Should men and women be honest about their sexual past when getting into a relationship?

I think if you are getting into a relationship you should divulge your sexual past to your partner by virtue of you being in a honest relationship and not wasting anyone’s time. Why do men or women lie? What’s the point? You waste everyone’s time and the foundation of the relationship starts off as a lie essentially.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • People should be honest, if it matters to one person then it’ll just impact the relationship later if it came out and was at odds with their personal beliefs

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I absolutely think so. And it wouldn't bother me anyway because I'm sexually attracted to women who've slept with a lot of guys anyway. I'm just weird like that. And I like hearing all their stories, it turns me on.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 61

  • I agree with you. You should be honest for honesty's sake. Honesty shouldn't only be practiced in situations where it's convenient or comfortable (that kind of defeats the purpose of it).
    Many people will counter with, "But why do I even have to share this? It doesn't matter, it's about the present." If your partner deems that it matters to THEM, then it matters. If your values are so different such that it matters a lot to them but not at all to you (or vice versa), then don't be with this person in the first place. If anything, this is a good way to determine whether you're compatible with someone.

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    • This is what I’ve been getting at but no one seems to agree lol. Thanks a lot Quintessence, I agree.

  • I think they should. The past can tell you a lot about a person. I don't want to date a man who slept around a lot.

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  • I agree. If the subject is brought up, both people NEED to be honest about the topic.

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  • I wouldn't even care about my partners sexual past as it is not his past that defines our relationship but how he treats me.
    If he'd ask, I'd be honest tho.

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    • Yeah, I would hope a woman is honest about her past when I ask her. It’s something that I would consider a dealbreaker depending on her past and I just don’t want my time nor her’s to be wasted. If she’s been with 100 men, I don’t want to know that 1-2 years into the relationship. It’s better to just be honest, because some consider that to be a dealbreaker.

    • That's exactly how I see it. Everyone has different dealbreakers and they should be respected, even if they're not shared.

  • As unpopular a belief as it is I do think sexual past matters a lot and both parties have a right to ask and expect an honest answer.

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    • Why does it have to be unpopular though? 😅. I thought this was obvious that the past is important and definitely affects the future

    • I agree. If a person is uncomfortable about their sexual past or if the other person gets upset... they shouldn't be in that relationship

    • I don't think it should be but based on what I hear on this site it is. Like "your past should be private" "I'd leave a person who cared" and the like.

  • I think our pasts are very important, because it's those experiences that scar us, teach us, and make us who we are today.

    However, many guys ask girls about their sexual past, then judge them for it. I noticed a lot of females on here would rather not share, and more males would rather know.. Most likely because females are called whores because of their promiscuity, while guys enjoy bragging about theirs & are praised for their endeavors.

    I'm sure girls would be more willing to discuss their history if it weren't constantly being used against them, or thrown I was their face at a later date during an argument.

    If men were able to let the past go, after learning it... Women would probably be more comfortable talking about it.

    I think honesty & knowing everything about a partner is crucial, I personally enjoy hearing okd/funny stories about my boyfriend banging his exes, I think it's entertaining & a great bonding experience, and it shows him that he can trust me, and tell me ANYTHING, and I will never use it against him, or judge him. That's the basis of trust & communication.

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    • Do you think biology is the reason why women do not care as much about a man’s past as compared to men caring about a woman’s past?

    • I'm not sure if men care more than women do.. I think most women would rather not know because they'd get jealous. I'm really not sure about the biological standpoint, but I'm sure it plays a role to some degree.. It usually always does.

  • Yes i personally think so :)
    I see no reason not to be, if the person doesn't like it or has issues with your past they're probably not the right person for you.

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  • You raise a good point, but at the same time, no need to divulge everything on the first date.

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    • Not everything, but would you be honest telling your partner about your sexual history if he asked?

    • I am not ashamed of my sexual history.

    • No need to be, just be honest. Some people will find fault with it, others not so much. In a way, you weed out those who aren’t compatible with you.

