My boyfriend doesn't want sex, what should I do?

My boyfriend rarely wants sex with me. I never had this problem with any guy before, it's usually the other way around. This really hurts me, and it doesn't help that he gets aggressive about it.
I'm not used to having to try and seduce a guy to get sex, I don't feel comfortable with it and I don't even think it would help if I tried to be more sexy. I wonder if the problem is with him or me.

The first time or two we had sex he had erection problems, but they went away. Our sex is good but very much the same. We have loads to explore. I tried asking him what he likes, but he always says he likes what we're doing. I'm a bit too shy to try new things if I don't feel like he's into it.

I remember him saying at some point that it's not so exciting to have the same partner all the time, another time he said it's hard for him to finish if we have sex too often. But if we don't have sex regularly he doesn't last long enough for me to even get turned on. We don't really have any foreplay either. I try to initiate it, but he either doesn't aknowledge it or pretends he doesn't. Sometimes it's like trying to turn on a rock.

He's living with his twin brother who's also got a girlfriend, and I hear them have sex every night when we go to bed and every morning when we wake up. They've been together for quite some so they're not even new and it makes me feel even more shit.

My boyfriend works a lot, and I think he might feel stressed. His family is very comptetitive and he's a pretty "proud" personality. Even though he might not admit it I feel like he's sensitive and scared to get his ego hurt.

I wish he didn't get so defensive. Sometimes I wonder if he's interested in someone else. We're both under 30.

Men: What would you advise me to do? have you felt attracted to or loved a woman but still not felt that excited about having sex with her? What can a low sex drive come from and what do you need to increase it?
Women: Have you been in my situation? What did you do about it?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 168

  • We guys have a reputation for being horny pretty much all the time. What kind of guy doesn't like sex? That's the question, right? Well, the truth is, a lot of guys just don't get all that excited about it. It's a messy affair, after all. There's all the bodily fluids, the grunting and groaning, it all sounds like a bad day at the barnyard to some guys. No, I'm not saying that a majority of guys feel this way. Of course not. I'm just saying that it's not such an uncommon thing. Your guy may just not like sex. It's not you, it's not any other woman he has ever been with. It's just how he's put together. He doesn't like it. He thinks it's over-rated and he wonders what everyone else is so damned excited about.

    Or... It may be that he's attracted to something else entirely. Perhaps there's something that he hasn't dealt with yet, perhaps doesn't even know about yet. He may be gay. He may never have acted on his proclivities or even recognize that they are there. He doesn't go on-line and look at gay porn. But it's in there and he'll be a lot happier if he ever comes to terms with it.

    Personally, I think it's likely the first option. He's just not a very sexual person. But the second option is possible.

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    • 5d

      The first option sounds like it could have come from his mouth

  • I would sit down and have a serious chat with him. 2 things that make me think why he doesn't want sex that much which you stated, he has erection problems, that's embarrassing for a man, and the other he is working a lot, and that can cause fatgue.. Those things combined will definitely put a man off sex.
    If he does have erection problems, maybe he should go and see the doctor and get some viagra.

    If he's not willing to work things out with you, and understand your needs, maybe you have consider moving on, cause all your doing is puttinng your life hold.

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    • What should I say to get him to open up and really talk though?

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    • 2d

      I personally think you know the right thing to do with this relationship deep down, but you are just not admitting it yourself. Your just looking this magical cure, or advice that solve his problems. Sorry not the, case, If he has baggage, or issues, then that is something he has to change from within, its really not your problem, because make your problem, is to make yourself unahappy in the process. You have a right to be happy, remember that, good luck

    • 2d

      Watch this video, its very true. It will help you. You learn something from it, to make youself happy.
      www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQK9Ufr4yrY

  • We teach our partners how to treat us. If you've allowed the bedroom time to be be shitty, that's you teaching him that you're okay with it.

    It's YOUR job to take care of YOU. This means that you don't invest your time in stuff that's not going to meet your long term needs... like a job that doesn't pay and has no future, or even a partner who doesn't meet your sexual needs.

    If you've already voiced your concern with him and he's doesn't care, then the real issue here is you.

    Why would you stay in a relationship that will only get worse with time?

    And saying "but I love him" is the worst type of answer. Being neglected is a type of abuse in my books, even if it's overt and maybe unintended.

    Love yourself. Love yourself enough to demand the MOST from the person you give the most. Otherwise it's a horrible investment of energy and time.

    Imagine yourself 10 years down the road, putting up with a sad depressing sex life only to find out he's been cheating or he dumps you. And you're going to look back angry with yourself for accepting a bad relationship.

    Love isn't enough.

    I LOVE candy and pizza, but because it's harmful to me I purposely choose to avoid it. I love myself enough to know that my love of candy doesn't mean I have to also eat it.

