Why is sex not fun for me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is the only guy I've ever had sex with.I hear how fun it is for everybody else but I don't think it's fun or feels good.He's not really into foreplay so we kind skip it but I do give him blowjobs so that counts as foreplay and we use use lots of lube cause I'm never really wet and when we do it it doesn't feel good.I masturbate with a dildo and I can come from that but not with my boyfriend.I've told him what I like but I guess it's not very important or whatever.And I've used a vibrator during sex but it doesn't last that long.He lasts about 10 minutes which I hear is average so at least he has an orgasm or comes.But I've never had an orgasm outside of masturbating.Why is sex not fun?I thought it was supposed to be?what ca I do to make it more fun for me?He wants to try anal do you think it would make it fun for me?

[Anonymous]

This reminds me exactly of what I used to be like in my 20s. My partner would never come, and it would be deeply frustrating to me (it hurt my ego as a male, not being able to please her!) Fortunately, she was considerate, and didn't mind too much about not climaxing, as long as she got the other smaller pleasures associated with naked bodies being in contact, the sense of touch, and a relief from the release of (some) body chemicals.

In her late 30s and early 40s, she suddenly started orgasming and now doesn't have much of a problem. Keep in mind that women peak in their 30s and guys in their late teens.

It's quite possible that your guy is yet to learn how a woman experiences sex. That was the case with me too! Buy him some sex-education books (not p*rn!) and he should get a better idea. There's a lot of stuff available.

Don't be too stressed and psyched by why-isnt-sex-enjoyable-for-me pressures. I know some people who say sex is highly overrated. A lot of others who swear by how good sex is are just those (unrepesentative) few at the top end of the spectrum, who are having a good time and boasting about it! I doubt everyone has it so good uniformly throughout life, on average! Those who have it bad perhaps just stay silent.

In addition, to get a high from sex, you need to be changing partners at the rate of one ever year, I would think :-) Who can really afford that, and all the emotional investment it involves? Some of us might just not want to do it!

Our attitude can be like that of a child who goes to a fun-fair and gets all disappointed: why am I not enjoying myself?

PS: I'm not absolving your guy of his responsibility... he needs to read up and lear more about what sex means to a woman too. Keep fingers crossed though, it could get better with time.

[joraz]

It needs to be more about YOU! You will find it eventually.

Enroll in a college class called "Human Sexuality". You will learn a lot about sex, yourself and your partner...even if it's not him.

[Asker]

He's been with plenty of girls so he experienced.maybe sex just isn't for me?

[joraz]

No.....you will have the greatest experiences of your life. Maybe not with him...maybe with him. But, it should ALL be about pleasing YOU!!! Have you been with many guys? Did any of them please you?

[Asker]

He's the only guy I've been with but he's been with a lot of girls

[Mesonfielde]

Maybe this is the reason why he is now with you and not with them. Because all of those girls were unsatisfied with his attitude to sexuality. This fun takes two!

[Anonymous]

It seems pretty one sided. He is getting something out of having sex with you. He can't be bothered making love to you. You need lube because you are not aroused enough to get wet and if you didn't bother with lube it would hurt when he does it to you. If he loves and cares about you, then he would care about your feelings, but it seems that he doesn't care enough to make you feel loved and your needs met.

I don't think anal is the answer for you, I think even though your boyfriend has has previous sexual experience, it does not make him a good lover. A good lover will understand what you need and give it to you and has pleasure in doing so. spending just 10 minutes being intimate with you is bad. If he is not into foreplay, he is only serving himself.

You need someone on the same wave length as yourself. It is selfish what he is doing and he has no care for your own needs. Don't give him a bj or anal,. it is not going to solve anything.

If you want to stay with him, then buy a book about love making and read it together with your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to put any effort in, then you should really go your separate ways.

[Asker]

Ok thank you very much

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't you. Foreplay is absolutely essential! It's enjoyable for both parties, but its an absolute necessity for the woman since sex is painful without being properly aroused and lubricated. Guys can get an erection from just seeing you in some lingerie and be ready to go. But he's not caring enough to get you aroused/wet, THAT'S why the sex is sucking for you. When the guy does his job to get you hot and bothered before intercourse, that's when sex is incredible. This guy is being a selfish douchebag to not do anything for you at all. It's all about him.

He may have more "experience" than you, but that does NOT mean he's doing it right. Trust me. He's using the fact that you don't have any experience before to be super lazy and only care about his needs. You should dump him before he scares you away from sex forever.

P.S. REAL men do what it takes to get their woman off.

