My boyfriend is addicted to porn, what should I do?

My boyfriend and I are about to move in together, we got in a discussion last night because every time we try to have sex he can't get off to me because he already masturbated to porn of course. I confronted him and he admitted it was a problem and he would do anything to stop and make things better with me. What do you guys think? Is it easy just to stop watching porn and masturbating so you can enjoy havin sex with your girl?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • ## Delayed Ejaculation
    Strictly speaking, there is nothing wrong watching porn in moderation. However, masturbation to porn becomes a problem when it creates conditions, such as delayed ejaculation (DE), which is probably what your boyfriend is experiencing.

    Before thinking of ways to reverse your boyfriend's DE, you and him should have an intimate understanding of his condition.

    ## Condition
    DE is inability to climax during penile-vaginal sex. The penis' shaft and skin lose their natural sensation due to firm hand gripping and motion. Commonly called death grip. Hence, the penis' skin and nerves lose their sensitivity to vaginal stimulation, including the tightest vaginal (if at all such a thing exist).

    DE is common among long-term or frequent masturbators and porn watchers, and women who use toys a lot or have their vibrators on high-vibration level. I just had to inject that because women also suffer from DE.

    Something called neuroplasticity could also be behind your boyfriend's DE. The brain has learned to climax only via jerking off to porn. Ask him if he uses only the left or right hand to jerk off such that the other hand doesn't render the same intensity and frequency of pleasure. If yes. Bingo! Neuroplasticity!

    The brain becomes desensitised to the girl he is having sex with, due to a sophisticated meaning of sexual arousal and attractiveness his brain has developed from porn.

    ## Solution
    Two years ago I had DE. I cured my DE by abstaining from masturbation and porn for 3 months 3. Even after 3 months, I wasn't sure if it was cured as I didn't have a girlfriend during that period. It took me the 9th month with a new girlfriend to confirm a 100% cure.

    As with dealing with any old habit, abstaining from masturbation and porn can be really hard, partly because porn or masturbation is cheaply accessible and also because there is heightened and frequent sexual urges during the abstinence period.

    It's only him can seek to reverse his DE. He can learn about his DE from two Reddit communities. Nofap: https://www.reddit.com/r/nofap/ and Pornfree: https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/

  • His behavior of choosing the porn over you to get off with is sadly very common. It will be a difficult process for him to kick this addiction. Possibly the most difficult thing he has had to face yet in life. He will not be able to do it alone. He will need professional help as well as your support and a system in place to keep him off it and occupied on other wholesome activities. The good news and most important step he has already taken. He has not only recognized that he has a problem but he has also put his pride down and admitted to it being a problem and his willingness to overcome it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • My man was single for 15 years and masturbated to porn daily. He chose to be single after bad relationships in his 20s and he's in his 40s. Once we got together, we were having sex 4x a day, a couple of times 6x a day. He wasn't a porn addict (just had a lot of testosterone and masturbated for stress relief) but he was worried that going that long without sex would somehow affect his performance, but it didn't at all. We don't see each other every say as we haven't fully moved in together, so we plan what days we are seeing each other and I forbid him from masturbating in the day leading up to seeing each other haha. The more a guy cums, the less he performs and the less obsessed he feels with sex. Your man needs a build up, he needs some reserves, so he needs to stop masturbating that frequently. Are you available for sex regularly, are you up for it? Maybe he feels like you might not be ready/into it when he wants to do it? But if you are willing and he just keeps masturbating to porn instead then he has a serious problem

  • Porn is a genuinely addictive material, because of the way it affects your brain. Most people who watch porn don't get addicted, but it is a real addiction when it happens. Those who do become addicted will have a hard time quitting, just like someone who is trying to quit smoking. Your boyfriend needs to treat this like a real addiction (because that's what it is) and seek help and make a plan.