  • In my opinion unless a child was conceived, you once had something, sex change, or being involved with the same sex at some point, there’s no real reason to sit down and have a conversation about each others past. Most people will lie because of embarrassment and regret + it’s no real way to know whether they are lying or not. Lot of people, including myself, aren’t capable of hearing about a person I care for/ love sexual escapades. My reasoning is because I’m not sexually experienced and that’s already kind of embarrassing enough so I don’t want to feel like I have to compete and/ or that I’m not doing enough to pleasure him and there’s plenty of men who feel the same way about their woman.

    Also, lot of people don’t approve of other people’s sex acts with anybody. For instance, I find it disgusting if a guy is having sex with any and everybody and also giving each one of them oral. A guy may find it disgusting to know a girl is having a lot of sex with a number of people and swallowing all of their cum.

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  • There's nothing wrong with saying how many people you've been with, but for me I draw the line when guys want ALL of the details. It almost always just causes issues, insecurities and judgment. But as to why people lie - I suppose they do it to avoid judgment. Especially for women, as progressive as the world is we're still considered sluts if they have more than a few partners so they feel the need to hide it.

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  • How about, who gives a shit? Base your relationship of how you feel when you're with that person, whether you share core values and are a good match together... not on how many dicks they've touched. It's a dumb topic to get into and does nothing but cause problems. The only thing you should expect your partner to tell you about their sexual past is if they have any stds or kids. That's it. Anything else is voluntary.

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    • I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing a spoon with a woman that has blown a bunch of guys at a frat party one night nor could I make love to her in bed knowing that some random guy she hooked up with made her call out his name in the bar’s bathroom... I need to know these things. They affect EVERYTHING.

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    • The median sex partners for both genders, which are 6 for men and 7 for women, over the entire course of their lives, show you that most people aren't all that promiscuous in their lives. Those who have 10+ partners aren't the rule, but rather, the exception. Yes, this number has increased since the late 2000s. It used to be 7 for men and 4 for women.

      Check out this article as well. Most men and women would ideally want someone who has an average number of partners, about 7.5 although men wouldn't mind a woman with 14 or less and a woman won't mind a man if she has 15 or less on average.

      www.popsugar.com/.../Average-Number-Sexual-Partners-US-43947306

      While there are women (and men) who have 100s of partners, it is pretty damn rare. It is also rare for women to just sleep with 20 guys in a year at random, although some go through a "wild phase".

    • @freakyzeaky, I guess I can’t argue with that 😅. Thanks for the info.

  • Not telling a new person in your life everything that happen in your life prior to even knowing or meeting that new person is far from a lie. It’s called none of anyone’s business. I don’t want to know what my boyfriend did with other girls prior to meeting me. It’s pointless. The only thing necessary, is if we are to eventually have unprotected sex, is knowing he’s free of communicable diseases.

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    • Just her sexual history, that’s all I’m really concerned about. I just can’t love or have sex with her knowing that other men have touched her and throat fucked her before, how can any man or woman be okay with that? I never understood why some people say it’s none of your business when you’re going to be spending a big portion of your life with that person? Imagine sharing a spoon with a woman who’s blowed every man in the room she was with during frat party in college... You need to know this...

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    • Sarah, you can’t call me misguided without giving any explanation. How am I misguided?

    • Umm, virgin hunter, I’ve already explained. A persons personal life is that persons personal life. What of that do you not get? Just because you enter into that persons life, gives them zero obligation to share with you, events that happened prior to you knowing they even existed in the world. If your own insecurities prevent you from loving a woman who has been “touched” before (SMH) , maybe you should spend more time to get a better understanding of yourself and why it’s so imperative for you to know someone else’s personal history. The risk of std’s is Really all that’s necessary when entering into a sexual relationship. news flash, as you get older, the most interesting and attractive people in the world, have possibly even probably been touched by another before you showed up. Your spoon analogy only speaks to your ignorance. And there’s no point further debating or with ignorant. Buh-bye.

  • The very fact that you are asking will make her feel like you are going to judge her. Doesn't matter what her past is.

    If she happened to have a fair amount of sexual partners she'll likely feel like you are judgmental by asking that question. But what is that person like now? Have they matured or not? If most of their sexual encounters happened in relationships that is different from casual sex. Even if they had casual sex were they having it recently or years ago? Maybe they had a few crazy years and then calmed down and only had relationships after or were even celibate for a while. Are they loyal? Do they have any STDs you should know about? Those are the important things to find out.

