Would You Leave Your Man If The Sex Wasn't Good?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this girl for nearly 10 months now, and our relationship has been great. We decided to wait to have sex until we got further along in our relationship, which was tough for both of us, but made us closer. We started having sex last month, after 9 months of dating. I only see her 2 times a week (due to work), but we usually spend all day together when we are together. So far, we have only had sex 4 times.

I'm 26, lost my virginity 2 years ago, and only had a handful of one night stands from Tinder. She's 22, and she has had boyfriends and one night stands, so she is sexually experienced and know what she wants/what she likes.

-When we first had sex with her, I lasted 25 minutes.

-When I had sex with her the 2 other times, it was after work, I was really tired and wasn't really to into it, so I lasted 2-3 minutes.

-When we tried to have sex tonight, we had a lot of foreplay (for about 20 minutes) and she began grinding her vagina against my penis for about 5 minutes and then I came. I tried to finish her off by giving her head/rubbing her clit, but she said she wants me to get her off through vaginal sex. So, I told her to give me some time so I can recharge. We then tried having sex again and I couldn't get it up this time. After we stopped trying, she was super quiet and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she was disappointed that the sex hasn't been all that. She said that I haven't lasted that long that last few times and she really wanted to get off through vaginal sex. She told me she loved me and would never leave me over sex, but we need to work on it.

If I'm tired or if I have a lot on my mind during sex or if I feel pressured... I am not going to last long. I feel like women put a lot of pressure on men to be extremely good at sex and women need a lot to get off.

Would you leave your man if the sex sucked?

[PinkMichae]

My advise to you is jack off several hours before you guys have sex. Once you have sex it will make you last longer. Also talk about your guys fantasies. I can understand her disappointment and hopes that it will get better but like you said if you're tired, stressed, or pressured it's gonna make it hard for you to even get aroused. Also masturbate more through out the week. It will get your special member active. Try practicing not cumming right away. But manly you two need to communicate and you need to feel safe that she's not judging you. Already you've got a negative stigma on sex with her cuz of what happened. That is had to get turned on with that in your head. Just reassure her that you will do what it takes to turn her on. If she sees you trying then she should be ok with letting you gain the experience you don't have. You've got this.😉

[Asker]

Thank you. I updated my question with: "I also remember a time, when I was with 2 different hookups (before I met the girl I am dating)... they got mad at me for lasting 5 minutes. So, I purchased a penis numbing duration spray and was able to last 30-40 minutes. Of course, I wasn't able to feel any of the sex, but the women got off." I still have the penis numbing spray... but if I go through with it, I won't feel anything at all and sex won't be enjoyable... but if I don't do the spray, she won't enjoy sex.

[crazyghoul]

Okay. The thing is. Guys are expected to cum faster. Nothing to do with pride or whatever. Its just easier stimulation for them. Once they cum thats it. Their done for the day. With girls, its a bit differrnt. Its hard for a girl to cum through vaginal intercourse. Its rare when a girl does too. They are more stimulated through the clit. So if she wishes to get off by vaginal intercourse. Try rubbing her clit in a circular motion (not hard!!) While doing it. that should help. It takes a while for a girl to get built up and excited. So try to be patient. I hoped i helped.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer :)! And... I'm not making this up... I swear... but I have tried to rub her clit during vaginal sex, but she always moves my hand away. Lol. She doesn't like clitoral stimulation during vaginal intercourse... she said it makes her cum too fast -_-.

[Nobodycares]

I don't understand why a girl doesn't want to cum too fast. You oughta tell her that she can cum multiple times.

[crazyghoul]

She can't cum fast. Like for me it takes a while to build up to the climax. And it goes to all the girls I've talked about this with. But when i do cum during sex. I keep at it lol i love orgasming more than once. It just takes a a while to build up

[yougurt]

She already told you everything you need to know: "She told me she loved me and would never leave me over sex, but we need to work on it". Instead of denying that you're bad or blaming women for not getting as easily, work on your skills. She was honest with you, which is great. Now, ask her what she wants you to do and be open to her suggestions and maybe stranger's suggestions online, instead of assuming it will always be like that. If you are too tired and you're not in the mood, simply tell her that you don't want to do it on that day.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

I think working out sex takes a little time. You need to adjust to each other's styles, desires, fears and its not always straight into mind-blowing stuff. Sex can be routine at times. However, I think you two need a bit more time to get into this side of your relationship and to talk it out a bit more. You do need to explain your side of it and if you are tired, you are tired. So many sex myths that people have playing in the back of their minds which can destroy people working it out.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. You're right.

