Why are men so disrespectful to nice women?

I don't get it- so I get men maybe just want sex- but all the men I meet online say and do things to be mean or degrade me. I'm a really pretty female, hot, sexy educated and a really cool nice person. These guys I meet treat me horribly. I just had a date with a guy who barely talked to me- tons of silent/awkward moments, he ignored me half the time, and I had to be the one doing all the talking. He was turned on by me too.

Afterwards, he said we can do something but changed his mind and went home an hour away. Then he texted me asking what I wanted. He admitted he just wanted a hook up, and i said i dont want a one night stand. He said he'd be willing to 'have sex on many occasions" and when i mentioned cuddling he said "no intimacy" that leads to feelings. If I wanted intimacy i'd have a girlfriend and 'ive never had a problem before." I'm so confused- why is he so arrogant and rude as if he can get any woman he wants- also acting demanding as if "i just want sex only nothing else." He was basically saying "i just want to use you for free quick "sex" with no cuddling or intimacy and acted like that's ok. Not "ok if you're even willing to have sex with me that way, i'll do whatever you want." What a crazy jerk? How can a guy treat a female so badly? Also can't these idiots read what kind of person you are- im like a deep thoughtful genuine person- regardless to treat any human that way is ridiculous. His 'ex' who was crazy did some horrible things to him- and he stayed with her and took all her crap.
I told him to get a hooker if he just wants a quick meaningless bang and he took that as an insult and kept saying "i don't pay." I told him im a genuine person and not interested in just random bangs. Most dates I go on- the guys are just such jerks to me in major ways- when im a really nice kind person and also pretty.

What are guys like this thinking? I mean to me he was treating me lower than a prostitute... but most guys do. Do they do that to women who are hot?
Updates:
+1 y
oh yeah all of these men had crazy or bad ex's- this last guy had an ex who had him thrown in jail- and they seem to love these crazy evil women- he even said he knew she was crazy when he met her- but they degrade the nice good women and treat them horribly. They date and ask the crazy women to marry them too
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I am sorry that my gender so frequently embarrasses all of us, even those few of us that are not like those D-bags you mention.
    I mean no offense, but when you first noticed that he wasn't treating you like the Proper Lady, with respect that you deserve, why didn't you just end the date, and leave? Were you holding on to some tiny bit of hope, that, maybe, he wasn't the D-bag he appeared to be?
    i think it was Rodney Dangerfield that said something about if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is probably, a DUCK!!
    Same for guys!! If he seems like a D-bag, and talks like a D-bag, and ignores you, like a D-bag, he is probably a D-BAG!!!
    I don't mean any offense to you, as a lady, as I know so many, of my gender, that lie, and pretend, and they do it, just to get in your pants!
    Please don't assume that all of us are like the ones you have encountered, OK?
    Today, you need to be SUPER-AWARE and see the ques, the hints, that tell you he is a D-bag, that wants to use you, or maybe he is a good guy, that honestly cares, and wants to get to know you.

    • someguy- yes i totally agree with you- I mean, I think us women are still living in a world of hope and optimism- even if the jerks are right there in our presence. You don't want ot be rude, or dismissive yet unless he's done something totally unforgivable. Most people just overlook things- I just wanted to have a nice date and hang out- I'm also tired of guys treating me like crap or rejecting me. When he wasn't talking to much yeah I did want to walk out, but just didn't. Dinner wasn't horrible but when he went into silent mode it got stupid. I'm aware but in my head I still give everyone a chance. I just don't get how a guy who had a crazy ex girlfriend who threw him in jail is ok with treating a pretty and nice female like crap- but most guys do this to me- what i don't get is their desire to degrade the kindest nicest women... it makes no sense

    • You deserve better!! Find a Nice Guy!! They seem boring, maybe, but they aren't!! A socially adapted 'Nerd' knows how to Google things, and he might surprise you! Nice guys don't bring all the exciting 'Drama' that some seem to need, but maybe that gets old, and tiresome, and maybe you decide you want something solid, someone trustworthy, that actually cares, and loves you. . .

