Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Was I sexually abusive?

Please, admins don't delete this question. I really do need a help.
Here's the story:
12 years ago when I was 4 and brother was 3 he told me he found out how he could give pleasure to himself by humping on the couch. Since that day we started to experiment on each other. I would lay on my stomach, he would lay on my back and we would mutually masturbate without realizing what we did. We knew we must have hidden it from family.
When alone at home we would talk dirty and once he even performed oral sex on me but disliked and stopped in the middle.
One day our parents caught and beat us. We would still continue doing it and parents caught us again. Instead of beating they started to make us feel ashamed of our actions. It worked. We stopped for some years.

I got my first period at 10 and at that time I was so horny that couldn't control myself. Parents worked. So I approached my brother and lead on him, made him kiss the doll at first and when he guessed I was open for it, he asked me to start doing what we did. We did it everyday, felt disgusted and ashamed after mutual masturbation, but still did it. He would never wait to give me a pleasure, once he was finished he would stop. We role played all the time and all of this was my idea. I wanted him to kiss me and rub to me in the missionary position but he would only do this while laying on my back. He didn't kiss me on lips.

Finally I felt guilty and didn't do this things again. I felt so guilty that I wanted to kill myself. Our relationship could never be as innocent as it was. I loved him and he lived me but we did something that made us more distant to each other.

Now I'm 18 and he's 17 and I'm sure he often masturbates on me. I am sorry and feel extremely guilty. When we grew older he would start calling me funny names that I hated and teased me all the time. We are distant but I still think he loves me.

Was I sibling who was abusive? Will we ever be close to each other again? Does he still love me?
Updates:
+1 y
I don't encourage anyone to do what I did instead I say that doing things like that will ruin your life forever.
+1 y
Would you break up with your girlfriend if you heard she experienced something like this in past? Would you like to know it or is it better to hide? Would you hate my brother for that?
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't think you guys knew about abuse really to warrant you guys being abusive. Perhaps your view of sex got a little jaded, but that happened, it would seem, sort of innocently and never changed. Maybe if your parents talked to you more in depth about what was wrong with it, instead of putting guilt on you or beating you for it, than you would have a better understanding and more positive view of what you two are for one another. It would seem you both are a comfort really to one another, until the guilt ate at both of you and now, you two are trying to avoid each other over something that really was more of an innocent "sin" in a sense. Shit happens between siblings that are close to one another. This should have been more understood by the parents and then dealt with more delicately. Your parents seemed to be more abusive than you or your brother were, sorry to say.

    If you still care for your brother, I would reach out to him and try and reconcile what happened. Or try and get a relationship you two had, but without the sexual connotations to it. You two are older now and know more about how sexual contact between family members isn't really right. So then you two just discuss this, but in a way that you are both just trying to understand the feelings you both have, and not judgmental. Than it's more open conversation.

    • Thanks a lot! Yes our parents were physically abusive and the only person I had was my brother. I have never talked about it with him, we act like It didn't even happen but we both know deep down. I've told him I was sorry for everything and hugged him, he hugged me back and we both cried. I don't know I that because he still feels guilty or ashamed or what but I love him and I want to be his friend and supporter. I think I will never manage to talk to him about our past. No one mentions it, not even our parents. Everyone acts as if nothing happened.

    • Well it should be talked about. How else are you two going to get over the pain of it all really, as well as the shame. You both really have nothing to be ashamed for. You guys care for one another and decided that you both were in a safe area being with one another, to experiment on this side of yourselves. Also, you didn't really do anything, just besides one another.

  • What you did, BOTH of you, is understandable, you were kids discovering your bodies and experimenting with each other, I'm sure lots of kids did this while young, the problem I see on this, is the way your parents handled things when they caught you, they should have explained things to you, make you understand or at least try to make you understand what were you doing, what were you feeling, letting you know masturbating was ok, but doing things with your brother not so much, they should have make things clear instead of just beating you or making you feel guilty, that didn't solve anything, just made you feel guilty after you kept doing the same.

    I'm sure your brother loves you, and I understand he is kinda distant now, not only because of what happened but because of his age as well, but things will get better, you might need to talk about what happened thou, just to let the past be the past.

    About you being an abusive sibling, you weren't, you were just a kid trying to understand what she felt at the time, doing what she grew up to enjoyed, same as your brother, so rest assure, you are not a bad person or sibling.

Most Helpful Girls

  • At age 4, you were too young to understand that what you were doing was wrong, so I feel like that can't be held against you. Age 10, I'm not sure. You were still young and you didn't understand why your body was making you feel that way or how to help yourself on your own. On the other hand, you were old enough to know that doing that with your brother was wrong.

    You are so close in age though. Your brother was basically at the same cognitive level as you. Even if it was your idea, he was old enough as well to know you two shouldn't and you didn't force it on him. I guess my final opinion is no, it wasn't sexual abuse.

