Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Am I valid for getting upset when my boyfriend gets hard looking at other girls?

Background:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and the first time we hung out with each other, we watched porn together. We would do this here and there throughout our relationship until it became a problem. He started hiding it from me and lying about himself doing it. Obviously I didn't have an issue with porn until this happened. Things got worse and worse to the point where he would wait until I'm sleeping and go to the bathroom to masturbate. What's crazy is that we have sex literally every day. Throughout this, I've realized that I've become insecure in that matter, so much to the point where I can't even sleep comfortably at night. I've asked him to stop with porn indefinitely and he would always agree, but I would still catch him. Now, he is supposedly not watching porn anymore but that shit has ruined various parts of our relationship -- key one being trust.

The Problem:
I completely understand that guys supposedly can't 'control' their erections sometimes, but I just can't help the fact that I'm utterly disgusted when my boyfriend gets hard by looking at other girls. Last night we were watching Game of Thrones and one of the woman characters got naked. I noticed his boner and automatically knew that this was going to be a problem for me, but I kept trying to talk myself into not getting upset about it. I couldn't help it and I told him how I felt but he just got angry and we argued. I have no idea what it is, (maybe the whole porn incident) but I wish I didn't feel this way because its making me feel like shit and I feel like I can't just, 'get used to it'. 'Just get used to it' and 'it's normal' isn't cutting it for me.
What do I doooooo? :(
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all: feel blessed that a guy who is obviously sexually healthy can look at other women and still choose you. That means that above sexual gratification, that you mean twice as more to him than a porn whore.

    Also, can we all not admit we've been attracted to other people? Or turned on by situations or people that weren't our partners? Men don't become asexual with the exception of you when you get together. While I get you might not want him watching porn every day (that seems borderline addiction) it's not unhealthy to entertain porn, it can even be a creative way to spice up your love life if you take a few tips.

    All you're going to do is draw a wedge in between the two of you. Yes he should perhaps control himself a little better but don't be offended simply because other meat suits can get his dick hard: because at the end of the day just getting an erection doesn't mean he loves and cherishes those women. He loves and cherishes YOU, which is why he's with you.

    • I don't feel like I mean twice as more to him than a porn whore when he's basically addicted and can't stop lying about doing it. I had no problem with porn as I stated before but it turned into an issue and now it's not the same for me anymore. Of course we are attracted to other people, but you don't see my pussy getting wet every time I see a guy shirtless. I understand that he loves me and wants me and all that but it's still extremely hard to not feel the way I do.

    • I get that it's hard and I'm not saying you aren't correct to feel a little insecure: it's normal. But plain and simple men and women are different. Men are visual, they get turned on largely effortlessly while women it is a more complex process, so comparing the two isn't the same. Like I said he does need to get that porn addiction under control. My best piece of advice is you two seek some kind of couples counseling so you two can find out where this issue is stemming from while being able to address where your personal feelings are coming in as well.

    • I probably shouldn't feel this way or think this way but damn, why are guys so weak? 😂 they can see a fucking finger and get hard like jfc. Thanks for the actually advice though.

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  • Yes. However, there is no way to stop him from doing that. So either be on your own or just keep searching for a guy that is not attracted to a woman he does not love -they are pretty rare-.

    • Ugh where are they at lol

  • Shit dude that sucks.. Guys are fucking assholes. Im pretty much in the same boat as you. I don't know im thinking about just dumping my boyfriend. :(

    • Girl tell me about your situation!

Most Helpful Guys

  • What do you do?
    Short answer: Either accept it or leave him.
    Long answer:
    Ok, guys and girls are wired differently. Each dude is also completely different. Some get hard on simply seeing nude/sexy girls all the time, others, need stimulation to get hard. And it's normal. It's not controllable, it cannot be trained.
    What's not normal is the porn thing - porn addiction is real. Sure, not all who watch porn are addicted to it and for me, porn isn't bad - until it starts to interfere in a relationship, with the other party preferring it than the real thing.
    Now, you need to ask him why is he still watching porn even if you are available - assuming you are still willing to have another round. If not, then maybe it's the reason why he watches porn.

  • Sorry to hear this. Found your post under your username from the other thread - cute username. LOL

    Porn definitely ruins a good and normal man-woman romantic sexual relationship. It distorts reality for the addict, and you can't compete with the constant barrage of sexual stimulation. Next he'll want to try all the depraved things they depict on the fake-sex porn vids.
    Frankly I don't think you'll fix this. The only way it works is if he makes you his sole sexual outlet - no other sexual things anywhere else. I wouldn't put up with for much longer, it won't get better unless he commits to get off it.
    It's an addiction - they literally cannot get off it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 4

  • Young guys get hard at everything and anything. Please you need to start realizing the problem isn't with his attitude, it's with your attitude and unrealistic practically inhuman demands and expectations. Guys are humans, not vulcans.

    • You saying that young guys get hard at everything and anything sounds weak to me. Learning to control yourself sounds like something a lot of guys get away with not doing. How do I have unrealistic inhuman demands and expectations? Is it so much that I don't want my boyfriend to be practically fucking addicted to porn? Is it so bad that I want to find a way to not feel upset when he gets hard because he's looking at other girls?

    • Oh my. I suspect your real name is T'Pau. :)

    • I suspect you're incorrect :)

  • Don't take it personally. That's the way it will be for awhile. What concerns me more is porn. It's so addictive it can make it so a guy can't perform with a normal woman at all. It's called porn creep or porn induced erectile dysfunction

    • You see, 'don't take it personally' doesn't do anything for me. It still bothers me and I dont know what to do about it.

    • Nothing you can do but accept it

    • What a load of crock

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  • no not at all

    • Lies

    • hows that a lie?

    • 'Cause I figured out that I have a right to feel uncomfortable and upset about it.

  • no. it's his biology. you can't control that. erections happen. get over it

    • Thanks for your dick head reply :). 'Get over it' -- well, it's not that simple and you're an ass

    • appreciate that you dont really want to listen and just want people to tell you that you're right.

    • it is very simple. You're insecure and it's on him to fix it. sounds fair.

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  • No..

    • No what?

    • Not valid

    • Do you have an explanation?

    • Show All

  • you are right to feel so

  • Natural phenomena
    Seeing tightbutthole
    My guy has same

    • Wut?

    • After seeing a tight grl

    • Can you use sentences please

    • Show All

  • Wouldn't you kinda get horny seeing a guy that's hot? Maybe with his shirt off or naked?

    • Lol no

    • Lol mhmmmmmm

    • Honestly dude, looking at guys naked does absolutely nothing for me. I'll be like, 'oh he's hot' and then onto the next topic of discussion. It's not anything to drool over

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