Guys, my boyfriend is obsessed with oral sex, how do I get him to make it about me.. sometimes?

[ChelseaGlow]

So, I love my boyfriend completely, I'd do anything for him. We've been together for 5-6 months. I do his washing, cooking & cleaning without even batting an eyelid. This morning I cooked him bacon & eggs before he left for work. Anyway, I'm a generous lover, I recently worked out how to deep throat (much to his delight). He said at the start of our relationship he's fetish was oral. Fair enough, everyone has a button they don't admit they want pressed, I'm glad he was honest. My kinks are a little more.. dark, so I am fully open to fetishes. Do I want him to engage in my kinks? Absolutely not. But I would like to feel more connected. For the past month I've been going down on him everyday give or take, but we hardly have sex & when we do he cums way too early for me. I've tried vibrators & I find myself masturbating during the day. I just get sad because I want to feel intimacy and a connection, I'm a sensual girl, I need to know my man cares about me. Before you bring it up, "just tell him directly.." I have. I'm a direct person. Even through my tears, I've explained to him I need more sexually and he admits he's being, quote " a selfish piece of shit.." and he's just "tired from his job" - he DOES have a more demanding role now in comparison to when I first met him. I've asked whether there's a problem with me and he says absolutely not and when he is inside of me, he repeatedly tells me how "amazing I feel..". Despite this, he just goes back to coming home, getting on Xbox and at around 11pm he's begging me to wake up and go down on him. We did move in together quite fast and have spent everyday together since we met.. we just enjoy each other's company, we're both quiet, placid people who enjoy the peacefulness of each other. But.. I'm planning on going away for the weekend to work & visit family, I feel like if he has the opportunity to miss me it might cause him to desire me more? When I told him I was going away he looked kind of terrified and upset. Help xo

[Anonymous]

Unless you take some kind of action, this will continue. You've just become his sexual release, and little more. He's become spoilt, and he'd be fine never having sex again, so long as he got some deep throat action.

You mentioned moving out until his tears... which sounds like those tears made you change your mind. You should know better... that is usually a more female centered tactic to manipulate and tug at the heart strings in order to continue getting their own way.

You've done a lot for the guy, but one should also ask themselves whether the person they are doing all of these things for, have earned them. I'm all for doing things just because I can, but there comes a point where you need to ask whether the person has done as much for you. When you do things for another, and they know they have not earned it, they never respect or truly appreciate what they are getting. It's human nature...

You mentioned that he gets on Xbox. The fuck? Xbox? That alone is enough for you to move out... PC Master race FTW...

[snekbrek23]

So, the good news is that you aren't married yet. If you do, this would be the dynamic. Not saying there's no hope, but it as going to be tough. You're going to need to get real with him, or he will keep taking full advantage of your kindness. Threaten to move out. Not to break up, but tell him this isn't turning out to be what you imagined. In that case, maybe he will wake up and realize that you have needs too. But if not, then you need to make a decision based on his reaction on if this is how you want to live your life, or if you deserve way, WAY better.

[ChelseaGlow]

Yeah, I've been thinking about suggesting me moving out but I've brought it up once and he almost cried so..

[snekbrek23]

Of course he did, I would want to cry if I knew I messed up so bad to have a freaky awesome housewife type ready to walk out on me. And it's literally out of sheer laziness. But instead of crying I would stop being a little bitch and fucking spank you.

[ChelseaGlow]

Violence is never the answer ahahaha ;)

[NightlyCreature]

He doesn't care enough for you, period, saying he's sorry and what a selfish piece of shit he is doesn't change the fact that he still doesn't care enough for you, if he did he wouldn't just say stuff to make you believe he cares for you, he would actually do something about it instead of just apologizing.

I don't wanna sound rude when I say this, but you are encouraging him to be like this, when you let him come home and play on his xbox all day, then wake you up and make you go down on him, by accepting and doing all this you are telling him he is more important than you, that despite what you want he is the one that really matters.

Just remember something, words are empty, anyone can say them, what matters are the actions, what people actually do for each other, you have shown how much you care for him with what you have been doing, but he hasn't, so far, his are just words, it depends on you if you are content with that just.

[ChelseaGlow]

You are right, I'll try to start being a bit more firm. It's just difficult coming from a household where women were ladies and men were gentlemen, classical upbringings are a hard thing to shake. I'm going away this weekend so I'm hoping he'll realise what it would be like if I got fed up (or got onto someone else..) and left for real.

[NightlyCreature]

I really hope it works, you deserve so much better.