[englisc]

Sometimes I get near to cumming within 5 minutes, it happens. What you can do in that situation is maybe slow down or change positions. If you just stick your dick in and smash it as fast as you can you'll cum quick, and a common complaint I've heard is that guys do that and they do it without any rhythm. Maybe slow it down at first, build up a steady rhythm then gradually get faster towards the end.

[DarkFun]

You could try cumming during foreplay have a rest and go down on her a bit while you get hard again then try penetration. It sounds like you get turned on by teasing a lot too, so if you guys try going straight to penetration and stimulate her clit too, you might last a bit longer. Either way the more you do the longer you'll last I think 😎

[Asker]

I can't stimulate her clit during vaginal sex... she won't let me lol.

[Asker]

And here is what happened Saturday night: -we foreplayed for a good 30 minutes and we both got off. She then told me that she wanted to have vaginal sex later that night. -we tried a couple hours later to have sex, but my penis wouldn't get hard because I wasn't in the mood for sex at the time (since I was still good from our foreplay session) so she felt dissapointed that we didn't have sex... even tho she came through our foreplay session

[DarkFun]

So she literally wants you to pound her until she cums? Fair play I guess it'll take some time to do it how she wants it but you'll get there 😎

[DarkFun]

Is the pressure of it all making you less horny? I mean, you can't help the way your body works but if it's a lot of pressure you get from her you may be too emotionally hurt for sex, I know I would be if my partner was angry at me for cumming. So you can't get horny unless you're really in the mood? I only ask because even when I'm not I'm the mood my partner gets me there 😎

[Asker]

Well, going back to the Saturday night example... it just wasn't a good night for me. lol. I worked a 12 hour shift, went to the gym and then went to spend time with her, and then we both got off from foreplay. By the time she wanted actual sex (a couple hours later)... I was tired and I already got off, so I just couldn't get up anymore, even if I wanted to. And then I started looking at her face and I can see she was getting annoyed... so that made things worse... and then after I told her let's stop she let me know how she was feeling and it made things worse lol

[DarkFun]

Have you guys spoken about timing and respect? I mean 12 hours and gym is already a lot of work, I know people can't help when they get horny but if you can think of yourselves in each others shoes that might help, and sulking or stropping won't help you both get the best out of things. If you tell her you understand her frustration and you're happy to work through it, but you might need to have some kind of compromise or plan so that you've got plenty of energy and there's no foreplay for you? I hope she's not pushing you too much dude. 😊

[Fitness-Fanatic]

No, because sex isn't the basis of the relationship.

Sex can become more satisfying and fulfilling by changing techniques , positions and finding ways to spice it up. There's many ways to improve sex , but I'd never leave my boyfriend or cheat on him if the sex wasn't good

[tennisgirly]

I've never had that problem, but I don't think I'd leave him if he was bad at sex. I'd teach him tricks and give him more experience to make him get better- but I wouldn't be rude about it if he wasn't great in bed. I'd just take it as an opportunity to be more dominant and would take the upper hand if I were the more experienced partner- which honestly I don't think I would hate at all. The most important part about sex is that you enjoy it- and if I pressured him to be better at it or told him that he sucked at sex then he'd never get better because he'd always be so stressed out while he was doing it.
I'd just take it as the perfect opportunity to teach him to be better :)

[JustAnotherGirlie]

No I wouldn’t leave just for that. I would leave if the sex was bad and he didn’t care to please me. Some guys just don’t know so you have to teach them. I’m ok with that - but he has to be willing to learn

[Hello322332]

No, but those relationships didn’t last. If the sex isn’t good, other things are off in the relationship too. Way off.. because sex is about connection, ultimately.

[Gypsy_x]

I'd do what I could to make the sex better, but if you don't have chemistry you can't force it and I would end the relationship.

It sounds like you're just feeling pressured, and you need to tell her that.

[mickeyshell99]

No. Just relax and listen to each other and try to work it out. Sounds as though you’re adding pressure to the situation because by this question you’re already wondering if she will leave you over the sex. Id she does, she wasn’t worth keeping in the first place. If you two work through this, then she’s worth keeping.