    Also... we can't change people. If you've sat him down and really talked this through as honestly as possible, then what more is there to do except to let him go.

    This is something that really needs to be discovered early into a relationship from my experience, so as to save time. :P

    But that's just my opinion. I wish you luck!

    ~ Robby

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    • 5d

      You really do have a point. I still hope we can work it out but I will keep your reply in mind.

  • Right now, I would be content simply for my girl to be able to be here with me. To fall asleep next to me, as a I wipe her bangs out of her eyebrows, place my hand on her shoulder, then drift off to sleep, able to feel her breath on my chest as my forehead leans against hers, and sleep in peace.

    Even if there were no sex involved, I would be grateful for this simple pleasure. Yet, I fear it may never happen. And that she will move on, if she hasn't already. She lives in another country, so I knew going in the odds were slim. Even so... I don't currently desire anyone but her, even if I can't bring myself at the moment to feel that much sexual urge. Not for lack of trying, but... the gusto just isn't there. I miss her for other reasons.

    I also worry that she doesn't feel the same about me; or worse, can't feel such things at all. Was I just a summer of fun on Skype to her? Is she afraid to get close because of conflicting cultural traditions? How do I bring it up, without scaring her away?

    I have a bed designed for two. For yet another evening, I will be sleeping alone, praying she's okay, and that her work hasn't eaten away her entire soul.

    Perhaps whatever he's going through, he needs you to be that kind of girlfriend. If Raging Sex Machine is your only dimension, even he will eventually get bored with that.

    I know you two, in your 20s, think you should be above such things. The age of the raging libido that knows no limits. But get to your 30s like me, and you learn once more how to appreciate simple things.

    Another reason I'd recommend you discuss marriage with him: it will help you put everything else in perspective. Even genitals get old after a while.

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  • All those reasons you gave for not taking the initiative? Apply to him, too.
    "I'm not used to having to try and seduce a guy to get sex, I don't feel comfortable with it and I don't even think it would help if I tried to be more sexy." He also apparently doesn't feel comfortable initiating sex. And when you do, it may be that he feels like a failure, which only exacerbates it.
    "I tried asking him what he likes, but he always says he likes what we're doing. I'm a bit too shy to try new things if I don't feel like he's into it." Again, the reverse can be true. In his past relationships, every time he's suggested trying something new, he got shut down.. So now, he's afraid to try and suggest anything other than what has worked in the past. He doesn't want to upset the applecart.

    "I remember him saying at some point that it's not so exciting to have the same partner all the time, another time he said it's hard for him to finish if we have sex too often. But if we don't have sex regularly he doesn't last long enough for me to even get turned on. We don't really have any foreplay either. I try to initiate it, but he either doesn't acknowledge it or pretends he doesn't. Sometimes it's like trying to turn on a rock." And what signals is HE giving that YOU are not catching? how often have you shut him down in the past? Remember, you said earlier you were more used to rebuffing guys. Could you still be doing it, and not noticing? Have you TOLD him, explicitly, that you're looking for sex? Or just tried to be a bit more affectionate, and hoped he'd take the lead?
    I could go on, but I hope you get the picture. You have a failure to communicate. BOTH of you are dancing around the issue. Sit down, and have a heart to heart. Use a lot of "I" statements. Make this about you, not him. No casting of blame, or aspersions.

    One thing that has worked in the past is to pledge to each other to have sex at specified times. Some do it every single day. Some only once a week. You might agree that if, say, you haven't had sex by Friday, you WILL that evening. He expressed an interest in other partners, for variety; offer to roleplay being someone else. But be explicit. And tell him that nothing is off the table for discussion.

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    • 5d

      Thanks, you have a point. But, do you mean that he would turn me down because he is insecure and feels bad if I am the one to always take initiative?

      I have never said straight out that "I want sex now", but sometimes when we're kissing and he probably thinks I'm too on he tells me he doesn't want to have sex even though I wasn't even trying to initiate it

    • 4d

      Exactly!

  • So first surface thing that notice me was "Its usually the other way around" , my thoughts were how did you feel and how did you want your male partner to respond (Transfer these feelings to him) - Second thing that struck me erection problems at the start, could there be an underlying issue that needs to be talked about - He gets aggressive/defensive so it sounds like it does need to be discussed in a full open non confrontational way which leads to my last point - With a lot of "Issues" on GaG, I have a bit of a GOTO answer, do loads of research look at relationship/sexuality forums and get other women's stories of similar events also maybe get links to possible support sites for what may be happening whether it is physical, emotional, mental or just as innocent as a low sex drive.

