I love my boyfriend but he doesn’t turn me on anymore!! help?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I’ve been with my guy for 3 years! we also have a baby together and both have kids from a previous relationship. we had an amazing sex life together even throughout my pregnancy. after the baby I had the coil fitted (neither of us want anymore baby’s) I have found since my coil has been fitted I get really wet down there (gross but might be relevant) the last few months I’m literally just losing interest in sex because I’m bored! there's no passion, no kissing etc no warning he kind of just sticks his fingers in and then we have sex. even then I’m not really turned on but I love him and I love sex. generally I can come if I’m on top but if I’ve instigated sex than I’ve given him foreplay so he’s so much more ready than me! so will come before me and I end up really frustrated! same as oral! he will get off and then go to sleep or what ever. I've told him there’s no passion anymore, I’ve bought outfits, sex toys etc to spice things up we have used them once. its always the same so I’m getting to the point where I’d rather not bother. i don’t feel like he still finds me attractive as there’s just zero effort or thought for my needs! He never kisses me passionately anymore. we do cuddle up etc so there is affection we do have a really good relationship it’s just our sex life that I have an issue with. Any advice appreciated

[chris1984]

sounds like the spark is gone. could be some performance anxiety or some emotional baggage between you, but if the guy is cumming early and then stops participating entirely, they are being a bit selfish.

see if you can't help him learn how to make you come in interesting ways. blow him like a pornstar when he is finished to try and get him back into the game. and try a long kissing session before sex to try and get the mental juices flowing. open mouth, tongue, hands wandering. use your imagination.

[Decentguy]

you guys need to spice up your sex life, and you that is only possible, if your boyfriend is also willing to do it, but it sounds like, that he's not willing to do that. Maybe he's very tired and thats why he acts that way,. you should try doing that, when he has a day off from work, and he's not tired

[Asker]

I’ve been trying for months! i think he’s just got really lazy

[Decentguy]

hmm, well then he did got really lazy. But if he really loves you and cares about you, then you should try to talk to him, by being a little emotional, You getting what im trying to say? get some tears in your eyes, and say "I really want to have sex with you, but it seems like you dont care about me anymore, etc"

[Asker]

U think that would work? worth a go

[Decentguy]

would work or not, Its still worth a shot. and also add these lines too while crying a little "Im really tired of watching the babies all the time, i feel soo exhausted, and all i need is some good love making, but you never care about me,"etc

[Asker]

Yes!! thats amazing! i do feel like that! also do u think he could have got lazy because sex ha been readily available maybe? I've very rarely turned him down in 3 years!(because sex was good) so maybe I’ve made a rod for my own back? maybe talking to him and then withholding sex until he instigates it in a more passionate way do u think that would work? I've had a guy friend moan his partner withheld sex for punishment or as a form of control but obviously that’s not what I want I just want some effort and some good sex

[Decentguy]

you mean deny sex to him, until he gets on the edge, so then he will be very willingly to do it with passion and hard work?

[Asker]

Yeah. or will it just backfire in my face?

[Asker]

If he’s not instigating it in a better way then just say no!! if I’m turned on then yeah good to go if that makes sense

[Decentguy]

well it honestly depends on the guy actually, some are really short tempered and some aren't. so it depends on him. but to me, it sounds like a bad idea overall. but you can try that, and deny him in a very nice and loving way, so he won't doubt that you are doing it intentionally or in a rude way, and keep doing it, until you notice a little anger in his behavior, and the moment you notice anger in his behavior because of that, then immediately cut it out and have it with him. but you should try the 1st plan i told you, try that first, then try this. by the way not trying to scare you, but there is a possibility, that if you deny sex to him often, he might think of some other woman. now i know your boyfriend is a nice guy, and im sure he loves you very much, but im just telling you a possibility

[Asker]

Yeah I’d rather talk to him and him actually listen and take on board what I’m saying. rather than him think I’m nagging or criticising him. i don’t want to knock his confidence but at the same time I want to meet in the middle and have my needs met too! he is a nice guy But I don’t want to push him away. i won’t stray either. I've kind of been putting my needs aside but it’s got to the point where I need them to be considered

[Decentguy]

you def should also tell him the part of your needs too, because im pretty sure, that if a guy knows that he's not satisfying her woman in bed, then that guy would really care about that, and try to fix it. Because then that guy would doubt in his masculinity and he's not good enough for her woman, So he would get stubborn and try more harder

[Asker]

Ahh time to bite the bullet and have that conversation!! thanks so much for ur point of view and advice

[Decentguy]

No Prob
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[soupfairy]

dont get down too quickly. you guys may be tired from having the baby. the first few years of child rearing sometimes aren't very sexy. if its just been a few months i wouldn't freak out, that may cause anxiety and make it worse.

[Asker]

Our child is nearly one lol

[soupfairy]

learning to walk, still in bottles, draining everyones mental and emotional energy... i would not freak out...

