I am worried I may be asexual but I don’t want to be?

[Pixy26]

I worked with this man who I didn’t find attractive at first physically at all. But when he started to show interest, my view of him changed. But everyone describes sexual attraction as fireworks and strong uncontrollable urges to have sex, but for me I just look at their body and think that’s nice and imagine them naked.

The thing is, when I finally got with this guy and go back to his place, his kissing technique was poor (I think). It felt sloppy, it felt like he’d never done it before. He wanted to have sex but I suddenly realised I didn’t want to and so went home.

I started dating him to give him chance, but he didn’t meet my expectations of him at all. In fact, I look at him now and sometimes think I don’t find him physically attractive. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, is that normal?

However, on a night out he started touching me in ways that made me want to have sex with him there and then. That’s the first time I’ve ever felt like that, but when I got back to his bedroom again, I suddenly was turned off my him. I must add, before I ever meet him I get extremely nervous.

I'm scared I’m asexual cause I really want to have sex with an attractive man. I have found very very typically hot men attractive, but when I see them sex doesn’t pop into my head straight away! A few years ago I started seeing a very attractive man who kissed amazingly but when it came to having sex, I just got very very nervous and chickened out. Am I just over expecting sexual attraction and not meeting the right men?

I find only a few attractive men hot which worries me, I also don’t walk down the street and feel sexual attraction to random guys! Do I sound normal? I fantasise about myself having sex with men all the time but when it comes to doing it, something isn’t right,

[XRabbitHeartX]

There is a few things I have to point out

-It is perfectly normal to encounter people you do not feel attracted to. In fact, majority of people are not gonna feel attracted to most people they even see. It often just takes a very special person for most. Just because you started dating someone and felt less attracted doesn't make you asexual.

-This guy kissed you wrong. This is enough to turn any one off. Just like bad breath is a universal turn off. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you for feeling turned off now. It is not unheard for people to lose attraction when a partner does something off putting, especially in early phases of dating where attraction is still developing.

-People's emotions and sexual urges fluctuate. It is called a sex drive and it is perfectly normal to sometimes feel more turned off. Sometimes you get random sexual spikes. The fact that you and this guy are still new and you most likely felt uncomfortable and uneasy still will make sense why you would feel less sexually attracted to him when it actually came to doing it.

Sex usually requires trust for women. It is a biological wiring we have. You feeling hesitant or apprehensive when it came to having sex with a new man you are not even in a relationship with, makes you normal, not asexual.

You do not sound asexual to me at all. You sound like a normal female who is just uneasy abut having sex with men you probably have not formed a very deep and trusting relationship with.

[Anonymous]

You sound almost like myself. I only feel sexual attraction for people I fall in love with, which really sucks a lot. I view attractive people with admiration as if they were beautiful landscapes. I consider myself a demisexual though.

[arshlx]

Y'know what, sometimes trying too hard makes you fail
Nervousness is totally normal
What you feel as well is totally normal
You just need to relax, and your body will automatically start responding...
It's perfectly normal whatever's happening to you...
One day when you'll learn to relax and let go, your body will automatically respond to your thoughts and desires...
Just relax :)

[Anonymous]

Chill you had something with a guy you don't even find physically attractive + bad at kissing etc. It won't be like that if you find someone really attractive
Also the hot guy, everyone is nervous at their first time, nothing to worry about and yes I believe you have to high expectations. It's not a firework going on inside of you, it just feels pretty good

[Opinion Owner]

Trust me when you meet someone that you find attractive+like personally you will be wet like a river

[Heclingybad]

I think you sound like most women, unsure about what they’re feeling most just don’t say it but show it in their actions. In a few more years I guess you will get more comfortable with yourself and know what you want. Just let the guys know cause that would really be frustrating.

[BMWE92M3]

Then have sex and try it

[krishh0805]

You are not asexual!! But it seems you get nervous before having sex!!!

[bbb10]

Women are hardly sexually attracted to men, they are demisexual, which is different to being straight, they can be attracted to women too.