Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why does my boyfriend like to hurt me during sex?

The first time my boyfriend hurt me during sex was when we had sex the second time and he hit my cervix hard, saw me flinch and did it twice. I explained to him that I don't like it and for the next few times he didn't do anything.

He also has very bad anger issues and I've broken up with him so many times to the point that during one of those fights I told him he reminded me of the time I was raped. I was raped when I was 26 (I'm now 31) and his response was that, "So every time we had sex, you feel like I'm raping you?" It was very bad of me to compare him to the man who raped me but I was mad.

This past eeek he asked if he could slap me. I said, ok but only lightly if that turns you on. He said he wanted to expirement with BDSM which I was ok with as long as I was comfortable. He agreed we could stop if I felt uncomfortable. Well, he ended up slapping me twice full force with an open hand. I let that slip. He then fingered me so roughly I told him to stop me he wouldn't at which point he proceeded to force me to have anal sex.

Im sure I have low self esteem issues which I need to resolve. Every time I break up, he calls me crying and acting nice and I go back. I'm seriously questioning after the other night whether I should just move on. He promised to never do it and promised to also work on his anger issues. I don't know, should I give him another chance or simply move on?

Please se don't tell me I'm stupid for even questioning. I just feel depressed and want to feel like someone genuinely cares and there are times he shows me h does but other times he can be too aggressive. Thank you.
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • So all that stuff is fine as long as you both agree to it and set boundaries. Like ten years ago I was dating this girl who use to want to be choked and slapped. I thought she meant like on her ass the first time but then she said her face while she was on top of me. I didn't really feel comfortable at first and then she got pissed that I didn't slap her hard enough. I just went with it eventually. The thing was I found out that she never wanted to just have sex normally. She always needed to be smacked and choked and called names just to enjoy it. Got old after a while. Anyway what your boyfriend did is sexual assault and possibly rape depending on the State. If he forced you to have anal sex and you said no but he held you down that is definitely rape e. g. There is any kind of penetration and you didn't give consent. I don't no you but no girl deserves for that to happen to them especially by someone they trust

    • . I'm sure you can easily find someone who will treat you like a princess but regardless you need to get rid of this guy. If he thinks he can get away with it he will keep doing it and the assaults will keep getting worse and worse. Hope that helps.

  • Well, for starters, I have to say that nothing's wrong with you if you didn't like it that way. Based on your story, he has some supressed anxiety when he was younger. Don't feel bad about it. My advice is, don't give him another chance if it will lead to unhealthy issues.

    • I appreciate your advice. Yes, I know that he had a terrible childhood which hbut doesn't want to talk about. He's also dealing with a slew of illnesses which is why I want to leave but then I think about these illnesses and I just want to make everything better for him but I need to stop and leave this relationship and continue on. I always hope he's going to change but I know he's not.

Most Helpful Girls

  • you're not stupid, but you do need help and you also deserve better.

    i just got off the phone with a friend who, unfortunately, has a history of abusive relationships. she called me at 2 am from across the country because her dickweed ex punched her in the face so hard that he broke her nose and caused a retinal detachment in her right eye.

    that's where you're headed, op. definitely leave this guy, and stand your ground. block him on everything; get a peace bond or a restraining order because, if you don't, it's going to get a lot worse.

    • Your answer has been the best because I know that the end results could be much worse. I've wondered if he's a psychopath at times and when he cries so that I come back if it's just an act. Either way, I have to move on. I definitely don't want to head into him hitting me although technically he has at this point. You're completely right and I appreciate you opening up my eyes. I'm truly wasting my time. I hope your friend gets out of this cycle as well. As for me, I need to break this sick cycle and move on. Once again, thank you.

    • you are most welcome, and i wish you the best; stay safe, and take care of yourself!

  • If he continues to do it after you said to stop that's sexual assault If he really does love you he will respect what you are as aren't comfortable with

    • I think you should leave him and never go back but that isn't my decision to make

  • I've been with guys like that before, I think some guys just like to hurt girls

    • Well, let's both not let that happen anymore. These responses have made me realize that I need to not question why I'm moving on but just move on and not look back.