  • Before you Pack Ship Here, dear, Lock, Stock and Bare Breasted Barrel... Sit down and Come, hun, to some Compromises. It might be Difficult on his own End though.
    I believe as Wise as I am, Online and Offline, he has a problem that may Need some Professional Doctor's help on, but Sex Addiction or Something Sexual n this Category, like even an Exhibitionist, is Hard to Cure.
    Good Luck. xx

    • Thank you :( I'm scared

    • I meant a sad face not that haha

    • lol NP, hun, I would be more Worried than Scared. However, DO NOT go Anywhere, I smell Trouble in this Bubble in Paradise Problem Pattern Path Lane. xx

  • I know my boyfriend watches porn so in the nights I'm going over his house I just tell him he better save his cum for me. If your boyfriend can't agree to that, he clearly values porn more than you. He needs to know you value a healthy sex life with your mate. If he can't provide you that, you'll need to look elsewhere for a mate. Is moving in together imminent?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You can do it. I don't think it is that hard.
    I used to watch porn like crazy and masturbate crazy amount still when I had sex I did orgasm and performed well.
    Idea is he just have to mentally want to not have issue and not over think it, be relaxed and stop watching porn or masturbate for 2-4 days ;) and he will be perfectly fine.

  • I'd be gone, but that's just me... if it's gotten this serious, it's unlikely he will actually change... but if you do give him the chance, you'd better hold his ass accountable. Don't let him get away with excuses and empty promises.

  • it can be hard but it's certainly do-able. there is no physical addiction so if he truly has an addiction it's a mental or psychological addiction.

  • Make your own porn with him!

    • No, that is the same as him watch other porn.

    • @Robin48 I bet you're a hoot.

    • He is right though. The problem here isn't that she is insecure he watches porn. The problem is he does it so often she gets sexually neglected. Having her be in the videos changes nothing.

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  • I would say that you guys shouldn't move in together until you fix this. Watching por and masturbating every once in a while is ok, but once it's interfering with whatever you guys consider a healthy sex life, you should do something about before making a big step like moving together. You also need to think how important your sex life is to your relationship. If sex isn't important or if it's very important, could decide if staying together is the best in case he is unable to change.

  • This might seem like a radical solution, but have you considered getting him a male chastity device? He himself admitted that it was a problem, so I'm sure he'd be willing if you asked. He'd struggle a few days, but it wouldn't be long till he learned self-control. And hey, maybe you'd find it fun yourself. :3

    I'm pretty well-versed in this sorta stuff, so feel free to ask me anything! ^^

  • If he truly is addicted then there are different kinds of treatments. If I were you I'd ask him to seek therapy, like any addiction it's not easy to overcome but it's still possible.

    I think moving in with him now is the last thing you should do, but up to you.

    • Yes, I agree she need not move in till this matter is taking care of. Porn will screw your brain and mind, think patterned and cause angry issues.

    • @Robin48 yeah well basically when you have an issue as important as this one, moving in together is not really practical. Best to move in when you've got the major issues resolved.

    • Ten Four Siter, You Rock.

  • Something tells me you shouldn't be moving in together yet. I just have a feeling about this, maybe later when you know you'll definitely be marrying each other, but if you two are not going to marry for sure then live separate from each other.

  • He should simply spend some time without it... like 1 week should be hard enough, if he's addicted. Then, I bet it won't be difficult with you.

  • Turn him on an hr after he's done doing him.

    You'll like it 😘

  • oh Jesus. porn is like TV. it's fantasy. it's healthy. (I mean, unless he's like doing on lunch breaks or something) we just still have the shadow of dark age religious shame cults hanging over us even though we know better. go to a sex shop. go to a burlesque. some if the coolest mist laid back self assured awesome people I ever met were in said places. we are too repressed if having an active interest in sex is unhealthy. Do you intend to please him all the time? of course not! nobody should either! sometimes were tired or too full or just out if town and then I'd want my girl to light a candle to find some naughty pictures to rub one out over. her sex drive and fantasy shouldn't be confined to my availability. hell I might not even like everything she likes. good for her! (in your case him) don't let this freak you out. just respect you are two autonomous adults and you have different experiences. you don't have to love EVERYTHING. but you should live each other enough to respect what you don't have in common without shaming it.

    • Dude, sex in a relationship is a big deal..

    • of course it is. my comment said "we are too repressed if having an active interest in sex is unhealthy" did you read my comment?

