Why am I aroused by sexually degrading women?

Question

I was talking about this with someone and I figured I'd just ask GAG and maybe get some other answers. It's kind of weird to me. I have a lot of empathy for women in general. I have MUCH more empathy towards women in comparison to men. I just genuinely like women a lot. Even the things that would normally turn off most guys about women turn me on beyond belief. I'll hear conversations along the lines of...

"I can't stand how my wife gets moody when x, y, or z happens."
"My girlfriend gets annoying when she's on her period"

^ I actually love all of that stuff. Femininity, in general, drives me fucking nuts. Now, this isn't to say that I place women on a pedestal by any means. I'm just telling you that I have an extreme attraction towards femininity.

It doesn't logically add up. It's not that I have a deep-rooted hatred for women either. I mean, women have always shown their best sides to me anyways... why would I ever hate women? They make me feel great, they treat me like royalty sometimes, and have always given me great sex. Why would I want to hurt someone who does all of the above?

You'd think that I'd practically make passionate love to women all the time with how well they treat me and how much I like women, but it's the opposite in a sexual context. Yeah, I get pissed off in relationships, but I still want to degrade a woman sexually a lot of the times when I'm not even pissed off.

The way I like to fuck or is by no means common practice to other people. What was brought to my attention is that I only go full throttle with girls who actually want it and have an internal desire to be fucked like that. I'm turned off by the idea of doing that to a woman who doesn't internally crave that kind of sex.

I don't know if I just have a lot of aggression in me or if there's just a biological desire for me to fuck the way I do. Thoughts? What about you guys?

redeyemindtricks · Accepted Answer

Why didn’t you tell me you made this a question? lol.

The answer is obvious af, but, surprisingly few people are getting there... so... a little copypaste:

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Not even seeing anything that resembles a contradiction, there. Mb I’m missing the crux of the “problem”?

I’m just seeing an extension of the same empathy.

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I mean

These urges of yours are (as far as I can see) alws directed at... exactly the kind of women who WANT that sort of attention directed at them, and/or who genuinely NEED it in some level in order to move past some past event (s) and become whole again.
(You’re acknowledged this latter point yrself, before — some shit about how you alws attract “broken” women.
But, as I think you’re finding out, women are a lot harder to break than we might seem... lots of the time, we just wind up stronger at exactly those stress points, like a retrofitted building rebuilt and reinforced after it goes down in an earthquake.

Lots of words for a pretty simple idea: You’re just picking up on something that these women WANT and/or NEED, on some level.

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I’m not even seeing what you’re... portraying as a negative here.

This kind of thing is a negative when it’s directed at the women who DON’T want it and CAN’T handle it.

That’s what actual rapists do.
(We’ve had this conversation before... about these stupid stereotypes of rapists going after women who “dress slutty”, when in fact EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE is true)
Actual rapists throw these kinds of aggressive and destructive urges at women who are already withdrawn, wallflowers, afraid to speak up. The kinds of women who’ll just internalize all the hurt, and blame themselves, and let it destroy them, rather than rock the boat.

I’m not seeing ANY of this... directed at THOSE women, from you.
I’m sure some of the women you’ve fucked in the dorms have been those kinds of women... and I’m sure you HAVEN’T been physically aggressive with those women.

Am I right?
[yes]

—

[[Also, I’ve literally never seen a single instance in which even blast doses of anabolics have made more than a tiny incremental change in someone’s personality.
Don’t over-blame that shit... Trying to lay anything SIGNIFICANT at the feet of those drugs gets to be as ludicrous as some of these other boys blaming the fact that they’re only 5’11.9999995” instead of 6’0” for all their failures in life.]]

amel23 · Accepted Answer

I loooove being degraded and the most that turns me on is when my boyfriend gets me back to my sanity after we fight I get kind of crazy sometimes and some stupid stuff trigger the hell out of me and I get soo angry I don't know how to control anything seriously loose it and nothing can get me back to my sanity but one time I fought with him and I went bat shit crazy and he went like I'm not gonna listen to this shit bitch and he shoved his cock in my mouth and I kept cursing and yelling I hit him and kept saying I hate u ( he despises that word) but after a few mins I started enjoying it and somehow I wasn't angry anymore I just got back to my mind it wasss amaizing even tho sometime when we fight he goes abit extreme so its kind of scary what he would do one time he tied me and left for 2 hours then get back and we had fun I just forgot and loved it
But the bad thing is I sometimes tease him on purpose to get his demons out I try my best not to do it and not push the limit but sometimes its like I can't control and then he flips and I have a problem with someone just taking me down without a fight I hate feeling weak ( ik most men want a girl who is submissive) its good but smthg deep inside always pushes me to fight
At first everyone would say I'm crazy but I bet everyone is fucked up in their own way u just have to find the right person to share ur craziness with

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wonder about the same thing a lot. My biggest kink is being objectified/treated like a fuck toy/ being degraded (also rape play, cock and cum worship etc). Yet by no means I feel inferior to men or anything like that.

