The very fact that you are asking will make her feel like you are going to judge her. Doesn't matter what her past is.
If she happened to have a fair amount of sexual partners she'll likely feel like you are judgmental by asking that question. But what is that person like now? Have they matured or not? If most of their sexual encounters happened in relationships that is different from casual sex. Even if they had casual sex were they having it recently or years ago? Maybe they had a few crazy years and then calmed down and only had relationships after or were even celibate for a while. Are they loyal? Do they have any STDs you should know about? Those are the important things to find out.
You don't know anyone's situation and why they do the things they do. What matters is how a person grows. I personally think people who learn from their mistakes are better partners. And if they made a lot of mistakes that severely effected them to the point that they can't have a healthy relationship then well that is something you'll find out regardless of knowing about their past. If you even ask it's like you have already formed your opinion and what could anybody say to you? It's pointless.
I just want to know how many men she’s slept with and the criteria. Were they hookups, relationships, etc. I don’t think it’s asking a lot at all. I’ll answer and questions she has and we’ll both be honest. Why do some people have an issue with this? Seems cut and dry.
On the other hand if you really want to know they should be honest. And if you don't like what they say and judge them for it then the relationship isn't meant to be. Allow them to go find someone who will appreciate them.
There are only two things I would be concerned about. 1: have they cheated. 2: Do they have any diseases. Oh and maybe something like: are they a swinger? Not my thing.
I think our pasts are very important, because it's those experiences that scar us, teach us, and make us who we are today.
However, many guys ask girls about their sexual past, then judge them for it. I noticed a lot of females on here would rather not share, and more males would rather know.. Most likely because females are called whores because of their promiscuity, while guys enjoy bragging about theirs & are praised for their endeavors.
I'm sure girls would be more willing to discuss their history if it weren't constantly being used against them, or thrown I was their face at a later date during an argument.
If men were able to let the past go, after learning it... Women would probably be more comfortable talking about it.
I think honesty & knowing everything about a partner is crucial, I personally enjoy hearing okd/funny stories about my boyfriend banging his exes, I think it's entertaining & a great bonding experience, and it shows him that he can trust me, and tell me ANYTHING, and I will never use it against him, or judge him. That's the basis of trust & communication.
Do you think biology is the reason why women do not care as much about a man’s past as compared to men caring about a woman’s past?
I'm not sure if men care more than women do.. I think most women would rather not know because they'd get jealous. I'm really not sure about the biological standpoint, but I'm sure it plays a role to some degree.. It usually always does.
In my opinion unless a child was conceived, you once had something, sex change, or being involved with the same sex at some point, there’s no real reason to sit down and have a conversation about each others past. Most people will lie because of embarrassment and regret + it’s no real way to know whether they are lying or not. Lot of people, including myself, aren’t capable of hearing about a person I care for/ love sexual escapades. My reasoning is because I’m not sexually experienced and that’s already kind of embarrassing enough so I don’t want to feel like I have to compete and/ or that I’m not doing enough to pleasure him and there’s plenty of men who feel the same way about their woman.
Also, lot of people don’t approve of other people’s sex acts with anybody. For instance, I find it disgusting if a guy is having sex with any and everybody and also giving each one of them oral. A guy may find it disgusting to know a girl is having a lot of sex with a number of people and swallowing all of their cum.
I agree with you. You should be honest for honesty's sake. Honesty shouldn't only be practiced in situations where it's convenient or comfortable (that kind of defeats the purpose of it).
Many people will counter with, "But why do I even have to share this? It doesn't matter, it's about the present." If your partner deems that it matters to THEM, then it matters. If your values are so different such that it matters a lot to them but not at all to you (or vice versa), then don't be with this person in the first place. If anything, this is a good way to determine whether you're compatible with someone.
This is what I’ve been getting at but no one seems to agree lol. Thanks a lot Quintessence, I agree.
Some women will find a guy who has no or little experience in the bedroom a huge turn-off and some will not care. Some men will see a woman who slept around, regardless if she went through a wild phase in her college years or if she is still having regular sex, as a sign that she is irresponsible, maybe be a bit jealous, or see it as a lack of morals, and some men will not care at all and maybe even see it as a plus.
It is always good, to be honest, the question is, when do you decide to reveal this to your partner? Do you reveal it early on before there is good chemistry or do you wait until after you have grown to like each other and see how much it matters to them then?