    • I dont find nice guys boring- nice guys are intimidated by women like me b/c we're hot- I've met a lot of so-called nice guys who turn into jerks too it just depends. I've never really rejected a guy- i dont like to reject people. It's not in my nature to say "you're not right for me or I don't like you." Most guys end up treating me rudely, or being jerks to me or rejecting me. I can't even find a guy for a second date usually.

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  • Many guys see beautiful hot girls as narcisistic and self concentred person. Other may experienced such situations which led to burst out rather then to be dimplomatic, these things are influenced by a person mood and is better to avoid taking those asumptions as real or thurth.
    The silent and awkward moment can be due to person lack of social life
    And sexual desires without intimacy can be because of frustrations or porn or other things I am not familiar with.
    About intimacy I feel the same and that means you're a person who put feelings in your actions , I can feel you :)
    Try to change a bit your behaviour towards dating especially online dating because what seems a great cover maybe an empy shell.

    • yes you're right- this loser kept saying he didn't go out much and only worked. I still felt like he could be more 'talkative' but was holding back. yeah I agree with you it's something about their mood as well- also I think meeting a beautiful woman and being turned on, or even jealous many begin to act out in crazy ways. They don't know how to react for some reason it's weird. It's odd I do go into it thinking- I know what this is going to be, but then when they turn disrespectful it just starts to piss me off

    • Hey about that when you feel a silent moment it's a sign to ask him things (whatever you feel like wanting to know about him for example personality traits, how would he act in different scenarios ) it can turn things around also when they turn disrespectful towards you better thing to do is to look like you're in a hurry and after a few moments just salute him and go away :)

    • Hey I agree. It's just that sometimes I do just want to go out and I don't want to get into reasonings or wants like i don't go out with these guys hoping we'll date. I just want a fun normal date. But I notice they always have to disrespect me and that's what I don't get. Why they treat nice women like prostitutes and always respect women who are evil crazy messed up or jerks

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  • Hm hm. Well lots of girls are willing to just have sex with a guy. Especially if he has something attractive about him. Like I'm not particularly nice to girls who just want to fuck me. Right? And if I also just wanted to Fuck them, I probably wouldn't be terribly nice either, I'd just focus on the sex.

    I mean, I guess. I've never done that before. Haha. I've only ever been in one relationship. That's not to say I'm not experienced in this, lots of girls come onto me, mostly online booty calls.

    Anyways, the guy could have been just thinking that you were cock-hungry. And he could use you to satiate his desires. Or maybe he was just really confident. I was really nervous and timid with girls until I met my girlfriend. See, I have a really big dick, and she showed me that girls really like that. So I figure if I was on a date with a girl, who I really didn't care about, and I just wanted to Fuck, I'd probably be a Jerk too, because who cares? She just wants my dick, I just want her pussy, and why really try? So that could be where his mind was. Not to say that I advocate any of that. Haha.

    Also they could just be jerks. You know? Lots of people are just assholes. Right? Especially when it's a guy trying to talk to a girl. See, assholes never really learn to properly communicate with people and have healthy social lives. So when they try to start up a romantic if Sexual life, I'd assume they would probably be assholes at that too, and also not really know how to go about it.

    But also, you're meeting these people online, and that's always awkward, so maybe that's a contributing factor. I don't know. I've never dated a Jerky guy. I have sort been off an on with a cool fun Gay guy. But he wasn't a Jerk and we never really dated seriously. So I have no idea. Just trying to cover all the bases.

    You said that they all had crazy ex's, so that could be why they are just looking for sex and not respecting you as one might do when looking for a serious relationship.