I think that most of our sexual interests come from things that happened when we were little, and that can only be explained after lots of psychoanalysis. Lol

I've read once that the men that hire Dommes the most are the fathers of orthodox jewish families - meaning, men who always have to be in control. By following this logic, I would say that because of your respecting women in a normal setting, you feel the need to do the opposite in the sheets. That logic definitely applies to me since I love being bratty and bossy with men :)

FýrdracaDócincel · Accepted Answer

What isn't adding up logically to you, exactly? Is it the fact that you love everything that is women, yet you also fuck them the way you do? In that case, I'd say the answer is relatively simple. It all goes back to what you say here.

"Femininity, in general, drives me fucking nuts."

Is it really so far fetched to say that it drives you so horribly nuts that, on some level, your attraction jumps from "I must experience this woman" to "I must OWN this woman"? I know you're turned off by the idea of dictating your relationship, but I'll bet cash that this is your thought process in the bedroom whether you're consciously aware of it or not. It doesn't mean you suddenly care less about her (or want her less) once you get in bed, only that you then care in a more selfish and intense way.

With that in mind, it makes perfect sense why you only let loose with girls who legitimately want it. Because it's not HOW MUCH you value your dynamic that changes, but the NATURE of how you go about valuing it.

And I'm sure you have some pent up aggression in you. I mean, let's look at the facts. You had a somewhat pathetic early experience (at least if what you say about your improvement is anything to go by), you joined the Marines (I'm sure both the conditioning and the things you experienced ignited something in you), you got cheated on while you were away, AND you try to keep all that (and then some) held back 90% of the time.
So yeah, there's your outlet.

InfoBot · Accepted Answer

I wonder if it's at all a common theme among guys who seriously work out, as in being linked to testosterone? I'm totally guessing here but there could be something in it. I mean, maybe you fuck with the same aggression as when you work out. Unless you work out slowly and sensitively of course, stopping to ask the weights if they're okay, LOL. That made me laugh. I'm not sure I even have a train of thought here. I'm now just typing words.

MsLoli · Answer

It's just a sexual fetish, and a pretty common one, at that. No need to worry.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

There are women out there who enjoy being treated this way, whom have never been mistreated, who are for most part completely normal and sane. So it makes perfect sense that people like you would also exist.

ChooChooHaha · Answer

Normal. Why do I say that? Cause of consent.
You say: I only go full throttle with girls who actually want it and have an internal desire to be fucked like that. I'm turned off by the idea of doing that to a woman who doesn't internally crave that kind of sex.
THAT RIGHT THERE. ^^^
As long as you aren't hurting yourself or others at all, like actually beating people up / being emotionally abusive, you're ok.

azzntittiz · Answer

Most men are, it's when you're disrespectful outside of the bedroom, take her for granted and a down right asshole is when women start to hate you.

CheerGirl38139 · Answer

ahh... I heard you were back... first time I've seen you. Still got that girlfriend?

PrincessPie · Answer

biological desire in my opinion. Honestly i know loads of guys who seem to get off on that. Its extremely common.

Levin · Answer

I think I heard somewhere that one theory is that people like that never had the ability to express power and dominance growing up, perhaps they had an overbearing father or authority figure for example. So it can be a turn on to finally give unbridled expression to that.

Personally, I like girls to be submissive, which is different to aggression or degradation.

nickyBBB · Answer

I think it's very normal. My knowledge of s*x and such is around 0 since I'm a virgin and I've never really learned about these stuff either. But, I have fantasized of being s*xually degraded by a man before, I still do lol. I don't think it's a fetish, I think it's pretty normal, but a little kinky I guess?

Pomegranate139 · Answer

You’re a Dom. Simple as that.

daffodile · Answer

Perhaps a fantasy that you're acting on.

Ninene · Answer

Degrade me please

Prima_Dana · Answer

Ahahaha you remind me of one of those drooling cavemen. Testosterone infested. I'm turned on by masculinity and bananas. Am I normal?

Wi_Fi · Answer

It's fucking hot that's why. If you're with a girl who's into that. You're going to have mind blowing sex.

swettannie · Answer

many mens are like this

BleepRawrsaurus_Rex · Answer

I don't know I knew a guy who was like that and he basically told me it had something do with the way he was raised.

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

Biological desire

BronzedAdonis · Answer

You do you

UsernameMadness · Answer

Like everything else it's linked to biological imperative. Men have evolved to be dominant because it enables them to procreate more effectively. Also women judge dominant men to be better providers and protectors.

CT_CD · Answer

Natural biological desire.

dogfish · Answer

you're dominant

Why am I aroused by sexually degrading women?

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