[Asker]

Thank you:)

[eithyy]

It seems like it's not fun because your boyfriend doesn't give a sh*t about making you feel good. You skip foreplay entirely except for giving HIM a blowjob, use massive amounts of lube because you're not aroused enough to start producing your own natural lubrication, and he hasn't put any of the things you've told him about what you like to use. He sounds like an asshole. You should dump him.

[joraz]

A little harsh...but probably accurate. He's probably just young and doesn't know what to do as far as pleasing a woman goes. If you don't know, then you don't know. But, yeah.....it needs to be more about her. She obviously likes/loves the guy so I'd say try to educate him and if he still doesn't care about her.....then I agree with eithyy......DUMP HIM!

[peace-love-couture]

You need more foreplay,kissing,touching,petting,fingering,oral sex(if he will) and more focus on you.

I would find a more attentive partner if I were you

[BDub89]

clearly you need to ramp up the foreplay for your sake-- make it more about you, and not just him. Also, who the hell told you 10 min is average? your Boyfriend sounds pretty self-centered in the bedroom. Have him go down on you, massage you, finger you, etc. until you get ready-- also, have him work on lasting a lot longer. You should probably get the basics down before you try anal-- if you're not ready, he has no right to force you

[Asker]

I thought it was average,I read it somewhere.and he doesn't like doing that stuff so we don't do it.I finger myself though if I can or get the chance

[BDub89]

It sounds like as long as he gets his nut, the rest really doesn't matter, which is no way to have sex. If all you care about is f***ing a girl, I see no difference than jerking off. Talk to him about it, if he truly cares about you, then he'll want to make sure you enjoy sex as much as he does. And yeah, not counting foreplay, most guys can go for at least 30 mins. I don't find quick sex very satisfying, so draw it out-- Usually ill have sex for at least an hour (including foreplay)

[SoberIrishman]

-sigh- 30 minutes is not the average, so stop trying to make yourself sound better than you on a website where no one cares who you are. Also, 10 minutes is a high average, where as 7 minutes is the low average. I've written more than enough papers for psych class and read more than enough about the subject to know this. Going off your own biased opinion doesn't make what you say fact. Sorry, as a Journalism major I just hate it when people give false information as facts.

[BDub89]

What are you talking about? for the first time, yeah like 3-5 min or less for just about every guy-- but if you keep changing positions and such, then no, 30 min isn't that hard. way to act like a smartass over the internet though, but I guess you are a journalist. The idea is you make it last longer by starting and stopping at times, instead of jumping right in and sprinting to the finish line

[BDub89]

Besides, everyone knows if you want to sound cool on the internet you talk about how you Fuck girls all day with your 13 in. d*** and stuff, like some of the people on here

[joraz]

Guess what...you're both right. The average time for a sexual encounter is 7-10 minutes...(I listen to "Loveline" and Dr. Drew is very informative). But, some men DO spend more time on foreplay...changing positions...etc. And, some of us are multi-orgamsic and can have many orgasms without losing an erection. It can last hours or as long as she can handle it.....(seriously). Hey, we can all learn something on this site,right? Perhaps even a journalist can get past stastistics.

[StringofFate]

He's using your vagina to masturbate with. Of course it's not fun for you.

Ditch the loser and find a guy who takes what turns YOU on into account.

[l-hedoniste]

"He's not really into foreplay..." He needs to get into foreplay, period. This is not optional.

"I'm never really wet and when we do it it doesn't feel good." He needs to wait until you're ready. Note: foreplay helps to fix this.

"I've told him what I like but I guess it's not very important or whatever" Wrong. He needs to hear what you like, understand it, and incorporate it.

"I've used a vibrator during sex but it doesn't last that long" Why? Batteries

[Asker]

No not batteries he usually comes before I'm anywhere near having an orgasm

[l-hedoniste]

How about this: have an Orgasm Month. For a whole month, all the sex you have begins with your orgasm. It doesn't matter how you have it--hands, feet, toys, tools--as long as you have it. It'll fix you both, promise.

[starbucksaddict14]

I was with someone like this once, he only cared about pleasing himself.

I got sick of it, so I ended up moving on and found a man who is ALL about pleasing me!

Talk to your man. He should want to please you.

[jointhepatriarchy]

Because you're not married and Jesus is watching you.

3.bp.blogspot.com/.../Jesus-angry.jpg

[cyrus7]

lol I'm a virgin and I think even I know more than your BF, sex is %60 foreplay, %20 oral and %20 intercourse

[Anonymous]

Yeh as others said, he is being a dick. For-play is for you, he needs to get you ready. Next time don't let him in you until you are ready to cum. Then if he wants sex he has to last longer "until you cum" or he has to get you ready to cum first. 10 min is nothing. My guy will go for an hour and very rarely cums without me cumming first. Guys can learn to control when they cum but your guy is being lazy and selfish.