[fauchelevent]

If the sex was consistently absolutely shite and nothing he or I did could improve it, then I suppose I would eventually.

[Poppykate]

I really don't understand this girl! If you are willing to please her in other ways (e. g. Foreplay) then what is the problem? We live in a society where work stresses us out. If you manage to please her, then she should consider herself lucky, and stop putting pressure on you. ( which will just make the problem sooo much worse). She would have something to complain about if you gave her no foreplay, and lasted only 3 minutes!

[LuWe22]

Sounds like she only gets off with penetration.

[Asker]

@LuWe22 Except... I always get her off without penetration. Lol. Not to sound graphic or anything... but when we did foreplay last week, she had an orgasm and there was a huge puddle of vaginal fluid on the ground.

[LuWe22]

Okay. Then you did enough for her

[Asker]

@LuWe22 But at the same time, it's not enough because she wants actual sex and not just foreplay. Lol. This is really frustrating XD!

[10dsw]

Well said!

[PrincessPie]

Depends why the sex wasn't good, its really not the most important part of a relationship.
If its because he didn't care about my needs and only his, then yeah as i'd see that as a disregard to my feelings.

[QueenofCups]

No, but I would expect him to work on it. On the other hand, a lot of girls can't get off through vaginal sex anyway.

[Asker]

That's why I'm slightly annoyed. Lol. I've read somewhere before that a vast majority of women don't get off through vaginal sex. I'm able to get her off through clitoral stimulation and eating her out... but she really wants vaginal sex. And I just don't feel like I can do that. When we foreplay, I get off after 20-30 minutes (she usually kisses, tugs me, rubs her vagina against my penis, sucks me off)... and it takes me that long to get off. However... when we finally get to the vaginal sex, I'm "all tapped out" and I can't get my penis up OR it doesn't last that long.

[Boredguy112]

Maybe if she pointed with both her fingers at it you'd decide then to stick it in? Joking with you man... but I had a girlfriend who generally speaking just liked vaginal sex. Its not all about orgasms with girls... its more that she wants to make you happy without so much work/playing around. More... natural I guess. She wants to just have regular sex. Is how I understand this.

[SongBird3]

Shit I accidentally pressed yes when i meant no!
Your fine bro

[Guxci_28_03]

Can You Do A little Summary, Shit's 2 Long 4 Me 2 Read.

[Texasgal95]

That why are you the main reason I leave somebody maybe you were in the relationship for the wrong reason from the get-go

[madgoat]

Let it settle, sounds like you'll both be fine but your expectations are all over the place.
Do lots of foreplay on her first, then penetrate.

[LifeEqualsLove]

Not sure.

I just imagine that if there you are rlly attracted and care for the to the person you can work on it and it will get better.

If it was one of those fairly new relationships, I would probably leave because there aren't that emotions involved.

[Cursewords]

Well think about it this way, would you stay with someone if the sex wasn't good?

[Asker]

Yes. Men do all the work anyway lol. I'm just happy to mess around lol

[Cursewords]

/facepalm

[Browneye57]

Ah, beginners... LOL

Women are typically this clueless, yep.

[Asker]

Lol. Explain.

[Browneye57]

If you're coming from foreplay neither one of you are in control - wait for the main course. Once a guy reaches orgasm it's more or less over, so a smart guy gets his lady off before he does, or at the same time. And yeah, they really like it when you orgasm together. Some girls are multi-orgasmic, they'll come over and over if you keep stimulating them, so they'll come from foreplay, cunnilingus or fingering, then again with intercourse. A lot of girls don't come from intercourse - there generally has to be direct clitoral stimulation. But if your technique is good, or you get the right position, you can get them to come by stimulating the clit while you're thrusting. It's all about technique, and this where a committed relationship really excels, as opposed to casual acquaintances trying to get each other off - probly not gonna happen and why ONS are so worthless. And yeah, ya gotta work on your stamina - at least 20 minutes, 30 is better, some are good for an hour. google it.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[LegateLanius]

Seriously being bad in bed can be improved on so it is not a legitimate reason to leave someone in my honest opinion. The only thing they have to do is adapt to their partner's needs.

[Kat_puppies]

idc we wouldn't have sex in the first place

[KenKillsBarbies]

No I wouldn't leave my girl aslong as my emotional needs are there but a little different for guys we do all the work anyway