"please spare me the rant about pain and pleasure "overlapping" because I've heard that one a million times and I still don't get it.."
^^ It's hard to "spare" you that particular rant, considering it's the correct explanation. But, mb I can help you "get it".
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The long and short of this is... Being a WOMAN HURTS. Especially when it comes to everything surrounding sex and boys.
Sexual maturity literally hurts, right from the get-go. The first sign of secondary sexual development is periods — and we all know how much periods (esp the teenage kind) can hurt. Omg so fucking bad we can't do anythnig but curl around a heating pad and swallow advil like it's candy, sometimes. I've had 3 natural childbirths, no epidurals or other anethestics, and none of them came **close** to matching either the magnitude OR the intensity of my teenage menstrual cramps. So that's the first introduction.
When we first become sexually active... that usually physically hurts, too. At this point, the sum total of the advice that girls have typically received about this is "Don't do it, slut"... so, navigating that pain tends to be a process of trial and error. With lots and lots of errors.
Boys are usually no help, either.
Sure they're hot, and alluring, and slightly addictive, and fun to play with (and they smell good, too, for the most part) — but, a young woman's "lovers" are hardly real lovers. Younger boys mostly just masturbate, just using a girl instead of their hand. The boy always gets off; the girl rarely does, unless her sexual desire is supplemented by potent fuels like teenage anger (which, believe me, gets women off HARD). But if it hurts, it's not like the boy is ilkely to even NOTICE.
... And it hurts more than just physically, too.
It hurts that most girls can't do ANYTHING they actually WANT, without endless worrying about their "reputation".
It fucking hurts that people blame the WOMAN if she gets beaten, or used, or raped. She was asking for it, you know (even though those things happen disproportionately to quieter, more conservatively dressed women).
It fucking hurts.
Boys just don't get this. Sex is nothing but pleasurable for boys, unless they get "blue balls" (which, as per my male friends, is mostly just bullshit fiction anyway, to pressure girls to "finish" the boy).
•• If sex hurt AT ALL for boys, they just wouldn't even go there. ••
THAT ^^ is why you "don't get it". OF COURSE you don't get it. You're a boy. You've NEVER been fed conflicting
messages about LITERALLY ALL of yr physical desires, from day number one (... unless you're from a closed, highly religious community — in which case, from what I've seen anyway, the boys are just as likely to become masochistic as the women are). Sure, it's harder for boys to GET sex... but, once you get it, it's 100% pleasure, 0% pain, 0% regret, 0% guilt, 0% shame, and 0% risk to any "reputation" (again, unless you're from an insular religious community). There's a COMPLETE lack of complexity or conflict, whatsoever. It's ALL pleasure. For women, ••NOTHING is EVER all pleasure••. Nothing. Nothing at all. For the vast majority of women, sexual pleasure ALWAYS has a deep-rooted flipside of guilt, shame, and ambivalence. (This often extends to other pleasures, too — just look at how many women can't enjoy food without THAT kind of guilt.) On top of actual physical pain — which tends to die down as we learn what we're doing, but, formative experiences are formative experiences.
... so... this is WHAT SEX ••IS••, for most women. For the huge vast gigantic majority of all women, just about all of us. It's all we know. So, it should hardly be a surprise that the whole notion of pleasure WITHOUT pain — if we can even conceptualize such a thing, which most of us can't sexually — just seems artificial. Two-dimensional. Plastic. Fake. Artificial. Bullshit. Not REAL. The notion of pleasure-without-pain goes against absolutely everything we know. Our entire life experience points to the idea that pleasure-without-pain can't even exist. ... which is also a reason why so very few women stay content in relationships that are perpetually "comfortable" and conflict-free. Some women (like me) actually ••thrive•• on conflict — that's what makes us wet, and horny, and gives us ambition and drive, and pushes us to work on and solidify relationships. But plenty of other women will subconsciously create drama even though they DON'T thrive on it —again, for the simple reason
that the entire experience of being a young woman, in general, creates the lasting impression that NOTHING involving boys is ••real•• unless it HURTS. (For all the boys who think the pain thing has anything to do with "male dominance"... Srry boys, not this time. That's maybe 2 percent of it. Probably less. Although the sex will be better for both of us if we allow you to go on believing that... so... go right ahead and keep telling yrselves that line. <3 ) As more proof of this, consider the fact that many women — especially those with coddling, overbearing parents who demonize EVERYTHING about their sexuality — are also spoiled rotten materially. In other words, that's the ONE pleasure they're generally allotted growing up without a giant side dish of guilt and shame: the pleasure of buying stuff, and/or having stuff bought for them. Unsurprisingly, lots of these women tend to develop lifelong shopping addictions, because that's the singular instance of pure pleasure that has been
Some people are more intense and impassioned than others. Doesn't mean one is better than the other. But some people need a stronger, more intense stimulus to satisfy them and be able to climax. Their sexual arousal is turbulent and their desire is feverish. Normal pressures of touch are barely felt. They can feel bland or even be frustrating because It's not enough.