I think good chemistry is beholding unto how closely aligned your beliefs, morals, and personality are. If you don’t like promiscuity and she’s been promiscuous, then there’s NEVER going to be good chemistry. That’s just biology.
Well, chemistry is different than compatibility. Chemistry is about attraction and matching of personalities. Like what if you find a woman who gets you in almost every single way, matching senses of humor, she likes the same things, is highly attractive to you and she just can't keep her hands off of you, but you find out she had a few flings in college and her number is 15 at age 25? I mean really that number is twice the average for any woman, let alone at that age, but if she is perfect for you in every single other way and now has different priorities in life, would that still prevent you from living a happy life with her? That I think is where the ego comes into play.
Well, I do agree that you might have a change of heart if she’s perfect in all other ways but even then it’s only a slight chance. I don’t think chemistry is different from compatibility, I think their directly related to one another. If you’re very compatible then you’re bound to have the same chemistry, if you have good chemistry there’s a good chance you guys are compatible. I just want her to be honest, that’s all.
The people who are against being honest, such as how many sex partners you've had, will probably be the people ashamed of their pasts.
And yes, thenpadt matters. Same as if you had massive credit card debt or a criminal record. You're literally joining this person at the hip, their sexual past matters as well.
1000% agreed, well said
If someone got really hungry had a craving for cake and ate a whole cake and felt ashamed so they went into super work out mode and never ate that much cake again in their life... But they occasionally remembered the time they ate an entire cake and thought to themselves "Gee that was awful..." Yes they are ashamed of their past but is that the same if their different now? Or if it was a 'blip'. It's a rhetorical question anyway.
Just make sure you read it really fast without taking a breath is all I ask. 😂😂😂😂😂
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!No I dont believe so. Most people have a sexual past and it shouldn't matter. It's irrelevant to who they are as a person.
Well, it’s not irrelevant but it’s not a definer of them as well.
It shows who they are as a person till a great extent. Lol. Unless you’re embarrassed of how you lived your relationships in the past.. what’s to hide? If you think you lived it wrong , it’s time you you try to shape at least your future better.
@FloydMan As a mature adult you should just accept they may have had a past before you. Most men and women do. Just me personally I dont care if a man has been with 2 or 50 people. You shouldn't sleep with them if you dont trust them anyway.
People should be honest, if it matters to one person then it’ll just impact the relationship later if it came out and was at odds with their personal beliefs
Exactly
I think it's up to the person to decide if they want their partner to know their past. If they ask, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you don't want to talk about it. Exception to this is if someone is still in contact with a past ex or sexual partner, then the other has a right to know. No lying though!
But that woman/man is getting into a relationship and having sex with her partner. Why shouldn’t they know? If anything I think they have a right to know compared to anyone else. If I’m the type of person that finds another’s sexual history or amount of partners a dealbreaker, why can’t I be told so my time isn’t wasted?
Then you can ask about it in the first date before you ask what their cat's name is
Lol I think it could be a very good thing. Establishing honesty in the beginning of the relationship and getting to know who your with fairly quickly. No need to bullshit if you two are adults, a lot of time is wasted that way.
Discussing it and being honest about it are separate issues
I don't think it's entirely necessary to discuss it or bring it up
But if it is borought up, I do think it's important to be honest, and not lie about it
Even say 'I'd rather not talk about this' than to lie...
I don't think one's sexual past is something you necessarily have to share with your new partner. Obviously if it matters to them you should be honest about it but I personally don't think it should matter.
Well, it matters to me 😅
Yep... Even if they have a lack of a sexual past. It just makes to be honest about it.
Lying is wrong, but I don't think sexual history matters.
If a partner asked about your sexual history would tell him and be honest?
Yes.
I wouldn't even care about my partners sexual past as it is not his past that defines our relationship but how he treats me.
If he'd ask, I'd be honest tho.
Yeah, I would hope a woman is honest about her past when I ask her. It’s something that I would consider a dealbreaker depending on her past and I just don’t want my time nor her’s to be wasted. If she’s been with 100 men, I don’t want to know that 1-2 years into the relationship. It’s better to just be honest, because some consider that to be a dealbreaker.
That's exactly how I see it. Everyone has different dealbreakers and they should be respected, even if they're not shared.
Agreed
I think people should be honest about their sexual past early in a relationship. Be open and discuss it like adults. People have widely varying opinions on sex and identifying and resolving and incompatibility issues up front is critical.