    You don't know anyone's situation and why they do the things they do. What matters is how a person grows. I personally think people who learn from their mistakes are better partners. And if they made a lot of mistakes that severely effected them to the point that they can't have a healthy relationship then well that is something you'll find out regardless of knowing about their past. If you even ask it's like you have already formed your opinion and what could anybody say to you? It's pointless.

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    • I just want to know how many men she’s slept with and the criteria. Were they hookups, relationships, etc. I don’t think it’s asking a lot at all. I’ll answer and questions she has and we’ll both be honest. Why do some people have an issue with this? Seems cut and dry.

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    • Even if I were a virgin I would feel a bit uncomfortable being asked that because I would be questioning the guys intention. But as long as he explained himself that would be fine. And I would be honest. But if he was like "Oh you're a virgin? Oh that's wonderful! I don't want to be with somebody who has damaged goods!" I would be "Yeah screw you buddy". Anyone who sees women as 'goods' in not someone for me.

    • *what her past is period

  • Discussing it and being honest about it are separate issues

    I don't think it's entirely necessary to discuss it or bring it up
    But if it is borought up, I do think it's important to be honest, and not lie about it
    Even say 'I'd rather not talk about this' than to lie...

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  • Yea letting someone know your sexual history is important because you don't want to run the risk of transmitting a disease you may not know about. Get tested at the same time and show your results and be done with it.

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    • It’s not just for disease, but my own personal morals and dislikes. I couldn’t be with a woman with an extensive sexual history, I wouldn’t be comfortable in the long run.

    • What if the guy has a huge sexual past? Is it okay if she's not comfortable with your number or sexual history?

    • Yes, it’s okay. It applies to both men and women

  • Yes they should tell the truth

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  • I agree. We should be all honest about everything in the past right at the start. Why people lie I don't get it either.

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  • I’m a very curious person, when it comes to people I love. I would want my man to be open about it, I would be as open as well.

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    • Yeah, I think it’s important to be honest because some might consider certain things to be dealbreakers. I just don’t want to find out she’s been keeping a secret of being with over 100 men and she’s now just telling me 1-2 years into our relationship.

  • Yep... Even if they have a lack of a sexual past. It just makes to be honest about it.

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  • Lying is wrong, but I don't think sexual history matters.

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  • Well I have no history.

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  • Yes.

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  • If the person you're with asks about that kinda thing, then be honest but I don't think that it's something you should feel like you have to talk about. It's not my business if my boyfriend is a virgin or if he used to do porn or if he's had sex with a couple people. As long as he doesn't have an STD or anything like that, then he shouldn't feel obligated to tell me about his sexual experiences. I just feel like it's really nosey and a little immature to get caught up on that stuff. Like it doesn't have anything to do with you and there are more important things to think about

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  • I would just want a guy to be honest with me about how many partners he's had. I don't need to know the details of what he did with each girl because I don't care. I don't have a problem being honest about my past.

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  • I agree genie

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  • I know this sounds broad, but if anything is important to anyone it should b brought up with your partner. If neither of you care about sexual history it need never b talked about. Since you care, it would be best if you found a woman who also saw it as important. However its also my belief that some things may not seem as important if you find the right person. Very, very occasionally.

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  • I think it's up to the person to decide if they want their partner to know their past. If they ask, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you don't want to talk about it. Exception to this is if someone is still in contact with a past ex or sexual partner, then the other has a right to know. No lying though!

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    • But that woman/man is getting into a relationship and having sex with her partner. Why shouldn’t they know? If anything I think they have a right to know compared to anyone else. If I’m the type of person that finds another’s sexual history or amount of partners a dealbreaker, why can’t I be told so my time isn’t wasted?

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    • I didn't mean to shut you down and apologise if I did :/ I do agree with what you're saying

    • No, everything you’re saying sounds logical, it’s fine.

  • Yes they should. Honesty is the best policy. Clearly defined past and details are necessary, in my opinion. I wouldn't have sex with a guy if I didn't know he has STDs. I want to know all about that up front.