    • haha- omg that's actually a pretty good way of thinking about it. The guys just don't care or respect you because they're seeing you good for only one thing- sex. That's the thing- they treat me like a prostitute or even lower. Heck at least the hooker gets paid and she can be demanding b*tchy or even ask for respect- no joke she can. But a nice normal female it seems can't. They seem to just want to degrade or mistreat you, treat you in a derogatory way and have these weird crazy demands, as if you're there to give them what they want. It's crazy. But it makes sense based on what you're saying- if they're thinking this way- theyre probably thinking that you want what they want, who knows. And yeah if they are a**holes too then it's true they'd treat people this way and lack the communication skills to know how to show what they want in a respectful way... it's so complicated b/c these freaks are so messed up. It makes more sense now the way u put it- thanks!

    • yeah they usually have crazy ex's, and let the crazy women do what they want and give them all this power... but take it out on the 'nice woman' as usual. This guy though even said "well I was a little crazy myself"... so yeah these jerks have a lot of issues and are messed up too- it only makes sense that crazy guys want crazy women, plus maybe they're lying about their ex's too

    • i disagree... if you even want 'sex' with a woman there's a way to go about doing it and making demands such as "no cuddling' is pretty sickening... and most of these guys do want to degrade women or even pretty women. And no it's not ok to want meaningless sex with a woman and have odd demands... you're 19 and u think this way- not good

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  • I have a solution.. private message me.. I will tell you why he is doing like that.. trust me. I hv a solution.. and I cn feel why u r so hurt..

    • oh really.. i dont think i can private message people yet

    • you just did.. lol.

    • you mean here? ok.. then yes

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  • I read half of this. he thinks you will give in easily because other women do. I work in trades so therefore I work with a bunch of pervs. they go on how "easy" some sluts are. be glad you have self respect and not like that.

    • yeah- that makes sense too. I'm sure most women do give into these jerks, so they get confident in knowing they can get what they want out of women. That's how he was acting "ive never had a problem" (getting laid)--like seriously what. I mean he was cute not hot or anything. It seems any semi cute guy can get what he wants, but even beautiful women don't have that kind of confidence or even balls to treat people that way... im glad i rejected his crap

    • that's exactly it. good on you for having higher standards

  • We're not.

  • Nice guys get used, by the way, is it me or is it an oxymoron to say hot and educated woman? Anyway, women love jerks. Look at how much passion he's gotten out of you.

    • passion? im never talking to him again--why would that mean women love jerks- being angry isn't love or like.. im sick of being disrespected... and oh yeah pretty women can't be educated- that makes a lot of sense. Lots of beautiful doctors out there, as well as lawyers, psychologists- you're confused or a jerk

    • that's complete bullsh*t... i personally know many doctors and lawyers who are really pretty.. you're an idiot.. and the only angry one is your misogynistic self... buzz off reject

  • You have to remember that the jerks of the world are MUCH noisier and attention seeking than the normal people.

    • This is true- so what does that mean really

    • It means that there are more normal people in the world than there are idiots, but if you just respond to whoever is loudest, you're most likely responding to an idiot.

  • Pink anon... sweeping generalization against men, puts herself on a pedestal as a hot and desirable commodity, wonders why she attracts jerks.

    "Also can't these idiots read what kind of person you are"

    You couldn't read what kind of person they were either. Stop looking for love on Craigslist.

    • im not looking for love--just respect on a first date.. its really not hard to ask for respect on a date for sure.. any reason why these idiots have to go to huge lengths to be so disrespectful towards a nice woman? there are ways to ask for 'sex' and demanding "no intimacy" and only f*cking is what i want.. is disgusting... and yes can't they read who I am im sure they can... you're an idiot

  • How did he manage to get a date with you in the first place?

    • through craigslist? he agreed to meet and i said ok- he drove an hour, and as usual another loser jerk treating me like crap. I just don't get it

  • Many women treat good guys the same way.
    That is how the world works. No good deed goes un-punished.

  • "Men I meet online" there's your problem. None of its real they are either desperate or looking for sex online. Why not just try being yourself and raking to guys in real life? I'm sure you'll have much better luck.

  • Those kinds of men literally don't give a shit about the woman and just want sex. There are men out there who actually care about their woman, don't get discouraged.