There's nothing wrong with saying how many people you've been with, but for me I draw the line when guys want ALL of the details. It almost always just causes issues, insecurities and judgment. But as to why people lie - I suppose they do it to avoid judgment. Especially for women, as progressive as the world is we're still considered sluts if they have more than a few partners so they feel the need to hide it.
Obviously.. its better to speak up before they know from someone else...
That would be bad and awkward if they figure out from someone else 😅. Thanks for your input
U r welcome
Yes! Not that I care exactly the number or who he was with and I don't want to know the details of what all they did.
All I want to know is that he was at least decent enough to catch their name and used protection. Has been tested for any and ALL STDs that could possibly affect me later and there's NO chance of a unknown child showing up at a later point in our relationship. If your looking for a serious relationship then these are all major concerns that should be addressed.
How about, who gives a shit? Base your relationship of how you feel when you're with that person, whether you share core values and are a good match together... not on how many dicks they've touched. It's a dumb topic to get into and does nothing but cause problems. The only thing you should expect your partner to tell you about their sexual past is if they have any stds or kids. That's it. Anything else is voluntary.
I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing a spoon with a woman that has blown a bunch of guys at a frat party one night nor could I make love to her in bed knowing that some random guy she hooked up with made her call out his name in the bar’s bathroom... I need to know these things. They affect EVERYTHING.
As I have said before on similar topics, guys like to feel special. Knowing you have had all types of sexual adventure can sometimes make a guy feel insecure about himself or question your values. It might make him wonder how he measures up or if you really are sexually attracted to him and not just settling for the benefits of a relationship. A guy doesn't want to be played and he doesn't want to be cheated on or dumped because his sex-crazed girlfriend got bored. Some guys want women to value sex as more than just personal gratification. Some guys see sex as intimate, that doesn't mean these same men aren't freaky or kinky in bed, it just means they want it to be special with you. They want the novelty and they want you to desire him and only him. He doesn't want it to feel like a duty, like a sacrifice for you. I would only give a shit if my relative lack of experience compared to hers was a problem for her and if she didn't make me feel special and desired.
You need to get your insecurity in check then kiddo.
Yes.
How am I supposed to trust someone, long term going forward, of talking about our past is off the table?
Anyone who refuses to talk about their history is someone who is hiding something.
That’s true, I agree
If I'm asked I'll tell them whatever they want to know. I think it's a preference for each person on what specifics they want to know and don't. I've had one boyfriend who wanted to know and some who could careless.
Hopefully there are more women like you who understand the logic behind this. I don’t know why some women are so against this
I believe in complete honesty in all areas of my life, including this. If I expect someone to be honest with me and answer my questions, I should respect them enough to do the same. I definitely don't understand why most women have an issue with this but then again I know my lifestyle and don't know theirs.
Yes.
I would just want a guy to be honest with me about how many partners he's had. I don't need to know the details of what he did with each girl because I don't care. I don't have a problem being honest about my past.
If the person you're with asks about that kinda thing, then be honest but I don't think that it's something you should feel like you have to talk about. It's not my business if my boyfriend is a virgin or if he used to do porn or if he's had sex with a couple people. As long as he doesn't have an STD or anything like that, then he shouldn't feel obligated to tell me about his sexual experiences. I just feel like it's really nosey and a little immature to get caught up on that stuff. Like it doesn't have anything to do with you and there are more important things to think about
Nope its none of his business to know how my life was before. All that matters that I will be only His while dating him. my past isn't his
I disagree, if he asks and you don’t give it then he’s justified in not continuing the relationship any further. I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest
Agreed @policelivesmatter
But it *IS* his business when he gets aids. Your recent past tells a lot about you. I wouldn't want to date a girl who's been whoring around in her teens lmao.
You don't owe anyone any insight about your sexual past, no matter what you've done that's the PAST, it's not coming into the relationship. No matter how many discussions you've had it's not going to change it so what's the point on dwelling on it?
I just need to know whether or not I want to breakup up with you, that’s why. I know you can’t change it, that’s not the point. The point is whether or not I want to continue the relationship BECAUSE of your past.
You should worry about the NOW. If you are going to break up with someone that you get along with and who treats you right over something they can't change you shouldn't be dating.
I just want her to be honest if I give her a question that’s all. I really don’t think that’s unreasonable AT ALL, do you honestly think it is?
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