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  • Yes, honesty is very important but doesn't mean you should say it.
    I wouldn't ask and I wouldn't tell on my own.

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  • Yes! Not that I care exactly the number or who he was with and I don't want to know the details of what all they did.
    All I want to know is that he was at least decent enough to catch their name and used protection. Has been tested for any and ALL STDs that could possibly affect me later and there's NO chance of a unknown child showing up at a later point in our relationship. If your looking for a serious relationship then these are all major concerns that should be addressed.

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What Guys Said 69

  • The people who are against being honest, such as how many sex partners you've had, will probably be the people ashamed of their pasts.

    And yes, thenpadt matters. Same as if you had massive credit card debt or a criminal record. You're literally joining this person at the hip, their sexual past matters as well.

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    • 1000% agreed, well said

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    • The joke was you are supposed to read it really fast and cake is funny and..

      Fuck nevermind! You don't get it...

    • I've never slept around in my life. Never cheated. I've dated 3 guys in the past 6 years. I typically take at LEAST a year of 2 (last was 3 years) between partners. So yeah... If you think that joke proves anything... You really need to start rethinking how you view people. And stop reading so much RP. It's not the be all end all.

  • I see no point in not telling her. Mostly prospects that never went anywhere A few slimeball chicks that tried to con me, a few nutcases I now know better how to avoid. And the one that did get too close physically? She's long out of the frame. After all I did to keep her important, she went and had to screw it up. She alienated nearly all her other friends too.

    So I'm very careful who I let get close today. Most gals should understand that.

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  • There is a difference between telling a lie and simply not volunteering information. Initially, I never ask about a girl's sexual history. I want to know two things about her: do I need to be concerned about STD's and does she view sex as something that makes us closer and possibly leads to a long term relationship, or does she want to simply have sex for the sport of it. If she is not just looking for casual sex, and she is free from STDs, I know what I need to know.

    Later, I may ask her whether she has experience with various sexual variations but I still don't need to ask her when she lost her virginity and how many partners she has had. If she asks me those questions, I will answer honestly, but I won't volunteer the answers.

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  • Yes.
    How am I supposed to trust someone, long term going forward, of talking about our past is off the table?
    Anyone who refuses to talk about their history is someone who is hiding something.

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  • I don't get the women who are adamant in the past not mattering while refusing to reveal it. If it doesn't matter then why is it so hard to reveal it?

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  • Yes, everyone should tell the truth.
    No need to act like a virgin, it just creates foundation of cheating, deceiving and manipulation.

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  • I agree that there should be honesty about past sexual relationships.. Especially so y'all can just know more about each other, and learn to accept each other better.. There is no need to hide it.. Although some people can be judgmental about the past..

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  • I tell people straight up that I have zero interest in anyone who is promiscuous or engages in casual sex.

    I find that only the people who have things to be ashamed for are going to get pissy or defensive, and those people I don't care about.
    Those who have nothing to be ashamed for don't try to make up excuses and they often even end up agreeing with my point of view.

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  • Some women will find a guy who has no or little experience in the bedroom a huge turn-off and some will not care. Some men will see a woman who slept around, regardless if she went through a wild phase in her college years or if she is still having regular sex, as a sign that she is irresponsible, maybe be a bit jealous, or see it as a lack of morals, and some men will not care at all and maybe even see it as a plus.

    It is always good, to be honest, the question is, when do you decide to reveal this to your partner? Do you reveal it early on before there is good chemistry or do you wait until after you have grown to like each other and see how much it matters to them then?

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    • I think good chemistry is beholding unto how closely aligned your beliefs, morals, and personality are. If you don’t like promiscuity and she’s been promiscuous, then there’s NEVER going to be good chemistry. That’s just biology.

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    • I can agree with that somewhat. Statistics do show that having a certain number of partners outside of relationships and before marriage can increase the chances that a woman will have an affair or call for a divorce. I am thinking it is because the sort of women who have lots of sex with different partners attach a different kind of value to sex than a serial monogamous woman or marriage-minded women. Sex becomes all about personal gratification rather than a form of bonding and connection in love. So, as a consequence, these women get bored easily rather than trying to spice up the love life they currently have. Maybe they get used to guys picking them up and providing a night of rough sex which they prefer, but their loving husband doesn't provide that rough edginess they crave. Maybe she is too detached for her husband because she is so used to being detached while having sex with strangers.