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  • it sounds like you guys just have difference is sexual chemistry. if you are unhappy with the sexual relationship and are not satisfied to concede to his sexual desires... which is fair if you're not... then this relationship may not be for you

    it sounds like he is pretty firm in his position and unwilling to change much but you could try to reach one last compromise. unfortunately though for most people big divergences in sexual desire and unfulfilled sexual needs are deal breakers in relationships

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  • Could be a number of things when are you trying to get intimate with him? I know personally I don't even want to be touched if its extremely hot (temperature wise) or if im extremely tired from working a lot of long hours. Not much you can do there other then wait for a better time. Unless he's giving clear hints I wouldn't bring it up at those times.

    At the same time be spontaneous don't feel afraid to try new things, I had some of my best sexual experiences with girls willing to experiment or just straight up saying they wanted to try something new in the middle of it. And again enviroment guys like to be comfortable during sex too. Most of us, i know for sure myself, are willing to try and put up with all kinds of crazy position. But the second it is extremely hot temperature wise it kills any thoughts of sex starting up for me.

    I would try asking him about anything stressing him out and your concerns about your sex life, asking if he is still happy with you don't be accusing though. Try to come across a heartful concern for your relationship.

    Second don't compare your sex life to his brothers or anyone elses for that matter everyone has their own paces and rythms when it comes down to the nasty. There are days when exs have had to stop because they couldnt handle the intensiveness of it all, days I could only do a few positions before calling it quits, and days were we would go for hours with little more then 5 minute breaks in between if that.

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  • Sounds like you both think too much during sex. He probably does have some sort of errection problem or no one is taking leadership in the bed. Maybe he wants you to tell him what to do.. make him go down on you see if that helps. He could be embarrassed you are making to much noise or not enough. Maybe watch porn together see what type of porn you both like. Maybe he's into feet or being dominated but too embarrassed to talk to you about it. You need to communicate between each other don't let it die if you can help it. The relationship will suffer because of it. Some dudes are happy with or without sex they just try to please the lady with out talking about it. Sounds like you need foreplay mostly though.

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    • 5d

      You are right about the leadership thing and probably that we thinj too much too. I will try to take more command and see what happens. and agree about the foreplay as well

    • 4d

      Do this

    • 4d

      Hope it helps :)

  • I'd hope he had a really good reason for that, have you asked him why he rarely wants to have sex with you? Not his bullshit reasons but the one main reason. If his sex drive is low I still don't get a guy turning down sex, that's almost unheard of , a priest I get but a regular dude I'll never get. How the hell can he resist if you started rubbing his upper leg then his crotch, Christ that would get any guy hard unless he swings the other way. Did you guys ever have a good sex life or was it always just enough to get by?

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    • Is everything the same as it was? Do you take care of yourself and not let yourself go by gaining weight, not keeping your kitty kat clean? If you do then it's a tough situation you're in right now.

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    • 3d

      I have never had this experience before either... I'm really strting to more and more think he's gay or interested on someone else or something like that

    • 2d

      His mind is elsewhere when it comes to sex that's for sure, it's sad it's not on you, hard to accept I'm sure but you sound grounded enough to deal with it and eventually move on.

  • I'll be honest I've been in this dudes shoes before and what did it for me was having my sights on another female. What would help your situation is drop it completely. Don't initiate, don't tease, nothing. Become a little less interested in him in general. The tables will turn pretty fast.

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  • It sounds like he is either affected by work/family stress, or he is having performance anxiety (seeing he had erection problems in the past)

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  • His low desire to have sex can be linked to many things that can be resume in two factors: physical and psychological. You gotta talk to him to know exactly what's going on. Is a complex situation. Do your best to keep up the relationship, if your best doesn't have any effect, as difficult it can be, you have to make a decision to either try to convince him everyday or end the relation and find what you're looking for.

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  • I am sorry for your issues. As you know every guy is different and I do not think that he will want more sex as he gets older! You could suggest therapy but I would bet that he says no to that idea. How often are you two having sex? At his age he should want sex daily if not more. Is it something you can talk about with him... after all i is ok to talk about sex. If he does not want to improve things then it may be best to move on... after all what will he be like in another 5- 10 years? Your thoughts?

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  • I once was like your boyfriend, it was because i found my ex's body untrattactive.
    But it could be something else, maybe he have insecurities about his sexual perf, or maybe he is gay without knowing it. It can be so many things

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    • So how would you go about it if you were in my shoes? Did you tell your ex she was hot even though you didn't think so?

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    • I hope it will be better soon :)

    • Me too!

  • You need to talk. This is an issue you need to address asap. Tell him everything you feel. Tell him what's important to you and how it's affecting you. If he's prideful he'll be hit when he finds out his woman isn't satisfied. Here's a strategy. Plan a date where you can ease into such conversation. Lead him like a horse to water. Be like, "I'd like to go out today and really have a quality us day". This will make him know something is up. Then go on a date, having fun, but hinting at the issue over the course of the date. After a while hell ask you "what's wrong?" That's when you start telling him how you feel.

