Does a woman's number of past partners really matter?

Question

Does a woman's past matter? Half people say it does, half that it doesn't. Among the half arguing that it didn’t, there is a further divide: the men who didn’t care about women’s pasts because they had no intention of ever ending up in any form of committed long-term relationship... and the men who didn’t care because they legitimately thought a woman’s past had no bearing on her future. Why should you care? 
 a 2007 study of American women,"Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment.,"discovered a 7% increase in infidelity risk per each additional partner (also, a 10% decrease in infidelity risk per each additional year of education) for women. link-  You may be surprised to know that 1 out of 10 children born in marriage in the United States are not fathered by the husband in that marriage, or carrying a permanent infection from one of her past partners. The things you look for are: When did she first have sex Has she ever had sex with friends Has she ever cheated on a romantic partner before, whether she says, “Yes, and he absolutely deserved it!”or,“I did, but I was young and immature and I’ve grown tremendously since then,” your response has to be the same: she’s out of the running (unless you want an open relationship). If the first time she had sex was 22, she was too busy focusing on her studies in college to date, party, or spend an ounce of time on boys, her first lover was her tutor in school right before she graduated, and she attends religious service regularly, you’re safe not probing any further, usually. If, on the other hand, she first had sex at 15, though only because her boyfriend was pressuring her; many of the men she’s been with since then were friends of hers; loves parties and dancing and drinking; and yes, she’s cheated before, but she’s grown a lot since then,  you’ve got some cause to be concerned.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

The past matters on;y to the extent that a) it has any predictive value about her future behavior, b) you are interested in predicting future behavior because you are seeking a partner for a satisfying LTR (and possibly leading to marriage,) and c) you goal is truly confined to determining whether she is a viable candidate for you and it does not include imposing a moral judgment.

1. If you think passing judgment on her is appropriate, then ask her to tell you her number. If it does not meet your standards, tell her that she is too much of a slut for you. This is unlikely to lead to any successful relationships and it is also a bit hypocritical, because all of us have some skeletons and dark secrets in our closet. I don't really recommend this approach but if this is what you want to do, prepare for an unhappy series of superficial encounters.

2. Suppose a girl is 23 years old and has had 17 sexual partners. She has either has many partners recently or she became sexually active at an early age. Either of those strongly suggests that this girl views sex as a recreational activity and not as an expression of love, and she probably is not a good candidate for your LTR. It is possible that she has had a recent awakening and has revised her attitudes and behaviors, so you would need to consider other factors.

3. Suppose a girl is 62 years old (like the lady I am currently dating.) Imagine that she has had 17 sexual partners (I have no idea how many partners my lady has had because I haven't asked.) Is that a high number of partners for 40+ years of sexual activity? It depends. If she was a virgin bride who got married at age 18, got divorced 5 years ago, and has had 16 partners since then. . . yes, that is a high number.

Suppose the same lady got married when she was 25 and has been divorced for 14 years. Seventeen partners does not seem too high.

3. Imagine that she passes your test about her number and then says, :Now I have a question. I want to know how good a provider you would be for me if we got married and had children, so tell me how much money you have in your savings account as of today." You tell her your balance, she says that is not enough, and she is sorry but you are not a suitable candidate.

Think about how harshly you would feel about that and them reconsider your answer to this question.

freakyzeaky · Accepted Answer

Thinking about it, perhaps a person's predisposition to having sex with multiple partners is a desire to transform. It is a way of shedding off the old and becoming something new. However, when one gets into a monogamous relationship, there is more stability and less flux. It is more about sacrifice, as love itself is about sacrifice, vulnerability, and surrendering.

When a woman or a man has many past partners, especially outside of monogamous relationships, one has to wonder if that person is still in a state of flux or if that person is truly ready to sacrifice a portion of their own desire and happiness for the sake of something greater than themselves, the relationship. That isn't to say that happiness cannot be found in a relationship, of course, that is not true. What I am is saying that it holds its own sort of joys and part of it requires contentment in one's current state of Being, while working within the boundaries set in the relationship. At that point, growth is only possible within those boundaries lest the boundaries are broken and the relationship put in peril.

