Guys, would you refuse a blowjob and sex from your spouse/partner, whom you no longer find attractive but still love?

[Warmapplecrumble]

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this same issue. I've been with the same girl for 17 years. We started having sex when I was 12 and she was 14. She's still very beautiful and attractive but somehow I've changed. I know she can tell - I just don't know how to make it new again. It just seems so old ):

[Warmapplecrumble]

First of all I am sorry. I've got few questions for you, hope you don't mind. Do you refuse sex? And is the spark completely gone?

[Opinion Owner]

The spark seems to be gone. Psychlogically there's no drive or passion from my end. I'm just totally bored with her in a sexual sense. But I still love her. We've gone through so much together. Nothing can replace what we've already had together. She still desires sex from me. She won't complain if we don't do it very often but I know it hurts her. Why am I not bothered by it? I've never acted upon it but I do have sexual desire for other women (when I didn't in the past). It's torture. And sometimes I wonder what will happen with us. We're still so young : "Will we make it" is what constantly goes through my mind.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Have you tried to recreate the spark?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. A few times. We've done just about everything sexually (besides adding another pers or bdsm and other extreme things : not really our style). But we've traveled and gone to different places in hopes of rekindling the flame. We always have date nights every week. It' just not the same. Maybe this is the part of a relationship where a couple has fight and give our all. I don't know. I'm just winging it.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Do you ever have explosive arguments?

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeah.. LOL

[Warmapplecrumble]

Does that bring you two, together sexually?

[Opinion Owner]

The opposite.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Try having make up sex. For some reason our arguments bring us closer. So focus on this point. Because when you fear loosing something the spark creeps in.

[Opinion Owner]

We've tried that - but goes right back.

[Warmapplecrumble]

How open are you two? Is she comfortable with her body? Does she find herself attractive

[Opinion Owner]

Very open. Yes she's comfortable with her body.

[Warmapplecrumble]

I don't know what advice to give

[LeeSkully]

That doesn't make any sense... if you love her then you still find her attractive... because once the attraction goes the love dies to.. it then turns into resentment.
So yeah if I'm still in love with her she gets more than just that. 😏

[Warmapplecrumble]

So is attraction based on love, then is love determined by physical attributes?

[LeeSkully]

First is lust and infatuation you find her attractive and if the feeling is mutual you want to do things to and with each other. If there is no attraction then love cannot grow. So in a way yeah love and attraction go together. Put it this way could you be in love with a guy you never thought was attractive.. probably not.

[Rythinpain]

I would have voted no, but I feel like blow jobs are a little degrading...

[kenworth]

No. I wouldn't pass up a blow job or sex. I still love her and care for her. Our appearance is going to change through life.

[summiter]

Why pass up a great orgasm?

[SpurtLover]

Loving a girl (I mean truly loving her) has nothing to do with her looks. It has to do with who she is and what she means to me. So even if she "lost" her looks, maybe is older and all that, I am never going to say no when she tells me she wants to suck my dick and wants me to cum in her mouth.

[GingerGuy]

I personally don't understand that, love but find unattractive. For me, if I care, there's some attraction in that alone.

[JDavid25]

I don't know really.. I haven't been in that situation.. Hopefully I will never be there.. But, I guess I would still do it since I gotta get my kicks off, it might as well be from my other half.. LOL..

[jimmijo1954]

I don’t think I would refuse a blowjob from A female ever

[FakeName123]

If I felt no attraction anymore to my spouse, then we aren't in a romantic relationship anymore, but just mere companions. Thus I would break up and it wouldn't even come to the point of having to refuse a blowjob/sex

[Warmapplecrumble]

What happened exactly?

[Winter444]

No that's just crazy talk.

[Listening5]

I dont think I would refuse or get to that point, It didn't even happen in my longest relationship. Actually we stopped having sex because I had to travel and when I came back it was like starting all over again, it was great. Plus with all the kinky things you have a little variety there. So I dont think that would be an issue with me.