Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend wants to have a threesome to help OUR relationship, advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. I've had sexual relationships before being with him, but he's never been with another woman. We're moving out together this year and planning to get married and have kids eventually. Since he's never been with anyone else, he feels like he needs to experience that before he can commit for life. He does NOT want to break up over this, so he asked if I want to have a threesome once not only so he can get out his curiosity and move on from it while doing it with me, but also because I'm bisexual and haven't been able to explore that side of me either because we've been together so long. He does not want a "hall pass" and to just go and have sex with another girl, even though I offered. He wants us to do it together. I feel extremely conflicted. I completely understand that he feels like he hasn't experienced what he needs to to be able to settle down yet. He assures me he just wants to do it once to get it out of the way so he can really give his all to me. Is this a good or bad idea? Do you think he'll really only want to do it once or will this open a can of worms?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • If he feels like he's missing out on something then he is not content with you or some aspects of your relationship and you should break up because he's not ready to be exclusive. Once you find the one you know you want to spend your life with you don't need to wonder about anyone else, no matter if that person is your first or not. There are people who have only had sex with one person their whole life and are content with that. If you give him permission to explore other women he might not want to go back to you, he might be looking for something better. I had a threesome for the experience and it ruined my relationship. Don't taint what you have by inviting someone else into your bedroom.

  • I agree with him. He is trying to be honest and find a middle ground, especially since he knows you're bi and possibly wouldalo get something from it. Think of the Alternative. If you deny him this, his curiosity might very well lead him to cheating. Want that to happen?

    Better let him have his thing with you involved or in the room at least, rather than him going out on his own and get some snacks.

    • That's how I see it too. I've felt that curiosity too because I'm bi so I can't hold it against him. I was the one who first offered the threesome because I feel like I've been suppressing my bisexuality! Knowing what we've been through and how hard we've fought for each other in the past I really don't think this would hurt us but like who ever thinks they're going to be hurt? I'm just trying to decide if the potential benefits are worth the potential risks I guess

    • I'm sure he's just gonna see her as another piece of meat. While he will see you as someone he cherishes and loves. Totally different. Don't let them know each other that well. Keep it strictly physical, don't let the girl do anything more than physical

    • That's exactly what he's said to me too. Even though he's very picky about who he messes around with in the past, he's never seen sex/sexual acts as anything more than physical. Even sometimes with me (which as someone who does I was like wtf), which is reassuring in this situation. This is gonna make him sound like an asshole but he told me as soon as we're done he'd kick her ass out so quick she'd get whiplash. It's just uncharted territory, none of my friends have ever had threesomes either so I really don't know what to expect.

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  • I can't see any negative outcome from this; if he decides to say with you and don't ever repeat it, you win; if he starts liking it, she will find out you didn't knew him as well as you thought, and then you'll avoid marring someone with a trait you can't accept.
    Face the problems, don't run away from them.

  • as long as everyone is on the same page, guidelines have set which is very important! and you guys can talk about it before and after and be honest i say go ahead and enjoy it, i would pick someone known of you know and once you guys hook up not see her again

Most Helpful Guys

  • I´ve read you, I think both of you should back off and redifine how serious you want your relationship to be, what if you do a threesome and you find out you prefer lesbic sexual experience? Another threesome? In a so cold "serious relationship"?

    • We did right after the threesome conversation. He specifically told me I'm the only person he can possibly see himself marrying and having kids with, and he wants to work towards that. He feels as though the only way we can move forward from where we are now is if we fulfill all our curiosities and leave it there. The main problem is if that creates more curiosities instead

    • Yeah, it will increase the desire you have, be careful with what wish for.

  • Threesomes are emotional minefields. I'd remain very skeptical.

    • I know. But I don't think it's healthy to be in a relationship when you're always going "what if?" and that's why I offered for us to take a break so he can explore that but he really does not want to break up, he wants to start a family. He doesn't want to go and have sex with a random girl either. He just wants to be able to know he's experienced what he needs to to be able to be fully committed to starting this life with me and not going into it so inexperienced. I just can't think of any other ways to remedy this

    • How about role play sex? Some of the best sex I've ever had was being someone else. I'm betting that if both of you made a real effort at taking on a different role, you could go a long way toward satisfying this craving of his. The best scenario we ever did was a bar pick up where she got taken back to his place and treated roughly. We're into S&M. What are his favorite dark, nasty fantasies? What are your?