BrittBratt2416 · Accepted Answer

Let just say that I understand both point of views, I get you don't want someone who's been around the block with multiply people. You don't want to risk your health cause the higher the number is, higher of the chances of catching a sexual disease ( Yes, I know you can catch something the first etc). You don't want to feel like you're sleeping with 15 or 20 other people, cause yes it's gross when you think about it. However, how can you hold the past against someone when you're not perfect yourself? Everyone has a past, you've had past relationships and doesn't matter if 1 or 2 and I'm pretty sure you've romantically kissed 1 or 2 people before that you were involved with or not. What if every person you liked told you " nah, I can't get with you. You have past, you had a relationship before me, you had sex with someone else before me.. and because of that I can't get with you." I'm sure you're going to feel like you're being judge based off your past, which is funny cause people get upset (especially men) when the past is constantly thrown in their faces when ever a argument breaks out. It's basically saying you're too used up and you can't find or be loved again.. do you see that? That's why people are hesitant to tell the truth about their past, not just sexual past but life decisions that they made long ago as well. If you always look at the past or someone's one past, then you're going to be held back in a lot of things and not just relationships. Yes, I know the past has consequences, if you steal something it's going to fallow you for life etc. I'm talking about the small stuff that usually gets sweated over that people usually can't stand get brought up over and over. The point is nobody wants to be judged all the time by their past, nobody wants to pushed aside all the time because of their past either. Cause guess what, God remembers ever single thing you've done in the past the only difference is that He lets it go and doesn't hold it against you. Once you ask for forgiveness, that's it He's not going to constantly remind you over it or beat you with it so why do we do that to other people? Like if we don't want it to be done to us, then why do we feel like it's okay to do it to others? Again, I'm looking at both sides, I get it but I just think it's something nobody really things about.

Nyx_85 · Accepted Answer

It's kind of funny reading some of these answers and I'm just thinking "Do they realize people lie?" Like even if they did sleep with over X amount of people (whatever number you think is too high) do you think they are always going to tell you? Of course there is also the chance they aren't lying. But how do you know for sure? Omg it's so confusing right? So how do you tell if they are a good partner? That they won't cheat or get bored of you? Oh I dunno... by going through the motions like regular people?

There is no magic formula that is going to tell you exactly how things are going to work out. Yes it's totally within your right to be selective about who you date and to date someone whose standards meet your own (unless you are just being a hypocrite. Then you don't really deserve anyone). If you meet a girl that you found out just screwed 5 of your buddies within the past month then yeah she's probably not relationship material because her head in just not in the right space. And who knows if she'll ever grow out of it. And even if she does whether or not she has baggage totally depends on her ability to grow as a person. But that's up to her and you two are obviously not a fit. That's fine.

But I've known chicks who had a fair amount of partners but have never cheated and I have known those who didn't have very many but DID cheat. My ex bff cheated on her fiance twice. She played herself off as such a goody goody because she hadn't been with that many guys before him. Then he wasn't giving her the attention she wanted and she met guys who did. She became friends with them and well... You can guess the rest. I also know someone who was a virgin before she got married and now she's alway sextng with other guys because she's bored of her husband plus she says she didn't really know what she wanted when she got married.

So like... Everyone is different. I'd honestly be way more concerned about whether or not someone had cheated in the past. But then again they can lie about that too...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Your choices are too biased to vote on. Are you a grave digger? Are you dating the memory of someone 10 years ago or who they are today?

Your linked studies don't reflect what you are saying. You said, "a 2007 study of American women, "Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment.,"discovered a 7% increase in infidelity risk per each additional partner (also, a 10% decrease in infidelity risk per each additional year of education) for women."

It doesn't say that anywhere. Did you just make that up or not understand the study? It says, "Annual prevalence of infidelity was much smaller on the basis of the face-to-face interview (1.08%) than on the computer-assisted self-interview (6.13%)." That is the percent of people who admitted to infidelity during the survey, has nothing to do with how many partners they had or the cause. That was the amount of people they were trying to get reasons from.

"You may be surprised to know that 1 out of 10 children born in marriage in the United States are not fathered by the husband in that marriage, or carrying a permanent infection from one of her past partners." LOL Not true at all. There is no study or statistic that would link those two things together. Again you have the same study referenced which doesn't mention it. Nor does the NCBI have any record of any study like that on file.

I think you need to get real statistics and studies then rewrite. The only thing that study found was that a past history of sexual abuse could make someone more likely to cheat. Trying to make things up to influnence people will only backfire on you

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I hate how this is always about how many partners the GIRL has had. I think it should be the same for men and women, both of them can either care or not care, but it's hypocritical for a guy with 99 partners to expect a girl to be a virgin and trust him if he ain't willing to trust a woman with more than few partners. I haven't had many partners (and yes I am educated) and I wouldn't want some player that has gone from girl to girl, it's a huge turn off.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

It matters to some people and not to others. It's entirely a personal preference and everyone is allowed to set their own standards and deal breakers for the people they date. Personally, I don't care too much about a guy's sexual history. As long as he's fully committed to me and STD-free, I'm fine. If a guy doesn't want to date me because of my past, that's okay too, I won't get mad. He's probably not the right guy for me anyway.

looneymalooney · Answer

it matters, so that's why I don't ask. On the other side, I don't count either. So I need to think it through before giving the answer if I'm asked.
Which girls find strange: "you don't know your number"... no I don't. I don't keep count. It's not a game I'm playing trying to reach high score.

But yes, it would get in the back of your mind if the number is way too high, so I'd say, don't ask if answer might bother you.

