Am I ready to lose my virginity? Help?

[Anonymous]

Now before someone says that only I will know when I am ready, please hear me out. I'm 16, and a girl. I have known my boyfriend for over a year now, as we became friends in February 2016 and began dating in April 2016 before breaking up in July 2016. We got back together in January of 2017 and have been together ever since. Our breakup was very complicated (but not related to this) but we both maintained those intimate feelings for each other during our time apart. So, I have been in love with him for over a year, and he has also been in love with me for over a year. He is the same age as me. We have talked thoroughly about contraception, about how we feel about the whole topic, what we would do in case of unplanned pregnancy, etc. We are both virgins so we do not need to worry about STDs, even though condoms would obviously be used anyway. We have already engaged in oral sex. We both feel ready for it, we have done our research (what to expect, how to know if you are emotionally ready, etc). However, we are both Christians, and you know how the Bible feels about premarital sex. My mother is a huge Christian as well, and she holds this high regard that I'm this perfect Christian girl who will abstain from sexual activity until after high school. Her opinion of me really gets to me when I think of losing my virginity, and it makes me second guess, despite feeling ready in every other possible aspect. How should I handle this? What should I do? I don't want to do something I regret, and I truly feel that knowing I did something to let her down (even if she doesn't know) will get to me. Should I only think of my feelings about it or should I value her point of view towards me? Any advice? I know I should probably only value my thoughts and feelings towards it, since it is my decision and my body. But I just need some advice. And if anyone has lost their virginity in a similar situation or at my age, how did it work out for you?

[btbc92]

Let me just say this to you:

1. Both of you are not virgin's. You already had sex. And it is still fornocating.

2. You broke up because it was God's will for you to to separate just to avoid this situation.

3. If you two say your Christian, then do you both have a relationship with God where he personally speaks to you and sends angels to talk to you? Because you just admitted to us that you Know what God says about that sin. He says that he will not be mocked and you will reap what you sowed. Both you need to seriously read 1 Corinthians 7. And get into the word.

You should be speaking with your mother and tell her the truth. Because she will find out. You were not ready for sex and yet both of you have entered into a relationship that God did not condone. In my interpersonal experience my close friend lost hers at 20, and it was nothing but hell. Everybody found out. She was embrassed and eventually stopped going to church, nearly got severely ill, tried to cut herself, was depressed, everything in her life was falling apart. They were on and off. It didn't last. She is now married to her husband and even have regretted her choices. And only God was able to get her out of it, and she woke up. Sexual sin transfers and picks up demons and bind you to continue the sin and it will get crazier. Especially when your saying your a Christian. You at this point can't call yourself a Christian if you think this is okay. People aren't perfect and makes mistakes, yes. But sexual sin is one grave mistake, because it's easy access to control everything in your life and block the blessings that was meant for you.

[Asker]

I am a Christian. Whole heartedly. However, I am not a catholic, so if my church ever found out about what I have done (which they wouldn't, my personal experiences would stay personal) I would not be under such severe judgement. Something tells me your friend was catholic, where things are much more legalistic. I agree with you to the fact where premarital sex was not in God's vision, and I truly have no intention to argue that. Because what is there to argue? I can call myself a Christian despite what I have written in this post. I am saved in the eyes of my Lord and Savior. I have been baptized by my own doing, and have committed myself to Christ. Am I perfect? No, of course not. Do you mean to tell me everyone in my church - or yours - has waited until marriage to lose their virginity? Because that would be quite far fetched, bud. Not even my mother expects me to wait until marriage. Marriage today is not what it used to be. 46% of all American marriages lead to divorce +

[Asker]

-(Which, I am well aware is not condoned by God either). Are you to tell me people who have divorced their spouses cannot call themselves Christians either? What about the abused? The victims of adultery? Shall God condemn them? Of course not. And my question in no way implied that I was going to lose my virginity right now anyway. I could lose it in a month, in ten years, whenever. As long as it is with someone whom I love and trust and attends church with me on sundays, I think God will still love me. In fact, I know he will. There is a big difference between love and being a slut. Love doesn't change because of a piece of paper. Thank you for your response.

[btbc92]

We are Christian. Not Catholic underneath that false religion. You had oral sex therefore you are not virgin's. It still doesn't change the fact that you Know the commandment given to you and yet you refuse to believe it because you feel that God will forgive you. I just told you. He makes it clear that he will Not be mocked. If you seriously think that this is okay then the fear of the Lord which is the gift of the holy spirit is not in you.

[btbc92]

Therefore by saying that you wouldn't be under judgement then your calling God a liar. He made it clear that none will be spared. Not even the Angels that have sinned. That includes Christians. And once you engage in sin you are no longer operating underneath God. When you repent of that sin God will forgive you as long as you don't do it no more. Even divorce is a sin when it has nothing to do with adultery. But you can't make an unbelieving spouse stay with you are married to an unbelieving spouse. If you can't understand anything I'm saying then your blinded by sin. Fornication is still fornication and it makes you a harlot. I'm not judging you. His word does. And I am speaking from his word.