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    • 5d

      You make it sound easy!

    • 1d

      Easy or not, there's a problem, and there are things that can be done. I broke up with my girlfriend because she was going to a grad school 4 hours away. I don't like distance. It wasn't easy but I had to do it. In the end it turned out great. We're still best friends and see each other often. We may not be together but it's working. Quit procrastinating and do it. If my girl had a problem I would love to be able to know it and find a solution. That's how men usually are. We want our girl to be happy. If he's not interested in your happiness, than he's not interested in the relationship.

  • I'm taking a medication right now and one of the side effects is lowered libido. It's taking a toll on my girlfriend right now because she thinks I'm not interested, which isn't the case. He might not be taking any medications like I am, but it could be that he's frustrated about it like I am. It could be possible that it is something with him. I doubt you are the issue.

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  • Has he seen a doctor to have his T levels checked? Low "T" can have erection problems and lack of sex drive. It can also cause mood disturbances and tiredness. Work and new things can also overload someone making them not as interested in sex.

    But if his testosterone is normal, there could be a lack of communication or sexual differences. In that case, it's best to move on.

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  • he could be jacking off compulsively to reduce stress from work which would explain the low sex drive. soemtimes this is seen as more relaxing than sex depending on how comfortable you are with the other person

    or maybe you're just fat

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  • You're both "the problem" here.
    I would recommend talking with him about the foreplay thing. That will help immensely. You need to be clear about your needs and be blunt, but "polite" about it.
    However, you also need to understand that your needs aren't the needs of the whole. Compromise is necessary. Based on this post, you are placing most of the blame on him. Have you considered his feelings on the subject? You may have, and I'm not saying you haven't, but based on this, it doesn't look that way.
    Relationships are about compromise from BOTH parties. Communication is key, and you need to communicate.

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    • I have tried, but it doesn't get us anywhere. Like I said he gets defensive, maybe I need another approach, maybe I need to tell him more what I like instead of focusing on what we don't have, I just feel insecure to do so because he never does either.

      I feel like I'm blaming myself more than I'm blaming him. I'm thinking I must be doing something wrong. But usually guys I meet always wants sex, so I don't understand why it's so different with him, so I guess I maybe blame him too in a way. I expect more from him than I get. He is the first one I actually care about sex with and he's the first one who doesn't seem to care back. It's frustrating.

  • Low sex drive can come from low testosterone. He also could have some mental issues going on that can affect peformance

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  • Call me, lol. I'm just kidding, don't shoot me. He's under 30, you're under 30 and he needs help. I'm assuming he has medical insurance so he needs to see his Doctor. It is covered with most insurance plans. The problem with this is unless he sees something wrong, he isn't going to be interested. Porno movies. If he doesn't understand you saying you're not happy with your sex life, maybe he'll understand when he "see's" you're unhappy? Lastly, counseling, also covered by medical insurance plans. But you'll probably encounter just what you did with the first possible solution. It's not something that other men your ages should be suffering from. That's the "sexual peak range" and from the sounds of it, your boyfriends sexual peak has started it's descent. GOOD LUCK!

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  • Afraid you have found a MIS match and even counsel from his twin will not solve this puzzle and I say - why waste more time trying to fit a square block into a round hole?
    Why ignore the vast ocean of guys out there looking for a gal match like you? Can't do any shopping with a dork on your arm that doesn't take sex from his gal willing to do him.
    Dating can be fun while weeding out those dorks in finding a match, I promise.

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  • First u love the women saying if he doesn't want to fuck you then he's gay kinda sexist. Men are sexist pigs for wanting to have sex but gay if we dont want to. Wtf is wrong with you girls

    Second it maybe his job, ask him about his work, he maybe under a lot of stress and that could be why he doesn't want to have sex. I am going through the same with my girlfriend. She doesn't want to have sex she says she doesn't like sex. If u were in japan we could take care of eachothers problem

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  • He may be on the asexual spectrum. If he is, then he can't change that. It's a sexual orientation like any other. You'll either have to respect it or leave him.

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  • Have you tried... communication? And not as in coming at him sideways asking unrelated questions to pry the "truth" out of him and playing games. I mean actually being honest and discussing it. He could br deppressed stressed or just exhausted from work. It could be a temporary lack of sex drive from a medication he's taking thst affects testosterone. It most likely has nothing to do with you specifically. He likes you enough to be with you and have sex with you thst should be enough for you to understand he think highly of you. This shouldn't offend you.

