Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Rejected because of my sexual past? Help me to be together with him?

I make it short.

I've had a 3rd date with a guy and he rejected me because of my sexual past

He said "I might say sth that might insult you or make you feel judged but please understand that is not my intention. I dont want to waste our boths time and so will ask you straight-forward about your sexual past. Remember that i dont judge you but i want to make sure we are compitable so i would appreciate if you could be honest about it. I dont ask you about your sexual number count, no, but i ask you about your values. I personally dont separate love and sex and have sex only in relationships and so i want my partner to have the same views on sex. So i ask you, have you only had sex in relationships or not? "

I did not...

So he politely said that it will never work out between us and it would be better if we try to meet others. We ended the date after finishing eating and he brought me home and paid for the 3 dates we had (we shared the bill because i wanted) because he felt like he wasted my time and money enough.

I feels terrible, i never xpected that my sexual past could ever affect my future. I was stupid to think that i can do whatever the shit i want and then be accepted.

Normally i wouldn't care if some date rejected me but he was different. We knew us for 3 years. In the last 2 years he helped me finishing my degree and helped me studying and learning (he teached me privately for free) and then he helped me finding a own house for me and helped me renovate and move there, he helped me finding a job and was there for me when my parents divorced. I liked him for more than 1 year now and he is the most perfect man for me. He has everything i want and i love everything about him. I hate it that my past destroyed everything, especially because i had these casual encounters within the 3 years i knew him. I knew how he thought about sex but i hoped we will end together.

Is there anything i can do? This is the guy i want to marry, help me please.
Updates:
+1 y
For everyone that is interested, we are now in a relationship and its goes very well! He saw my effort to be with him and decide to ignore my past and to become my future. I am fucking happy now. Like i expected, he is the best guy for me i could ever have, he is perfect. Thanks for all your answers!! I love you all 😗😗😗
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • Ok, first of all, your past dind't ruin anything. He can't go through life expecting to find the "perfect" woman, one that reaches *all* of his standards, so don't feel bad about yourself and your past. All I think you can do is talk to him and tell him that you *want* to change your views of sex to be with him, that you really care about him, but that being said, you are a little baffled that his views on sex are such a deal breaker, because you bet he's done thing you don't completly agree with, but that's the thing about life, you have to compromise. And that you are ready to compromise but that he should be willing, too. If he's not, then find someone else. No one has the luxury to reject someone just because they are not the perfect little person they imagine. And you desserve a lot of credit for telling the truth, so don't go and think less of yourself for being a woman in control of her own sexuality. If it doesn't work, you will get over him and find someone who fits better with you, trust me. Love always , *always* finds a way back into your life.

    • He was ready to compromisse on a lot. I smoke and drink alcohol while he dont and he dislikes it but he was ready to be with me even if he dont likes it. I also go partying while he is someone who spends his time in the library, nature or at home. And he comprommised on other things but for him this sexual past and my attitude isn't sth he would ever compromisse on for no person on this world because this is the only thing he wants to have with his partner in common.

    • Well, then I guess you two weren't meant to be. I really don't understand his position, but he's entitled to it and I respect it. I'm sorry it may not work out. But please, *please* don't feel bad about yourself. Sometimes people don't match, but it doesn't mean he's wrong or you are, you just have different points of view. I know it must hurt like hell, but if in the future I know the guy I want to be with and he doesn't want to because of the fooling around I'm doing now, it would break my heart, but I wouldn't want to be with him after all. It wouldn't be a good relationship on the long run. Because everyone can make mistakes (in his eyes it may have been a mistake to fool around without being in a relationship) but if he cared about you enough, he should give you a second chance. So, sorry but you might be better with someone else.

    • I understand what you said and i agree with you but 1 thing you said bothers me and you werent the only one who said it. "If he cared enough about you he would" thats not really nice to say (i know you said it to make me feel better but) i knew that he liked me for a long time and cared enough for me but "love" is not powerful to overcome everything, if this would work more people were happy then. So its not nice to say that someones feelings werent that big for me just because he couldnt be with me because of peronal reasons.

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  • I do not like this guy, to be frank with you. He sounds like he wants to start a family and raise smart kids and stand by them when they brush their damn teeth every night for 10 years. He should be more interested having you with him, not about your sexual history. That is history. For real. It's the past. It shouldn't matter. Or if it doesn't exist, why would that matter? He could make history. If you really want to make this work, all I can say is that you need to make him realise what I've said. I ain't no guru, but I do know he is missing something here.

    • so he's bad for being a family guy? he'd think you are bad for being a light minded sloot then. and he wouldn't be wrong either.

