Why do men refuse to commit but get territorial?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this guy for 8 months. We both agreed we didn't want a relationship in the beginning but over time our meetings became more intimate: hand holding, cuddling etc and I actually started to have feelings for him. I tried to end it because I knew he didn't feel the same. He came back and said he didn't want to end it but didn't want anything more. To be honest, it kind of turned me off because I figured he probably wasn't getting it elsewhere so I became okay with just being friends with benefits until I found someone better. Sounds bitchy, but at the same time, he's doing the same thing. We laid down ground rules: no spending the night, cuddling, hand holding. Strictly sex.

However recently, he's been a little more... territorial.
For example: I was out and about a few weeks ago and I got a few texts from him asking what I was doing and who I was with.
I'll admit, this is out of the ordinary because of our agreement. I gave him a very vague "drinks with friends" answer because I was actually out with a new guy I've been seeing as of recent. I could tell he was getting impatient because he started asking where I was at. I didn't reply.
When I saw him this past weekend I noticed he was more passionate in bed. During sex he said "this is mine" (at least 3x) in reference to my lady parts. He insisted I stay the night and even tried to cuddle with me.

After sex, he then again asked what I was doing that night. I told him I was out with friends and to stop acting weird. He changed his tone right away and then made it a point to state he didn't want a relationship. I just laughed and said "same here".

Why do men get so jealous/territorial but decline any sort of commitment?

[cutegirlygirl]

it's a y chromosome thing. We are still animals. they want you to be committed to them but they not be so they can reproduce more. if you look at it scientifically it makes sense but emotionally not so much

[PoliceLivesMatter]

Bouncing from one guy to another... why can't people loyal nowadays.

[Asker]

Nothing wrong with dating. Not going to waste my time if he doesn't want the same thing. If you read, I already tried to break it off.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

It's just a little disgusting in MY opinion. Does he know you've been seeing another guy at the same time you've been seeing him? I think it's disingenuous to not inform him that you're also using another man alongside him.

[Asker]

If he doesn't want a relationship with me then I shouldn't have to settle and Wait around. He's probably doing the same thing.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

How exactly do you know he doesn't want a relationship? It's obvious that feelings are developing and you should've had a conversation with him about it. You said "decline" but you didn't even mention that you talked to him about it. He could be territorial because it's biology. He might care about you and that is what's driving the territorial feelings. Why wouldn't you tell him that you're seeing another guy? Or have met up with another guy? You're literally bouncing from one guy to another without informing anyone you're doing as such. You can do whatever you want but why not tell him?

[Asker]

Did you even read this? Of course I told him and he said he wasn't relationship material. Why would I wait around? If he doesn't want a relationship with me then why stick around and act like a lovesick Puppy? Why should I have to tell him my every move if he's not going to do the same? My question was why do men get territorial even if they don't want a relationship?

[PoliceLivesMatter]

I did read it, but it doesn't mention anything about you talking to him about committing. Either way, if he's developing emotions it's because it's the natural progression of things. You can't separate sex from emotions. Eventually they will form, sooner or later. If you brought it up to him now, he might be inclined. The problem I believe is that you just met with one guy and then you're going back and sleeping with the previous guy. Without informing either of them? That's so disrespectful and disingenuous. Why not tell him?

[PoliceLivesMatter]

He's territorial because it's just biology. He's having sex with you so feelings will emerge. You can't separate the two and it's bound to happen. Not IF but WHEN.

[Asker]

The only reason I went out with the other guy (for drinks no sex) was because I told him I had feelings for him and he told me he wasn't the relationship type so I tried to end it. He then said he still wanted to keep seeing me. If he's going to use me then I'll use him til I find someone better.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

I understand if he truly doesn't want a relationship. But, I don't see why you wouldn't tell either of the men that you're hooking up with them. You should at least tell him you're seeing other men on the side. Anyone who's having sex with you needs to know if you're seeing multiple people. For respectful reasons and health reasons.

[Asker]

I just said drinks.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

I'm just mentioning in general terms. Either way, you know why he's acting territorial now. It's just natural/biology. If you start developing feelings sooner or later, it's biology. I've always said on previous posts and responses that hookups are never really a beneficial thing. They cause a lot of complications, mental anguish, and feelings of disloyalty. Using him until you find "someone better" sounds shallow and cold to me in my opinion. I don't know if he's doing the same to you, but he might be hurt to find out how you really feel about him and how you're just using him until the next best thing comes. I can't relate because my line of thinking and women are very different from this. Hope I helped I guess.

[Asker]

But why should I stay loyal to someone who doesn't want anything more? That's a waste of time.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

Like I said, if you are sure he's using you, then you are justified in using him. If he's developing feelings for you and acting territorial, he might be FOR having a commitment with you. That's why I said to ask him now, how he really feels and if you two want to get into a commitment.

[larazon]

seems like he doesn't know what he wants