if someone is in a relationship and still watches porn?

[ImACowgirl]

@the_artist The problem? It's fucked up and he has no reason to be doing it when he gets that from his girlfriend. It's cheating too. Any lusting or wanting of another person other than your girlfriend/boyfriend is cheating. It's perverted and fucked up on so many levels.

[the_artist]

I'm not gonna judge you on basis of Your opinion about porn But me and my girlfriend both watch porn together sometimes, it's normal for Us and i don't think its cheating until you're actually sleeping with someone Fantasising is okay and it may be normal for the person who asked this question P. S a lot of couples watch porn together Everyone has their opinion in this matter

[BuchitaBuchys]

@the_artist Im not bothered by porn watching. Im bothered that the women dont resemble me.

[ImACowgirl]

@the_artist In reality it's fucked up. That's truth and you and you're girlfriend are some creepy people! A lot of people don't last long because of that. It's not normal and isn't real love.

[the_artist]

Wow thank You for being so polite And i have been in relationship with my girl since we were 15 so it's been 6 years and we talk about this stuff normally Definitely not creepy for Us. And for the part about "Real love" you don't need to give me an opinion about that, i love my girl and i don't care what anyone thinks about Us, creepy or normal we are what we are. I'm gonna stop commenting now. Thank You, Have a good day/night

[Mesonfielde]

Voted B). Simple, you can't really watch your girlfriend having sex from a distance unless you're into cuckolding which is just weird. So you watch porn instead.

[Ephemera1]

So you're telling me, because I fap to pictures and videos of my girl and not porn, I'm complimenting her? Because shit, I'm tossing out these compliments like crazy.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Thats so romantic. And no, Im not being sarcastic lol

[Ephemera1]

Much romance. Such beauty.
https://i.imgur.com/rs1cxcI.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/oApCVFR.jpg

[john335]

As I've said to many females friends guys may look and fantasize about a lot of other women, but if you love a women she is the reason you want the extra hours and for many guys she is the reason he is alive. I have been in love to the point where I'd grow old with this young women and give her my heart and trust. I don't think everyone finds love and I believe that few people are wired to be completely monogamous and together forever. I get that you want to be the only woman in your guys life and for many guys you can be and I mean that.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

I am his fantasy and his reality. 🙂

[BuchitaBuchys]

Lucky you :/ Not all of us can or will find such a man that'll be fully happy with us

[Dargil]

You can.
We can.
Both just have to want to.

[rjroy3]

" I want to be his EVERYTHING lol Is that really too much to ask for?"

Yes, that is too much to ask for simply because no one is anyone elses everything. Nor should they be. Now to be honest in my last relationship. I did almost exclusively masturbate to my girlfriend. Largely because we had such an active sex life and she was hot as hell. I even found it easier to ejaculate when masturbating to her than I did with porn. Watching porn was a rare occasion for me and it was more to do with visually seeing the act vs seeing her body. The moment we recorded a couple videos of us having sex and of her doing some other acts I was completely off of porn other than the stuff we recorded.

If I were you. If you really have such a big problem with this you should have an honest discussion with him about how you'd like to give him a porn substitute that includes you. So that you are present in his mind when he does it. It is unreasonable to take away porn from him and looking at other girls if you are not fufilling those needs for him. Now some guys do watch a shit ton of porn so trying to match that might be more work than it's worth. But offering that up to him would be good for both of you and the relationship.

[rjroy3]

The best you can hope for in this situation is that he simply watches less porn of other women and more of you instead. Meaning you need to make sure that you're offering value as far as the sexual side of the relationship is concerned. Working out together. Flirting with him. Fulfilling sexual fantasies of his so that he's not looking to porn to simulate a fantasy that he's not getting in the relationship. Like if you don't want to do anal and he does, then it's not unreasonable to just accept the fact he's going to watch some anal porn. It's a fantasy and he's not getting it. And in that example it serves both of you, because it's something you REALLY don't want to do and may be afraid to do and he still gets to simulate it in his mind, while getting everything else he wants sexually from you. There has to be a trade off.

[BuchitaBuchys]

That's not helpful at all. Please read the update

[rjroy3]

My answer doesn't change. My point was that it's unreasonable to request he do that, when it's just a passing fancy for him and you can't or won't fulfill that random urge for him. Which is why I said the best you can hope for is a situation where he watches less porn of other women (of women that don't fit your bodytype/ethnicity. Also a side note. Threesomes are a fantasy as well. Picking a girl that doesn't necessarily look like you isn't out of bounds in that fantasy).

[rjroy3]

I should add. The only reason that having that expectation won't help you is that you merely saying you're not okay with that won't stop him from having that fantasy. That's a great way to get him to lie to you about it tho. Because if you're not open to his sexual fantasies, then he's not going to want to share them with you. That's a simple fact of either person in a relationship. You don't want to be the person that makes him feel guilty for his sexual urges. You want to be the person he opens up to about what he's feeling.

[BuchitaBuchys]

That's why I said I'd rather not date. I don't think it's healthy to have that "grass greener on the other side" mentality

[rjroy3]

A passing fantasy isn't the grass is greener mentality. It's more comparable to some days you want Mexican, other times you want Chinese. The Mexican restaurant owner can get pissed at the customer and tell them he doesn't want the customer going anywhere but to his Mexican restaurant chain, but all the owner is going to do is going to drive his customers away. And over what? Them waking up and feeling like having Chinese food that day?