[ChelseaGlow]

Thanks xoxo

[MadeInAmerica]

Your spoiling him to the point that he has gone from appreciating "what you do" to basically expecting it. You put his wants and needs on a pedestal and drove your so far to the bottom he doesn't even care how selfish he is being. I think you should limit the blow jobs. I also think you should try to do more things together on a day off together, or take a weekend off work and just go places and enjoy each other besides the blowjobs and 2 minute sex sessions. I think re-bonding would do both of you some good. You seem awesome and don't want you losing that over one selfish guy.

[ChelseaGlow]

You are right, he does expect things now in comparison to before. I'll limit the blow jobs and I think me going away this weekend will really put it into his mind what it would be like if I wasn't around anymore. I try to be a giving person, my job is in the community and it comes naturally to me. It just wears me down when my partner treats me like a doormat sometimes because I give to others in every aspect of my life. Thanks for the advice, we are planning a sailing trip as soon as I finish uni in 3 weeks so hopefully we'll get some quality time then.

[funks123]

Limit the bjs and let him know why! He will appreciate you more and hopefully make it more about sex so you are both pleased.

[ChelseaGlow]

Yep! Planning to believe me 😂

[funks123]

Good luck!

[Archi3]

Give him enough of it and I personally think he'll get bored of it. Use that to your advantage, you'll be glad the hard work will pay off one day.

[ChelseaGlow]

Yeah, I've definitely decided to cut down on my efforts in that regard ahaha, let's see if he notices...

[Archi3]

You should be careful though. My only fear is you've made him too used to it so he might not take it well when you 'cut it down'. Whatever you do, don't let it ruin your relationship. I'm not saying let him off and give in again but if you need to, to uphold what you both have then just do it. At least will know you don't like it - at least, more than he previously thought.

[ChelseaGlow]

Yeah I'm not going to stop completely, my favourite thing is to give him a cuddle at the door as soon as he walks in, I'm not going to deprive him of affection, I just want to make it special again.

[Archi3]

You don't even need to stop in all fairness, come to think of it - he'll only grow to appreciate it. You probably just need to do what others have said in that restrict him in a tit for tat manner until he grovels lol. That seems like the best strategy pal.

[heclinybad]

Maybe you should introduce him to some of your kinks so you could at least get some sort of satisfaction, you didn’t mention him going down on you maybe that could get you off, it’s such a horrible feeling being sexually fustrated.

[ChelseaGlow]

That is not an option, my kinks are really messed up. What I fantasize about and what I want to experience with the man I love is completely separate. He does go down on me, he used to do it a lot more when he wasn't at this new job which is exhausting. He went down on me after I cried and explained my frustration, he knows what he's doing believe me.. my sex drive could be a bit high, but this is normal in your 20s right? I would like to had sex everyday.. is this unrealistic?

[heclinybad]

WOW how interesting, anyway can’t believe what you’re saying hope you’re letting him know he can get some when you’re in the mood, some girls say things like that but hate initiating sex, and guys usually get tired of being turned down. I’m feeling their just miscommunication we love sex everyday. Hope theirs not much of an age difference, men love sex just don’t get it...

[NJ_Casanova]

Stop giving it to him until he does what you want.

[ChelseaGlow]

I'm going to trial this idea, considering about 95% of guys on here have said to, 95% of men can't be wrong right? 😂

[NJ_Casanova]

When it comes to sex... the women has the power. IF a guy is being an ass/being selfish... they don't deserve you affection/attention. Might be a good ideal to start seeing what else is out there, if he doesn't straighten up. If he doesn't change... just shows he doesn't care.. and you would then need to find a guy that does, put you above his own personal pleasure.

[ilovesexyfeet]

Don't give him oral until u have had your fun, tell him he goes down on u or u don't go down at all... ever!

[WalterRadio]

The number two reason for divorce is sexual incompatibility.

You are going to break up sooner or later. The sooner you do, the sooner you can get on with your life.

[ChelseaGlow]

🙄 abit dramatic..

[WalterRadio]

It is just statistics. If I knew you in person, I would bet $1,000 on it.

[JayFromEngland]

Maybe suggest that he has to earn his satisfaction. If he does a good job satisfying your desires, then he gets his satisfied in return. Maybe that'll be a good scheme for a while until he begins to naturally put the effort in. You sound like great fun though, I wish you the best of luck.

[ChelseaGlow]

Fantastic idea! It's been mentioned so far a few times.. however, he just usually says he's too tired to give anything and rolls over defeated and then I feel bad so I give in. But I'll try to be a bit more firm! One of my biggest prides in my life is being a supportive, fun partner, so thanks 😁🌻

[JayFromEngland]

Best of luck! I hope all goes well.

[ChelseaGlow]

Thank you so much xoxo

[heimdallr]

Sounds like you don't trust each other. Moving in so quickly was not a great idea but you need to build that trust first before making your relationship all about sex.