      Even women who have multiple friends with benefits, it makes you wonder where her priorities are.

  • Of course. If it's ever brought up, no good use in lying about it.

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  • Of course. I’m a traditional Catholic, and I expect my future wife to be a virgin. I’ve remained abstinent thus far, so I expect her to also exercise that same self-control.

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  • I say be honest, why lie? If they dont like you now they won't like you later.
    Lying comes from weakness, the weak and pathetic must lie to get through.

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  • Absolutely yes. A man should know if his little cupcake was the Town Bicycle. All this nonsense about the past is the past, is ridiculous. Tell that to the bank when you go in for a loan after having declared bankruptcy. The past is the best indicator of future behavior. If cupcake was a whore before you met her she will continue being a whore while she's with you and after she has left you.

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  • Yes, and mainly for the risk of stds or kids, and if you cannot be honest about who you were with how can anyone trust you in the future there will be too much worry. Imagine telling your partner you never dated or only had one date, then they find pics online of you with a bunch of other guys/girls, that would be a quick breakup!

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  • Yes but a lot of women lie because they don't want to look like sloots

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  • How many is OK. Who those people were isn't something I wanna know lol

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  • Yeah girls are supposed to have a low number if we want to be with them long term. But most of them would get offended if we would ask, because I think secretly they all know that most of us feel that way, and they're just scared.

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  • Depends, but in general it's probably a good habit.

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  • Yes. It totally shows what kind of a person they are.
    Unless you want to begin your relationship on the pillars of lies. That’s.. up to you. That’s not love. That’s a lie relationship , which later on always effects.
    I do not personally believe in lying about past relationships. If you’re too ashamed of what you did in your past , you should give it a thought. If not , why to hide?

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  • Yeah

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  • Yes because u can build trust from there
    . sorry for the late response bro

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  • Don't ask, don't tell except contagious STD and known infertility. Otherwise, everyone deserves a new start. Ones sexual past should neither condemn or obligate them.

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  • Hell yes being honest about your past matters. If you lie about this then what else are you lying about? I expect you to be honest and truthful 100 percent. I don't want to date someone who hides their number and possible STD because they are afraid of losing me.

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  • Of course, but I somehow never had problems with finding out about the girl's "history", all of the few I indirectly asked about it were really honest about it...
    And I guess it's usually very visible, at least for girls, to see if she had a promiscuous past, or is on the other hand very innocent, just by observing her body and "eye" language...

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  • yes because if you tell me you're a virgin and i get chlamyidia were gonna have a fucking problem.
    just tell people your gonna get into a relationship with how many people you've been with.

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  • No never, never kiss and tell. It will serve no purpose, only a source of resentment, and it's not relevant to the current relationship anyway.
    If she was a prostitute then all bets are off. :)

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    • All women are prostitutes. Some are just more open about it.

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    • *...'how many'...

    • wtf, it can save you from entering the relationship in the first place...

  • She shouldn't have a sexual past with me. Any woman worth dating is a virgin.

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  • If people are afraid to talk about their sexual past with their partner, they should reconsider the relationship. My girlfriend has told me about all her partners. Hell, she even told me that the guy she met 2 months before me was a man she met on her birthday when her roommates threw a party at their apartment and she fucked him without a condom on the bed that we currently have sex on. I even told her about my sexual past and my recent hookups before I met her. We were both cool with our sexual past and we are still together. It doesn't make a difference unless you're insecure.

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    • I even asked her to tell me her worst sexual experience and her best sexual experience and I did the same as well.

    • Basically, in my opinion, this shows how much you actually trust your partner. If your partner can't be comfortable with your sexual history and if you aren't comfortable sharing... that's an issue. Everyone has sex. It's natural.

  • I think people should be honest about their sexual past early in a relationship. Be open and discuss it like adults. People have widely varying opinions on sex and identifying and resolving and incompatibility issues up front is critical.

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  • Yes, it's good to know who's a player/whore and who isn't

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