[Asker]

Yeah still doesn’t always sleep though the night!! either but it’s me dealing with that because he’s got work

[BrittBratt2416]

Just tell him exactly what you told us. But you guts could be exhausted cause of baby.

[Matt21]

My advice would be to tell him how you feel and to explain to him that you loved the way it used to be before.

If it's feasible, I would suggest planning a little road trip for a day or two just to rekindle the spark.

There are plenty of local hotels and Airbnb's everywhere that can provide you two with alone time in a nice romantic and new setting :)

I wish you two the best of luck!

[Logorithim]

Since you have a kid together, it's important that both of fix this, especially since you say you love him. Is there anyone that can watch the kids while you get away for a few days together?
Try to be positive about getting him to do something different, rather than it being complaining on your part. It sounds like he may be stressed out.

[Asker]

We don’t have anyone to watch the kids for a few days at the minute. Yeah I think that’s the hardest part finding out how to bring the situation up with out hurting his feelings, nagging, knocking his confidence etc

[indoMATTable]

take this post that you just wrote and tell him exactly that whole thing it will get the point across, honest communication. also it sounds like the problem is more on his end he just doesn't try any more

[cellusmj]

I discuss this with many people. In most cases, it's a behaviour or action of his woman that kills it for men. Yes contraceptives not only prevent pregnancy, but kills the craving for sex in women. You should try to find out from him what turned him off and accept his answer.

[Asker]

So u think I could be the problem?

[cellusmj]

Not necessarily, I'm just pointing out a possibility. But from my research it is a common factor. Its down to you both being able to communicate your true feelings. Try to identify the cause instead of the effect.

[Asker]

Yeah good point

[jdr70]

I see what he's saying, but I would phrase it differently. It's not your (or anyone's) fault. To his point, it's important for you both to know what the other is feeling.

[hkim562]

How about a threesome. Add another cock to the equation.

[Asker]

Haha!! no I think that would just create a whole load of insecurity issues

[bomotion]

Sounds to me like he is the problem, might not really understand the problem.

[rezagrizzly]

Wow so many duchebags here...

I'd say tell him and think of a solution, after all its a relationship and both your needs are important and I suggest that u leave other people out of it, I mean three ways and things like that, they'll ruin your love and from what you said its like love is really important to you.
Though u can make it more special with making it less frequent but more romantic u know? Play some smooth jazz... I don't know.

[Mr1derful]

Oh that sucks and very sorry to hear that. You sound amazing and have def gone all out and did your part to keep things going. That is so sweet. It sounds like he’s got issues or no longer interested? Cheating? Might want to try counseling? Do you talk? Does he still want to be together?

[LegateLanius]

You should let him know that you need more passion and he needs to care about your needs. Have a discussion with him as soon as you can

[Anon-ymous1]

It's because you have a baby, probably.

[Flower-petal]

You need to be honest with him, tell him you both need to rev it up. Communication is key 😁

[Flaguy]

Welcome to married life. Even though you are not married, this is what happens after you have been together for a while, have kids, and other life responsibilities. To break the funk try taking a trip or even just a date night at a hotel room just the 2 of you.

[Asker]

Yeah that would be nice

[Asker]

Does it get better?

[Flaguy]

Sometimes it does... other times we had to do more to spice things up in our bed.

[Flaguy]

If you private message me I can tell you more

[Asker]

I can’t private message u. I've followed you, could u message me

[Flaguy]

I just messaged you

[ashnomore]

Try new. positions if ur body allows

[cielosurfer]

I know if you love each other it will work out. I want to illustrate something i think very important you said. You need to kiss passionately... he probably does too. And about the selfish stereotypical man. If thats really true I am sorry, some ideas...
1) masturbate more, and make him part of it.
2) men can also be trained to not enjoy sex without their partners equal satisfaction. Its like law.
3) wake up early slowly together... the best sex advice for mom and dad's without sitters...

[Humbledman74006]

Talk to him about cuckolding, and require it.

[TheChatWanderer]

Lol.

[Anon-ymous1]

Huh?

[masterkamasutra]

dont you think you bored with same dick? time to do more sex with new dicks, its practical solution.

[Asker]

I like ur thinking. but I’d rather have sex with the same dick in different ways! i won’t stray we either fix it or I walk away

[masterkamasutra]

thousands of girls frustrated because of that, the same issue as yours, less sex no attraction. having sex with the choice is always good, your story sounds you went too far, nearly into frustration phase.

[jdr70]

Passion waxes and wanes no matter how much you love someone. If you focus on your feelings for him and maybe try some new things, the passion will come back. kids don't help the freaky factor either.

[jdr70]

Be honest about your needs

[eagle1951]

start taking care of yourself.

[thegr8lion]

Change boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Have you gained weight? That turns us off at times, maybe it’s the fact it’s in the same place, maybe change areas, go away somewhere, do it in the car or some place while hiking or beach