[btbc92]

And if you have to sneak around behind your mother's back, then it shows that you don't care about her. Anything that is covered will be uncovered and she will find out what you two have been doing. premarital sex is about self. And will be greatly upset and more and likely warn you of the consequence. Not the Lord, or that person. Be made it clear that sex is for marriage ONLY.

[btbc92]

You're doing exactly what my friend did and it nearly costed her everything. if you don't get with the program now you're going to wish you had then in the future. I'm giving you the same warning as I have my friend when she was in that sin. No different than what I am telling you. Because if didn't care about you I wouldn't even bother responding back to you and telling you this. I have been a victim of abuse myself but things I knew I did while abused I still had to repent. Not pretend like I don't owe God and that person forgiveness. That is what Satan wants to have you continue to sin and it becomes hidden sin and thus give him denmminion over your life through that contract. Can't force you to see do something you refuse to see, but I pray that you will before it is too late. However if you think I'm lying read your Bible.

[btbc92]

premarital sex is about self, not the Lord or that person*

[Asker]

I was referring to vaginal sex. That is what my question was upon. I consider myself a virgin until a penis enters my vagina. I find it quite offensive that you made a remark that I cannot call myself a Christian because of the things I have done. You should know that God views all sin equal. Your sin isn't any better than mine. If you believe I cannot call myself a Christian because of a sin, you cannot call yourself a Christian either - because you, and everyone else, have sinned. I am a believer in Christ, I am saved. I clearly have respect for my mother - if I didn't, I would not have posted this question asking for guidance and advice. What a wicked, wicked world that your church judged your friend - for the only judgement one should face is judgement through the eyes of God! It is not anyone else's right to judge our peers. Just as it is not your place to denounce me of my faith or judge me for my actions. That's all I really have left to say. Thanks for your responses.

[btbc92]

Your not a virgin. I know what you were referring to. God considers any form of sexual activity just like the legal definition is vaginal penile intercourse, anal and oral. That's it. I'm telling you that it doesn't matter what you think or what people think or what I think. I'm telling you what God thinks. what you're not getting is that nobody cares what you find offensive. neither does God. I can still give that judge me because I have never did that sin.

[btbc92]

so before you stop quoting the Bible you better fully read what the Bible says about that. it's called righteous judgement. and first of all whoever said that I can and you can't? I had said that when you are in that particular sin then you are not of God when you do that. apparently you're not paying attention what I'm saying because you would not be saying what you're saying.

[btbc92]

and I'm sorry but I'm going to tell you as it is it's not once you save always saved. everything that you telling me shows me that you're not fully paying attention in the Bible. again before you start talking about how it ain't nobody else's place double check yourself in the mirror with this. because I'm a virgin and I never once had sex of any kind. if I was doing the same thing you was doing therefore I cannot give that judgment. I'm explaining something to you and yet you're not understanding anything that I'm saying. at the end of the day I'm leaving it in God's hands not going to let him deal with you and your problem. at the end of the day what you doing with your boyfriend is a sin. if you cannot accept what I have to say then you need to go speak with your pastor or whoever it is is in charge of where you go to church. because I guarantee you if they know what I'm saying they're going to say similar to what I said. and you're not going to like it.

[Asker]

And that is between who? Definitely not me and you. The only judgment I give a damn about is what God thinks about me, and that's none of your business, sucks to suck. I've been trying to be civil with you, but now you're just getting on my case and that's not your place. And what do you mean you're "gonna let God deal with me"? As if it was your place to deal with me and my problems in the first place... and yes it is once you're saved always saved - as long as I believe in Christ, I am saved. My sins don't change that, and neither do yours. John 3:16, most basic of all verses and you don't seem to understand it.

[btbc92]

There is something that needs to be said right now, so I'm just relying it. And it written this " But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat." 1 Corinthians 5:11 You are quoting a scripture you do not fully understand. John 3:16 saying that God so loved the world that he have his only begotten son Jesus, has 0 to do with you being saved always saved.

[btbc92]

You say that isn't my place yet that should be your mother's place to get on your case. You do not even see that your actions dishonor your mother and your boyfriends family as well. Your not being civil nothing. This has 0 to do with being civil. That s why exactly what I said about letting God deal with your situation because you refuse to heed to sound advice. So I don't know what Jesus or God your saying is okay with what you saying. But it's not the God of the Bible. I already told you that you aren't a virgin. And I'm not going to try to argue with you about it. It's not on my conscience.

