My girlfriend lied about her sexual partner count?

[Anonymous]

At the beginning of dating i asked my girlfriend about her sexual past, sexual values and her sexual partner count. Why i asked? Because im a virgin and i dont want to be with someone who treated sex casual in the past because i can't separate love and sex and therefore its a special act for me and i want a possible girlfriend to have the same values.

She answered that casual sex is absolutly not for her and that she had 5 sexual partnef who were relationships. God, i was happy when i heard that, even if she had now 7 years full sex of sex experiences and therefore was very sexual in the past i wasn't jealous because she loved them at the time and was with them and aslong as they werent casual i had no problems with it.

Now then we began being exclusiv. Now we have dated 6 months and we still hadn't had sex because i didn't felt ready. Now at a nice evening with her friends there was a guy. My girlfriend acted very different towards him, almost as if she couldnt stand him, then i asked her friend what happaned between them and she told me that they had a friends with benefits relationship going for 3 months and it didn't ended well. Well, great shit, now i found out that she lied about her past.

I asked her again the same qustions. Suddenly it was 11 sexual partners, 5 relationships, 1 friends with benefits with this guy and 5 other ons. God, i was so angry and dissapointed in her. I never expected that she would lie to me, especially about sth this important for me. It really hurts.
Not only has she lied but she had casual sex in the past, the one thing i would see as a dealbreaker.

Now that i have very big feelings for her i found out about the one thing that i won't accept. I really like her a lot but i would have never dated her if i would have known the truth. Now i dont want to have sex with her, i dont want to lose my virginity to her and i won't have sex with her ever. But i still love her as a person even if i never will have sex with her.

Why do girls do tnis?
How should i behave now?
What should i do?

[dusty_milk]

It is normal to hide something at the start of a relationship. Yeah, usually it is done implicitly and avoiding lies (just telling half truths like "uhmmm, yeah, I've been in 5 relationships"). Probably she lost control realizing that she liked you, but telling you the truth would have cut her off.
This makes you angry. You feel betrayed and she isn't in your standards.
But think at it now.
Standards serve the only purpose of fast exclusion when you look for a partner. They're useful. "If she does this, it is probably not okay for me." They make you save a lot time, thus making possible in a reasonable amount of time to find someone for you.
The problem is that they're not absolute, they're just a guideline. You can like someone out of your standards even if it is rare.
And it seems it is your case.
The problem is that it might generate trust issues, so just speak with her. It seems that she lied to be able to show you who she is, if you say her to reveal other lies (after expressing your disappoint) she probably will tell the truth (if she likes you more than she likes the sick principle of coherence).
Then you can say if it is worth continuing or not, but keep in mind that people fail sometimes and they change (if not in time (someone says "people do not change"), from person to person) and in all of this she did it also to have a chance with you (and she was right since you love her D: ).
All of this to say, the dealbreaker story is passable (even if hard to swallow) and trust issues might kill it anyway.
Good Luck.

[Asker]

Unfortunately she told me that she had sexual activity (including oral and intercourse) with only 5 guys in her entirely life and wouldn't do casual sex. Well, its not even a half truth. Unfortunately people rarely change and its annoying to try to find out if she changed or not and especially because i dont believe you can change your values. Its hard cause this attitude towards sex she has turns me off a lot. Even if she sex and love as the same if she would had sex with me it dont change the fact that sex has not the same meaning for her as for me and now i really dint feel like i ever want to have sex with her. Yeah trust is a problem now, who knows if 11 is the final number?

[InfoBot]

It is not unusual for people to hold back certain facts about their past for fear of being judged and this doesn't just apply to sex. There can be any number of things that people would rather not share if they can avoid it. Would you be able to say that you could be fully honest about every single thing that you have ever done, sexually or otherwise, without feeling the tiniest shred of shame? Have you never done anything wrong in your life? Have you never done anything embarrassing, or illegal, or something that just wasn't very smart? Would you be prepared to let her see every single one of your deepest secrets and let her judge you for it? If your answer is yes to all of these questions then clearly you are a saint and are not familiar with being human.