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  • Sometimes if you love someone you don't care about sex, i mean that it's not really important. Or maybe your boyfriend is nervous because he can has some problem with him c*#k and he's too shy or proud to speak about it. You can try to say to him to speak with him brothers or friends that, between guys, it's easy to speak about some things

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  • I dont want to sound mean but now u know the struggle of every single guy at some point in their life and it fucking sucks lol but to answer ur question no if im not even with a girl and i see their boobs i want to fuck them, and if its a girl im dating and they even say something even half related to sex or wears something even slightly nice i want to fuck them any time of the day. I've asked that question for almost 2 years when i was with a girl that was very similar to what u explained, i dont think she ever got fully turned on, never wanted forplay, was not sexy, didn't give me a bj once, i would try to initiate sex every night and every morning and a lot of times during the day and if i was lucky i got it 2 times a week... it was fucking pathetic!! If u really love him then u can try to work things out but it does really effect u when ur damn girlfriend or in ur instance boyfriend doesn't want to fuck u, why the hell not? Its just not who they are and they prob won't change!

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    • 5d

      I don't want to sound rude either, but my ex was like that and I found it off putting because it was too much. I don't think being that on is a good thing, on the other hand giving up after a few subtle tries and waiting for him to take initative isn't exactly working out for me either. He does take initiative eventually if I wait long enough but if I left it entirely up to him we would ptobably have sex 1-2 times a week at best. Maybe I should try to be more on, in case it works better on guys... lol. I would advise you to chill a little and try to make your girl want you and maybe even question if you still want her before you throw yourself at her and ask for sex. or find a girl with crazy sex drive who's already throwing herself at you before you even get the chance to take initiative xD!

  • I've been in the situation. I wanted sex maybe once a week, she wanted it as often as possible. We tried different things and approaches to "fix" my lust, but it didn't work out. When we had sex it was great, but I rarely wanted to have it, even though I knew it was nice. I'm still not sure why it was like this, since I did love and appreciate her and I was turned on by her, and the other way around. It was just something with us that seemingly wasn't synced.

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    • is it still like that for you?

    • Well, we broke up a few months ago because of that and some other stuff.

    • 3d

      do you feel like it was the best choise?

  • I've had dick problems twice in my life.
    1) She cheated on me and I was hurt... I just didn't want her anymore. Problem went away as soon as I was with another woman.
    and...
    2) She became unattractive. Hygiene slipped, weight was gained... my boner was gone. Again, no issues as soon as I was with another woman... or when she corrected you lack of effort.

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  • More from Guys
    138

What Girls Said 57

  • First, I'm going to say you need to get comfortable in the role a seductress, this has little to do with your boyfriend though. You just can't expect sex simply because you're a woman, the exception might be if you're out looking for one night stands and causal hook ups.
    A lot of guys love being seduced and having a woman in control, even if it's just briefly depending on how dominant he is sexually. Guys want to feel wanted and that's a pretty damn good way of showing it.
    Second, most men are "proud" and don't want their egos bruised and this is a delicate topic for most men. however, at some point you need to stop walking on eggshells for him and tell him what YOU NEED. A relationship is give and take if he's not willing to give then I suggest you find a different person to be in a relationship with.
    Third, If he's pretty much skipping foreplay and not even getting you off he's basically using you as a prop/toy for masturbation and that's not right or fair, and if he actually cares about you he wouldn't want that for you.
    It sounds like you've kind of talked to him about it but I'm not sure if you have in a way other than "can we have sex now?" Kind of way. I think you need to sit him down and actually have this conversation with him.
    At this point he is ignoring your sexual needs and something needs to give because things are not going to end well if he doesn't step up and start handling things better.
    It may be that he's stressed at work or he's tired or whatever else. But the problem with that is you don't know because it sounds like you guys aren't communicating, also not awesome for a relationship.

    Point is you need to be more seductive FOR YOU, you may not be comfortable with it but in time you will and I promise its a rush and you will love it.
    You need to worry about how he feels but you also need to make sure your needs are being met or everyone is just wasting their time.
    You need to get him more willing to open up and talk to you about what's going on. That's part of what being in a relationship is.

    As for me personally, I have a ridiculous sex drive and I've been with guys that couldn't keep up with me but Id ask straight up what the issue was.
    The point here is, I don't enjoy playing guessing games so conversations were had. There were compromises and things worked out from there.
    You've gotta talk or you might as well leave, cheat or start to hate him now because sadly that's where you're headed if you don't change things.

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    • Totally agree, best way to say this.

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    • 7d

      This advice is great and makes pretty good sense.

      I would warn you of this though... if you already prefer being seduced then you're not going to enjoy doing the seducing. It can't hurt to see how he responds to it of course, but your enjoyment of sex is likely going to require much more than just a guy with an erection...

      So even though maybe you'll find that he prefers being the passive partner while you dominate him, this will only be a good solution if ALWAYS enjoy being the dominant moving forward.. which is unlikely. We tend to already have baked in sexual preferences...

      Let us know how this plays out!

    • 3d

      @bobair I agree with you 100%. Right now it doesn't look too good for us, I guess.