    Regarding your relationship now of days, I'm not sure if it can be fixed, but I'd like to think it can be if you keep gently reaching out and make an effort.

    • We both knew what we did was wrong. That's why he didn't kiss me on lips. Just we were so horny we couldn't think about results and consequences. It was a good and sad lesson. I am very controlling of my desires even though they haven't changed since that time, they are even more intense but I take control of my actions and actually live like a prude, am still virgin. I don't want to make such mistakes anymore.

    • Regardless, you were just children. Also, just curious, but do you feel ashamed just to have sexual urges in general? It sounds like it.

  • Rubbish, complete and utter rubbish.
    No three year year old would have a clue about any so called sexual feelings like "humping on the couch" let alone be able to express them in words.
    But please, do carry on dreaming if you must.

    • I might have been 5, I don't remember. Just assume, since I remember we were very young and I wasn't at school. Please don't be so rude, that's a real story and there's nothing to dream about. I don't need you to add me feeling of guilty, I still think about killing myself all the time.

    • You will stop trying after a couple of failed attempts, you will soon realize is harder to suicide than to live. So just enjoy your life to the fullest, as for what happened then, is just that; past. Cut it early and never go back to it.

  • Your math is wrong...

    You lost me at 18 minus 12 equals 4. Sorry.

    • I lost myself at that too :D

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 9

  • im sorry to hear this but i am not sure what help you can get from GAG? i think that you should approach a counsellor or a professional that can help you with what has happened.

    • Thanks. You see some people think I am lying and they're calling it rubbish. Why would anyone lie about things like that? That's too personal for me, I am not sure I can ever talk aloud about it.

    • well without going into personals i have heard of this sort of thing before and it has taken them their whole lives to speak up about it and the other person involved has still not said anything. i think that you have made the right first move in getting it out there and trying to face the problem instead of bottling it up. but i would really recommend speaking to a professional as they know how to explore this sort of thing and get to the bottom of it and how to get you to come to terms with it. you will be surprised how easy it is to talk to a psychiatrist they have a natural ability to get you to open up and no one will ever hear about it due to laws on privacy. i guess first thing to think is you didn't do anything wrong, you were young and didn't know what was right or wrong back then so dont beat yourself up over it we have all done things that we regret, its the looking forward again and getting on with our lives that matters most as you only have one life and its too short

  • Wow... just... wow

    • I didn't tell the story of my tragic childhood just for some pervert write "wow" on it. If you can help, do it or go away.

  • I think this story is similar to thousands of family, its not new not even so weird, sibling do these mistakes often, just keep cal and try to forget it, the more you grow up you should take it as normal, build that ability.

    • you taking it too much seriously.

  • Sadly :( but never try kill yourself ok? U can't back at time , just Live ur life

  • I'd say you are fine. Weird circumstances, yes, but fine. You didn't know any better. You couldn't grasp the concept of what you were doing at that young age, and later hormones took over. No, you aren't abusive. Abuse is the act of hurting someone and with intent. And I don't if you will he close again. That is something for you two to figure out. Also, I'm sure he still loves you. Siblings push each other's buttons. That's what they do. It's natural.

  • Yes he just doesn't know what to do with his feeling so he keeps you away

    • What can I do to keep him close? I will never harm him again. I love him and I feel guilty for my actions

    • You both knew it was not right so your not the only one to blame everyone has some sort of sexual fetish weather they admitted to it try and talk to him and tell him your sorry for your part trust me I slept with one of my aunt's that is only s few years older than me and till this day no matter who I'm with I sometimes think they are her she didn't talk to me for a long time after some family found out but today we talk and have learned to go on with life she still knows how I feel about her but it is like she tells me I get off on the fact that it's wrong and kind of wild so just give it time but don't ever think it was all your fault and don't be ashamed to share how you really feel even if you won't act on them

  • Wow. Im sorry.

    • Thanks. Please, answer my questions.

    • I dont think so. It wasn't forceful

  • Well see the time you started doing this you both had no idea what you guys are actually doing. You were doing that just because for having fun but as you both started growing up & getting mature you started to realise that you both were doing so shameful stuff. According to me if i were you i would never talk about our past with my younger brother or sister , you should start behaving like you are not like before and let your younger brother notice that you have forgot everything you 've done before and maintain good relation with him as a elder sister. Dont worry about you past coz that time you both were small kids and this is the only good time to make your relationshio better than him. Do not lose hope and stop blaming yourself. peace ☺✌

  • I don't think so. He could've said no at any time. He didn't. I think you secretly both enjoyed it, as you both got something out of it. But I would seek counseling. Both of you. That kind of thing can mess you up for life. But I am afraid you will never be able to have relationships with proper people now.

    • Why do you think we will never be able to have relationships with proper people? You think we are crazy or damaged?

    • Or we are not worth of having normal life?

    • Damaged. That's why I recommend counseling.

    • Show All

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