Is it ok if a guy masturbates over another girl when in a serious relationship?

I have been seeing my girlfriend for over year and we have officially been together for 2 months. I absolutely adore her. I never check out girls and have sexual thoughts in their presence, nor do I fantasize about girls at any point during my day. I always keep my vision eye level with any girl and distance myself from any girl who seems interested in me. However the other day I horny, masturbating and struggling to imagine my girlfriend. We see each other every week or 2 because of uni. So I thought of a co-worker at my job. I have no desire for her whatsoever. I just think she is pretty. My girlfriend is even more beautiful than this girl but for some reason it helped because all I did for the last 2 months was picture my girl while doing it. Later on my girlfriend was saying stuff on whatsapp to try make me horny. I told her I already touched myself today but feel like doing it again... over her. Then she asked what I did it over earlier. I lied coz it felt too awks to say. But then I remembered when we got together I vowed to never lie to her. Ever. This was literally the first time I ever did. I came clean and told her. She immediately said we are over. Blocked my whatsapp. I was in pure meltdown because I absolutely adore her so much and in sheer panic I rang her and pretended like it was a joke. She saw right through it. When I calmed down I felt so bad because I never wanted to lie to her but the utter panic and meltdown I was in drove me to saying anything to get her back. So when I calmed down I told her the truth. The issue is my girlfriend thought I was different. Now she said she thinks I'm DISGUSTING, a future cheat, that I want my co-worker, that I have eyes for every girl, and that I think she is not good enough for me. All of these things aren't true. If I was a liar and a cheat I wouldn't be so open with her. She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL inside and out. So my question is does imagining my co-worker make me all the things I listed above?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • This is one of those scenarios where honestly was not the best policy. Think about it this way the damage inflicted by being honest got blown way out of proportion compared to you just being quiet about it.

    You should not feel guilty. It is unrealistic to expect your SO to never fantasize about some one else. Everyone does it, especially after years of being in a relationship. Fantasy is not REALITY -and that is the beauty of it.

    Your girlfriend is still very young and in uni... more then likely at an insecure stage in life still trying to figure herself out. This comes with maturity and understanding.

    In the future I suggest you keep these "you time fantasies" to yourself if they are about other women. Personally I would never penalize my SO for thinking this way, I assume they already do.

    You should not feel guilty for fantasizing about a coworker... this is completely normal amongst men in particular.

    • Thank you gor your detailed answer and to everyone else for contributing. My girlfriend says it is disrespectful to think about anyone else you know in real life. She says that the only reason she would do that over someone she knows is if she wanted to do it in real life. She thinks this why so cannot comprehend that fantasy and reality are separate when it comes to this subject matter. She spoke to a very close guy mate and he affirmed her opinion and also added it's weird. She asked her older sister too, who then asked her husband who agreed:/ Of course he's going to agree. No guy in their right mind would admit to somwthing like this! I just dont know what to do. She can't see my perspective and everyone around her is affirmimg hers. I think I've lost her for good :'(

    • I feel for you!! Not easy going through a break up. It's horrible. What's worse, is that the people around her are not providing her with an objective reasonable point of view that is without prejudice. Unfortunately, you're getting painted in a bad light. I think it's also emotional maturity. Right now she is young and cannot understand that separation, and with added insecurity it gets blown out of proportion. I know this won't be easy to hear... but if she is going to break up with you over something so trivial, you have to think of how she would react to other situations down the road. however, if you two are still communicating even after parting ways, you put in the grunt work you may reap the reward of winning her back. Be warned though! She may hold it against you and bring it up constantly in the future. Are you sure yoU want to be with her? You seem very genuine and like a decent guy. If she doesn't see that and value that she may not be worth it.

    • Thank you. I think I am genuine and decent. I try to be. She did see it until all this happened. I begged her to see me one last time. She has agreed and is traveling over an hour to see me which is a good sign. But she says she is only doing it out of respect. She said she takes back everything she has ever said to me, it's all down the drain, that she doesn't want me anymore and that she will never get back with me. She even called me a PLAYER! She is literally the first girl I've been with and I'm 23.

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  • Oh my god. I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. I'm guessing this girl is young and immature. It's completely natural to fantasize about other people when in a relationship. The entire point of a fantasy is to create something out of the ordinary. It shouldn't be about her... that's reality... and boring. We all do it, and if she says otherwise, she's lying. Having a fantasy in no way means you'd act on it. If I were you I'd find a girl who's mature enough (and confident enough) to handle a relationship. Completely childish behavior.

    • I completely agree with you. Having a fantasy doesn't mean you'd act on it. I know I could never cheat. She says she'd only do it about someone she knows if she wanted to in real life. Her close guy mate who has a girlfriend also said he would never want to unless he wanted to in real life, and recommended her to dump me :/ WOW. Her older sister asked her husband and he also said wtf. I can't believe she would be so naive as to think they would give their unbaised opinion 😤 especially the sister's husband

    • By the way she is 20. I'm guessing you think she sounds younger lol

    • They're all a bunch of liars!! Haha. Go question any random guy and he'll tell you differently than what her biased friends/ family said. What a croc!

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  • I don't think so. I could understand her being upset, as I personally don't imagine anyone but my SO either. But it's a side effect of you being a man... It's honestly very normal, and her dramatic reaction surprises me. Tell her everything you just told us. The emotion you plugged into here says more about you and your dedication than one fantasy.

    • Thanks Ruby :) I saw your response in your post. She wasn't cheated on but she experienced something just as bad. She split with her ex who she was with for year and then he had sex with his so called best friend the next day. This is part of where all her paranoia comes from. Now she thinks I have no real loyalty like him and that I'm a fake, sex thirsty user

    • Oh the full message in your post didn't load on this app for me. Just like it's not in my message above. I missed the part about hitting a trigger. I totally agree. I hit a deep wound and now she may never forgive me 😢

    • Yeah, I can understand her reaction then (even if I don't condone it), but it could just be an emotional one. Once she settles down, she might listen to you. You're different, and you'll have to show her you're different. I'd avoid being honest in something as harmless as this in the future, at least for a bit, but I think you can come back from it.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • You shouldn't feel horrible about it, but you should get your priorities straight. If you love your girlfriend - remember why you fell in love with her, don't take it for granted. You fantasizing about someone else is just a quick way to diminishing her own self worth, you shouldn't tell her and you should fix your own view of the relationship.

  • It's textbook wrongthink. Admittedly, I wouldn't have said anything in your position. It's not worth the trouble.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Yes it is not as if you are fucking them

  • I can see her getting upset but she’s overreacting just a bit. At least you were honest and you seem like a genuine guy so try talking to her.