  • Yes !! I've been in your situation for about half a year, maybe more. I just ended things this last Sunday and I feel so free!!

    I know the feels, girl! Having to beg and plead for sex is horrible and to be turned down so often really takes a knock to your confidence! It makes you feel like you're doing something so super wrong.

    If he gets aggressive about it, I would suggest writing him a hand written letter or sending an email saying what you need and suggest some stuff you'd like to do and give some ideas on how you feel you can make things work. Once he's read your message, set a date and if by that date you're still not happy and don't see any changes get, reevaluate your relationship.

    He might just be going though something so don't jump into getting outta there too quickly but you need to open up a communication line so he knows how you feel and you know why he's acting like that.

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    • 7d

      Not that I'm suggesting you do this, but since leaving my boyfriend I've never had him message and call me so much and open up so much. Maybe you need to step a little back and let him miss you and appreciate you more. Maybe try not initiating anything until he does.

      Good luck! <3 I hope you get some soon!

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    • 5d

      I think a letter is a good idea because the can process what you've said in his own time and be super chill about it. Hope it helps and you guys end up being okay. :)

    • 3d

      Thanks <3

  • I've never had that problem. Maybe you should try talking to him. I have a feeling that it might have something to do with him being embarrassed about having a problem with his erection the first time and hearing his brother having sex might make him more insecure. Try asking him about that stuff maybe

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  • My boyfriend and I don't have sex as much as we used to. For a while, we didn't have it for a month. The reason has partly to do with his back problem and when he is going through depression. Though, I do know we love each other very much.

    From what it sounds like to me, your guy might either have an incredibly low libido or he is just a slut. Meaning he has to have someone new in order to get aroused. I want you to know, that isn't because you are ugly or not good enough. That is completely his problem. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, you can't be shy about what you want. Men cannot read minds. You must make it known you require intimacy.
    But if he cares less, just break up with him. Because not being met at least halfway and feeling unwanted is worse than being single.

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  • I've been through this and I almost left him because of it. With my guy it was stress but it took a long time for him to communicate that to me. So I thought it was me and that he lost his attraction to me. I had to be honest with him several times how his lack of desire for me made me feel. He blew me off about it at first but the more open we were about how we felt and what we needed the better things got. Talk to him. Ask him to tell you what is going on with him that has made him lost interest. He needs to understand that he needs to find a way to make you a priority. My boyfriend ended up getting a new job and all that stress went away. And I got my horny man back. I've also learned to leave him alone during the work week and have great sex on the weekends. It's not as much as I would like but it's great when we do.

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    • 5d

      Thanks! Your response gave me hope! he actually has suggested finding a new job but he loves his current one and I know he doesn't want to so I said he doesn't have to u less he wants to. His friends and family are also quite demanding, i think it's not just pressure from his work but everything and he's the kind of guy who wants to have it all and not miss out on a single thing

  • I really have never had this problem. For me to be happy in a relationship the guy always has to have a very strong sexual attraction towards me for me to even be turned on by him. If not I find myself enjoying the advances and looks from other attractive men too much and will probably want to break up and find someone else. I think that you need to ultimately break it off with this guy. His comment on it being boring and the erection problems are a sign of issues on his end that if you can avoid them in a marriage you should. That's just my opinion. Not everyone will agree, but I think you can probably do better.

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  • Lie down in the bed and give him a deepthroat.

    www.kinkly.com/.../...8b0e4f7abf63f7a6692273bb.jpg

    If he doesn't get turned on by that then.. I don't know what advice to give.
    I'm sure 80 percent of the heterosexual men will not refuse this.

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  • Well it's guess you must first relax and try to understand his situation. Situation at work, with his family ( present and past) and also his future plans. May be then you can understand him better and get a solution. It's would not be sensible to come to any conclusions now. Keep yourself fit and healthy. Don't get conscious of your self.

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  • I had some sexual problems with different guys because our preferences, stamina, etc are different. I know I'm vanilla but most guys I dated want a bit kinky so depending on what it is. If I have a problem, I speak up about it. If they offend me repeatedly or not listening to me or we keep fighting about it, I get turned off and break it off if we are going nowhere. In my opinion, if I were you, I would dump him because he rarely wants sex, doesn't initiate it and I don't have the understanding nor the patience to his ego if he can't admit it lol but that's me because I like sex, I like both of us to initiate it and I can't deal with a guy who is too proud to admit if stress really the cause to his sex problem, that's a sign he can't communicate so I'm done. I want a guy we both can compromise without fighting same stuff and communicating if there's a problem. You can't compare him to his twin lol that's unfair. Up to you to decide if you can stay with him in the long run or not since you'll be dealing with it. It does sound you're unhappy since your sexual needs aren't met and you get hurt and insecure