Imagine you were thirsty, absolutely parched but all you could get was one tiny, slow drop of water at a time, even though there was a big glass of cold water just beyond reach. You'd crawl over broken glass to get to it. And then you'd gulp it down so greedily it would run out of the corners of your mouth and down your front. Because you have to have all that water all at once. These people have greater mental stimulation needs too. They are highly sensual people. There are people who are so sensitive that they can't stand anyone touching them. Needing pain is the opposite. It's not even perceived as pain, well yeah it is, but it's so f*cking lovely that it feels like pleasure. It IS pleasure. That person NEEDS, CRAVES that intense stimuli to be sated.
I swear you have just described me and why I feel sex to be so okay or not bad, without that eatra stimulus of pain-pleasure.
Cuz the strength of a male is goddamn attractive and a huge turn on. You know you're under his strength and he hurts you to remind you. Also if he is doing it rough that means you as a girl have caused this to the point he loses control. You'll feel desired because ain't no boy would go rough without being totally turned on.
(I'm inexperienced by the way 😂)
Loss of control is the exact antithesis of "dominance". The thrill of a truly dominant man is HIS ability to make YOU lose control -- while maintaining HIS steady hand, in perpetuity. Trust me (... and thank you for being straightforward about yr relative inexperience) — you rlly, rlly, REALLY would not want to be in this situation with a boy who actually HAS **physically** lost control over himself. Not only is that an incredible turn-off, but, it's also just plain DANGEROUS. What **is** a turn-on, is when the boy loses control over his EMOTIONAL distance — and clearly becomes **invested** in intimacy. (In love, one might even say.) That's almost certainly the idea you're trying to get at, here, on some level.
Shhh everyone is different. I think hardcore rough is more turning on and more fun. Might hurt but the pleasure will be big as well. Of course he should end up comforting and cuddling me. It sounds perfect to me.
Believe me sweetheart, I am much, much more into physical pain than 99.99 percent of us.
I gave some sense of it here:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2537410-do-you-like-brutal-sex
Still no relation to loss of physical control. In fact — at the level of intensity where my husband and I play, he would DEFINITELY injure me, possibly very badly, if he didn't maintain PERFECT control over his own physicality at absolutely all times.
Are you familiar with endorphins? They are a natural anesthetic produced by the body during periods of intense physical exercise, hence the term runner's high. During sex, if one is turned on enough, endorphins are produced and for many people can turn pain from negative to erotic.
Women love pain so much but complain about child birth. I guess that's why they stay in physically abusive relationships too. They just love pain.
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were did you hear that lie? I don't know anyone who likes feeling pain unless they into that S&M stuff..
Sorry that you don't get it but thanks for allowing me to spare you the explanation. Again.
"Again" ?
Yes. Apparently you've heard it "one a million times and... still don't get it."
Oh okay
If you don't want to hear about pain pleasure and pain over lapping then all I can tell you is that as someone who enjoys pain, it feels good lol what else is there to say? If you don't want to hear or can't understand the psychological reason behind it then stop asking this question because you'll never understand if. Simply put it just feel good.
i dont. do they?
Then you've heard why one million times.
The nerves that receive pain impulses travel up the spinal column right alongside the nerves for pressure, heat, proprioception, etc. As with wires there is a certain amount of cross-talk, which means that signal being carried by one wire often induces a signal in a parallel wire. Then in the brain, the centers that process excitement (from fear, from sex, from exhilaration, etc) are located near each other and communicate via nerve tracts that are near each other again allowing cross-talk. Look up synesthesia for a similar issue.
Exactly. But she doesn't like the answer. :)
@Fancygoldfish 'ey. No need to get salty now. This is exactly the kind of detail I was looking for.
Because it makes you feel submissive. The real question is... Why do I enjoy doing things that make me feel submissive, or feel submissive in bed? I don't know the answer yet.
Masochism
I don't like pain.
A lot more dudes than will admit it do too.
Well, tbh, I am one of those girls and I still don't know why exactly but I've narrowed it down to one idea. I love the feeling that he's losing absolute control of himself. Most people say it's because they like feeling like they are being in control but I don't feel like that when it happens. I feel empowered and sexy, like I'm turning him on so much that he can't control himself or stop himself from going all out. And then there's the aftercare... where he dotes and adores me and cuddles me.
they are masochist
I like a little bit of pain because it makes me feel as if my partner is in control and he could do what ever he like, this turns me on thinking that he has all control.
SOME girls like pain during sex because of that overlapping. Don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer.
What does that overlapping even feel like?
I never said that I'm into it.
they don't. you are just retarded
How so?
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