AriesMan · Answer

Don't ever tell me about your sexual past, I don't want to know, I want to pretend you are my first and not even think about other guy's penises that have made their way into you, or those same penises that were in your mouth! Yes, for some guys, this thought can be upsetting when you have a love of your life with a previous sex history and one that is involves more men than you had with women that you can almost count on one hand!

DizzyDesii · Answer

I regrettable had sex at 15 because i was naive and pressured. By i also stopped at that one partner. I did however get a little steamy with 2 guys later on (at diff times) in terms of makeout sessions and getting all touchy, but i chose not to have sex with them

Supermodel_Guy · Answer

Yes, a woman's number of past partners matters significantly. I would only be with a girl that has had 0 previous sex partners because I'm a virgin waiting until the engagement or marriage before sex, and I would not be at all happy to be in a relationship with a girl that wasn't a virgin because if she isn't a virgin, that's a a dealbreaker for me. It is a must that a girl be a virgin if she wants a chance at a relationship with me.

Arbalest · Answer

It matters if you're a white boy with tiny penis! ha!

VegetaSSB · Answer

i wouldn´t consider the number of partners per se, but the number of partners who were muscular and got abs. If majority of her past partners were like it, i would run away no matter how many they were, but if only a minority or even none were like this i wouldn´r worry at all, partner number isn´t important, the important is the number of physical alphas she had, trust me, i tried and tested it and it is what really count.

EarlIsAKoala · Answer

The number of partners you have had in the past doesn't make you a slut. Maybe someone who wants to stay with one person can't because that one person doesn't like them back. I would accept and have any boyfriend as long as they treat me like a human and not a toy. :P

Logorithim · Answer

I'm glad the woman I married didn't ask me how many women I had had sex with before we decided to marry. It really does not matter how many either partner has been with.

azzntittiz · Answer

This is not what relationships are about and that is why so many fail.

Poppykate · Answer

Ohh crap! 😏 That pic with the number of partners is sooo true! The girl is even wearing my fav colour! 🙄

Goodwifie · Answer

I'm confident but not anywhere near that number.

kayla9111 · Answer

Find yourself a loyal slut, and live happily ever after.

Mohteshem · Answer

"Learn from you mistakes"
Is the phrase always given so that we do not forget the mistakes we did in past.
So I will say YES it matters for both Woman's and Man's for the healthy relationship and if it's for one night stands who give a fuck at that time or after.

Sucram · Answer

It matters to me. If she had a lot of partners, chances are high that her character doesn't fit to mine.

maiave · Answer

It really doesn't matter to me. I'm actually surprised there are a few amount of people who think it does care.

Of course there are many men and women who get insecure when they hear how many people a person they're interested has slept with, that's usually because they feel like they have a small dick, that they're not gonna compare to them, if they're not good etc. but if a person is in really deep love I don't think that'll matter.

It's all in the past, people you sleep with don't shape you in any way. It just makes you better in bed, more sexually aware and more confident ! 😉

For most people sex isn't something that's supposed to be complicated, take my best friend for example, she used to sleep with different guys every week but that doesn't do any impact on how her now fiancée feels about her.

Sex isn't supposed to be more complicated than relief of the human need, unless you're in love. :)

chris1984 · Answer

the number of partners anyone has can be indicative of potential issues, but is not by default a bad sign.

multiple casual partners, or longstanding partners likely means a good lover/personality.

multiple casual partners with lots of short lived serioua relationships will likely show someone who has baggage not immediately apparent.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

I would accept her past and she doesn’t have to tell me nor I wouldn’t ask to be honest. Everyone has things they aren’t exactly proud of but it doesn’t define us or define our futures.

There’s other ways to check if a girl isn’t trustworthy or ready for a future.

Hal2002 · Answer

The past is the past, you can either let your past stop you from having a future or use it as a stepping stone to better things.

I don't ask about a woman's sexual past, as long as she is STD free who cares. It is about the now, and how she is with me.

If there are something's in her past that other will try to tell me about, better she be honest and tell me so I am not blindsided by it later.

I dated a woman that had done some prostituting during her teens and early 20's, she told me about that once things begun to get serious. She explained how she got caught up in prostitution, after her mother started pimping her out for drugs.

So I was not blindsided when one of her jealous so called friends, thought I should know about her past and how she was not the person I thought she was.

The reaction of the so called friend, when I told her I knew and that I did not care about her friends past. It was so funny and at the same time so sad, to watch her go off because I did not react the way she had thought I would.

ShortCircuit · Answer

It certainly matters to me. In my case, however, it has nothing to do with the potential implications projected by her number of partners. I simply want a virgin partner because I want a virgin partner. It's not due to any sort of statistic claiming that virgins are less likely to cheat, it's just because I want to be her first, last, and everything in between.

That being said, there are about as many men that don't care as those who do. I don't think they are any more or less foolish, or that they are "digging their own graves" or anything like that. I just think they have a preference, and they have every right to pursue it.

Does a woman's number of past partners really matter?

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