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    • 7d

      I disagree with him that having sex with same person all the time is boring lol. I think if I found the right guy, sex will barely gets boring since I think fidelity is hot but I never had a serious relationship nor been with a guy long enough lol

  • I've been in this exact situation, although my partner didn't tell me that sex with the same person is boring. My man is a lot older then me so that's a lot of our issue. I ended up getting really upset about it and we almost broke up over it. To me, sex means a lot in a relationship. It's not just the pleasure part, as much as it is to be 100% connected and paying 100% attention to each other during that time. That's the closest you will ever be to each other. If he doesn't straighten up, this could become a huge problem. It concerns me that he mentioned sex with the same person is boring. I meen, sure it can get to be routine, but it sounds like he would like to be with you and others aswell. I get the feeling this is something that is gonna hurt you really bad later down the road. My advice would be for you to break away from this guy to save yourself. Unfortunately it's just not that easy if your too involved. The best thing you could do is try and talk to him about it and tell him it really hurts you. You could possibly give him and ultimatum. Sometimes if a guy thinks they will lose you, they will try harder. If this man doesn't fight for you, then he needs to go hun. Your much better off. You seem like a really nice person who deserves a good man who is happy with you 100%. If you need to talk I am open to private conversations. β™‘

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    • 5d

      Thanks πŸ’— I totally agree with you. I actually asked him once if he would be open for switching partners/having a more open relationship etc. Not when we were talking about this or anything but when we were in a good mood. I didn't insinuate that I wanted sex with anyone else or anything either, it was just like a curious question and he seemed honest when he said he would never want to have sex with anyone but his gf/me. Our sex is very much routine though and I feel like it's maybe missing something.. and I'm not a kinky person so that says something.

    • 2d

      Great advice, Nailed, if you someone is not willing to fight for you, they are not worth it. I personally thinks she needs go now. But he emotionally bankrupts her. MHO advice.

  • Well I've been in his shoes. And for me it's like my husband is constantly begging for sex and keeping count of how often we do it. It's a turn off. How often do you have sex? Everyone has a different definition of the right amount of sex so it's hard to say much without a number. If we don't have sex at least every other night my husband starts harassing me. So we have sex 3-4 nights a week. Except recently because I'm pregnant and he can get over it lol. He still gets it at least 2-3 nights a week even now.

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  • The Stress which is Never the Best, is Probably the Problem Here, dear. And other Physical things, such as maybe his Testosterone.
    See a Doctor with your Honey, this is Not... Funny. Could be there is More in Store because he can't Share, than "He doesn't Care."
    Good luck. xx

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  • a relationship shouldn't be all about/based on sex. I think he is just stressed and going through a rough patch in his life atm. Just give him a bit of space to breathe then try again. If you truly love him it shouldn't matter whether you have it every night or once a year. its not important

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  • I've seen a lot of friends in a situation similar to yours and honestly, it always ended in them finding it he was cheating. Also, his comment about not always having the same sexual partner is extremely suspicious to me.

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    • 5d

      I hope he is the exception then. I really don't think he'd cheat but I guess he could be interested in someone at work. He wears perfume and fixes his hair to work more than he doesn if we're going out or having a date. He also works extremely long hours and sometimes even at weekends. I don't find that + lack of sex drive enough proof to jumo to the conclusion that he's cheating though.

    • 4d

      No I wouldn't say jump straight to accusing him but I would be suspicious

    • 3d

      How did they finf out their bfs were cheating? I had cheating boyfriends before, and I got a really strong feeling then + they didn't hide it very well. IF he is he is very good at hiding it and I don't really have a gut feeling this time. Like not a good one either I'm just confused.

  • Stop trying to coerce him. Ask him if he's okay. He might be depressed, have low testosterone, body image problems, anything

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  • well... since he has a twin brother, you should seduce the brother to see if he is better in bed than his weak twin.

    I bet his girlfriend wouldn't mind and you could always "pretend" you thought he was your boyfriend.

    Otherwise, i agree either he watches too much porn is weak from jacking off, maybe he is tired of you and there is some other girl on the side he wants, or maybe he has gay tendencies... a way to find out is get him to have anal sex with you. If he goes all gang busters over it, then he might be gay.

    The only other thing to do is move on to a guy that appreciates and WANTS you!

    Just my 2 cents worth.

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    • Or... maybe he is tired from working. Or going through a deppressed phase. Or he isn't obsesssed with sex like an animal. Or he needs more mental stimulation than just "look I grabbed your penis put it in my holes" Did it ever occur to you that it takes two to tango and maybe its her "fault" because she isn't seducing him or communicating the problem? The man probably doesn't even know he's causing her so much grief. Or maybe its nobody's fault maybe like I said his sex drive isn't through the roof because he's mature and isn't obsessed with sex like he's 15? There's many reasons this could happen but to say the worst/main problem is his lack of obsessing over her is ridiculous. God I really despise female narcissism... you aren't a princess... or even all that special... you're just another person.