    • No, I read it, but the ending where u said, " just respect you are two autonomous adults and you have different experiences. you don't have to love EVERYTHING. but you should live each other enough to respect what you don't have in common without shaming it." I get u can repeat a person and what they do, but in a relationship, sex is big, and she feels that he's neglected her, because he had already pleased himself, it's supposed to be win-win, not win-lose type of thing. A relationship needs both people to work it out, and sex is important to work out, cuz it's what brings u closer together.

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  • If I had the choice between porn or the real thing, I'd definitely prefer the real thing. Your guy better wise up, or he's gonna end up losing something special (you).

    Porn can be addictive, but most of it is pathetic and boring. Some people can handle it better than others. If your boyfriend can't watch porn in moderation, then he needs to give it up.

  • That is not an easy thing to just "stop" doing. This is a serious mental issue not just physical. He's going to need a lot of professional help and support so be there for him and dont think that this will fix itself overnight. This will take time.

  • not easy at all for some. i couldnt give it up but would try to find a balance.

  • If he finds porn more interesting than sex with you, you should maybe try new things so that he could combine sex with porn. For example role plays or so

    • I always ask him about that but he never wants to try new positions or do anything exciting !!

    • hm, see the problem is that some people just don't get errected by sex. They prefer porn. Talk with him and try to find out what could be good for both

    • Thank you for the tip!!

  • You can try and involve yourself in his porn habits. Asking why he likes what he likes, and maybe watch some porn with him. This may make him see you sexually as an extension of his pornviews. Getting him to quit watching porn altogether will be a lot harder and time consuming, but might be better in the longterm if he can do it. Shouldn't hurt trying the first suggestion before tho.

  • I don't know if it's easy. I'm generally ok with porn but not when it interferes with a real sex life. I'm wondering why he finds porn more interesting than you. Is there some fetish he has that he's afraid to tell you about?

    Porn his is not a true "addiction" like cocaine or nicotine or alcohol. No one goes through porn withdrawal.

  • It depends on him. Hopefully he can stop otherwise you're gonna have an awful relationship.

  • If he is young he should be able to cum and still make love with you afterwards, many guys who suffer from premature ejaculation often do this, to extend the time actually in their partners vagina!
    He can stop masturbating to porn when he is going to make love with you, but he does need to control his own desires, only he can do so, he has to have control over his own feelings, and respect you!
    My advice is get this sorted before he moves in!
    It could be a nightmare afterwards, if he chooses porn over you.
    You could possibly come to an arrangement, which is not uncommon, that you both watch porn and have sex, at the same time.
    The good thing about porn is that it can stimulate people and make their sex fun more exciting and satisfying!

  • he's a guy get used to it, if girls wanted us sooner in life than later than we wouldn't need porn or end up getting used to being dependent on it.

    • Extremely valid point. You take away porn, you take away MOST guys' entire sex lives. And guess what, after they "kick the habit," they're still not gonna be Jared Leto or whatever. And fifty girls will claw each other's eyes out for one Jared Leto while 49 regular guys go home and jerk off, so what the fuck?

      Look at this shit, this thing costs $3,000, it isn't even available until next year, and they've already received hundreds of thousands of orders from around the world, all it is is a little cheap-ass rinky dink waifu girlfriend simulator:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkcKaNqfykg

      This thing doesn't even do anything sexual, it fucking literally just pretends to like you and think about you, and miss you, and care whether you live or die, fuck's sake.

      I'm thinking of getting one.

    • @Bananaman177 its really sad that we have to turn to this crap and we can't get the girl a real girl that we want in life. and then girls complain about us liking porn when this is all we get and because we're used to it. then a girl does come along and she's still inadequate. aka she lacks sexual interest love etc. and then we find out she's been sleeping around while all we where doing is watching porn all our lives... we can't win.

    • WWhat do you mean, "get used to it.." it's unhealthy, think about how guys used to get off without porn, but used their actual girls to get off. I feel like you are stating this because you didn't get a girl sooner. And the banana man agrees with u cuz he's in the same boat. Porn is an addiction to some, and ruins relationships.. your statement is legit stupid in my opinion as a girl.

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