You believe that she lied to deceive you. Well, perhaps she lied to allow herself a chance at love without being judged. It turns out that she was not that crazy to do so because you have now judged her. Yes, in an ideal world she should have been more honest when given the chance but it was not necessarily about her trying to trick you. We rarely ever bare every inch of our souls to anyone. There is always something held back that just isn't for sharing.

[Asker]

I would never tell a random woman about my past. But if i would date this woman and she would ask me about a thing that is important for her to know to make a informed decision to date me or not then i would answer her honestly no matter how ashamed i am from it and then i let her decide, i would never build a relationships on lies, never. I dont think she did it to decieve me. I know she liked me a lot even when we started dating and that she wanted to look the best way as possible for me even if she had to lie. I understand this but it dont change the fact that she decieved me and was incredible selfish and egoistic to lie right into my face just because she dont wanted to lose me. (I wonder, if these are the type of humans who would not confess if they have cheated on their SO and then justify their lying with "i dont want to hurt him" "if i confess then only i would feel better")

[InfoBot]

There is a difference between a confession of cheating and a confession to something which is not of anyone else's right to know. You don't get the right to know someone's past sex life, you can only ask and hope that they will tell you. The fact is that you are where you are. She has now told you and you don't like what you've heard. So it's pretty simple, you should break up with her because you cannot forgive what happened before you were even in her life. You don't have the ability to love her for who she is. You can't change her past and neither can she. Hence this relationship is over unless you learn to be more accepting and to actually just focus on how lucky you are to have someone in your life who truly cares for you.

[Asker]

Someone who truly cares for me? Sorry but what? A person who lies to me doesn't care about me but about herself. She showed me now who she truly is. A liar and a girl who has casual sex and many psrtners at a young age. I can love her and i love her but i feel betrayed and that should be understandable. There is a difference between telling someone that its none of their business to know about it and to lie about it. It would be much easier if she would have told me that its none of my business but lying to me? Its nothing more than immature and selfish.

[InfoBot]

So dump her then. What are you even asking this question for when you are only giving yourself one way out? You need to break up with her because you are unable to forgive her. You have your answer. Life is not going to be any more perfect for you than it is for anyone else, you don't always get everything that you want. It's over, break up. End of problem.

[aestheticsofty]

@infobot why did you get four likes? You're justifying a lying slut

[InfoBot]

@aestheticsofty lol! Okay, if you say so ;)

[Wonderer89]

They do it because they're judged, as you're judging now. She may have changed, she may have regrets about her past behaviour or she may have just wanted you that badly, no one can give her reasons but her.
But at the end of the day, you're not going to get over this based on what you've said here. Even if you tried to continue a relationship you would still judge and shame her both for lying but also for her history so there aren't really any other options but to end the relationship. If you can't love someone for who they are to you, what they show you personally as the person they are instead of potential mistakes they had made then starting with someone with the same sexual experience might be for you.
Having had previous partners doesn't necessarily mean her attitude on casual sex differs from yours, but it's your right to seek a partner based on what you value in them

[tzdc21]

You learned a lesson here. Never ever just outright ask a woman about her body count because she's gonna lie about it.

[bondobilly]

General rule of thumb, take a woman's number multiply it by three. guys, take their number divide it by three.

[Asker]

Thank, next time i keep it in mind. by the way, what is 0 divided with 3?

[bondobilly]

find a hooker on clist. 😉

[Asker]

No need. Im great, i can always find another girl and then i can hope that her number multiplicated by three isn't too high.

[Humbledman74006]

That number has probably. gone up since your relationship, if your 6 months in and still not pleasing her.

[Asker]

Well, i hope not.

[JP_Man]

Of course they all always lie about it. Except for virgins. That's how you know how your girl looks like when she lies.

[Anonymous]

Definitely dump her asap

[Anonymous]

The trust is gone. Whether you're going to stay in the relationship or decide to break up, it's going to hurt anyway.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the big deal if you really love her who cares

[Asker]

She lied. The relationship is build on lies. In the normal case i would never date her if i had knosn the truth. So i care. And ya know? Love is not everything, infact love is not the importants thing in a relationship but trust is and how could she improve our trust if she lies?