boyfriend won't have sex with me? I want to make him happy and feel special?

[Anonymous]

I took my bf's virginity 5 months ago, i wasn't a virgin and had a rather extremly wild past.
My boyfriend found 3 weeks ago details about my past and knows many things i did.

Now, he didn't slut shamed me or commented on it, he just ignored it and went sleeping.
After this we had sex 3 times and never again.

After no sex for 2 weeks he told me some days ago that he dont feel like having sex with someone who can do it casually like a game. He told me he dont feel special being allowed to be intimate with me and that he feels just another guy who can be easily replaced like my former partners. He feels insignificant and like touching me isn't special but something others could do easily for free. He dont feel like "the one" but like "one of them".
He told me that if i can't accept i can just leave him, even if he wants to be with me, and thats okay aslong as i dont cheat on him.

He is sad and has depressions because of this, his confidence is almost gone (he was very confident). He loves me a lot and is a little clingy right now, he is always now around me and holds me in his arms and kisses me, it dont bother me in facr i find it cute but i hate it cause know that he does it because he is afraid of losing me.

Please, dont call him names or some stupid shit like that, his behaviour comes from his depressions and this isn't something to laugh about.

I want him to be happy again, i want him to be with me like he used to be. I want to have sex with him cause it feels so much better with feelings than without.
How can i help him?

[IamAwol]

Honest truth you can't. If he already feels this way and is portraying those antics its practically a wrap. Your going to get more frustrated. He will sense the frustration mistake it with the thought of you slipping between his finger tips and grip and cling onto you tighter. But will ALWAYS feel that it would be easy for you to move on. Your feelings of trying to help fix and get over this bump in your relationship will turn to pitty. You'll begin feeling sorry and want to end it but will be so caught up with not trying to hurt him that you'll lose sight of how to please yourself and remain happy.

[Asker]

So is there really nothing i can do? This guy is my first true love and i am sure that i want to marry him, he treats me better than anyone ever did and he is the love of my life. I dont want to lose him, i want to be with him forever

[IamAwol]

Yeah you can move on. I'm not one of those fuck him what's up with you and me type of guys. I'd love to think true love still exists, but in this situation that happens to prolly half of relationships when doubt and insecurity come into play so does frustration. Frustration turns to anger. Anger turns to hate. The hatred you'll build for one another will fill the happiness you once tried to keep sacred with bits and pieces of betrayal. Soon after you'll realize FOREVER only happens in fairy tales.

[hellacray]

You better brace yourself cause I think the countdown has begun. He most likely is going leave you sometime in the future.

I'm not sure what your past was like, but I imagine it's like whore status bad. He really likes you which is why when he found out he's depressed and feels like oh this isn't going to last much longer.

If I was him I'd probably feel the same way. He was being really nice about it saying you should leave him, cause then he wouldn't have to dump you. If it was me though I would dump you for sure.

[JenDB]

Well this is a really sensitive topic I would advice you to explain to him that this belongs to the past and that he is your future

[tzdc21]

Well this is really tough. Because now he's never gonna get that fact out of his head, and a lot of guys would break it off if they were in your boyfriend's shoes. And to make matters worse, I saw from one of your responses on what you do to show your love to him and you said it was hard to answer that other than the usual cuddles and occasional sex. Men want to feel that we are the best that you can do, your top option, so my solution for you is to do some out of the ordinary things for him to show how devoted you are to him, and assure him everyday that he is your everything and promise, not just him, but yourself as well that you are going to be absolutely devoted to him and your relationship, because that's what a lot of girls with wild pasts are not willing to do in the long run. It'll be hard for him to look past your wild past, so keep doing that stuff and see where it leads.

[vittle1999]

I don't think you can make him feel differently. He has to want to move past it. Anything you say might just push him further away.

[Asker]

He wants to move past it but he dont knows how, he himself hates it more than everyone else that he feels that way. But it seems like my past is too much for him. Is there no way?

[vittle1999]

He is over whelmed to say the least. His brain cannot process it. Only time will heal. I guess the only thing you can do is be supportive when he needs you. Otherwise it's something he needs to handle himself.

[FatherJack]

It's not you , do not take this personally , depression can kill the sex drive of even young men , the demographic with by far the highest sex drives , which shows just how debilitating depression really is. Fought depression with PTSD myself.

[Redshadow3094]

There's not much you can do. Can't erase the past. You have to make him feel special. Ask yourself this. "What am I doing to show my Love for him?" You're going to have to go the extra mile so that he feels like he means a lot to you and isn't just easily replaceable

[Asker]

What am i doing to show my love for him? This hit me right now. This question is hard to answer. I could say that i hold hiss hand, kiss him, cuddle with him and have sex with him but all these things i also did with mere fwbs, I love him, this is the first time i really love someone, i had exes but they were assholes i never truly liked. I can't really answer that question, cause because beside physical intimacy and my feelings for him i dont really do anything else. I plan dates with him and give him gifts and i love spending time with him, but i dont think this counts.

[Redshadow3094]

Exactly there's a double standard where girls think that all they have to do is sex and the guy takes care of everything else. (Hate that). But it sort of counts I guess. Do things you've never done before and make sure you let him know that he is the first. Like I don't know talk to him about some past trauma you have. Get him alone and just hug him for a looong time. Also I get the feeling he is in a lot of pain and might cry when you're not around.

[friendlydesihood]

You can do a few things to help him. First do something special for him (not sex wise) which girls dont do for their regular bfs.
Second you have to be careful not to make him feel by doing something special that you are head over heels for him. Dont be away from him but try to make him feel that his cuddles and kisses should be more because he loves you and not out of his fear of losing you.

[Kiran3232]

Make ur tits big mam..

[daniellovegirls]

Openly talk about to your boyfriend

[Anonymous]

How did he find out about your past?

By the way, there is nothing you can do. Sex is one of the most intimate acts two people can do, but you treated it like it was nothing.

Your boyfriend sees this and knows that it means nothing so is turned off by it. It's not just depression, it's a biological instinct of a lot of men. A promiscuous woman means less guarantee their sperm will be successful.

I find promiscuous women to be no go areas, and if I was the guy in this story, we would have broken up already.