    • yeah, it's just hard they start out nice and then hurt me. I'm really submissive so I go with it and then get out after. yes you should move on. you'll meet a nice guy :)

    • some guyz do it for girls, cz most of the girls like this.. you can try slapping in face and bum with your partner's dick.. ask him to slap when his dick become hard.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

How many dates did you wait to have sex with your current partner?
My man doesn't like me reading novels with sex scenes?
Do you think you should have to provide your ID for age verification to view pornographic material online?
How much do you love sex?

What Girls & Guys Said

7 16

  • That is not BDSM, that is abuse. Get rid of him.

    • You're right this is not BDSM. Yes, I've decided it is time to leave him even if he does cry or sends me a text how much loves me. Obviously actions speak more than words.

  • This is sexual sadism. Deriving pleasure from inflicting pain on another.

    Please get out of this relationship. Nothing I read in your post left me with any good feelings about this person. There are plenty of men out there who would never, ever think of harming you. The fact that he's ASKED to should be a clear indicator that you need to move on.

  • break up with your boyfriend and don't go back. he has hurt you enough and will do it again.

    You need to take some time away from guys to find yourself. then meet a guy who is thoughtful and caring. it might be strange at first but ask your friends to help you figure out if your next boyfriend is right for you. make sure they know you want a gentle relationship.

  • I think it will be impossible to change his respectless attitude.
    Stop seeing him.

  • you both need to have a lot of conversation and also need to consult psychotherapist, you both of you understand each others mental condition

    • Yes, I agree. I do need to see a therapist to deal with my depression and issues of inadequacy which is probably why I'm still holding onto this relationship. I'm sure he probably won't be en consider that option although I know he needs it as much as I do.

    • your relationship will only work. if you both see a therapist, understand each others flaws, and under that therapists guidance learn to coordinate! tell your therapist to help you be a better couple, and look or therapists who doesn't charges much yet gives decent results and actually cares about their patients then their money

  • Do not give him another chance.

  • 😂These are the best stories. Don't believe a word of it honestly.
    So my vote is you give him another chance.

    • I do not care if you believe it or not. I came here for honest opinions to help me cope and find a solution NOT to be made fun of when I've been so miserable these past couple of days.

    • You misunderstand. Thats wasn't me making fun of you, that was my honest opinion. Let's say all this is true, there is a reason you're sticking around with this guy. So, give him another chance. likely you'll figure it that issues and all well that ends well.

    • @Prime_Sol hahahahahahahaha dying bro

  • He has issues, to force you to have sex after you said stop is wrong. Leave him and move on. You'll find someone better.

    • Thank you! I'm going to take your words into consideration and maybe st this point I do need to find there willpower to leave and say no. Thank you'd much.

  • sounds like a asshole to me

  • Your boyfriend= jerk.

    • Yes, I totally agree with you. I just need to move on with my life. It's so hard simply because the moments that he is nice he makes me feel great but then this happens and I just want to cry.

  • Sounds like a fetish to inflict pain that will never stop. You should move on and don't look back

  • Anal rape. Meh.

  • I blame porn.

    • Yes, maybe it is porn but I also know that he has issues during childhood and his mom was physically abused so I'm guessing he takes after his dad.

  • ok yes you should move on because it could go wrong

  • he raped you started out consensual you said stop anything after that is rape wether you are darting or not. You need to leave him for good because it will only get worse and worse as time goes on

  • there are better guys for you out there ! you truly deserve better !!

    • Thank you! I appreciate your kind words.

  • Well technically he raped you if you told him to stop and he just continued. Just saying. But definitely move on.

    • Yes, you're right. I did feel powerless because he continued. I didn't want to see it as rape because of my past but that's how it feels like in hindsight. Either way, I need to move on... you're right. Maybe after seeing everyone's responses this is the tipping point that will make me leave him for good.

    • Good for you. You should never have to feel powerless with a man. If anything a man should make you feel powerful warm and loved. Make sure someone is near you if you do break up with him. For safety reasons.

  • without second thought... you should leave him.

  • Leave him

    • Yes, I definitely think that's the only choice as I've already given him chances.

  • If he has done that more than once and if he always promises that he will stop, you should know that he won't keep his promise. Dump him

  • Show More (3)

Latest Questions

Guys, they have Granny Sex Porn and dating sites on the internet. How good do you think sex would be with an 80 year old woman?
I'm not comfortable with porn in my relationship. How do I bring this up?
Can you have a boyfriend that your not sexually attracted to?
What does the position cowgirl feel like when a guy is thrusting into you?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Why does my boyfriend like to hurt me during sex?