    • @levantine99 I really don't care what he thinks, you're the one who has put up with this guy for 3 years and want to continue to know him. Light minded sloot? For what? Telling you that you can find someone who is worth your time? I'm sorry you're prioritising his opinions over your own? By the way, a sloot? Are you 12? This seemed like a pretty serious question and I've given you a serious answer? But cool whatever fuck me, right, go for the sugar daddy

    • Hello? I was the one who asked this question! Yeah, he wants to have a family, for him dating has no other reason than finding a suitable lifepartner who he loves and can build a life and family with. Unfortunately "its the past" is pretty stupid. Humans decide their own actions and we should always remember that it will have consequences for the future. It is naive to think that we can do what we want and then expect to be accepted just because it was some years ago and can't be changed, this is what i finally realized mow thanks to him. Humans always judge a persons appearance, the only thing that he couldnt change and everyone is alright with it, but the moment someone judges you for your past actions, the only thing a human can really choose and decide if it is what he wants, everyone cries? Levantine99 is right, he decided that we are incompitable and thats his right. Even if i still will continue trying to be with him.

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  • Tell him that everyone makes mistakes. You were in a different place then. Now you want the same things as him. You want to have a relationship with him and only him. You have grown over time. You have gotten to know him over the past 3 years and you really like him, it would be a shame to let all of that go. Ask for another chance, just take it slow.

    • Can a human really go from "its just sex" to "sex and love belongs together"? It really dont make any sense for me how this is possible. And if i can't believe it myself that this is possible will he believe it?

    • Yes, a human can. If it isn't true for you then maybe you shouldn't tell that to him because then it would be a lie. And starting a relationship on lies is a terrible thing to do. So maybe indeed you two must move on to other people. It doesn't seem like he will budge because those are his values.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Don't bother persuing any further as a romantic partner. His views will not change and will only lead to strife for the both of you for years to come. Besides myself I know other men who never got over their spouses sexual past and I doubt he will too. However, it sounds like the two of you would make good friends so there is that.

    • Men who are married and never got over their woman’s sexual past? Mind elaborating?

  • I think he is right...
    straight forward...
    you guys know each other since last 3 years. but you never fallen in love with him. maybe was loving you since last 3 years. waiting for you. but whatever...
    if I was at his place I will say no too...
    you can judge me say bad things to me...

    • I loved him for a long time now but we didn't dated because he just left from a bad relationship were his ex cheated on him and he wasn't ready to date again. If he would liked it then i would have dated him 3 year ago but you might understand that after being cheated he dont want to jump into another relationship.

    • that can be the reason. maybe becuase of your past relationships. maybe he is afraid that you will do the same. hmm one bad relationship can change view of person about relationship and love. . maybe he think you had sex with other guys and maybe you can judge him. I myself do not want to enter in a relationship with a girl who had many relationships or sex with many guys. people will dislike my thoughts and view. but everyone is different. I only had one bad relationship after that I never trusted any girls... I am single since many years.. and I do not want to enter in any... but if you really love him... then try your best... best of luck...

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 5

  • Show him this question.

    • UPDATE I am glad it is working out. So I assume you showed him this thread?

    • No, but i said everything to him into his face what i written here.

  • i think he did the right thing by ending things because he knows he couldnt have a relationship with you because of your past. thats his personal choice.

    however, in my opinion, you shouldn't be chasing after him. if he can't accept you for who you are, itll be a difficult relationship.

    you should move on to someone that can accept you.

  • Tell him that you are ready to change your views for him. tell him you feel want to marry him.

    • He believes that a human can change their behaviour and their lifestyle and getting new priorities but he dont believe that someone can change their values. He can't believe that someone can go from "its just sex" to "sex and love belong to each other", and honestly said i can't even imagine myself how this could be possible.

    • he is not wrong. i have seen people who have sex every now and then even with strangers but if it comes to me i feel violated even if any girl other than the one i love touches me inappropriately

    • Asker then you admit you two are incompatible and that a human doesn't just magically transform. except if you find JEEZAZZ or something. lol.

  • There is nothing you can do, you are different people with different values which are inherently incompatible.
    I have the same opinion as him and in my case nothing you can do would change my mind so I doubt you would be able to change his.

  • I have done the same thing. If 2 people don't have the same lifestyle and share similar core values it wouldn't work. I place a high value on the sex act and won't get involved with women who do not.

  • Find someone else

  • there's lots of good guys out there who won't jugde you because of your sexual desicions un the past, although i think the same as him about having sex bc i dont think i could do it if there are no feelings involve, you are an individual self and can do with your life as you please. The time of 'regreting' those past decisions has passed, just appreciate his honesty and move forward to finding the person whos meant for you. If it's him, he will not care about it, if he really loves/likes you.

  • You have no chance

  • get over it. everyone is responsible for her choices. and your acts define who you are. if he says you are not compatible then you are not. find another guy who is more like you.

    • so you manipulated him into relationship, pretending to be someone who you are not, only to reveal again your true colours in the depth of time. sounds cool... .

    • Wait, what? He knows everything about my past, literally everything! He knows who i am and what my values are! I opened myself up to him as much as a human can. He choose me because we both love us!

    • ahhh ok. but you said he had some standards. and that you didn't fit in them. and that you will try for a month to turn his will around. and you managed this. whatever, i hope you too are happy together.

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