    Although it's more subtle and not as big a problem, I feel there are women who do their own version of this to men. Like when they date jerks and when the good guys (who have qualities women say they are looking for) show interest in them, they run in the other direction and never speak to that guy again

    • That sucks. Weird how out of 800 dates or more in my life I've never met one of those guys? So freaking weird. No guy has shown interest in me. But they always do to women who are bltchy or mean

    • That is weird that you haven't met one of them. I think though you're starting to get to the age group where people mature and hopefully guys realize that sex isn't the best all and end all, and that other important ingredients make for a happier relationship Wanna follow and/or message me so we can talk more about this?

    • They don't. All the guys I meet are the same. And a lot get intimidated cuz I'm hot too. It's also where I live Florida which sucks

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  • when is this world going to change for the better... lol guys think it's ok because we are dominant and its not ok women and men are equal everyone should be treated with respect but it's not all men just some

  • I never understood how a guy could treat a girl like that either, but there are good guys out there still don't let him ruin who you are

    • thanks ccal28- yeah i don't get it either- esp to someone who's like really nice to them. There are good guys out there just who knows where- they're def not on dating sites online- I def won't let them change who I am

    • It seems like the nicest people get it the worst, and dating sites are real risky

    • yeah that is so true- the nice people get screwed- heck even if they're really hot. Yes the dating sites suck- you sound sweet though :)

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  • Not all men

  • why you think that

  • thats why people should be just up front right away.. when y'all first met, you should have just said what you were looking for. that way you wouldn't have had to waste your time on a first date. it would be SOOOOOO much easier

  • because women still expect guys to make the first move and be the initiators

    • that's true- so do guys feel they have the power over something for this reason?

    • a lot of guys actually hate and resent this gender role, social-norm

    • really- i would love it.. it would give u more power I think- I feel weird doing it because I feel it makes me seem desperate and the sad truth is- many guys will even reject a pretty/hot woman if u try that

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  • the same reason as women are disrespectful to nice guys

  • Let's see... are there very nice men that really want a relationship and to be the best man in the world for a very special girl? Of course!

    Where are those great guys? Probably right beside you. Because they're "too nice," "too available," "too friendly," etc. So they got "friendzoned." They were put in a place where intimacy doesn't exist because they are there when a girl needs them, they are available for a particular woman and only her, they are always a date when no one else is available

    • ... in short, really nice guys do exist. And they do want a female counterpart. But usually they get sidelined: they try to be a knight in shining armor, but because they're too nice or available, they get seconded for the jerks. Why not look around your own social circle? There really might be an extraordinary guy in it.

    • oh yeah... but that's what the nice girls get too apparently- heck even if the nice women are super hot- female equivalent of a wanted male celebrity, they still get rejected for, i guess the crazy or messed up women? I've never met a nice guy who wanted me- not where I live anyway. I've met nice guys trying to get sex off me, in some degrading way. There was only one nice guy- but in turn he wasn't really 'nice'- he was kind of a jerk and passive aggressive but better than the others. but there were things about him I could not like sexually- im usually attracted to most guys- there are few guys I dont find attractive sexually and he was one of them. He did some weird things like he'd 'scratch his hair and let gunk fall out of it and watch it fall out"... not my fault i couldn't see him sexually. If I did I would've gone for him. Other than that- every guy i actually find attractive, even if he's not is a jerk to me i'd want the nice guy- there are none around me

    • Interesting how it works on both sides. For me: I want to have a family. And I want my kids to have a great mom. My falling point: a girl that's really great with kids. So, for me, if a girl has some strong maternal skills, then bonus points with me. But usually a girl is more interested in a jerk, then wonders why he's such an ass. Then she talks about how she wants kids, a nice guy, etc. That leaves me thinking, "hello! Why am I chopped liver?"

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  • Guys rather be seen as jerks than be seen as whimps.

    • wow really- that makes a lot of sense- it explains these people's behavior- is that how most guys think?

    • I wouldn't necessarily say most. I'd say half. The other half just don't give a fuck one way or the other.

    • yeah that's true- most just really don't care

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