  • Depends on you , if you are young; I say look elsewhere! Do not waste your best years with getting much less than you need and he can be with someone who is ok with settling what he has to give. Trust me he won't be any different with anybody else.. People don't change. That's how his brain is wired. You will fall in love again, have a break. You will definitely find someone who suits you. Have faith❀

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  • There are too many flags in this. He either does not find you attractive, he has sexual problems, or he is having affair or maybe a combination. Makes me uncomfortable and I would not want to be in long term relationship with a guy like this. I would want a guy that is open to share with me and be in a healthy relationship.

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  • In my opinion a boyfriend who does not want sex is not a boyfriend. He's just some guy you know.

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  • I have had this situation. I left him and ended up finding a more compatible mate to my sexuality.
    Question, how does he get aggressive about not having sex?

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    • 5d

      he gets aggressive when I tell him how I feel. he's like "why is it so important to fuck all the time" and kinda talks down gthe "bastards" who wants sex more and call them douches

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    • 3d

      You may need to think about my first suggestion.

    • 2d

      I'm preparing for it but not there yet

  • I've been in that situation where I was seeing a guy who rarely had sex with me when I say rarely we would have sex once every 2 weeks sometimes there were times it would be a month or more
    I'm no longer with that guy

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    • Did you ever find out why he didn't want it more often? We usually have more than once a week at least but sometimes less often than that too.

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    • 4d

      Looking back I dont think he was cheating since I met his parents and I met a few of his friends he has known for years I've even hung out with him while he was working but I honestly dont know doesn't help that he actually said to me one day that if he was sleeping with someone else I would never know which in a way its true but when we actually talked about it in person later on he was calm he never got angry we never faught I think he understood where I was coming from

    • 3d

      whoa, why would he say something like that? And sorry but meeting parents and friends doesn't mean no cheating. My ex's parents basiclly adopted me and I knew all of his friends yet he was cheating on me. At his parent's home at that.

  • I have never been in that situation, but it sounds like the problem is with him, not you.

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  • I've had that problem. We were together for a few months and had sex maybe 6 times. Claiming he's not the type of guy who enjoys sex (yeah right!)

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    • I'm not the type that enjoys sex, we're real, we exist, stop hating :'(

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    • Haha look how your acting. Getting defensive and aggressive over a fucking opinion that you don't agree with

    • not at all im not even getting serious about this just enjoying a cup of coffee and laughing really hard thank u snowflake and until u answer the question how did i talk shit im not gonna be serious or even try to take u seriously

  • No offense but it seems like he isn't into you. Sex shouldn't be a big part of a relationship but it still should be some part of it. It's a symbol of love ( in my opinion). An ex of mine did the same thing and when I asked why he didn't want sex , he said my pussy wasn't good enough. Needless to say we broke up

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  • When I have an issue I just tell my boyfriend and then we fix it

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    • 5d

      When I have an issue I tell my boyfriend and usually nothing happens.

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    • 3d

      well obviously he doesn't but even if he does and just doesn't care enough he still isn't worth your time.

    • 2d

      maybe, I think I need some distance and chill a bit before I make any decisions

  • He's gay

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  • You definitely need too talk to him, ask him where you stand and what he actually wants out of your relationship! It’s pointless being in a relationship where your not happy or your not communicating about what you both want. My ex wouldn’t tell me how he felt about our relationship or what he wanted, so it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable whenever we were together; because i didn’t know if he wanted to have sex or not...

    Definitely talk too him and see what he wants and where you stand and go from there :)

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    • 5d

      Your ex sounds a bit like my boyfriend. I also never know what he REALLY wants. He does that all the time, I mean saying one thing and mean another, and he often "adjusts the truth" and kinda brags and acts overly positive about pretty much everything. He does this to everyone. After we did something (alone or in group) I sometimes feel like he's telling a different story to others, exaggerating how great everything was and sometimes even lying about details. I usually keep quiet but I pointed it out once when he said he had done something he hadn't (but I had, he wasn't with me but told the story as if he had been) and it was like he wasn't even aware. I wouldn't say he's a mythoman, it's not that serious but it's like he has to give the impression of having the perfect life, always being happy, never complaining about anything..

  • Sounds like he has erectile problems and he doesn't want to acknowledge the issue or try and fix it.

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  • He either has a physical problem or he's not that into you or is cheating on you. I know one of the first signs that someone is losing interest in a relationship is lack of interest in sex

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  • I've recently experienced some similar with a friends with benefits and I'm just not keen. We all have necessities at the end of the day and if one is not interested to make an effort then there's no point. Life it's too short to waste it away when people don't give us the value we deserve.

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