[Asker]

You're right. It's on ME. Get off my thread before I make you. Don't need your judgement or your negativity in my life. It isn't up to you to tell me what I am and what I am not. It isn't your job. It isn't your place. Clearly you think you're entitled to denounce people, and that is your own flaw and God will deal with on his own, but get off my thread.

[Nachowedgie]

This thread makes me gag

[ushagomez]

It sounds to me that you are both mature and sensible and that you both want to take the next natural, normal step in your relationship and share the pleasure of sex. It is the whole religious opinion thing that is holding you back, including respect for your parents views. I think that you can say you have respected their views/guidance until now, however, now you realize that it is just guidance given to you when less mature to prevent you making a mistake. So you can thank them that they helped you get to this point in your relationship safely, but now you are now both ready to take responsibility for your own actions. You quite naturally wish to give each other the next level of pleasure, trust and love.

I am not from a religious family, but have helped a few friends through this decision and they have managed to enjoy the normal pleasures of sex without feeling guilty. My parents were always open about everything like this and so it was easier for me to make up my own mind at the time, so I do not share your problem. I say... go enjoy!

Let us know your decision and how it goes maybe?

[Tattoofangirl]

It's up to you, I ask myself this question all the time too (I don't even have a boyfriend) I want to wait until I'm married but after I lost my brother and seen one friend die... I'm not sure if I want to wait.. here's the deal breaker... do you see yourself in the future with him? Are you prepared for what would happen if he breaks up with you after?

I'm sorry about asking these question I just think they should be brought to light. I understand how it's like not to want to let your parents down.. but it's up to you... they can't protect you forever... I mean sooner or later I think you should tell them what your thinking about.. I mean yes they might be angry but don't you think they would be happy you asked them? Of course it's awkward! But don't you think it would be more awkward telling them you did have sex? I'm sorry but yeah... sorry please don't be mad at me I'm just trying to help... sorry!!!

[Asker]

I'm not mad at you, I'm thankful for your response! Unfortunately, my father recently passed away so my only option is with my mother. To be honest, I'm not afraid of talking about it with her. I'm afraid that once I do, she won't let my boyfriend and I be alone in fear that we will do something. And yes, I certainly see a future with him. He sees one with me too. We talk about it often. And if we break up, at least I will have spent my first time with someone whom I love & trusted, you know? I wouldn't feel like I threw it away on someone who didn't matter to me. Again thanks for your response!!!

[Tattoofangirl]

Your welcome and good luck with whatever you chose!!

[mi2precious]

dont do it. the question is not whether u can or cannot, u want to or not want to but the thing is that u will regret it ! so dont do it if u feel like this. may be try this. try putting urself in ur mothers shoes or at best see urself 20 years ahead and think what would u like for ur daughter to do? I am not claiming that u will have to turn out like ur mother or ur daughter will necessarily turn out like u. but just inagine how ould u feel. and then decide. things can wait but regret dosent go away.

[finds-raus]

U know I mean that's something that u have to decide. but don't expect to much. U two will be super nervous and it will be a bit complicated in the beginning. after 5 min everything is over if u don't tell him to stop because it hurts. and in university u will do many things which ure mother shouldn't know so u can start now as well. hahaha

[OliviaSmith]

Are you planning on fucking the guy, and then killing him with an axe?
If not, then MY God will still love you. Maybe you need to find a better God.

[Asker]

I'm not worried about my relationship with God. I know He will love me eternally, as I have committed myself to serving Him. It's my relationship with my mother that I worry about, and destroying her image and trust that she has for me.

[OliviaSmith]

She has her life, and you have yours. If I were you, I'd focus on yours.

[Poppykate]

Have sex when you are ready (really ready) to deal with the real consequences of sex. At your age, you are both incredibly fertile! NO birth control method (even when used correctly) is 100% effective. At most it is 94-98% effective. Which means that if 100 couples use that form of birth control in a year- between 2-6 will become pregnant. Statistics show that birth control methods are even less effective for your age group, because they aren’t used correctly. So, you need to ask yourself... Do you feel lucky?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FYEk-7X77KE

[gagmeooooh]

I think its made important for sex to wait till marriage because without waiting until marriage people behave like they do now which was the thing meant to avoid. but the act of having sex itself is not a sin and I dont give a fuck if it is lol

[qwert1234]

Your body - your call.

[sharkyfish]

good luck

[Recramorcen]

Simple answer for you. If it's even a question in your mind, then you're not ready.

People have different drives and impulses at different stages and pay the respective consequences for what ever choice they make. I know many people at your age who have sex, some it is fine for others it becomes the begging of a downward spiral they're unaware of and unable to control. To ensure you have no regrets, you must have no doubts.

[audacious-man]

Enjoy a life before some. one. enjoy you...

[Anonymous]

if you ask that you are not ready for it