    • We haven't done role-play but we have done S&M. It's not that he isn't sexually satisfied, it isn't even necessarily about sex, it is more of the "experience" part of it. He's never experienced anyone other than me and we are worried that will put a damper on our relationship since we do plan on being together the rest of our lives. People have had very bad adultery issues in his family and he does not want to cheat on me and he's scared that being together for the rest of our lives without him ever being with anyone else could hurt our relationship and potentially cause him to have ideas of cheating because of that curiosity.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Not a good idea

  • No way!! Bad idea! It will do nothing but make matters worse. It may be OK for years, but at some time in the future, either of you might use it as ammunition against the other.

    Remember, once it's done, there's no turning back.

    • What should we do then? I genuinely think it would be really fun, seeing as I'm into girls as well. But I know it's so much more than "just fun". I feel bad knowing I've been with other people and he hasn't, I feel like I'm taking away really important experiences for someone's development. I learned a lot about myself from being with different types of people, and it's made me appreciate the relationship I've had even more. He wants that too, and I told him we could take a break for a couple weeks so he can explore that but he really doesn't want to break up and doesn't even really want to go and have sex with a random girl by himself. What's another option for us?

    • There is no other option. As they say, two's company, three's a crowd. Would you risk him having that taste of honey? He might like threesomes, and want more. He might find one he finds so hot in bed he won't want to give her up. Then the poo really will be in the fan.

    • I should also make it clear that he wasn't super total virgin before me. We seriously broke up for a month towards the beginning of our relationship and he ate some other girl out, she wanted to have sex but he said no because he didn't want to have sex with anyone other than me. We got back together not much later and have been together since. So I do trust he's not going to go gungho "I've seen the light and it's pussy" since he's been offered it before, it's just more about the fact that he's never had sex with another girl and he's about to sign that away for life and I think that makes him feel a little insecure, seeing as I've had sex with other guys before him. I don't know this shit confusing

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  • Tell. Him. No. Hell no.

  • If you think your relationship is strong and open enough to handle it than ok.

  • Go for it and let the both of you experience it together you've wanted to explore your bisexual side go ahead, if he truly loves you he will stay with you.

  • So basically he is threatening to leave you if you don't accept his proposal to have a threesome.

    • No not at all, I was actually the one who drunkly brought it up a couple weeks ago because I thought it was hot. He's just really thinking about it now as something to help our relationship too. He specifically told me it wasn't an ultimatum but just something that lingers in the back of his mind, and I was the one who offered to break up over this anyway and he said no.

    • To me this is crazy. It alllll crazy crazy

    • U know what Just do it. Threesome 100% yolo

  • I'm going to go ahead a vote bad idea. If your going to commit just do it. If your so sure then why the need to experiment and try something knew.

    • I don't want to come off as a victim here because I was the one who brought it up first because a month or two ago I was struggling with the fact that I'm bisexual and never really got to fully explore that before getting into a serious relationship. I didn't want to go off and fuck another girl even though he said I could, I wanted to do it together. And from my perspective, it wouldn't change how I feel about starting a family and staying committed to him completely. It would just be a one time thing to shake off that curiosity. But now that he's the one asking me now and it's hard for me to trust that he's going to feel the exact same way I do about it because yknow, paranoia.

    • for both ur sakes I advise against. there are lots of things that are suppose to be one time things but it doesn't work out that way. plus nothing wrong with letting curiousity stay curiosity. if you have something that protect it. Don't let the temptation of a short term pleasure ruin a long term happiness

    • Are there any alternatives to help this though? Like I can really only think of taking the risk and having the threesome, breaking up/taking a break and let him see other people, or say no and then risk the potential of this staying a problem in our relationship. As a guy, what would you need to hear if you were him?

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  • Danger. Run from this idea. Of course he wants to have 2 girls. Every mans fantasy.

  • Best. Idea. Ever.

  • that's easy NO! it will ruin your relationship for sure and It's a sin.

  • Don't do it lol, worst thing anyone can do in a relationship is have a threesome, it all goes sour from there.

  • Worst idea.

  • He wants to broke up with you.

  • Your boyfriend is acting like an immature ass. I think you should break up with him.

  • I bet as usual he had to be the one to make the first move and ask you out first

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