If a guy in a serious relationship masturbates over someone else he knows does it ALWAYS mean that he wants to in real life?

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing my girlfriend for over year and we have officially been together for 2 months. I absolutely adore her. I never check out girls and have sexual thoughts in their presence, nor do I fantasize about girls at any point during my day. I always keep my vision eye level with any girl and distance myself from any girl who seems interested in me However the other day I horny, masturbating and struggling to imagine my girlfriend. We see each other every week or 2 because of uni. So I thought of a co-worker at my job. I have no desire for her whatsoever. I just think she is pretty. My girlfriend is even more beautiful than this girl but for some reason it helped because all I did for the last 2 months was picture my girl while doing it. Later on my girlfriend was saying stuff on whatsapp to try make me horny. I told her I already touched myself today but feel like doing it again... over her. Then she asked what I did it over earlier. I lied coz it felt too awks to say. But then I remembered when we got together I vowed to never lie to her. Ever. This was literally the first time I ever did. I came clean and told her. She immediately said we are over. Blocked my whatsapp. I was in pure meltdown because I absolutely adore her so much and in sheer panic I rang her and pretended like it was a joke. She saw right through it. When I calmed down I felt so bad because I never wanted to lie to her but the utter panic and meltdown I was in drove me to saying anything to get her back. So when I calmed down I told her the truth. The issue is my girlfriend thought I was different. Now she said she thinks I'm DISGUSTING, a liar, future cheat, that I want my co-worker, that I have eyes for every girl, and that I think she is not good enough for me. All of these things aren't true. If I was a liar and a cheat I wouldn't be so open with her. She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL inside and out. So my question is does imagining my co-worker make me all the things I listed above?

[iminhell]

It's doesn't necessarily mean you're all those things. Some people are okay with that in their relationship and see it as normal and see it as there isn't anything wrong with it. I myself am not cool with it. I wouldn't breakup because of it though I would just be pretty hurt by it. A lot of people think it's fine and natural and a lot of people also think that it's a line that shouldn't be crossed. There are people out there who can comply to it and there are people who can't. I would rather my boyfriend be honest with me though rather than lie to save my feelings. Doesn't mean you're any of those things though, but you can't change her not wanting to be with you if you imagine other women and she can't force you to stop imagining other women

[Asker]

Would you ever be able to get it and move on? All I want in REAL LIFE is her. I wish she would forgive me.

[iminhell]

Its something i could deal with in a relationship but it would always be something that makes me feel insecure. I would say dont think of anyone you know. While i still dont like my partner imagining people like porn stars or anything its still better than a person in real life he sees often. And like people say it can help if you experiment more with your girlfriend that way you dont feel like imagining other girls instead imagine other scenarios with her or something. And the whole real life thing doesn't mean much, because fantasies are things you desire. You may never go after them in real life, but they are real desires in real life.

[Asker]

That's true but for me it was less than a fantasy. There was levels to it. For example when i fantasise about my ex girl I picture every vivid detail as if she's in bed with me. I imagine her body. Her face. Her expressions. Her touch. Just thinking about her can get me horny. Whereas I was already horny at the time. I had a hard time imaginong my girl. I was half asleep and just saw conjured up any pictures in my head to help me finish n get it done with. So in that sense would you still say I had a genuine desire to or nah?

[iminhell]

I mean if it helped you out in anyway then even its its just a little bit there is still desire there. I mean if there really was none then why would it work right? And whether or not you would want to ever be with your coworker in real life or any other girl you imagine its just kinda a blow to anyone's self esteem and just hurts a bit to know. Even if you believe its a normal thing and dont get upset over it most people would still be bothered by it a little even if they never said anything. I mean, even if you understood and were ultimately okay with it, wouldn't it kind just take a blow to your self esteem if you knew she was imagining other guys while masturbating? For some people it doesn't mean a lot and for others it does.

[Asker]

For me it wouldn't affect my self esteem. Unless she never thought about me then maybe. But she doesn't seem to realise or believe that I thought about her every time I did it for 2 months straight since we became official. If she thought about me 19/20 times it wouldn't affect my self esteem at all lol But you're right. Even though she is so beautiful she doubts it so much

[iminhell]

Thats another thing, the more someone struggles with insecurity the harder it is for them to deal with it all. I atruggle with stuff like that with my boyfriend and im sure if she is anything like me it just hurts her and it causes her to compare herself to other women thinking she isn't enough for you. If she will let you the best you can do is just have an in depth talk with her about it all. Although all in all its most likely that even if she forgives you or accepts thats something that will happen, it will probably always cause her some pain and insecurity.

[ImrankhanImmu]

I don't think imagining someone else turned her away from you. I think no woman wants to be imagined that way. It's more like objectifying a woman only for sex. When you opened up to her she may have judged you not as a cheater or liar but as a person who might objectify her in the future which is negative. Some woman don't like it at all.

[QCpress]

I'm just going off your title. You could have a big imagination and tons of fantasies. Try doing some of the stuff you dream about with your girlfriend.

It's just your imagination everyone in one way or the other does it. Next time probably just don't bring it up to her. What you don't know can't hurt you.

[DP0122]

As long as you had no emotional connection with her or act on it in real life I think it’s understandable to do sometimes

[HamAndCheese]

No, but you got a think it in order to do it.